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Published: March 19th 2007
Steve in Pimp Mode
We looked a real sight on our motorbiking adventure!Following a Guidebook to Hoi An
When you can get you head around the names of places in Asia things become easy. Before that however, you can get into a lot of trouble. The differences between Hoi An and Hanoi; Da Nang, Ao Nang and Dalat; Dong Hai and Dong Ha might seem linguistically miniscule but when you look at them on a map you realise that a small mistake in pronunciation might result in a bus taking you thousands of kilometers away from where you want to be. This problem was especially troubling for me when I was in Hue as I was still without a guidebook and thus also without a clue as to where would be a fun spot to visit next. In order to finally put an end to my random wanderings I decided to follow my mate Steve to Hoi An so that we could swap books a few days afterwards (Steve is heading to Laos next and thus wanted my book). Of course, I had no idea what to expect from Hoi An, I actually was not even sure of which direction it was in until I asked, but these are trivial matters; after
Vietnam's Premier League
The football game we ran into. Quite a turnout for a thursday afternoon game we thought. all, I have all the time in the world to wander aimlessly (not entirely true).
To get to Hoi An I took a tourist bus. Why? I am still not entirely sure because it can not be the cheapest way to get there, but it was incredibly convenient. For the two bucks fifty I paid I was only expecting a local bus, like the ones I had been traveling on for weeks, however what pulled up out the front of my guesthouse was the epitome of luxury. A brand-spanking new Korean made bus, replete with shining silver paintwork and a fully functioning engine (one that didn't need to have water poured over it every hour to cool it down that is) along with the most comfortable interior I have seen since my own lounge room, was awaiting me. Of all the people who rode on the bus, a total of about 30 (which, one should note, is significantly
less than the legal number of passengers, not four or five times higher like every other bus on this continent), not a single one was Vietnamese. Not one! To be honest, I felt less comfortable being surrounded by sedate westerners than
Football Action
One of the players looking semi-competent. by hundreds of screaming locals. Perhaps these buses are a means for the Vietnamese government to rid themselves of a bunch of pesky tourists in one fell swoop. Also, I have since found out that these tourist buses, although cheap, are generally not as cheap as local buses over short distances. Thus, in future I am going to head straight for the local buses! Better the devil you know, after all.
The Pass to Da Nang
I have to write some prose now about the scenery in Vietnam. I am sorry, and I suggest that you skip over this section right now as I have little faith in my ability to coherently describe things. It is just that the views from my bus window on the journey from Hue to Hoi An were breathtaking; no, I take that back as I spent so much of the trip holding my breath that I did not have to opportunity to take any (sorry again, exaggeration is my way of covering up for a limited vocabulary). I have seen higher mountains, I have seen blue-er sea, I have seen more verdant greenery, but I have never seen all four of
Corporate Seating
The best seats in the house. them together in a strip of land so thin that you can see them all in one sidelong glance. I could see from the South China sea, which lazily washes over long and wide beaches that would not be out of place in Queensland, across a strip of overflowing rice paddies no more than five kilometers thick, into the foothills of a mountain range which soared to an almost unimaginable height almost immediately. Stately mountains more than a thousand meters high, themselves covered in lush forests to their very peaks, look straight down on the affluent plains below. It is along this strip of tenable land that the Vietnamese people grow their food and live their lives; on one side shaded and protected by the stunningly majestic mountains and on the other hemmed in by the calming ocean. This same visage greeted me almost constantly as the bus drove southwards; as we crested each mountain pass a new and even more serene and incredible plain opened before us, each beach appearing more idyllic than the last and each mountain soaring to a yet unequalled height. Over and over I was convinced that I had seen the best that could be
Marble Buddha
On top of one of the Marble Mountains sits this statue which was possibly made from the mountain it sits on. Or it could have been made using Chinese marble like everything else. on offer, but not once was I disappointed.
Eventually we passed a river which flowed down from between two mountains into a wide inland lake; the lake itself was surrounded by pristine beaches and boats lazily sat on its surface, reveling in the relative tranquility of the protected harbour. A strip of land some few hundred meters wide separated the lake from the ocean but only a miniscule inlet joined them. The land forming a perfect holiday destination due to its total enclosure by sand; surfable waves on the seaward side and the tranquil lapping of the tidal lake on the other. A sunset here would be bliss in the extreme.
My rapture continued for some time, two hours at least until the pinnacle was reached. The scenic crescendo peaking at the mountain pass which leads to Da Nang. The highway no longer climbs to the pass itself, a task which must have been arduous to say the least, as it is now routed through a 6284 meter tunnel which impetuously carves straight through the mountain. On the far side of the darkness the land opens into a wide plain, wider than any seen thus far, fronting onto
China Beach From Marble Mountain
The beach from Da Nang to Hoi An is chock full of resorts and beachside restaurants. an enormous curving bay. Two points of land, one north, one south, almost perfectly enclose the bay in the far distance making for the sheltered harbour on which Da Nang was founded. The entire bay, from end to end, is a beach; a glaringly white sandy beach which just demands you to laze on its surface. Never before have I seen a city so perfectly situated amongst such beautiful surroundings.
