Vietnam

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You weren't there man, I saw some THINGS, man, and some STUFF!

I arrived in Hanoi in the evening. It was less than an hour in the air from Kunming. Strangely, the plane was full of mosquitos...there was a lot of clapping going on. Hanoi airport was easy - the visa-on-arrival system is well established and simple. You book your visa online, in my case with www.myvietnamvisa.com, for $20. Then, for a stamping fee (a.k.a. free money for Vietnam) of $25 when you arrive, you get your visa and waltz through. I had booked a transfer to the hotel, and the guy was waiting there for me. The night drive to Hanoi was mostly along highway, and there was not a lot to see. On arriving in the town centre, it looked very colourful and lit up. It looked a bit like India, except much, much cleaner; its similarity to India lay more in the variety of establishments found on a street. You would pass dozens of little shops and restaurants, and several hotels, on one stretch of road. I checked into the hotel, Golden Time Hostel (hostel is a bit of a misnomer, commonly used in place of hotel in Asian countries). I was shocked: it was freshly painted, with flatscreen television, air con and a huge bed. For 8 euro per night - 4 each between Aine and I. Granted, it was a bit of a climb to the room, and if there was a fire here, everyone on any floor above it would be crispy in no time, but it was a good place. They also threw in a free breakfast. It was pretty simple, tea, fruit and a baguette with jam, but it was unexpected and welcome.

I got settled in and went for a walk along the nearby Hoan Kiem lake. Hoan Kiem means returned sword, referring to a legend in which a king borrowed a sword from the gods to defeat his enemy; he declined to return it, then when he was boating on the lake, a turtle grabbed the sword and brought it down to the bottom of the lake. The shores of the lake are marked by a pleasant green park area, with paths and small paved areas used for dancing or aerobics (like Chinese, Vietnamese are into group exercise). There is a temple on the lake, with the mummified remains of a turtle (the one from the legend? WHO KNOWS!). It takes about half an hour to stroll around the whole thing, and you pass many of the major streets on the way. This is also home to most of the tourist restaurants, bars, etc. The local joints are also interspersed amongst these. Mostly, though, the area is full of shops. They sell everything...EVERYTHING. Clothes, electronics, bags, shoes, stationary, hiking gear, sports equipment...anything you can think of. It's pretty much all knock-offs or local products, but it is a great way to refill your bag if you have lost or damaged anything. The pharmacy shops are also handy to refill the med-kit, as prescriptions really aren't required for most things. The park around the lake is very popular with young couples, whom you will see strolling around all evening. There is also a fair amount of sculpture around, from standard communist stuff like maps of the country bearing party insignia to extremely odd modern pieces, unitelligible to all but those who created them. After my stroll, I went back and turned in for the night. Aine was arriving the next afternoon.

I booked a taxi to the airport and back, and got there about half an hour before Aine's flight landed. I saw the flight announcemnets board change status to "arrived"; I watched the passengers beginning to emerge; I waited as the luggage reclaim began to turn. Finally, I saw Aine come along, and pick up her bags. In the general style of airport reunions, there was much hugging and emotion...We went to the hotel, and got Aine checked in. Our next stop was the lake; Hoan Kiem is even nicer during the day, when there is a bit of a breeze over the water. Coming straight from Ireland, it was obviously harder for Aine in the heat. We went and bought a ticket for the water puppet show, a popular traditional entertainment in Hanoi. We also visited the temple on the lake, where we saw the mummified turtle. It was a nice, quiet and small temple, with a single large Buddha and the usual pagoda style and incense scent. There was a large amount of smaller idols and Buddhas around, kind of over the top, but varied enough to be interesting. It was not far from here to the revolution museum. This museum tells the story of Vietnam's fights against the French and Spanish, the Japanese, the French again, the USA, Cambodia's Khmer, and finally China. Propagandist material aside, it was an informative visit, yielding an insight into the mindset of this tough little country. As everywhere in Vietnam, Ho Chi Minh features prominently, with hero status. After a pho bo lunch (noodles, beef, fennel and bay leaves in stock), we headed out to see the water puppet show. Very popular amongst Vietnamese and international tourists alike, the water puppet show is traditional, bright, and delightful. This was a highlight of Hanoi. There were 14 mini-shows in a little over an hour; the puppets are controlled with long poles held under the water, and there are controls to allow the arms or mouths to move. The puppeteers are concealed behind a black curtain, or in some shows with lights down, they step out into the water wearing black. There is a band with traditional instruments, and live singers doing the music and puppet voices. The show involved dancing figures performing traditional activities, such as planting rice or tending cattle, as well as more fanciful stuff like dragon dances (the dragon puppets spit water), and parades of emperors with candles lighting the dark. After the show, we went to the City View cafe, a fourth storey joint with good food and cheap drinks, to overlook the lake and chaotic traffic...a nice way to close the evening.

