Ha Noi rocks!

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It's not often that you fly into a country and see people in conical hats working in rice fields on both sides of the runway but this is the sight Graham & I are greeted with as we touch down in Viet Nam. Yes and contrary to all the English spellings of this country's name, it DOES have two parts, (as do most of its towns e.g. Ha Noi and Sa Pa.) We are picked up by a driver from our guest house, the wonderfully-named "Rising Dragon"! After the modernity and lack of soul that a lot of Thai architecture has, it's very comforting to be in a city with beautiful French colonial-style buildings. There are wide pavements and lakes and it's much more pedestrian-friendly than Thailand. We were warned about the massive number of motorbikes and scooters in Ha Noi and it's truly mind-blowing, You have to grit your teeth and arse-cheeks, step purposefully out into the traffic and let the motorbikes move around you! This is the Ha Noi way. After a couple of days you feel surprisingly confident.

We eat great food, both Vietnamese and western and even find a micro-brewery! It brews what they call Belgian Red Beer and bloody good stuff it is too-a low ABV and therefore a real session beer. It has an aroma a bit like Kriek so I'm won over immediately. Dave Boyce and Beth Carss please take note. The interior of the micro-brewery is an odd juxtaposition of Communist-style posters and photos of Vietnamese footballers. I was wearing long trailing trousers, which would allow for anything to crawl up the outside (much like a Dr Who-type scarf) and am joined by a large cockroach- on my shoulder! Thankfully, Graham saw it before I did and flicked it onto the floor before I screamed the place down. We hadn't seen one that big since Goa. Naturally, we ordered more beer after that to build up my Dutch courage...

We visit the Ho Chi Minh Mausoleum, which is very impressive; all big Stalinist type architecture. We queue with hundreds of Vietnamese to see Uncle Ho's embalmed body. They did a bloody good job too. He looks magnificent given that he was embalmed in 1975. The golden light made him look so life like. You could see every detail so clearly even though you were a few feet away. His goatee beard impressed me most plus the mark on the right side of forehead. You had to file past in complete silence and one Vietnamese bloke was told to take his hands out of his pockets by one of the soldiers in charge. The HCM Museum was pretty good too. Lots of great black and white photos and old newsreels in Vietnamese, French and English. I particularly liked the little booklets which HCM wrote to encourage others to do "good works". If you are a resident of Saltburn-by-the Sea you can really appreciate these!

We also visited the Museum of Ethnology which focuses on all the Vietnamese hill-tribes and their cultures. I think Ian Forsyth would have enjoyed the photo diary exhibition kept by one tribe about their daily lives and the recent changes in their village. The photos they had taken of each others' daily life were quite revealing. There was one amazing photo of two villagers putting lime into the gutters with an old bug-spraying pump contraption after an outbreak of typhus fever. Perhaps the best thing about the museum are the tribal houses which have been built in the grounds. It's great to see the variety of wooden housing and the differences in height, style & interior. You can climb up and go inside and experience what it must be like to live in some of these dwellings. We took the local bus to this museum as it's out in the suburbs, It cost us three thousand dong, which is about 10p! Isn't it great that there is a currency named after the willie! When we got off the bus and were walking along we were beckoned into a very typical Vietnamse roadside cafe. (Big G says that it looks like someone's lock-up.) Anyway, we were starving and went in to be part of the lunchtime rush. We had vegetable and ginger soup, rice, fish, purple sprouting broccoli. cold cabbage water! and green tea for about 60p each! Incredible. There was a fight between one of the restaurant cats and a street dog right next to our table. I'd only seen a cat arch its back and spit like that in cartoons. Anyway, the owner gave them both a gentle toe to the backside to break up the fight and I gave the cat some of my fish to keep her quiet under our table. The owner seemed approving. I found out why a few minutes later. A kitten turned up for a feed and we left her suckling while the owner swept up the used chopsticks and paper napkins, which are often thrown on the floor after meals by Vietnamese diners. My sister-in-law would have a fit.

