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Published: February 17th 2009
Bonsoir to you all, fellow enthusiasts of Henry's magical travelling expidition . . .
I should start by saying that the lack of communication with the outside world has not been by choice but rather the fact that they don't seem to supply internet on trains, secluded beaches only accessible by boat or in large cities that don't have any westerners in.
Luckily though. Pattya is none of the above 😊 and so I will dictate to you all, in my own inimitable fashion. The events that have recently come to pass.
I can pretty much skip the first few days as not a lot of interesting things actually went down. Got to singapore airport very late. Slept. Got up and flew to Bangkok. Got there quite late, checked into my hotel and realised that walking around in Bangkok makes time go quicker than Dr Who ever could. You are pretty much assaulted by neon and the smells of the various street vendors selling god knows what on sticks sort of mix together as you get further into the chaos to create a rather individual smell. I didn't do anything interesting in Bangkok. Just walked along various alleyways that emerge onto huge roads of craziness and then simply dissapear when you hit another back alley. There didn't seem to be any sort of main area. Simply a lot of mini and scattered out areas of quiet poverty, noisy poverty, bright commercialism and chaotic city chic. To be fair to Bangkok. I enjoyed what few hours I spent there.
The next morning at about 4 o clock. I was in bed and then at about 6 o clock was out of bed again to catch a nine hour train down to Surat Thani. That sucked. I still hadn't quite grasped the concept that every taxi and moped service that eagerly ushers you towards there preffered method of transport is out to steal your money and so unwillingly I got on the back of this dudes moped with my backpack on my back and a smaller one on my chest and we set off. I told him to go to the pier, which we nearly made it to before he darted off down a side street and as smooth a silk, got me to pay an extortionate amount for a bus and a ferry ticket. The swine. Anyway, that was rubbish and the ferry wasn't that much better. Met somebody from Denmark who complained a lot and a drunk Thai person I couldn't understand kept talking to me. When we reached Ko Samui I could't really be arsed to be ushered towards anything else but lo and behold there was a woman waiting with a taxi who didn't know where she was going (I didn't believe that taxi drivers could get lost but my god did she get lost) we went to police stations, supermarkets, laundremats and even an old womans house and eventually she dropped me off on the side of the road right next to it. The Swine.
As you can probably tell, days of travelling are not much fun and invole a lot of getting stressed, sweaty and conned.
Ko Samui is all together not that fantastic any more and holds a certain torch to the fact that tourism can turn a really beautiful place into a bustling hubub of hotels, western restaurants and prostuitution. Pretty much any beach in France. Still the island did hold some hidden Gems of fun which can only be discovered. I discovered. By hiring a moped and riding around the island at speeds no English moped could dream of reaching and exploring the tiny back roads, off the beaten track so to speak. On my travels I found an aquarium and tiger zoo. Joined together as well. Imagine that. They did have some big fish and some tiny monkeys and some colourful birds and some doped up tiger that you could have a photo with and possibly the best birdshow ever. The first few seconds pretty much did it for me. Final countdown with a parrot raising the Thai flag and flipping over things to spell out "show time" all the while being circled by other types of feathery flappers. Amazing it was. They got leapords to jump through hoops of fire and hit angry tigers with sticks 😊. I also found a really quiet beach. Which is more magical than Harry Potter on Ko Samui. Didn't stay there long though. Got bored pretty quickly and I found some Australians who helped me find an amazing view point on the side of a hill and a waterfall that had pretty much dried up. They were fun though. I'd never been in a scooter gang before, but I can see the appeal now. Particularly when your not supplied with helmets. Even getting lost and circling the tiny airport, the wind rushing through our hair and into our eyes making them water and the stretch of the road dissapearing off into the distance, or until the next corner. It's pretty exhilarating. Anywhom we got back to their hotel and went out for a meal.
Thai food is very samey, as is most countires. The cuisine revolves mainly around frying, noodles and spice. Fish. Pork and Chicken. It tastes good but you couldn't really eat it every day, Of course there are other things for sale on the various strret carts. But they all look like they have been cursed by a voodoo witch doctor and might jump off the plate and eat you without any hesitation. Particularly the chicken.
Ko Samui in all effortlessly captures both the tourist appeal and the underlying beauty found on the other islands of Thailand. The beaches are packed with (mainly German) Western jetsetters and Thai salesman selling evrything from photos with screaming monkeys to implements of ninja death. It was uninspiring to say the least, but looking out over the island from that view point, seeing the beaches shimmering with topless white bodies and watching the green hills of the flora and fauna rolling off into the distance, it's hard not to appreciate that this was once an idyllic place, catering to luxury over hedonism.
The party really got involved from here on in. Ko Pha-Nagn was a brilliant place to unwind from nearly a week of travelling and tourism. Of course it wasn't all smooth sailing. Leaving Ko Samui I was accosted by a drunk German who proclaimed very forcefully and with more spit than most men can muster "You know I give good Price. People always Say Blasch, thank you, you know. Because I am honest. I am true and it makes me feel good, you know. It makes me feel powerful, you know. These people, Don't trust them, I try to help you my friend you know!", we were then packed like slaves on board a crappy ferry with no air-con 😞, most unpleasant and shipped off. Luckily we all made it there alive and only a quater of the travellers lost conciousness. Phew :P.