A late start in the morning; we went to the Ethnology museum. It was a great place to visit, showcasing the handicraft and building methods of the minority people of Vietnam, such as the Cham (Hindu people, arising in 7th-8th Century Vietnam). The huge outdoor display of buildings was excellet; they had houses, temples and burial buildings from many ethnic groups. The massive thatched roofs were a wonder, and the raised houses were no less impressive - 10-15 fet above the ground, on thick poles. These places were just weaved and thatched into existence. After the museum (and a really decent lunch at their on site cafe, spring rolls and a mango and beef salad), we finished up for the day. Late start, early finish...nice. We did venture out for a very western pizza dinner, but damn it was good. We also made plans for our next few days in Vietnam.

This morning started very early, with breakfast at 07:30. Our target for the morning was the Ho Chi Minh mausoleum. I had missed the Mao mausoleum in Beijing, so I thought I had better catch up on the pickled dead guy craze here. Interestingly, Ho Chi Minh specified that he did not want to be laid in state, but rather preferred to be buried. I guess the state knows what is best for you even after death. The mausoleum was an odd place. The guards tell you to stay quiet, and keep your hands by your side, trying to instil a sense of seriousness in this most absurd of situations. The hammer-and-sickle motif, red flags, solemn, soviet music, and the guards in gleaming white uniforms are hilarious, especially when you think that this is what passes for "culture" in the minds of party officials. After a wee stroll past the shrivelled, pickled onion, we visitied some of the attractions around the mausoleum. The one pillar pagoda was kind of cool, with a small temple balanced atop a single stone pillar. A little pointless, but charming. The Ho Chi Minh museum was entirely more entertaining. Pathetically stupid in its propaganda (especially the bit about how well US soldiers in captivity were treated); barely containing any actual information; displaying more examples of Communist "culture"; this museum would not normally be worth a second look. No, what was most entertaining about the place was that it was meant to be a representation of...the inside of the mind of Ho Chi Minh. Parts of it were actually meant to look like brain, or inside the eye. It was gloriously ham-handed and kitch.

From the Ho Chi Minh after death complex of supreme joy (ok, that's just my name for it), we dropped over to the Army museum. Yep, plenty more propaganda, but actually a bit more informative, and a good opportunity for me to drool over some weaponry from various eras (I like guns, I like shooting them, and I love the engineering...I just wish they were only used at firing ranges, instead of on things like children and civilians and soldiers). There was a variety of tanks and fighter planes, armoured personnel carriers and helicopters, as well as light arms such as AK-47s and M-16s. After a lunch of moon cakes, eaten for the September 2nd festival in Vietnam (odd sweet and savoury cakes with dried egg yolk in the middle), we dodged down to see Hoa Lo prison. Otherwise known as the Hanoi Hilton, this prison was built by the French in the early 20th Century to house Vietnamese nationalists. Later, it was used by the Vietnamese to house American POWs before transferring them to other camps. Apparently, John McCain spent some time here. There is no doubt that this was a horrendous place to be, in both incarnations. Of course, it is presented as having been a veritable paradise for US pilots. They are shown playing billiards, learning in classrooms, writing letter home, getting fresh fruit every day. Yeah, that's why John McCain can't raise his arms over his head these days - too much partying. When the French were using it, it was pretty much what you would expect from them: a filthy, disease ridden, rat-infested place, without proper food or water; prisoners were kept in shackles almost all of the time, and many were kept in isolation permanently, or in small cells awaiting execution - by guillotine. Female prisoners were also kept here, in some cases with their children. It was somewhat depressing to visit, but an important learning experience.

Our final night in Hanoi was spent booking a trip in Ha Long bay, booking a train to Hue for after the trip, and munching some more tasty noodles.

Ha Long bay is a popular coastal destination, made of of about 1500 small limestone islands...well, they are small in diameter, but extremely tall. Traditional boats called junks sail the calm sea between these islands. There are around 1500 people living here also, on tiny floating villages - wood and sheet metal floating on empty barrels for ballast. There are schools, shops, homes, and even a bank or two. Surprisingly, many people keep dogs on these tiny, linear villages. Almost everyone here makes their living from fishing or tourism. There are a huge number of tour companies offering cruises in Ha Long bay, generally with similar itineraries. The costs vary, with low cost boats offering small portions of bad food, uncomfortable rooms and sub-standard equipment. Mid price tours are generally alright; ours was really good (Bai Tu Long cruises). We booked a 3 day, 2 night tour. Day one began with a transfer to Ha Long from Hanoi; this takes about 4 hours, but the air con minibus was ok. We noticed some of the karst landscape in the distance, and arrived shortly afterward at the dock. Dozens of boats sat waiting for their passengers; ours was anchored further out, so we took a smaller boat to transfer to it. The Bai Tu Long is a nice junk, with a lower deck composed of rooms, a middle deck restaurant/bar (stocked with Jameson!) and sun area, and an upper deck with loungers and a roof. There were bansai trees and potted plants around the decks, and it was nicely decorated - all in wood, obviously. The Asian style roof and rigging were something new to see. The cabins were not huge, but there was a decent bathroom with hot water; besides, the days were pretty full, so the cabins were only the last destination of the day. Our time on board started with a little sunning before lunch. Lunch was spectacular: we had a cucumber and tomato salad, calamari, baked clams and stuffed crabshells, followed by coffee and cake.