We decide to go to Ha Long Bay and Cat Ba Island as these two places are considered to be of outstanding beauty and are part of UNESCO World Heritage site. We travel with a load of mostly Dutch people in a mini-bus for a couple of hours to the port of Ha Long City. En route we have "a comfort break"(that phrase is especially for Jack Warren as I know just how much he loves it- not) at a tea and handicraft workshop. The handicrafts are made by handicapped children (their phrase not mine) and victims of Agent Orange. It's all a bit surreal seeing some American tourists perusing the clothes and jewellery boxes. Quite frankly, I don't know how they have the front to come here. I think I might have left it a couple more decades- sorry, rant over. Anyway, I buy a beautiful scarf and huge glass of green tea.

We arrive in Ha Long City with hundreds of other people all waiting to board junks. The wooden ships do look impressive with their sails up. While we wait to set sail Big G goes off to the loo. He comes back and informs me that the toilet attendant sells not only toilet paper but also beer, cigarettes and biscuits! But you are not allowed to smoke in the loo. I'm just trying to imagine someone trying to sell packets of Hob-Nobs outside a British public toilet...

We set sail and have a sociable lunch below decks with a motley crew of Canadians, Dutch, some very trendy twentysomething Italians and one Aussie and his new Vietnamese partner. Peter, the Aussie chap, is uber-competitive. It might be because he's a bit of a short-arse. The Canadian is called Brian & he has a voice like wet gravel & is deaf in one ear. The journey towards Ha Long Bay is mired by haze until we get closer to the limestone karsts we have come to see. Here they come. They are fantastic. Huge lumps of limestone that jut out of the sea. There are around two thousand of these in this area. The Vietnamese call them islands and some of them do have small beaches. It is a grand sight. The sun has come out too. This can't be bad. We enter a section where the water is like glass, there are floating fishing villages and we are surrounded by these behemoths and a dozen other junks. It's just like a pirate film set in the South China Sea, even though we are in the Gulf of Tonkin. We lower anchor & disembark for we are about to begin the dizzying ascent to the Cave of Surprises. This is a cave of generous proportions. Great formations, stalactites, stalagmites & some hellish flourescent lighting in reds, blues & greens. We are just waiting for Mr Blofeld to appear stroking his pussy on his monorail whilst trying to take over the world. This cave should be used as a film set. It's size is awesome.

We descend and go back to the junk and decide to take out a kayak. Wee G is developing a thing for this paddlin'-about-in-open-water lark. The sun is beginning to set. We choose our life jackets, which we actually purloin from another company as our company's life-jackets are definitely not up to scratch. After an hour's worth of gentle paddling around we head back to the junk as dinner, beer & karaoke lie ahead.

Karaoke time: One needs a little Dutch Courage to do this, while others do not. We are both of the former variety. Lubricated & ready, off we go to massacre some classic tunes. Wee G & I inflict a serious body-blow to Suspicious Minds, one of the Italian's slaughters a Metallica song, Wee G kills La Isla Bonita, I maim Hotel California and a Dutch geezer & Wee G go on to inflict hip-wiggling carnage to a number of other songs. The remainder of the night is spent chit-chatting with other passengers. An older Dutch lady mistakes me for her husband. He is entirely grey, whereas I am not. This does give a little cause for concern. Next day Wee G & I change boats as we are going to Cat Ba island. A hazy morning & the sun successfully burns its way through for a few hours. We go on a "trek". All over the place this word is entirely mis-used. A trek suggests a long ardous journey by foot over a number of days. A trek is not a walk up a steep hill & down again in an hour & a half. Hot & sweaty we go for lunch & then its off to Monkey Island. This karst does have a beach. After a clamber on what is basically razor sharp weather-worn limestone, I am afforded some splendid views down onto the beach and across to other karsts. I see the biggest jellyfish I've ever seen on the beach & Wee G watches a monkey poke at another jellyfish & sensibly decides it's not for eating (not Wee G but the monkey). It is all very beautiful and again comes a moment when we consider how lucky we are to be here. We have a night on Cat Ba & the next morning we cruise back to Ha Long City & the bus back to Hanoi. Ahaar, me hearties! A proper misty morning cruising our way back through this fantastic seascape. I even see one of those massive beached jellyfish but this time it's swimming. This time it's a beautiful sight rather than a lump on a beach. The drive back to Hanoi is fine and we get to see the aftermath of a couple of road accidents. Lovely! This becomes quite a common occurrence as the driving here is absolutely nuts.

