Thailand

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She was lovely looking. Big Adam's apple, though.

The flight into Bangkok was interesting at the end, thanks to some typhoon winds. Nothing major though, just a little shove or two. We had been a little concerned after reporting Áine's passport stolen that we might encounter some questions at one of the borders, but nothing came up. The Thai immigration was quick and painless; well used to tourists arriving.



To some, Bangkok is the quintessential Asian capital. Wild and crazy at night, busy and bustling all the time, with every level of wealth - or poverty - existing side by side. Perhaps I was a little biased after seeing Indian cities, but it seemed relatively affluent to me, and while certainly buzzing, almost calm. Traffic was much more manageable, the rules of the road being followed. Transport links were official and ran regularly. We took the Airport Express line to the city, 25 minutes, then took a 10 minute ride on the subway to Hua Lumphong. A 5 minute walk later and we were at our hostel, Cosy Bangkok. In other Asian cities, you would have to negotiate with a taxi or tuk-tuk run by the local mafia. The hostel was really nice, properly set up with all the facilities you would expect from a European place. We splashed out on a double room. The hostel was well away from the established backpacker area in and around Kao San road, which is as wretched a hive of scum and villainy as you will find this side of the galaxy. Full of bloody dreadlocked crusties, too. The only trouble with our location was that it wasn't very central, though the subway was so close it made it simple to get into town.



My first impressions of Bangkok were positive. The people were friendly, especially when you went in somewhere that tourists wouldn't normally frequent, like little local restaurants or shops. It was quite like China to look at, but more welcoming. Bangkok is a little pricey, coming from Vietnam and Cambodia, but still not too bad. The only downside, really, is that the ATM's charge a 4 euro fee to make a withdrawal...bloody extortion. We went to the MBK mall, home to the fabled free ATM's of Bangkok (Aeon Bank and some Citibank branches are free to withdraw from), and had a little browse while we were there. MBK is Bangkok's busiest mall, apparently, and is a funny blend of western shops and tiny, tiny, rented cubicles selling local cheap stuff. We browsed a bit, got our cash, and turned in for the night back at the hostel.



On our first morning, we set out for a big day. We took the subway to the SkyTrain to the river boat. 3 forms of public transport in a single morning: Áine was thrilled. The SkyTrain runs along elevated lines, whizzing around amongst the skyscrapers. The view was very much that of a modern, thriving city. Some of what lies below is truer to the past of Bangkok, but it is certainly not what the planners wish to project to commuters. Of course, Bangkok isn't Bangkok at all, really; Bangkok is the name of the original settlement in the area, a little way up the river. The actual name for Bangkok is ridiculously long, and translates loosely as: "The city of angels, the great city, the eternal jewel city, the impregnable city of God Indra, the grand capital of the world endowed with nine precious gems, the happy city, abounding in an enormous Royal Palace that resembles the heavenly abode where reigns the reincarnated god, a city given by Indra and built by Vishnukarma". Quite a mouthful in English, never mind the impenetrable triple-Dutch of Thai. Regardless of what you choose to call it, it is very easy to get around, anyway. SkyTrain links to the other forms of transport at various terminals. The canals are one of the more fun and interesting ways to get around and see the hidden Bangkok. They stink to high heaven, but it is pretty cheap and great craic jumping on and off the boats - they stop for about 5 seconds, so be ready. Off the boat, we went to see Wat Ratchanaddaram temple. The temple was pleasantly cool, and clean. Restored 11 years ago, it has been well preserved since then. The outlying buildings feature some incredible tiling - they must weigh an incredible amount, no idea how they keep them all up. The rooves look a bit like those in Cambodia, but with more varied colour. At the top of the temple, a small, square room contains some "relics" of Buddha. The relics are not identified, but there is a phonetic version of a Buddhist prayer for English speakers to recite over them. The view of the city is great from up here; I counted 4 portraits of the King and Queen just from there. That is a common feature in Thailand; the git is everywhere. And he never smiles. He looks like one of the most unpleasant people you could ever hope to avoid. A real sour faced fucker. Top tip: saying that out loud in Thailand could land you in deep shit, especially after the unrest recently. There is no evidence of that unrest now, and Thailand was safe for tourists even during the trouble, so visitors should not be deterred. Just don't talk down about the inbred, cruel, twisty-mouthed gimp on the throne. Sorry, that was pent up for a while - I'm sure he's lovely.