Post lunch, we got onto some small boats rowed by locals, and visited one of the floating villages. It is an incredible lifestyle; the kids learn to swim before they can walk. These folks have a non-traditional take on the bucolic life, living on their floating world. It is quiet, and simple, though tourism may be beginning to change things. There are art shops and pearl markets springing up, and women row boats up to the junks to sell souvenirs and snacks. After our visit, we returned to the junk for some swimming. The Bai Tu Long chugged along to a quiet spot with relatively clean water (it's not too bad, but never spotless in Ha Long), and we jumped in. It was a bit salty, but pleasantly cool. The water is around 15 meters deep; I tried to pull myself down along the anchor line as far as I could, but I couldn't spot the bottom. One shower and some sun later, and we had prawns, mussels, fried fish, stir fried beef and rice, salad and fresh fruit. Aine and I relaxed with a few beers and a (strong) cocktail, as well as partaking in a spot of night fishing. They shine a light on the water and try to hook squid. No luck on the first night for us...

Our second morning, we had breakfast (suitably large), and headed to a beach for some swimming. There was also a Buddhist ceremony on the shore, praying for good weather. The continuous chanting was nice, but I wouldn't want a full day of it. I climbed to the top of the hill on the island to take a few shots, then we returned to the boat and went to visit the pearl market. They plant a small piece of shell inside oysters of various species (yielding different coloured pearls); after 18 months, the oysters have coated the piece of shell into a pearl. Well, 30% of them do. Around 10% of those yield quality pearls. The pearl market sells all sorts of pearl jewellery, as well as some of the local art. After lunch, we got out on kayaks for a while around some of the islands. We were able to enter a few caves, but not too far, as the limestone can be a little unstable. As it was, having thousands of tons of rock over your head was unsettling. The kayaking was pleasant enough, though with the blistering heat we headed back after 2 hours. Dinner was another seafood banquet, with whole crab and big prawns. It is worth mentioning the carved vegetables: the chef was a master, cutting carrots, tomatoes, cucumbers, etc., into elaborate floral designs. We tried fishing once more, and still had no luck with the hook. We got a net though, and nabbed a few crabs and a squid or two - enough to make soup the next day for the crew. On our last morning, we had breakfast and explored Sat Song cave. The cave is pretty typical of tourist caves, lit oddly and with many stalactites and stalacmites which kind of, but not really, look like the things they are named for. One last lunch aboard the Bai Tu Long, and we were back in Ha Long bay. We transferred to Hanoi, where we spent one night, then took the 6am train to Hue.

The train was pretty typical of sleeper trains in Asia; a little cramped, a little noisy, but not so bad. We brought our own food, and did a lot of reading. On arrival in Hue, we checked in at Tran Ly hotel (nice spot, lots of services), and crashed out. In the morning, we got our bearings on a little walk across the two bridges nearby us. That took us near to the main attractions, and we stumbled upon a boat race. In the sweltering heat, crews of about 10 or 12 rowed furiousy back and forth around flagpoles in the water. On the corners, there was something of a fracas as boats drew alongside...for fracas, read "twatting each other on the head with a big oar". After watching the race, we walked through the park along the river. Hue is generally a pleasant and green town. The area north of the river is especially cool, very quiet and laid back residential sort of area. In the afternoon, we hung out in a little restaurant there, trying Nem Lui - a local specialty. These are basically minced pork, stuck on the end of a lemongrass stalk, wrapped in spring roll rice paper with lettuce, beansprouts and chili sauce. When you wrap the rice paper, you pull out the lemongrass stalk, leaving the pork inside. Tastyness. After a few hours, we strolled along the river near the hotel. We had seen some street food stalls, and decided to go to them for dinner. It turned out to be a huge event, with chefs from a top class hotel nearby cooking the food. There were tables laid out, and music playing. We had beef and mango salad, sweet potatoes, rice cake (not like the carboard things at home), snails, squid, quail (complete with heads) and deep fried sticky rice. We tried a local desert; Vietnam doesn't really do sweet, though. Taro is a fruit, apparently. It grows in the ground, and tastes like rude words. Aside from the taro, dinner was amazing and cheap.