So another night in Hanoi. On the morrow we are off to The Perfume Pagoda on Huong Tich mountain. There are a number of cave temples & shrines that make up The Perfume Pagoda. We take the bus to the township of My Duc. From here you are greeted by the sight of hundreds, if not a couple of thousand, rowing boats. It's these that take you to the foot of The Perfume Pagoda. A quick look around a local cafe before we get into our boat, reveals the famous "snake rice wine". Rice wine is a spirit, not a wine as its fermented & then distilled. Sometimes a snake (or a dozen) is put into it. This type of rice wine is for men only. It is meant to increase one's virility. Even more interesting is the big bottle of rice wine standing next to the bottle of snake rice wine. This one contains goats' penises in wine. They look downright weird & even I find this this a bit out of the ordinary (Dave & Kath G please take note). Goats' willie wine. Try marketing that one back home. We board our rowing boat, all 16 of us, and take a slow journey up-river. A pretty journey through rice-fields & more limestone karsts. Plenty of atmosphere & lots of people doing exactly the same thing as we are doing or coming back. One of the better points of this tour is that you, the foreigner, are way outnumbered by the Vietnamese. This is, of course, a serious pilgrimage for them. We reach the foot of The Perfume Pagoda & dock alongside the hundreds of other boats on the quayside. The quayside is lined with little restaurants & foodstalls. The meat they sell is hanging on hooks & they cut it from the hanging carcass as a meat dish is ordered. This is strange but refreshing as we are so used to seeing meat packaged in plastic or neatly displayed. At least you are clearly reminded that what is hanging in front of you was a living breathing creature. Yes, they do eat many things. A lot of the stalls have cat meat hanging on hooks. You can tell as it is a whole cat. It's actually a type of wild cat. We also see dog meat for sale but not here. We pass stalls selling bread in the shape of various critters such as crab & squid. It's a sensory overload as you can feel new neural connections being made regarding future memories of what you are seeing, smelling & hearing. We can either walk the 4km up to the cave temples via the winding path or take the cable car. We opt for the cable car as it's very humid. So up we go. The path itself is lined with stalls selling all sorts of ceremonial rites gear & tonnes of tat. It's also very loud. Stalls have loudspeakers set on 11 right next to each other blasting out god knows what. We get to the top unmolested & make our way to the main cave shrine. This is at the foot of a long staircase. Two lanes of human traffic going up & down. You descend into the cave mouth. It is an immense entrance & the sight of hundreds of people going in & out is astounding. Prayer flags are attached to a pillar & to the outside walls of the cave, welcoming you to the frenzy within. There are at least a couple of shrines inside the cave. There is no queuing system at all. You certainly need to go with the flow. I watch as one man rubs a money note against the limestone walls and then rubbed it all over his face before tucking it into a crack in the wall. A monk follows & collects the offering. A young boy stands on a rock with his face upturned & his mouth wide open. It turns out that if you can catch a drip or drips from the stalactites, it will bring good luck. People have brought all sorts here; trays of food, flowers & even beer. They bring these trays to be blessed & take them back home for the family shrine. It all looks & feels like a big family day out. Once people have been into the cave shrine we were in, they take their votive money, which is bundles of photocopied dong or dollars they buy at shops, to a ceremonial fire to burn. They chuck in fistfuls of the stuff. Altogether the experience of this is a curious blend of genuine worship & roll up-roll up come & see the bearded lady. Utterly unmissable & fantastic!