It was a short cab ride to Wat Pho, the most famous temple in Bangkok. This temple's grounds are home to a truly epic work: the world's largest reclining Buddha. Buddha is depicted in many poses, but reclining is one of the most common; he lies on his right side, hand and elbow supporting his head, left arm draped along his waist. A serene look, as always, graces his face. This Buddha is painted in gold (colour only, presumably); its feet are decorated underneath in mother-of-pearl, spiral patterns for the toe-prints. The scale is immense - it takes quite some time to get from the head down to the feet. As you walk along, your senses are all entertained: seeing the incredibly detailed scenes depicted on the walls, smelling and tasting the incense burning, feeling the texture of the tiles and carpet (no shoes allowed inside) underfoot, and - an iconic sound of Wat Pho - hearing the clinking of coins being dropped into metal pots on the far side of the Buddha. It is an incredible place, and you really get the feeling that you are being enriched by being there. It is that kind of feeling that I went travelling for: humbling amazement, awe, inspiration. We even got to contribute something to this temple: a sponsored tile. You donate 10 baht or more, and get to sign the underside of the tile for posterity. In hundreds of years (or maybe 2 or 3 years, if the weather keeps up in Thailand), people will be able to see our names under the tile, and be in awe.



We grabbed a tasty Thai lunch nearby, and headed to another of Bangkok's attractions. Jim Thompson's house was constructed by moving several traditional Thai houses that he bought, and kind of putting them together. You would never know to look at them that it was really several houses, though, and he stayed true to Thai styles and construction techniques, so the house is not an eyesore. Indeed, it is well hidden by foliage in the extensive gardens. Jim Thompson was an agent in the OSS during World War II, and later in the CIA. He was station chief in Bangkok during the early stages of the Cold War; he retired there, and set up a silk business. He is credited with restoring the silk making industry in Thailand, which had been reduced to a near-dead cottage industry by the mid-twentieth century. Unfortunately, he disappeared in the late 60's on a walking trip in the mountains in Malaysia. The house is the main attraction now. It is constructed mainly in red teak, and made up of six older houses. Jim filled it with Thai and Asian curios and religious statues; some of the Buddhas were broken, and Thais consider this unlucky, blaming his diappearance on them. It is a really pleasant place to wander around, with peaceful, compact grounds and tons of antiques to peruse.



Our next stop was a little less serene and cultural. Patpong...infamous Patpong...is home to Bangkok's well known "ping-pong" shows. We had a little daylight left, so decided to amble along the street, rather than risking the lascivious attention of ladies (and ladyboys) of the night later on. Even at that early hour, the street was lined with scantily clad young working girls and shady bar touts. Sex tourism is huge here, and unfortunately regulation is not exactly strict. Amsterdam's red light district is advertised as safe for customers and workers, with strict rules and conditions. Patpong cannot make any of those claims. Girls and ladyboys work pretty much all the time, with no rights or say, performing acts on stage - and in private - that damage their bodies, and probably minds. There are some better run outfits, which tend to be visited by tourist couples looking to see the seedy side without dipping into it, as it were, and who don't want to see or fund the most desperate depths of the sex industry. Much of the sex trade is not carried out with any such conscience, though, and things seem to be pretty bad. Aside from the young girls and ladyboys we saw, the most common denizen of Patpong was 50+ year old American men.



On our second morning, we booked passage by train, bus and boat to Koh Samui. Thailand is probably better known for its tropical islands than anything on the mainland. The obvious exception is Chiang Mai, in the north, but the train line was submerged between Bangkok and Chiang Mai due to heavy floods, so to the island we had to go. Again, we found the transport service to be professional and helpful; like Indian trains but without the bureaucratic bull. After booking, we returned to MBK mall to get some decent walking sandals for Áine. Scholl sandals, a bargain at 1440 Baht (marked down 10% from 1600, I am instructed to record for posterity).***Editors note 'My previous flip flops were made flithers of by the floods ; see Cambodia blog; so splashing out on something sturdier seemed like a good idea.*** We trotted to Lumphini Park after that, though the weather was turning rainy again. Oddly, there was a large tent at the entrance offering free dental cleaning. 70 euro at home, free in Bangkok. Thailand is actually a well established "dental holiday" destination, with cheap work carried out by dentists mostly trained in Europe. They were having lunch when we passed by, so no free cleaning. Instead, we went and played on the swings and see-saws. Awesome. After those moments of innocence, we felt the need for some depravity. Or so it must have been, as we ended up going to Soi Cowboy (think Patpong lite) for one of the better run sex shows. Rawhide bar on Soi Cowboy is not exactly a family place. They have a bar rate - the price you must pay to the bar for "borrowing" one of their staff for a while. However, conditions are supposedly better for the dancers here, and the bar is safe to visit. Some bars pull scams like charging drinks for the girls to your bill, essentially mugging you if you refuse to pay, claiming that you touched one of the girls and had to be thrown out. Good luck with Thai police, by the way, if you're dumb enough to go into one of those places. The sex show is a requisite part of experiencing the "other" side of Bangkok, though to be honest we were a little retiscent about putting money into the industry. In the end, I can say it wasn't all that shocking for a modern audience, and certainly not titillating. There were a few young couples in Rawhide, and they looked pretty much as bored as us. It was a bit uncomfortable, though we were given a warm welcome from the fully clothed hostess. Naked, bored girls were sitting around, waiting for their turn on stage. They looked no less bored when they were on. All in all, we came away with the feeling that it was a sad and pathetic place. We had expected to be disgusted or shocked, but that wasn't really the case. The old, generally massively fat men who frequent these places actually looking to indulge in the sex trade engender nothing but disgust, but the shows and the girls just seem really sad. The highlight of the night was when they played AC/DC; the ladies actually seemed to enjoy dancing to that, and they were pretty much all on stage, away from the creeps.