The next morning, we took a dragon boat (a boat with two painted dragon head carvings on the front) cruise on the Perfume river (aka the Song Huong). These cruises are run by dozens of boats, and are generally of low quality. They are a cheapish way to see the tombs of the emperors though, which are some of the main attractions in Hue. On our tour, we visited a traditional Vietnamese house, from pre-French colonialism, Thien Mu pagoda, a tall pagoda set along the river banks, and a small temple, before stopping for a tiny, expensive lunch aboard the boat. After this, we headed to shore and used a bus to visit three of the emperors tombs. This section of the tour was a little better; the tombs are very impressive. Mostly built during the 19th Century, they are now decaying in parts. Many were damaged by bombing during the war. The tombs are large compounds, decorated spectacularly, and generally linear in nature. They are quite reminiscent of the Forbidden City in Beijing, but on a much smaller scale. The colours and patterns are much simpler, and to me, nicer than their Chinese counterparts. Most compounds feature, in addition to the tomb, living quarters (emperors lived near their burial sites, sometimes), temples, servants quarters and gardens. One featured a man made lake. Emperors seem to like to be remembered; in the case of one emperor, his tomb is almost collapsed, and he is remembered only as a tyrant. The tombs we visited were of the more fondly remembered tyrants; Minh Mang, Kai Dinh and Tu Duc.

The morning following the tour, we rented a motorbike and drive out to My An hot springs, 7km from Hue. The springs were lovely, though in hindsight, sitting in 40 degree water in nearly 40 degree heat was perhaps not the best idea. We could only spend a few minutes in the hot pools before needing to dip in the normal swimming pool to cool off. Luckily, the pool was great - spotlessly clean, and over 2m deep. There was also a jacuzzi to one side...oh, travelling can be so tough. My An is a really nice little spa and resort, a clean environment surrounded by trees, with a decent restaurant and lots of massage and treatment options. The area around it is a small, dusty town, so if you ever visit here don't be put off by the approach. We towelled off and took the bike back to Hue, and the citadel. The citadel has been damaged by bombing, with many of its buildings now completely gone. What is left has been partly restored, and again is reminiscent of the Forbidden City. Indeed, the Hue citadel was once known as the Forbidden Purple City. Presumably, much of it was painted purple...who can say. It was much smaller than the Beijing Forbidden city, even at its height, though still quite a large place. A theatre still stands, and still houses performances. Most impressive (to me at least) in the past of the citadel was the imperial cooking houses. There were three, each with around 50 chefs. Each chef specialised in a seperate dish. These cook houses gave rise to the Hue tradition of banquet style dining, with up to 11 courses. Also, the specialties of Hue, such as Banh Khoai (deep fried rice pancakes) and Nem Lui, came from these houses. We finished our day by driving to the Institute for the Blind, and receiving a massage. For about €1.33, you get a 60 minute massage - incredible. The students at the institute have been trained to do massage without oils or balms, and using percussion; they actually drum out a beat on your back. The massage was great, really getting to the tendons and ligaments.

Our next day in Hue was spent away from it, on an organised tour of the Demilitarised Zone. The DMZ, as it was known, was a 10km strip near Hue (to the north) and Da Nang (to the south), along the 17th paralell, marking the battle lines during the Vietnam war. The tour visited several important sites from the war, beginning by crossing the Ben Hai river (along 17th paralell) to the Vinh Moc tunnels. Unlike the Cu Chi tunnels near Ho Chi Minh city, which were tiny tunnels built for guerillas to elude Americans, the Vinh Moc tunnels were built for both fighters and families. The tunnels were therefore larger, though I still bumped my head more than can be considered safe. More than 300 people lived in these tunnels, sometimes for over a month at a time; 17 children were delivered in them. There were three levels, a couple of wells, storage areas for food and weapons, a maternity room, and tiny spaces for families of four to sleep. Except for the entrances, none of the tunnels contain any support or reinforcement structures; they were carved from the soil. On the lowest level, an exit leads to the beach, from which boats ran to Con Ca island 28km away. The island was a part of the Ho Chi Minh trail system, which supplied guerillas in the south with arms and other aid (the "trail" was not one single route, but a 17,000km network of roads, rivers, islands and tunnels). The tunnels also featured a meeting room, where Communist party officials held meetings and strategy planning sessions. The tunnels were remarkably sucessful, protecting those within them quite well. Unexploded American bombs are on display in the area, though quite few; after the war, kids used to disassemble them, using the explosives within to fish, Crocodile Dundee style. The casings themselves fetch up to $700 from Japan, who recycle them.