At the far end of Da Nang, as you leave the city proper and head south towards the long sandy beach made famous by American GIs during the war (and subsequently by the TV show
China Beach and
Apocalypse Now) five small mountains rise from nowhere right next to the beach. These mountains, known as the Marble Mountains for startlingly obvious reasons, are dotted with small temples and pagodas, riddled with caves and command unparalleled views of the surrounding beach. This is the sort of town where I could live happily for many years without tiring of the views.
All of these sights are not new to me, I have seen beaches, rice paddies and mountains before, but it is the sheer scale of them here which has
Pagoda on Marble Mountain
The first tiered pagoda of my trip! I'm sure I'll see plenty more of these things. amazed me. Vietnam packs so many sights into its small area, exactly in the way that Australia doesn't, and also manages to make them on such a larger scale than what I am used to. In one day I saw the highest freestanding mountain, the longest tunnel and the longest beach that I have ever seen in my life. So much beauty in such a small area; I am truly in awe of this country.
Keeping Up With My Nose in Hoi An
Ok everyone, you can start reading again. Once again I apologise for being such a pretentious twat and trying to pretend that I am a talented writer. To make up for it I shall write this section like a normal person would.
As I wrote earlier, the names of places in Asia can get confusing. Thus I am now going to rename Hoi An as
Procrastination Central, or PC for short. I came here with the expectation that I would be leaving in just a couple of days, just spending enough time to see the essential sights and get out, but I have stayed much longer than that. I am not entirely certain
Steve and I
Totally gangstrous. but I think I have been here five days now, it could be six but it is so hard to keep track of time when time is irrelevant. So, how do I justify my procrastination? To answer that, I will tell you about a typical day in Hoi An.
First off I wake up (really? again a pearler of insight there), usually fairly late because I didn't get home until a ridiculous hour the night before. I am staying in the absolutely cheapest room in the entire town which still comes in at a whopping $5, but that does bring the multitude of privileges of a pool, a sauna, free internet (sans mice) and a night guard who never wakes up and leaves me with no resort but breaking in every night. The only disadvantage of the hotel is that it is some distance outside of the town center which has resulted in some dubious methods of getting home; one time I took a ride on the back of a bicycle with a drunk man that I had never met and who had the balance of, well, a drunk. Once out of my slumber I walk down to the
China Beach
Surfing capital of Vietnam, and we had to whole beach to ourselves! nearest restaurant to grease my insides with an omelet and coffee, although Vietnamese coffee tastes like it came out of a dirty sink, before starting my day proper. Each day I task myself with something different: walking through the old streets of the town (the architecture in Hoi An is unbelievable, almost every building in the center of town is ancient. Lots of Chinese style temples and administrative buildings are scattered around; but I was too lazy to go into any of them); getting tailored jeans ($12 for perfectly fitting Jeans, oh yeah!); getting a new book; getting a cappuccino which doesn't taste like sewerage; or more usually, going to the beach. Most days you will find me swimming or sitting on the beach which is conveniently located only 5km and 66 cents worth of bicycle hire away from my hotel.
The beach here is great, wide and sandy with warm water, but unfortunately the sand is too soft for beach cricket. Also, my complete lack of tan anywhere outside of my face and lower arms (I do look rather silly without a shirt on at the moment) makes sunburn a real concern. Irregardless, that is what we do
China Beach #2
Ok, not quite to ourselves, but this guy was a long way down the sand from us. most days.
After the beach I usually head back to the hotel for a shower before heading back into town for dinner and drinks. Some of the best food I have ever eaten is to be found in Hoi An. A small sample includes: an unending range of spring rolls the way God intended them to be (not that deep-fried rubbish we get in Chinese restaurants back home); two whole squids stuffed with pork and vegetables and marinated in something so tasty as to defy description (whilst refraining from flowery prose that is); five dish spreads containing a multitude of local delicacies such as White Rose, Wanton Soup and Cao Lao; and whole fish cooked in banana leaves. This town truly is a fat man's dream; this is possibly the biggest reason for me staying I would say. Following dinner you can then enjoy the cheapest beer in the world: bia hoi, at an unbelievable 3000 dong (20 US cents) per glass. And what is better still, the beer doesn't taste even half as bad as Fosters!