Much better that evening was the dinner before the show. We had taken one of the boats on the river, just for the experience really, hoping to find a nice restaurant up at the stop we randomly picked to jump off at. Talk about luck. We found a spot doing all you can eat, cook it yourself food for about €2.60. It was very social, tons of people wandering around, chatting, refilling plates. At the table, there was a wood and stone fire inside a metal container; on top, a cooking surface, with a place for frying meat and a sort of doughnut shaped trough for water and veg (see the picture - it's hard to describe). There was a huge variety of meats, some marinaded, from beef and lamb to chicken, fish, etc., as well as salads, veg, rice, chips, pasta salads, noodles, sauces, dressings...it goes on. I mean, €2.60. Unreal. We ate a fair bit. Then we had a bit more. And a few crisp Chang beers, for good measure. It was quite warm there, and a little noisy with all the socialising, but we were smiling all the while.



The next day was a little less fascinating, but a good one nonetheless. We had to pick up some stuff, like a memory card for backing up pictures, and had some admin to do - online banking, etc. We jumped on our train after another lovely dinner, and chatted to the other tourists (seemed like there were a lot there, maybe due to the closed northern train line). The train was comfy, though I couldn't seem to get much sleep. We arrived early, and got off to wait for the bus to our ferry. We had a coffee in what can only be described as a crap shack, then took the longer than promised 2 hour bus ride to the boat. On the way over on the ferry, they were showing Wipeout (BBC TV show), obviously used to catering for UK customers. We took local transport in the form of a songthaew (pick up truck with a roof over the back and some benches thrown in) to our accommodation. We had a decent little beach hut at a place called Moonhuts; no air-con, but a sea breeze helped to stay cool. Unfortunately, the coolest thing there was the reception we received. That pretty much set the tone for Koh Samui. I realise that they are probably a bit jaded from the drunken English lout crowd, but nobody seemed please to see us come in, whether it was at restaurants, attractions or accommodations. Sour faces, all around. We were staying at Mae Nam beach; a little away from the main tourist beach, Chaweng, we were hoping it would be a little friendlier. No such luck, but at least the water was fairly clean. Nice swimming in warm, tropical waters, seconds from the hut.



We rented a scooter on the first morning, and set out to do some exploring. Away from the modern development, Koh Samui is quite a nice island. More pity they ruined so much of it with bars, nightclubs and overpriced restaurants. This may be the last 10 years or so in which the island can be described as enjoyable, and that is down to the quiet areas. Our first sightseeing stop was the Big Buddha. It is pretty big, though dwarfed by the Wat Pho Buddha. There were great views of the beaches from beside the fat, happy chap. We moved on, passing through Chaweng. It wasn't as bad as I had thought, but that is during daylight. One look at the beach confirmed that it was not the place to be though: filthy, without more than a few square feet free of loungers belonging to one of the hundreds of bars lining the beach, pumping out shit music. Awful, awful place. We went on along the road to Leam Sor beach. This, at least, was undeveloped. There was one spot there, very unintrusive, and actually kind of closed, though they made us coffee when we came in from the water. The rain really started to pour, which was nice while in the warm water. When we got out though, we decided to head home fairly swiftly, as floods build up really quickly on the islands. We got a bit soaked, but made it home ok, stopping off to book the ferry to Koh Tao, and a diving course for me there; Áine had been unable to get a medical declaration for her asthma, so we thought she would be unable to do the course. The route we drove took us right around the outside of the island; we missed some bits due to the weather, but I was very glad that we saw what we did. Otherwise, I might have come away thinking there was pretty much nothing positive in Koh Samui. As it is, I would say give it a miss if you're heading to Thailand.