We headed to Dong Ha, a nearby town, for lunch. Aine and I brought our own, which was just as well; some diners sent back their lunches due to a "dodgy flavour from the meat". The tour continued in whistle-stop fashion, firstly at the rock pile. The rock pile was a base atop a rocky promontory, unreachable on foot. The US used used it as a forward artillery position; even as enemy soldiers swarmed around its base, the marines atop could direct fire down on them. It was resupplied by helicopter. It is now cleared of all remnants of military equipment, and still unreachable. You view it from the road, though all you can really see is a single Vietnamese flag. Another stop was to see a bridge built in 1973, funded by Fidel Castro whom had visited that year. Before the construction of this concrete version, a wooden bridge was used to ferry arms across the river. To hide it from American or South Vietnamese forces, the wooden bridge was weighed down and submerged. Ingenius, and a part of the Ho Chi Minh trail.

The final stop on the tour was Kha Sanh combat base. This was a US marine forward position. Today, it houses a museum filled with propganda about heroes, martyrs, etc., though outside is some great stuff - preserved hardware from the war. An M-113 armoured personnel carrier, a burned out M-41 tank, a pristine M-48 tank, a UH-H1 Helicopter and a CH-47 Chinook are on display. Further away, across the runway the base used to use, the gutted remains of an AC-130 plane are being removed, presumably to be displayed elsewhere. Inside the museum, there were a number of small arms, including the ubiquitous M-16 and the ever-popular M-79 "Blooper". A military hardware enthusiasts paradise. Khe Sanh has an interesting story attached to it. General Westmoreland, one of the most senior American generals in the war, was fanatic in his defence of the base. In the run up to the Tet Offensive (a surprise attack by Viet Cong forces, simultaneously striking important positions all over South Vietnam), Viet Cong forces made probing attacks on the base. 30,000 American troops were moved into the area around Khe Sanh - transferred from other areas struck in the Tet Offensive. Westmoreland was ecstatic to be facing the Viet Cong on a battlefield; guerilla tactics had been frustrating American forces. About 70,000 Viet Cong, half of their fighting force, attacked Khe Sanh, while the other half struck the multiple targets elsewhere. The battle for Khe Sanh went on for over 6 months. The base was defended successfully, though relative losses were high on both sides. The Tet Offensive was also a failure. There was some mystery as to whether the Tet Offensive was a distraction for the attack on the base, or vice versa. Either way, in a move which attracted much criticism, once the Viet Cong had withdrawn from the area around Khe Sanh, Westmoreland abandoned and destroyed the base. If it had been so very important, why was it abandoned? Should Westmoreland have withdrawn before the offensive, saving many lives, and having troops ready for counter offensives? Either way, the Tet Offensive and attack on Khe Sanh convinced the American leadership that they could not win the war. It was after this that America began to withdraw its forces from Vietnam.

The DMZ tour is a must when in Hue; educational, interesting, and sad, it is essential in understanding the modern Vietnam, and has many important lessons to impart. For €10, it is also incredible value. Most tours include guide, transport, breakfast and lunch and all entry fees. Our time in Hue was concluded, and we boarded a bus to our next destination: Hoi An. Hoi An is an ancient seaside town. The oldest part of town runs along the river, and is a series of tiny streets and bridges. Traffic is banned from the centre of the ancient town (although motorbikes are still prevalent), and the streets surrounding it only allow traffic during certain hours. This, along with the old buildings and greenery, make it a really nice place to drop a gear and just stroll along. The only problem is the ubiquity of souvenir shops, cheap clothes stands and tourist restaurants. People tend not to hassle you, but the old buildings are marred by the new shopfronts and signs. Still, the restaurants are good, due to the competition, and many offer really good (if pricey) cooking lessons. The real star of Hoi An, though, is the beaches. Cua Dai beach is the most developed. At the end of Cua Dai street, about 3.5km from the ancient town, this beach is reasonably clean, with quite clear water. There are innumerable restaurants lining the beach, each with loungers out front. If you want to use the loungers, you will need to buy lunch later - or face some locals attempting to intimidate you. Of course, there is no rule that says you must do this; you can intimidate right back and walk away. It is good etiquette to buy something, even just some drinks. Cua Dai is really nice for a swim, though you will have to shoo away people selling crap. An Bang beach, on the other hand, is bliss. There are about 20 tiny restaurants here, some motorbike parking and not a lot else. There never seem to be many people there; it is popular with locals and ex-pats, mainly. And yet, it is only 4km away from Hoi An ancient town. The beach is pretty much spotless, except for the few bits left by the last thoughtless idiots. The water is clear, blue, and not sandy at all. The waves are gentle most of the time, though there is a strong current - swim for 10 minutes and suddenly your sandals are a long way up the beach. Shade comes courtesy of palm trees, or restaurant loungers. You can see Da Nang to the north, and several small islands to the south, quite a way in the distance. It is a lovely spot.