Well we move on to Ninh Binh. This is around two hours drive south of Hanoi but it takes nearly four. The driver needs to ask directions on how to get out of Hanoi, which is a bit odd. You'd normally expect your bus driver to know where they are going. We get there around 10.30pm and along with a German geezer we take the long walk in what appears to be a ghost town, to find our hotel. It only takes around half an hour, then they guy sets about showing us the expensive rooms. Wee G assertively informs him that we booked a $10.00 room not a $20.00 room. He finally takes us to a $10.00 room. It's fine apart from the fact that the water from the shower does not completely drain away. Therefore we are left with with a constant pool of water on the floor. This is something we can live with but everything does feel a little damp as does the outside world. The reason we have come to Ninh Binh is to visit Tam Coc, which is another karst site. Sometimes it is referred to as "Ha Long Bay-on-the-rice-fields". We spend our first day wandering about in the grey drizzle, enjoy lunch at a spot near the train station. These little doorstep eateries have a monopoly on children's garden furniture. All the tables & chairs are tiny. They were truly meant for kiddies. My chair has arms, so my arse gets stuck. You eat with your knees under your chin. We enjoy noodles, tea & beer for the princely sum of one pound twenty something. Off to the market for a wander. Stall holders asleep in hammocks. If you want something, you have to wake them. It's at this market where we see dog meat for sale. It is skinned. It looks like a small to medium yappy type breed. They take the head off & leave it by the side of the carcass. One stallholder was busy stuffing a semi-jointed carcass into a carrier bag for someone. We are both doing double takes between each other & the stall. I just want to stare as I am fascinated but I think it might be a bit rude. Wee G found it very surreal indeed. She found it hard to reconcile that the head on the table was earlier attached to the body of the pooch, which could have been chasing a ball around & immediately longed for Indian vegetarian food. I toy with the idea of whether I would try dog if I were offered it. I know I would & briefly discuss this with Wee G, who expresses her thoughts by telling me that if I did eat some poochy, I no get anymore kisses. I think this is fair so I decide against trying it, if I am ever offered it. This is the second time I have had an experience with a dog's head on this trip. We enjoy some of the wonderful coffee they have here & return to the hotel. We are watching the Disney Channel (it's the only satellite channel in English) when there is knock on the door. We are asked if we would mind changing rooms as someone with a problem with their legs was checking in. Wee G is about to object, when a French geezer in a wheelchair appears in the door. The room they offer us, at the same rate of course, is even better than the one we are currently in because it doesn't have a constant pool of water. It still feels a little damp though but this is par for the course for this hotel methinks.

