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Published: December 15th 2014
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Tam the Torturer Well, it has stopped raining for one perfect day. The shopping gods are obviously smiling on me today. I head off early, the boys are all going to explore the town on bikes so I watch them pedalling past the rice paddies from the back window as I drive off in a taxi. Such a good feeling to head off on your own to explore. I have done my homework before this trip and I have bought along with me an assortment of old gold and diamond jewellery that I no longer use. A diamond bracelet that keeps breaking and assorted other bits and pieces. I have priced the gold back home at those little gold shops in the mall, but there are lots of small stones that I would like to use. I have been recommended a manufacturing Jeweller that can hand make jewellery for you from a photo. They are called Lac Viet and are located at 23 Hoang Dieu Street Hoi An City, email thao_mimi@yahoo.com. I start here at Lac Viet. It's a good idea to arrange anything you want made on your first morning to allow as much time as possible for them to make it. I
am pleasantly surprised when I get to the shop. The lady in the shop is lovely, really helpful and speaks terrific English. She tells me the prices in US dollars which is helpful as its so confusing to talk in millions of dong. She tells me the prices by weighing the silver or gold, and they are so reasonable I do not barter. We settle on melting down my gold into a new ring. We use the small stones in this ring. She charges me $85 US for workmanship and I am stoked with this as it would cost me a small fortune back home to have something designed and made from my materials. We have gold and stones left over so I also choose a copy of a George Jensen design ring. I buy some white gold for part of this ring but use my own gold and stones for the rest. I pay $147 US for the extra gold and workmanship. At this stage I feel like a kid in a candy shop. I wish my mum was with me as she is the jewellery queen of the world and would love this place. I pick out a
really modern, George Jensen design silver ring.... It's a "start the car!!!!""" Moment when I figure out its only $32 US....I add a George Jenson silver cuff for $90 US and I am done..... She asks me to pick them up the next evening at 7.30pm, so basically my order will be ready the next day. How I love Hoi An..... I leave the shop and head off into the markets. I am on my own and the little market ladies all attack me. I buy some Vietnamese coffee and a Contained made entirely from cinnamon wood, that I know I won't be able to bring back to Australia, but decide to chance it. I meet this tiny woman, small like a little teddy bear. She comes up to my armpit. She wants a photo with me and reaches up and plonks her cone hat on my head. Her friend takes the photo but she is hopeless, she can't work out the phone so I take a selfie with her instead. She tells me I have a hair on my chin she wants to remove, she does threading. I decline, I would like to keep my hair chin to myself
as threading is quite painful and it doesn't feel like a pain kinda day. For the uninitiated, threading is a way of removing glair using a cotton thread that they pull the hair out with. It's a very old technique that is also available back home. It's supposed to be better for your skin than waxing and more precise and Tam has been doing it for 30 years. She insists and I give in to her, she is just toooo cute. So my little teddy bear lady takes my hand and drags me over hill and dale to her little shop. I am laughing to myself all the way.... Suckerrrrr sucker sucker! But who cares, I just go along with her. She sits me down in her shop front and goes to work. Next she wants to do my eyebrows.... Whatever.... I just let her do her thing. Nothing like public humiliation when you are in another country, an Irish girl laughs at me when I tell her I am a prisoner and cannot escape. Next my little teddy bear torturer... Tam is her name.... Tells me she wants to do my underarms... I tell her definitely no! They do
not need to be done.... Somehow she gets me to lift my arm for her. The pain is bloody blinding! I am a fool !!!! I just sit there and laugh with her at the pain. No pain no gain she says!!! I am pretty sure she tells me she also does "inside outside hair" but I ignore her hoping that doesn't mean what I think it means. Just when I think I can escape. I open my eyes to find her reaching up to my face with a pair or ancient and rusty clipper type things. She forces them up my nostril before I can stop her. Now I am really concerned. This has gone past me succumbing to her torture of my underarms to her possibly cutting my face open with a rusty implement... Besides... I am pretty sure I don't have a hairy nose??? Do I ????? We are finally finished. Apparently I am perfectly groomed, although I end up with a bit of a scab where she has not so perfectly groomed my eyebrows. She charges me an outrageous amount considering we are in a market stall in vietnam, about $30 Australian, but I don't care,
I happily pay it because she is so gorgeous and needs that $30 more than I do. I need to find an ATM so she takes my giant ha d in her tiny tiny hand and takes me there. I give her little cheek a kiss goodbye and wish her well. She is gorgeous. I try and have a camel cashmere waterfall jacket made with a leather trim, this is the only thing I can really think of that I would like, but the tailor wants to charge me $90 US which is a total rip off so I cannot be bothered to ask about anything more. I visit the shoe shop recommended by the hotel, only because it's next door to Tuongs (the tailor) and is run by the same family. I am not planning on getting shoes made as I am pretty fussy when it comes to shoes and I have heard many reviews saying that the shoes never look exactly how you want them to. I am not a fan of the "home made look" for shoes and would rather buy something already made. And then.... I see a pair of leather animal print flats that they
can make to measure for my foot by the next day for $45 US. Ok sold......I could probably have got them done for around $30 I think, but I am happy to pay $45 and these people need to make a living. Hmmm. What other bargains did I find? Pearls...a really long strand of fat seed pearls with matching ring and earings for $25, a set of 10 asian ceramic soup spoons, chopstick rests, dipping platters and small platter for $12 including some silver tipped chopstix. I am loving the bamboo salad bowls but don't think I could bring them back so I reluctantly leave them there. There are many silk scarves but I am fussy fussy fussy and I only find a couple that I love. I probably won't wear them as scarves but might do something different with them at home, maybe frame one or make it into a cushion. Lots of hand made bags etc. lovely and very well done if that's your thing. I find a couple of cashmere scarves which I love. Copy bags and wallets etc are everywhere, they are not really my thing so I skip them but the quality is really good,
much better than Thailand, Bali or HongKong.
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