We had arrived late in to Hoi An, and pretty much just crashed out at the Sunflower Hotel - great spot, with a free shuttle bus to the ancient town. In the morning we explored a little. Most of what we saw was from other nations; the ancient Japanese bridge, and the Chinese meeting halls, built when many of them lived here hundreds of years ago as ex-pats. We walked across the bridge to a small islet, where there are more restaurants and an open market. There were some odd sculptures and a trippy kittens-in-a-basket...thing, along the river. A lot of Hoi An looks pretty samey, but that is not to say that it is boring. Indeed, we were there at just the right time for entertainment: a full moon festival is held every month, and we landed in the middle of it. It is not a single event held in a certain place, but rather a number of groups of young kids go around beating drums, dressed in colourful dragon costumes. The slightly older kids put on great shows, jumping around pairs of stilts held up by the crowd. The dragons are usually made by two people, one controlling the head (which blinks, moves its eyebrows and opens and shuts its mouth, on the better costumes). The kids go from restaurant to restaurant, and usually receive a small sum of money from the staff and patrons. After the 4th night of this interrupting your dinner - several times, as there are a lot of groups - it gets a bit trying. However, it is a cool thing to see. In the evening, Aine and I had dinner in the Sunshine Cafe, a place we had read about on wikitravel. The owner, Hoi, made some really, seriously tasty food, and we decided to return there for a cooking lesson another time. They also had a cool little dog, Mickey, with the funniest underbite ever. He was not on the menu, though yes, dog is eaten in Vietnam (mostly in the north, and mostly during winter; look for "thit cho" on menus, and AVOID it).

The following morning, we rented a motorbike and headed to see My Son. The temples at My Son were the most important in the old Cham empire, being near their capital. The Cham were Hindu, and it is fascinating to see another culture's take on the symbolism of the religion. Ganesh was clearly visible in many of the carvings and reliefs; other figures sat in yogic poses, though the weathering made it impossible to identify whom was depicted. The temples were in pretty bad shape; the earliest of them were constructed in the 8th century, and are little more than bricks and foundations. Some people compare this site in its regional significance and architectural quality to Angkor Wat in Cambodia. The scale is much, much smaller; it is still more than worth the numb arse from the 1 hour motorbike ride. The downside of using the bike is that, although you don't feel it due to the wind cooling you, you still get sunburned. My hands and lower arms were pretty red by the time we got back, which reduced the amount of time we could spend on the beach - and I was using factor 50. Got to cover up, as well as using a high SPF, especially in the tropics.

Our cooking lesson with Hoi was great fun. Vietnamese cooking seems so complicated, but as usual, when you see someone do it who has been cooking that way all their lives, you see how easy it can be made. We prepared four dishes: a papaya, shrimp and pork salad; nem lui (those little self-roll spring rolls with the pork on lemongrass stalks); cau lau, a delicious pork and noodle soup; and shrimp and pork spring rolls. The dishes made use of five-spice, garlic, fennel, basil, numerous green leaf items, pork, shrimp, chilis, lime juice, sugar and soy sauce. Some combination of these constitutes the basis of pretty much all Vietnamese dishes. The sweet, sour, hot and savoury mix is delicious. We, of course, ate what we prepared, and stumbled back to the motorbike afterwards. Hoi was a really great teacher; and we also got to see inside a Vietnamese home - the lesson took place in her kitchen behind the restaurant. We met her husband and son, and of course saw Mickey again. I would recommend a lesson with Hoi to anyone visiting Hoi An.

We booked our bus to Nha Trang through a travel agent; these agents can be shady, but ours seemed pretty nice. When it came time to leave, a taxi showed up at the hotel to bring us to the bus. This is normal practice in Vietnam, so we didn't question it. Unfortunately, another travel agent had picked us up by mistake. Now, this would not have been so bad, except that instead of telling us this so we could contact our hotel to get them to ask our bus to wait, they left us sitting for 20 minutes without telling us anything. Another taxi showed up to bring us back to our hotel; thinking our bus had probably left by now, I told the guy we were not leaving, and that he needed to contact our hotel or the other bus and get us sorted - this was their fault. If not, we would require them to pay for our tickets and an extra night in Hoi An. The little shit began shouting at us to get out, and started swearing. There is one fellow walking around Hoi An today who owes an awful lot to Aine White. Had she not asked me to not kill him, and reminded me that we would need to use their phone to get sorted, I would have put that petulant little toerag through the cheap walls of his crap-shack office. We owe a lot to our hotel, too. I grabbed the phone and used it to call the Sunflower; they contacted our bus, and got them to collect us at the office of the dodgy travel agent (Alex Bu travel; feel free to drop an insulting email to [e-mail] if you're bored...I know I did). We got onto our bus, finally. It was overbooked! This is another common practice in Vietnam. You do end up with a bed, but it could be on a bus other than the one you were told you would get, or perhaps end up on a matress on the floor. Fortunately, we got top bunks. Unlike the sleeper buses in China, ones in Vietnam seem to have little or no storage space in the cabin, so I spent a cramped night with legs tucked up to my chest. It wasn't too bad, really, and we arrived at our hotel shortly after 6am. After the 15 minute fanfare from the military base behind our hotel (the good news kept rolling!), 06:15 to 06:30, we crashed out for a snooze.