Tomorrow we go to Tam Coc & a few other places. We have hired a couple of scooters & drivers. $10.00 for each for the day. You can't beat that. No need to risk life & limb, let someone else take that responsibilty, especially someone who knows the road & the driving etiquette. Off we go on this misty morning out through the back of the town & through a little village. The roads are narrow and there are wee wizened folk wandering around alongside all the normal things you'd expect to see in a village. We get to a place called Muong Ha. This is a large hill, some may say mountain. I think it's a hill that looks like a mountain. There is a staircase that zig-zags its way all the way to the top. The beginning of which has a dragon to welcome or warn you, I'm not sure which. Up we go and at the top there is a small temple housing a statue of Buddha & just a little higher there is another dragon that crowns the peak. The views would be spectacular if it were clearer. However, there is a mysterious quality due to the the mist. There are goats on the next peak, to the left the staircase drops steeply down & to the right you can see rice fields & the river we will shortly be going along. A thigh-trembling descent back to the bikes & we go to Tam Coc (Three Caves). We get into our boat, which is rowed by two women. This river runs slowly and we are rowed upstream towards three caverns. The landscape is unique. The karsts here are sheer. People are up to their knees working in the rice fields & kingfishers fly past occasionally resting on posts. We pass a couple of houses, one has fish traps stacked outside. There are graves at the edges of the rice fields & occasionally in them. An old lady sits under a rocky outcrop. Perhaps she is preparing lunch, I don't know. As we approach the first of the three caverns we look up and see Muong Ha & the dragon crowning its peak. We just keep going wow, isn't this great! We pass through the three caverns. It's the journey to & from the caves rather than the caves themselves whichis the highlight. Many of the rowers row with their feet. It looks like an exercise regime in itself. We don't get the chance to try it. Our rowers then open up the big metal box they keep on board. Aha, we say. Here comes the selling. They are relentless for around half the journey back trying to sell us embroidery, finished pieces & not kits I may add. We do not give in & this they underrstand. They transfer the box to another boat going up-river. Then one of our rowers also changes boat & we get a wee laddie, who should be in school in my opinion, to help row us back to town. Other people on their boats give cheery waves & big smiles. It''s a grand day. We come to shore & grab some lunch at the spot our drivers droppped us off at. We are glad we went when we did as it was quiet. We scoot off again and go to Hoa Lu. This place is famous for once being the capital of Vietnam. Of interest to many are the two temples here. No disrespect but we are a little templed out but the village itself is lovely to walk around in considering its setting. It is backed by mountains & sits amongst rice fields & pretty colourful graves. We head off to our final port of call for today before we return to the hotel. Keng Ga (Chicken Canal) is a floating village. We take a very loud motorboat of some sort & head up a misty canal. People are finishing there work or just getting on with it. Some are fishing, others working in the rice fields and there is a ship building industry on the banks of the canal at certain points. They are building barges and they are not small. There is no dry-dock. It looks like a big kit with blokes welding & other barge-building tasks going on. We reach Keng Ga but we don't know it. It is not a floating village but much of the village takes place on boats. We get back to the bikes & return to the hotel. We leave tonight for Hue in Central Vietnam. This will be our first experience of the open tour sleeper bus and our first longish (8-9 hours) road trip in Vietnam. Well dear readers, wish us well as we carry on walking into the unknown. Our next instalment will be Hue, Hoi An and a four-day motorbike tour of the Central Highlands down to Mui Ne beach using proper motorbikes.

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Photos

Uncle Ho
Wee G showing respect for Uncle Ho at Ho Chi Minh's mauseleum, where his embalmed body lies.

Temple of Literature
Pagoda roof at the Temple of Literature in Hanoi.

Contemplating streetlife
Larry, Curly & Moe taking in the street.

Watcha' Cock!
This one and many others surrounding a tomb as part of an exhibit at the Museum of ethnology in Hanoi.

Misty Lan Ha Bay morning
Limestone karsts & morning mist in Lan Ha bay.

The cave of surprises.
This cave was huge. Just right for the set of a 007 film.

Ha Long Bay Sunset
Quiet, glassy & quite perfect.

Ha Long Bay
You can just imagine pirates hiding out here.

Monkey Island.
Yes, there were monkeys here along with very sharp limestone.

Jelly fish
I've never seen one this big.

Drum Shop in Hanoi
Drums & drums & drums.

Grave in Rice Field
They place graves everywhere. So strange to see one in a field.

Boats at Muy Doc
There are hundreds of these boats here, which will take you to the Perfume Pagoda. They can take up to 16 people as we found out.

Goats' Penises
Goats' penises in rice whisky. Supposed to give men a little more virility.

Gathering of the Masses
Worshippers at the entrance of the main cave temple at the Perfume Pagoda.

Waiting for that holy drip.
They believe that the water that drips down is holy or lucky. One young lad waiting hopefully.

What's on the Menu?
Yep, it's a cat!

Happy Local.
Smiling lady after having come down.

Gaynor's new job.
She hasn't made much but then again it's early days yet.

Dragon at Hang Mua
This dragon greeted you at the foot of the steps up to Hang Mua.

Hang Mua
At the top of these steps sits a small statue of Buddha.

The view from Hang Mua
Misty but still very beautiful. Just imagine what it would be like a clear day.

Lady at Work
This is at Tam Coc. Limestone karsts in the rice fields. People living & working here. You get rowed up-river & through threes caverns.

Coming out of the Darkness
Coming out of one of the three caverns.

Smiley, Happy People at Tam Coc
Nuns at Tam coc just beginning their wee trip up-river.