To put an end to the day there is a bar that is well and truly popular; but I have never
Bridge in Hoi An
This is a bridge in Hoi An, a fully functional bridge like any other in the world, only this one is a hell of a lot older. bothered to read its name. Free pool games - which I have come into a very lucky streak of winning at in unbelievably quick time (once, I almost got all seven of my balls on my first turn) - and free table football along with a number of other games make entertaining oneself easy. Additionally, the music is fantastic - they have only played Jet once! Also, it is a good spot to meet other travelers and spend hours trying to figure out who all the portraits on the walls are supposed to depict (if anyone can tell me the common theme behind this list of names I would love to know it: Marx, Kafka, Mandella, Lenin, Stalin, Marilyn Monroe, Guevara, James Morrison, Freud, Mao and Monica Bellugi). This lethal mix of entertainment has resulted in many an enjoyable night and I have met dozens of new friends - not all of them are Danish either.
In between all this monotonous revelry I have managed to see some startling things as well. I saw a Nigerian man almost drown in three feet of water (we were throwing a tennis ball around with him and he started flailing wildly but he was ok in the end). I also met an Australian television director. Before I knew what he did though, Steve told me that the two of them had been talking about Big Brother. Assuming at that point that they were both English and thus totally infatuated by the show (BBC's Asia news service still reports about the happenings of Big Brother!) I started to say that I would just leave them to their benign conversation about a useless and unentertaining show when the Australian guy mentioned that he was actually the director of said show (the Australian version that is). I almost hit him. Almost. No, actually I asked him what he though of it all and all he could say was that he needed the money. A likely excuse I think.
So can you see why I have stayed so long? I think that tomorrow I shall leave but the question remains as to where I am going and how I am going to get there. In order to get a local bus to Nha Trang I shall have to wake up really early; which is unlikely given the nature of things here. The other option is to take an overnight tourist bus - shudder! Unfortunately however, if I want to make it to Hanoi in time to get my Chinese visa I will be forced to rush south as quickly as I can and then catch the dreaded 42 hour train ride all the way back to Hanoi. Or I could procrastinate and let things work themselves out.
Two Guys Who Could Not Follow a Map But Had a Good Time Anyway
Thursday was dedicated as
Cultural Day; the day when Steve and I planned to go and see some of the amazing cultural relics which are in the Hoi An area. To translate, we hired a motorbike and drove out to see My Son - a Cham temple ruin 30km out of town. As Steve is not even capable of riding a bicycle properly (after a short ride to the beach he told me “I think I’ve figured out how to turn now”) I did all the driving which was fine with me. Now, to find the temple we had a map, one of those really good maps which has an arrow pointing off the edge to your destination. I assumed that being a monolithic temple we wouldn’t be able to miss it if we simply drove down the road for the required distance. Logical, yes?
Well, things transpired somewhat differently to our plans. After ten minutes or so of highway driving we passed a football game (soccer for those in Aus) and decided to stop and have a look. Two local teams (we hope that they were local because the teams from big cities should at least be able to keep their eyes open when going for the ball) were playing each other and hundreds of spectators had turned out to watch. Every sideline was crowded with people, somewhat surprising considering that it was a Thursday afternoon, especially around the goals. Because the field was very close to the beach there were natural sand dunes surrounding three sides of the field which made for ideal stadium seating; although the same factor made the field itself somewhat grass-less.
Steve and I assumed personas for the occasion as Jethro and Randolph from Arsenal Juniors Football Club. We were out scouting for new players in the Vietnamese countryside (see the attached photo for an idea of how well we had dressed to match our pseudonyms). Of course, no one around us could speak English so the whole charade was wasted, but we had fun all the same. After a while we realised that the players were less skilled than we were and the crowd was more interested in us than them, so we made our departure.
Heading along the road for another half-hour, I began to think that we had missed My Son. We stopped in a town which seemed to have some temples on a nearby hill thinking that we might have found the ruins, and we asked a local for directions. She told us that we were actually in Da Nang, some 60km from My Son and we had been driving in the exact wrong direction for some time! Being quite late at the time we decided to make the most of where we were and we explored the mountains near that town (they were the Marble Mountains which I described earlier) before driving back to Hoi An via the very long and beautiful China Beach. Of course, you can’t drive along a beach without getting off your bike for a swim so we casually drove into a five star resort as if we owned the place, parked our bike and walked down to the beach.
The beach was deserted at this time of afternoon. As far as we could see in either direction was uninterrupted sand and waves (except for one fisherman in the far distance). We sat down in some beach-chairs and relaxed for a minute as the setting sun played across us. A sign on the chairs informed us that this was a “Baywatch” area, and fearing the appearance of David Hasselhoff at any moment we quickly made our departure in time to complete the drive home before sundown.
So, after an afternoon of driving we completely managed to miss a gigantic Cham temple. On the other hand though, we saw an amazing pagoda on a mountain overlooking a world-famous beach, we watched a local football game, and we strolled in solitude down a perfect beach. I think that the day was a raging success!
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anonymous
non-member comment
omg the part returns