After sleeping away the worst of the cramped night on the bus, we ventured out for a look about Nha Trang. Many people say that Nha Trang has been ruined by the tourist trade development. They say that the buildings have ruined the place. Now, I agree that untouched beaches are better, and I would prefer it if the pollution along the river was not washed out into the bay, but I must say it is not so bad. On the contrary, I found the waterfront area to be quite attractive. The restaurants and clubs are all fairly up-market; there is a really cool little micro-brewery serving interesting and unique beers, ales and stouts; there is no shortage of topiary and the usual sculptures and monuments. It is pretty clean, though there is a little rubbish back from the water. The pollution in the water is much lower than in some EU waters - I checked online. A perfectly pleasant place to lounge, enjoy a drink and soak your feet. Certainly, it does not deserve to be in a National Geographic top ten worst beaches list...which it is. I reckon that is totally unfair. Maybe it would be worse with the crowds in the high season. In any case, the real star of Nha Trang is not the beach. Go down the sea road a ways, and you arrive at a cable car station. Take the world's longest cable car ride (over water), 3.32km, and you arrive at Vinpearl Land. Vinpearl land is a water park. It is an oudoor amusement park. It is an indoor amusement park. It has an aquarium. It has a great restaurant. It has a shopping street...if you're into that. They have hotel rooms; a conference centre; an artificial beach; an amphitheatre with a sound and light show every night. It has EVERYTHING.

We headed straight to the water park when it opened, 10am. After floating around the lazy river (900m!) to get oriented, we hit the slides. There was the multislide - face down on a mat, 4 big drops; the tsunami - terrifying drop into a half-pipe on a raft; the kamikaze - stupidly fast slide with a bump you think will throw you off; black hole - a closed slide with several dizzying twists, which then dumps you unceremoniously into a bowl with no bottom, which you spin around and around before dropping head first into a pool a metre below. Just immeasurably fun, and a little scary; I don't like heights, and climbing the towers to get to the start of these things was bad enough. We dried off and escaped the mid-day sun in the aquarium. It was pretty good, but nothing extraordinary really. After a delicious and large lunch (a tad expensive for Vietnam, but still much, much cheaper than at home) involving seafood and stupidly tasty spring rolls, we tried out the indoor amusments. They had a massive range of old-school and newer arcade games, ones with leaning motorbikes, cars to sit in, light guns - even horses to sit on. They had all the usual stuff, like air hockey and basketball shooting games. They even had electric whack-a-mole. The bumper cars were good craic, and actually really fast and very bumpy indeed - we both had stiff necks the next day. There was a 4D cinema, complete with blasts of air, moving chairs and sprays of water; it was actually not bad. We shot back to the water park briefly to do another slide or two, then showered off properly. We had a little time to kill until the sound and light show, so we returned to the indoor games. The outdoor games did not especially appeal to either of us, though we did end up having a go on the carousel. When 7pm was looming, we ceased shooting, throwing hoops, racing cars and riding ridiculous horse racing games, and went to see the sound and light show. I have never seen anything like it. These people do things with water, hoses, nozzles and pressure that I had never conceived of. And all of it is lit up with lasers. The water and lights are set to music, changing and dancing with the beat. There were several pieces of classical music, and some Asian pop music. The "announcer" was all in white light projected on a spray of water, and - amazingly, I thought - was also doing the announcing in sign language. It was a great way to finish off an incredible day; we just never stopped smiling through the whole thing. As the queue for the cable car was a little busy after the show, we had one more round of indoor games, then headed back to the mainland. It was after 9pm when we got to the restaurant (Veranda - highly recommend) for a few drinks. We had spent pretty well 12 hours in Vinpearl Land, and loved all of it. And the best bit? Your ticket costs about 12 euro, but after that...it is all FREE. With the exception of food and drinks, obviously, after entering Vinpearl Land, everything is open to you. Since you can only get in with their ticket, they don't stop you to check them inside; you don't need a wristband, or a card...you just walk around and do what you want! Now, I'm sure in high season there would be queues and crowds, and probably scumbags and their screaming little toerag children. When we went, it was peaceful, and we never queued for anything. For any gamers reading this, this ammounted to unlimited free credits on all the arcade games and no snotty buggers clogging the machines - I actually got to see the ending of some of those deliberately difficult Time Crisis type games. Amazing. Vinpearl would be a great place to bring kids, but after 2 days I reckon it would start to get stale (not for them, of course). As an option in Vietnam in the off season, I can't speak highly enough of it.