We headed for Koh Tao, and diving. We had to get motorbike taxis to the pier for a euro each, as the cabs wanted insane rates to drive the two kilometers. It was a pleasant, smooth crossing to Koh Tao. We took a beach hut at a place called Mama O'Chai's, very basic but right on the beach, and a 5 minute walk from Big Blue dive school. Big Blue is a large-ish operation, one of the earliest set up on Koh Tao. Koh Tao is littered with dive schools, of varying quality, and booking online you can't tell what you're walking into. Fortunately, I had a reccommendation from some folks I met in China, saying that Big Blue was reasonably priced and professionally run. They could scarcely have been more correct. We walked up and met Steve, who would be our instructor. He went through the structure of the course, and said Áine could join in if she went to the clinic around the corner for a check-up. She did so, and that evening we started the course. There are two international groups whose qualifications are recognised globally; SSI, and PADI. There courses are pretty much interchangeable, but SSI stresses adaptability and practical skills a little more than PADI. They also have less homework to do. We chose SSI. There were just two others on the course - luckily, as the next days group had 16 people - Jorrit and Lea. Jorrit is Dutch, and Lea is German. We watched the theory video together, and sat at the bar answering the questions. We had a lot of fun over the next few days with Jorrit and Lea; really fortunate again to have such a nice group. In the morning there was another video session, more questions, and then after lunch, we geared up and tried SCUBA for the first time. The SCUBA system is made up of your wetsuit, mask, snorkel and fins, weight belt, buoyancy compensator and regulator. And the tank, obviously. All together it weighs a fair bit, but that disappears when you get into the water. Now you might think you would sink with all that on...no way. The wesuit and the buoyancy compensator hold air, not to mention your own internal air cavities. You need to vent all of the buoyancy compensator (BC) air, and still wear lead weights, to descend. In the pool, we practiced our skills, like losing and retrieving the regulator (which you breath through), clearing the mask if it fills with water, etc. We also had a go at the "big-step" entry, a safe method of entering the water by simply taking a very big step off your platform.



The next day, we had our first two open water dives, out at sea. There were more skills to be covered while under, but basically it was mostly following the instructor and gawping in wide eyed amazement at what we could see. Being under the water for an extended period is very strange; you need to remind yourself that you are breathing. With practice, this becomes more comfortable, but you really suck down the air the first few times. The dives are limited to about 30 minutes, because of that. Experienced divers can get over 1 hour from the same tank. Some of the wavelengths of light get filtered out as you go deeper, which is what gives things that slightly blue hue underwater. It is quite ethereal, and incredibly beautiful. You feel like a priviledged guest. The visibility is extraordinary in the tropical waters, and the corals and anemone and colourful fish make for endless entertainment. The next day, we had two more dives - even better than the first two. We had only two skills to do - hovering and removing and replacing the mask - and the rest of the time was just uncommon fine larks. We tried backflipping; we got our feet down on the sand and tried running, low gravity style. When you start to play around, you realise that the gear is not delicate, and you feel all the safer for it. A videographer filmed the day, and that evening we watched the video of ourselves messing around. There were also some great shots of the fish we had been hanging around with, like groupers, stingray, parrotfish, clownfish, etc. That night, we got hammered. Not sure if it was an effect of the excess nitrogen in my blood, but I was wasted really early. Took the next day to sleep it off (actually had two days of sick stomach and anxiety, leading me to think I may have had a drink spiked), then signed up for the advanced course, starting the following day. Áine preferred to rest and try some of the yoga available on the island, so it was Yorrit, Lea and I, and some other folks who had done their basic courses another time.



The advanced course has a lot less skills than the basic course, and is more about being exposed to different environments. You get an introduction to underwater navigation, and learn about maintaining perfect buoyancy. The 5 dives were: perfect bouyancy dive, nav dive, depth dive, wreck dive and night dive. The wreck dive was incredible; a World War II era boat was sunk just off the coast earlier this year, and you could still turn the 90mm guns on the deck. Coral is just beginning to colonise this wreck, so the shape was still very visible. You need special training to go inside, so we just skirted along the outside, nipping through a few narrow spaces for practice. Without a doubt though, the most incredible dive of all was the night dive. All you could see was what was in the arc of your torch, though the white light from the torch did reveal the true colours of the underwater world. For example, the black star anemone is actually greenish-purple. It was a bit trippy, not being able to see everywhere all at once, and you got the sense sometimes that you might be drifting up on coral without realising it. The best part was when we stood on the ocean floor again, pushing our torches into our chest. It was perfect dark, couldn't see a bloody thing. Then, when you swipe your arm in front of yourself, a trail of green sparks ignited and died in a flurry of activity. Phosphorescent life, energised by your agitation of the water. Really an incredible sight up close, it was like having magic on your fingertips. It was also great to see the larger night species emerging, like adult barracuda hunting the little fishies.



It wouldn't be possible to go through every detail of the dives here. So much happened, and we saw so much stuff. Suffice it to say that this was a real highlight of the year for me, and I will be diving much more in future. And I urge everyone to go and do it too - Steve had instructed a 10 year old and a 68 year old the week before we got there.



