Why did the Tasmanian Cross the Road?

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Standing at the intersection of a four lane highway in Ho Chi Minh City suddenly makes you feel sorry for that poor little chicken that had to get to the other side of the road. Like him, you just have to wonder "Why?"

Seriously this is "Frogger 3D - Super Advanced". Traffic doesn't stop, it doesn't slow, it doesn't follow lanes. It's like staring at an angry river flowing through a steep ravine. Bicycles and scooters weave in and out of the cars and buses like flotsom in swirling eddies crashing up against the larger trucks and buses, as they themselves overtake other large vehicles, all of which are travelling in all different directions. Cars and bikes turn left from the right most lane, bicycles weave in and out where they can, and everywhere horns are beeping, honking and tooting - some urgently, some politely. It's chaos and somehow you're just supposed to step out into it all and assume that it will all effortlessly flow around you and it will all be OK.

That first step is the hardest and bravest thing you'll do in all of your time in Vietnam. Take that slow, confident step into the maelstrom of traffic and follow it by another and another, and when you get to the other side, sit back, pat yourself on the back and know that from here on in everything is just going to be a breeze. Heck, within a few hours you'll step out into the traffic without even thinking about it.

Of course, going back in time a bit, the only reason that I was crossing this silly road, was that at 9.06am whilst happily lying in bed in my nice air conditioned room flicking through my plethora of cable channels thinking there was no rush to go out and greet this new country, everything just switched off. Power outage. Just what you want when stuck in a seventh floor room in a city that was going to get up around 40 degrees by lunchtime, 20 minutes later the room was a stinker, and hence we found ourselves forced out on the street exploring the city.

We spent the day wandering around Districts 1 and 3 of the city, mainly we were interested in the shopping malls that had air conditioning, the restaurants that had air conditioning and pretty much anything else that had air conditioning, but fortunately we did manage to squeeze in some of the main attractions and markets between air conditioned stops, so we can claim to at least have tried to see some of the city's delights.

My main amusement for the day was buying a Lonely Planet guide for $US4, This is only funny if you appreciate how blatantly the locals rip off (photocopy) books and then sell them as originals. The one I finally bought, was so good it actually did look like an original - right down to colour photocopies of the pictures. The only give away was that they changed the date produced from 2005 to 2007 ... and it was obviously done (different font and text size).

The next day we headed off on what the good old Lonely Planet describes as a "fast food tour" of the Mekong Delta. Two Days, including accomodation, lunch, boat trips and all coach transfers for $US16. they're called fast food tours because that is exactly what they are - they look good on the menu, but you walk away feeling completely unsatisfied, and wishing you'd paid for something more.

Our trip involved being whisked from one attraction to the next, and getting a very superficial impression of what life in the Delta must be like. Still, it was interesting seeing some of the local production techniques and the way absolutely everything is integrated in the local farms and factories.

Our return to Ho Chi Min City was brief, just one night, before we booked an open tour bus ticket to Dalat. The 6 hour bus trip ended up being 8 hours, and the driver skipped the last two stops promised on the itinerary because we were runing so late (basically the bus was gutless). Strike two for the fast-food tours of Vietnam. However Dalat had something I had been longing for for the last three days - a cool climate.

We met a couple of 'Easy Riders' who suggested a hotel (Hotel 151) to us, which for $US7 seemed pretty good, so we checked in, and proceeded to spend the night sleeping on sheets which I am sure were made from discarded sandpaper and velcro.

Suffice to say that so far this holiday wasn't quite what I had envisioned. Oh for the comfort and freedom of a bicycle.

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