We spent just our arrival day and the day after in Nha Trang, moving onto Dalat on day 3. Dalat, sometimes Da Lat, is Vietnam's choice of destination. You get more Vietnamese on holiday here than foreigners. It is located in the south central highlands, at around 1500m elevation, so it gets nice, cool temperatures. It is also the honeymoon capital of Vietnam, with more indiginous newlyweds choosing it than any other destination. As such, we expected great things from it. It could be that that was the reason we were a bit disappointed, but I don't believe so. I think it was because Dalat is just...meh. It's ok, kind of ambient, like a massage from someone who doesn't really know what they're doing and doesn't have the strength to work out the knots. The town is a bit ugly, with haphazard streets, pavements that seem to date from the war (seriously dangerous after dark) and randomly built hotels, some of which look like they are not breeze-proof. It is also a frustrating place to navigate, as the buildings on a street are not numbered in order! You pass 4, then 8, then 9...looking good...oh wait, then it's 15, 3, 87 and 12A. I mean, what is the point in numbering them at all? Nonetheless, there is a nice lake area, and a decent restaurant or two, and the temperature is a pleasant break. We even had to wear coats in the evening. The other problem with Dalat is that there is not a lot to do. For newlyweds, it may suffice to wander around the "valley of love" - a small park area with a lake and trees - all day, staring at each other and ignoring the 500 other couples doing the same. For backpackers, it requires a little more. We rode another cable car here, this one to a really very pleasant temple on a hill. There was the crazy house, designed by an eccentric artist in the 70's and in construction ever since. It is a mash up of plastered shapes looking like animals and plants, with winding, strange interiors and narrow walkways along rooftops. They have several rooms for people to stay in, which are kind of cool; each features beds in alcoves to the side, with little tables and chairs, and animal sculptures. It works quite well, except for the kangaroo room...it has freaky lit-up red eyes. We also took a day tour, seeing coffee and tea plantations, minority villages and Vietnam's oldest surviving train station. Quite mediocre again. A highlight of the tour was visiting a cricket farm, and seeing people's reactions to eating them. To be fair, everyone tried at least one; a few of us seasoned bug eating veterans ate a bunch of them. Unfortunately, Aine had a cricket leg stuck in her throat for the rest of the day, but she admitted that he had been tasty beforehand. Now well and truly bored with Dalat, we booked a bus to our final Vietnam destination, Ho Chi Minh City (the city formerly known as Saigon).

On arriving in Ho Chi Minh, we walked to the guesthouse; it wasn't far from our bus drop-off. They had overbooked, but their second building was only a little bit away, and was actually newer and cleaner. Both guesthouses were down tiny alleys, giving a great glimpse of the town life of average Vietnamese. We had a good walk around the city, seeing the sights, including the opera house, reunification museum, Ho Chi Minh museum and the market area. In the evening, there was a table quiz on in a place called Le Pub. We went along and joined up with a British-Vietnamese couple, both of whom were English teachers, and an American guy called Mike. The quiz was a bit stupid, the questions not making much sense (despite being written by an English teacher), but we had a lot of craic. I also met my mini-me, which was odd (see pictures). After the quiz, we headed to a place called T&R club for drinks and conversation. The ratio of one to the other of those altered as the night progressed. We got home around...3, maybe? The next day was pretty hung-over, so we just booked our bus to Phnom Penh for the next day. Ho Chi Minh was a nice enough stop, though much busier and much more full of expats than the rest of Vietnam. It lacked the green of Ha Noi, or the small town charm of Hoi An, but it was still worth the stop.

It was a bit sad to leave Vietnam, as it was definitely a favourite on this trip. It is cheap, sunny, the service and food and hotels are good, and people are (mostly - travel touts don't count) really friendly. Much like India, it really gives you the feeling of travel, like this is what travel is all about. If Cambodia and Laos can live up to that, South East Asia could quickly become my favourite politically and ethnically disparate monsoon climate tropical sub-region.

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Photos

Inside a cluster bomb
These cruel and indiscriminate weapons are still in use. Sign a petition online today...

A monk, self immolating
The car in the background is preserved where I took the picture