We hung out for a couple of days on Koh Tao after finishing the course. A girl who we had met while watching the rugby, Kirsty, was good company, especially after the sad departures of Jorrit and Lea - he, back home to Holland, Lea to Bangkok for study. Still miss hanging out with those guys. Áine, Kirsty and I went to take in an essential cultural Thai experience: a ladyboy cabaret. It was pretty well what you would expect; flamboyant costumes, wigs, fake breasts and lip-synching to Tina Turner. Have to admit...the impressions were very good. Is that what you thought I was going to admit?! Truth be told, only one of them actually really looked like a girl. It was an entertaining show nonetheless, and I was quite surprised by a performance one of the ladies gave. "My Way" began to play, sung by Shirley Bassey, and the lady began to strip off her sparkly dress, wig and make-up. By the end, the man was wearing trousers and a waistcoat, and the Bassey version gave way to the Sinatra. I would hardly call it moving; more so honest. Regardless of the appearance of the performer, there is a person underneath, and who are we to label their minds by judging the appearance of their bodies? Granted, this one didn't have fake boobs, so it was a bit easier to tell he was a dude when he'd changed clothes. Anyway, we had immense fun at the caberet, and it seemed like the girls enjoyed putting on their show. They were certainly happier than the girls in Rawhide.



The day after the cabaret, we said so long to Kirsty, and to Koh Tao. We were off on a long journey to Krabi. Krabi was closer to Phuket, where we would fly out from, and also has ferry access to the western islands, like Koh Lanta and Koh Phi Phi. We took a boat, then another boat, and then two bus rides to get there. Most annoyingly, it was on this leg of the journey that our bags were rifled through by some little scummy bastard. Never use Chao Koh bus/ferry company. Apparently, someone sits in the luggage hold and opens the zips up, so locks don't really help. Everything, and I mean everything, was gone through - they even opened up a zip-up rain hat that I had, probably thinking it was a money pouch. When they're done, they run the zip runners back over the zip tracks, resealing the bag. Fortunately, we had the good sense to carry all of our valuables with us. They didn't get a single thing from our bags. As well as which, they had to go through my laundry. I don't even like to handle that stuff myself, in such hot weather. Now, the problem in Thailand is that there is no point in reporting something like this, especially in a small town like Krabi. People talk about poor countries, and how you're seen as a legitimate target because you have tons of money, but I never really felt that until Thailand. It goes beyond that, too, there is just a total lack of respect for you with some Thais. It would almost put me off ever going there again, or recommending it as a destination; as it is, I would say do go, but exercise all caution. Imagine if I had left the netbook or camera or credit cards in my bag; not good. I seriously considered putting loose needles in my bag after this event, counting them back out when I arrived at a destination. I say do that if you go and need to use buses, and leave a big note in the bag with "I have hepatitis" in Thai script.



Luckily enough, we had a really nice guesthouse in Krabi, and when we realised nothing was missing, we were able to relax again. KR guesthouse on Chao Fa road was a nice, clean spot, and we got a friendly welcome. It seems Thai islands could learn a lot from sleepy Krabi. It was a bit dead, being well away from high season, but the quiet was a nice change. The restaurants were really good in town, and there was enough stuff to go and see to keep you entertained. For one thing, Krabi has some of the oddest traffic lights ever. Down the road is "Fossil Beach", where fossils mingle with plain stones and shells all along the strand. To celebrate this link with prehistory, Krabi has put up a set of Neanderthal figures holding up the traffic lights in the middle of town. Further along the road is another set, this time of sabre tooth tigers. Kitsch, and funny. Prices in Krabi were generally lower, and service and friendliness way better, we noticed as we wandered about. We took care of some necessities, sending stuff home (professional postal service generally in Thailand, seemed trustworthy). We also took the time to book our flight to Australia. It took ages, mainly due to crap, low cost carriers having rubbish websites. Tiger Airways had by far the cheapest flights, around 150 euro only. Of course, by the time you've actually gone through the process of booking, the cost comes to way more - 255 euro in this case. Usual crap - oh, did you want wings on your aeroplane? Extra charge...Most incredible was the 80 euro charge for using a credit card. I mean, I can understand charging for checked baggage on a low cost carrier, but 80 big ones to book with plastic? It's not like there's even an alternative given, there's something about using a voucher but you can only buy the vouchers at the flipping airport in Australia! Never fly Tiger Air, let them get shut down properly - they're in trouble as it is, having been grounded for a month this year over maintenance concerns.



In the evening, we heard some fairly average music blasting out a street or two over from our guesthouse, and went along to see what was going down. They had a bit of a fair on, with markets and a kiddies Ferris wheel, and of course rubbish music. We browsed the stalls, but mostly we were interested in their food. Two big lines of food stalls ran along the edge of the area, and we browsed and picked away at them. The muslim food stands were particularly good, with this deep fried chicken stuff that puts KFC to shame. There was also some really nice sushi, oddly, and tons of local noodles and sweets to try. Love finding stuff like that, fun and cheap food.



Krabi held a couple more treats for us. One evening, we sat at the rooftop bar on top of our guesthouse (no music, so no sleep deprivation) and watched a lightning storm rage in the distance. It took many, many attempts, but I managed to nab a shot of a tiny piece of a lightning arc...sweet. They also served food, winched up to the rooftop when ready. We also took an excellent cooking course down the road, preparing tom yam soup, green curry, panaeng curry and sticky rice and mango, and all from scratch. Making the curry paste was cool, definitely not using jars in future. At the end of they day, though, Krabi is not too big was there wasn't a lot on, so we took another ferry to our final island: Koh Lanta.



We were a bit concerned setting off; would our bags be looted again? Would Koh Lanta be as horrible as Koh Samui? It looked pretty similar as we pulled in. Stroke of luck, though, Koh Lanta turned out to be a lovely spot. We stayed in Ancient Realm resort for the first few days. May sound like an extravagance, but it was pretty much the cheapest place we could find, thanks to their online "green season" offer - green season being the couple of weeks before high season, when they are ramping up again. It was a fantastic place. There were some not so great reviews on Trip Advisor, but frankly, some people are professional whiners. You really need to read between the lines on that site - if someone writes "OMG DER WZ LIKE A COCKROWCH IN DA ROOM, WTF???!!!111?", or "Awful place, they didn't have Chateau Neuf de Pap", they're not really to be listened to. Sounds like I'm exaggerating? Go and read some TA reviews. If you travel in Asia, you will encounter bugs, and they won't do you any harm. The exception is mosquitos, but most places will provide DEET or burning coils, as did Ancient Realm. As a matter of fact, there weren't many bugs here anyway, as it was spotless and well run. The room was really nice, with air-con, dvd player and a fridge; it was a 30 second walk down to a fairly peaceful beach. Each hut was like a little house, with a picnic table and fence outside.



They rented out scooters for good money, so we went on another island tour. Koh Lanta is very scenic, perfect for buzzing around on scooterback. The beaches are stunning, long and with clear, blue waters. Koh Lanta, like other Thai islands, is suffering from waste washed up on its shores from disgusting nightclub islands like Koh Phi Phi. Sandals, plastic bottles, etc., line the backs of the beaches, though they make great efforts to clear them. Dive schools run clean-up days, where you get a free dive for helping to pick up rubbish. A lady in one dive shop told us they picked up over 100kg of plastic flip-flops in a single morning. Despite the jetsam, there is nothing unpleasant about lounging on some of the deserted beaches to the south. Old Lanta town is a well hidden little spot, and very nice to walk around for a while. It is tiny, with traditional wooden buildings on stilts over the water, and a couple of lovely restaurants - as well as the hammock house, where you can get a hand made hammock made from cotton or wool. Our tour took us on past mangrove swamps, something I had not seen before, and some unexpected rural farming scenery. This was the 26th of October...1 year to the day since I walked out of work to make preparations for the trip.



The following day, we took the bike again and stopped in at some caves we had passed by before Khao Mai Kaew caves. The family farming the land around the caves take a small fee, providing a guide and head torches. Entry to the caves is actually charged by the government, but that's included in the fee. We ascended muddy, slippery tracks, using ropes to support ourselves, and jumped across narrow, trickling streams amongst the wounded trees of a rubber plantation to get to the tiny entrance. Inside, it was unlike any tourist cave I had been in. There were no lights, no reinforced metal walkways, nothing fancy, just bamboo bridges and ladders tied together with bits of rope. Old bridges and ladders lay broken beneath their replacements, not inspiring confidence. It was perfectly dark, and clammy. We descended into the cave, taking about an hour, going further and further under immeasurable tons of limestone and granite. At the deepest point was a pool, in which you could swim. The ladder down was broken, so the guide reccommended not going for a dip. Bugger that. I climbed on down, using the rope of the smashed ladder, and floated out into the pool; Áine shone a light down for me. It was bloody cold, but pleasant after the sticky heat of the cave. Not knowing what lay beyond the wall section where the pool entered from was trippy...could have been anything living in that water, waiting to take a toe, or a leg, or worse. I scrambled back up after a few minutes and pictures, and, admittedly, it was not easy going, but not too bad. We began to climb out of the cave after I dried off, mostly following the same route back, diverting only near the end to emerge from another hole. It was a pleasant 30 minute walk back to the car park, right through another rubber plantation. The only disappointing part in the cave was when we, feeling up to this point like real adventurers discovering an almost unknown landscape, heard the guides mobile ringing. Reception - down here?! Ah well.



From the caves, we scooted along to Kantiang bay. Kantiang is listed as one of the top ten beaches in the world. It is beautiful, a sheltered, fairly shallow bay, with no rip tide or surprising currents, white sands and clear blue water. Perfect for snorkelling; which is what we did. There was an abundance of wildlife just skirting around the rocks, tiny, brilliantly coloured tropical fish, camoflaged little sandfish and the odd anemone, just getting along with their stuff. The beach is quite small, and surrounded by resorts; not as intrusive as at other beaches, and certainly not as loud, but still, not sure I'd put Kantiang in my top ten.



We did return to Kantiang, though, this time for a snorkel tour. The 4 Islands snorkel tours are offered by three or four companies on Koh Lanta; there are a couple of cheaper ones, which go on the local longtail boats. We hadn't really used them, so we decided to save money and gain experience. It turned out to be a long, noisy experience. Basically, the longtail boat has an old car engine stuck on it, and the end of the prop shaft is stuck in the water with some propellor bits welded on. Still, it was not too bad, even on the relatively rough seas between the islands. The tour took in local highlights like Koh Muk island, but with the "guides" not really communicating at all it was hard to interpret the sights and wildlife. The snorkelling was the real highlight, with previously unseen volumes of fishies. We held pieces of watermelon in our hands, the braver scpecimens coming to collect their free dinner. The best bit of this trip was Emerald Cave. You swim from the boat into a sea cave at the bottom of a very, very tall island; it is completely dark, and only the guide has a light (and it's crap); you swim along the 80 metre cave, taking sharp turns, thousands of tons of rock above your head; at the end, you need to go below the water, and swim through an opening. Sound like fun? It wasn't, to be honest. But through that opening lies something amazing. When you surface, there is a tiny beach in front of you, and a few trees, but the main thing is that you are inside a hollow island. All around you is sheer rock, the only entrance or exit being the cave you swam through. Vegetation lines the walls - hence Emerald Cave - and the water is shallow. We spent some time in awe of this place, then swam back out before the tide got too high; that would make the entire 80 metres full of water, and I don't think we could hold our breath quite that long.



The next day was pretty much taken up by moving hotel and touring on bike again. Unfortunately, Ancient Realm was fully booked, so we went down the road to look for another spot. The girl on reception loaned us her own bike for the trip, which was another example of the better service and demeanour in Koh Lanta. We found Lanta Mermaid hotel just down the road. It was really something; a huge welcome, a spotless place. If you go to Koh Lanta, I urge you to stay here. Ancient Realm is absolutely fine too, but this place is the highest standard for a better price than most of the crap resorts. We booked in for three nights; the room was fantastic, wooden floors, balcony with sea view, air-con, telly, Wi-Fi...the works. Free breakfast too, which was actually seriously tasty. After moving our gear over, we headed into town, taking a look at the ferry terminal, times and prices, and generally poking our noses around. I bought a snorkel and mask for better viewing at the beaches, and Áine bought herself a new top and sandals. Exciting times! In the evening, we learned that Michael D. Higgins would be the next president of Ireland. Fair play - a better choice than a murderer, an insane religious ex-singer or a financial scam artist.



Our second day in Lanta Mermaid, we took a scooter out to have a picnic at Ao Noi bay, one of the lesser visited beaches on the island. When we got there, there were only 3 other people. The snorkelling was excellent, lots of rocks and kelp for fishies to swarm about. Our picnic was excellent too; we had bought rolls from a German deli, and to our delight they had taken the time to seperately pack our tomatoes so the bread wouldn't go soggy. Aww. We dried off and drove to the very tip of the island, up some very dodgy roads - the concrete had just been poured, but the dodginess came from concrete trucks flying up and down, and not always on their own side of the road. We made it, limbs intact, to the national park at the end of the road. It was a pleasant area, though a plague of monkeys occupy the car park. They made grabs for our rubbish bag, generally looking totally unconcerned by the easily biteable humans shooing them away. We went for a nature walk along what used to be a track through a section of jungle; the track has now been almost totally overgrown, or has subsided along with the soil creep. We had to climb around trees and pass over rivers where bridges had collapsed. Fortunately there wasn't much water there, at this time of year. Nonetheless, it was a nice walk, and a bit of an adventure. It was also pretty cool to see the last few of the "freediving monkeys" returning from the rocks. Apparently, they dive into the water in search of shellfish; we didn't observe that behaviour, but they were chasing tiny sand crabs around, which was hilarious. We had an ice cream at the park shop, where the vendors have slingshots to keep monkeys away, then went to leave. The bike didn't feel ready. It took some cajoling, but it finally came to life; we organised to swap it back at the hotel.



And what a scooter we got! The Honda Scoopy is one fancy piece of scoot-ness, with leather seats, Recaro mats, a 50's style speedo and flashing neon lights on the clocks at night time. Wowzers. I guess they felt bad for getting us a dud. We took the Scoopy down for our last long drive on the island, all the way down the east coast this time to the Sea Gypsy village. The Sea Gypsies are a distinct social group, living a hunting/gathering lifestyle on the edges of the island. Unfortunately, modern life is pushing them to the fringes, and they have had to seriously alter their lifestyles to cope. Many suffer alcoholism, and alcohol has become ingrained in their ceremonies. Their subsistance lifestyle is challenged by pollution from other islands - like Phi Phi - and locally from crop fertilisers. They also suffered almost total loss of property in the tsunami. Without money to rebuild, they had to accept goverment housing...inland. No use for gathering seafood, really. The village is all that remains after the tsunami, and it is really quite small. Happily, aside from a shop, the village is not built for tourists. We just drove through, as pretty much everyone was enjoying a snooze.



Next morning, we took our ferry to Phuket. It was a pleasant, fast crossing, with - finally - a good transport company. No bags rifled through, pleasant, smiling crew. We did have to change boats while at sea, though it was just a few hundred metres off the coast of Phi Phi; saves them a docking fee, I suppose. We got into Phuket for the final 3 days in Thailand. Phuket is a good choice if you have a really short time to visit Thailand. Phuket is kind of part of the mainland, though it is an island; it's joined by a bridge over a very narrow stretch of water. You can experience some of the island culture, with party beaches like Patong (absolutely horrible, horrible place for me; though you might enjoy thousands of sun loungers and drunk Brits), and peaceful beaches away from the main drag. You can also experience the adventure sports side, with skydiving, water-skiing, diving, etc., all available. The town of Phuket is fairly big, so you can get a taste of large town Thailand; though it is not Bangkok by any means. Of course, getting around is a bit of an issue; the tuk-tuks, actually little vans like converted Toyota Lite-Aces, are run by the mafia. If you begin to negotiate on the price, the driver has to go an check with the boss of that particular street - no joking, we even spoke to one of the "capos" about one fare. In the end, it pretty much costs the same or more than a taxi at home, which is insane in Thailand. Fortunately, we had better luck with our room. For a great price on Hostelbookers.com, we got an apartment, complete with kitchen/living room! Score. When we showed up, they had no record of our booking; luckily, there was an apartment still free. The place was really nice, rooftop pool, great view of the hills, and a clean room/kitchen with air-con.



We put our cooking lessons into action in Phuket, cooking pretty much all of our meals for the 3 days. In another great piece of luck, there was a fresh market right across the road from us. Fish, squid and prawns caught that day, chicken butchered that day, fresh, crunchy fruit and veg, and all the stuff you just can't get at home. We made tom yam, pad thai, chicken and coconut curry, mango sticky rice, and other classics, as well as eggy bread for breakfast; genius. It was fantastic to have a kitchen again, it had been ages. Even just having cereal and cold milk was an absolute joy. Our time in Phuket was mostly spent getting ready to fly, chucking out unneeded stuff, putting liquids in the big bags, doing the laundry and packing. It was nice to chill in the rooftop pool, and just take it really easy. Thailand had been energy sapping, though not always in a bad way! When the time came to head to the airport, Thailand had two more surprises for us: the pick-up was on time, and the car, though driven by a quiet little lady, was a vomit-green Mistubish Lancer Evo, complete with huge speakers.



In Phuket airport, we pretty much just got checked in and went to sit by the gate. The Thai airport scams are legendary, and scary. It is mostly in Bangkok airport, but also in Phuket, where the shoplifting scam takes place. Somebody slips something in your bag, and of course there is no CCTV. A member of staff says you took something; security, naturally, finds it in your bag. You get arrested and taken away from the airport, missing your flight, to spend time in a cell in a Bangkok police station. As you can imagine, these are not nice places. When someone finally shows up to deal with your case, they seem like they're on your side - an interpreter, usually. They will "help" to negotiate the bail fee; usually in excess of 6000 euro. After that, your embassy will likely be able to get you out, but the police, the interpreter (in on the whole thing, of course), and the shop worker have done well out of you already. Embassies encourage people to stay in Thailand and go to trial, hoping to defeat this scam, but it is risky; if they bribe the judge enough, you could end up doing ten years in a Thai prison. It is a disgusting, disgusting thing to do to anyone, and it denegrates Thai society to have this kind of thing go on. The percentage of people visiting Thailand being affected by this scam is small, but personally I wouldn't be caught anywhere near a duty free shop in their airports, no matter how official it looks - the government sponsored airport shop are the main perpetrators of this scam.



So, Thailand can be a worrysome place to visit. I think most of it is still worth the effort; my surprise at how pleasant Bangkok was, and my thorough enjoyment on Koh Tao and Koh Lanta are evidence. Frankly, the cops and scammers and prostitutes have much easier targets than young, sober backpacking couples. I even have to commend the people still working the "gem" scam; if you're stupid enough to buy "genuine gems" from ANYONE in Thailand, you deserve to lose everything you own. Thailand still has some relatively untouched, beautiful beaches and jungle, and if you ARE a drunken idiot with NO taste in music, you'd love the other bits. It is the cheapest place in the world to learn to dive, with some really professional, well-equipped places (ask for Steve at Big Blue Dive School, Koh Tao. Man knows his stuff). And you just can't go wrong at the ladyboy cabaret. Well, I guess you could, but anyway...on to Australia!

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