As the full moon party was literally just around the corner the pier was crazy, drivers grabbed you and asked "where you go?" to which I cooly replied "I don't know" and walked off. Accomodation at this point is very hard to come by on Ko-Pha-Nagn and I actually didn't have a clue where I was going to go. So by process of elimination (eenie, meenie, minie, mo) I got into a mini cab and we set off. This was the most horrible experience so far as when we arrived at one hotel on the top of a hill where I tried to check reservations the stupid fool drove off with my bag containing everything important in it, passport, credit card, phone etc. I've never run so fast in all my life and I think I left a handprint dented into the back of his car. The swine. Anyway when I had dragged my weary body up to the top of the hill again I asked the woman what the most secluded spot on the island was and she told me Bottle Beach 2.
Bottle beach was more like a paradise than a secluded beach. Only accessibly by boat, dirt track through jungle or a 3 hour hike over the mountains that coved us in on either side the sand was white and un touched, the water was clearer than tap water and the owner was a freaking nut job called Alex. He jumped and flipped around making anything out of anything with the energy of a 6 year old and the skills of an olympic anything. I arrived and almost instantly he ahd recruited me to help him prepare for his "we make big party time" this invlolved chopping down palm leaves and then hacking the leaves off then splitting them in two and sticking them in the sane to create huge fans of palmy magic. We even made a bonfire and a heart. For like 6 pounds a night I got a very simple hut with a fan a bed a toilet and a shower but that was perched in the sand about 10 seconds walk from the sea. Amazing. The first night I formed a pretty good friendship with some of the other inhabitants of this very secretive and exclusive club. We called our group. BB2 10. I know it doesn't flow that well and BB2 crew may have been better. But that was a bit too street for us. This wasn't Essex. The first night ended up with drunken acoustic sing alongs round a camp fire whilst people chucked boxes of fireworks into the bonfire and set off many chinese lanterns. Some girl got dropped in the sea and then rolled in the sand and one man called Station of all things and his crazy hippy wife Sally chucked a ciggarette at me for not wearing a shirt. I explained the situation as best I could that all my shirts were at present, wet and drying. (Yes Iw as my own clothes) But he had none of it and was very adamant that I should "put a fucking shirt on". The next day he wasn't wearing a shirt. The swine.
Bottle beach was like nothing I'd ever seen, our group of ten simply lazed on the beach or in hammocks, ate and drank, told stories about whatever the hell we could think of "hello sally". The tall dark peadophile materialised from the dark playground with a muscular physique and huge earlobes that curled suspiciously around his fingernails." lol at one word stories. There was something about this place that was just indescribeable. The wasves lapped so softly at the shore and barely made a noise when they broke. The sand was soft everywhere and the heat combined to make something beautiful that all of us could really appreciate. It relaxed me to the pioint of comatose and I really learned a new respect for the term "fuck it". Lord Byron summed up my feelings of this gorgeous place in a fe words "I love not man the less, but Nature more." It simply was somewhere to be proud of finding, somewhere untouchable and if the projection of self onto object is the only way we can experience things I felt not as if I had projected self onto this beach but rather the object had calmed and subdued the self.
FULL MOON PARTYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (One of the members of BB2 10 crashed and totalled his moped at 100 km/h a few hours before and survived with only a scraped hand and knee!) Anticipation was running high, drink and UV paint was flowing absolutely everywhere and by the time we left nobody knew what the hell was going on, what we had painted on ourselves or what was going to happen. Cries of BB2! could be heard as we bounced and spilt our way through the freaking jungle, with about 7 of us drunkenly packed into the back of an open truck. I was neccessarily very drunk and walking out from the path onto the beach of Haad Rin was just a breathtaking experience. As soon as you got infront of the 800m stretch of open bars that lined the beach all you could hear was crunken cries, techno or hard house music. Strobe. lasers. UV. nobody cared where they were pointing and to really get into the spirit of the party. Get on a podium with about 20 other people and get involved. Looking out over the beach all you could see were people drinking, smoking and screwing. Truly a night to satisfy even the most extreme of hedonistic craving. needless to say some parts of the night are a little hazy but hey 😊. Skipping around the group, running into the sea and then back out again to stand under a huge glowing cube whilst the techno remix of Time to Pretend was being blared out can't be a bad thing.
From here on in it was recovery the next day. We got back at about 8 in the morning and slept until about 6 in the evening. Not a lot happened that night.
And now we come to the end of the BB2 10 who split down into BB2 5, BB2 1, and BB2 4. Sad times. Another day of travels was inorder to reach Kao Sok national park and I don't think I said anything all day lol. it was so bloody hot and all the way was cramped and confusing, we had about 5 different changes of transport, some went backward, some went forwads, some went from side to side all over the road and some simply didn't do anything because the driver was a lazy bitch.
Kao Sok national park is your typical jungle setting. From the description of the trek, 2 hours on a lake then a short trek through the jungle to explore a cave doesn't sound all that thrilling but my god was it ever thrilling. I can't remember the last time I'd seen such fantastic scenery. The lake had spires of limestone rising out from the surface of the water forming neat little pictures with the backgorund covered in a light mist and the foreground being very large and imposing. However I don't think I'd ever seen such a wonderful structure of natural beauty before and sailing right past them to come face to face with yet another cove was simply amazing. We moored and had lunch at one of the best floating bamboo restaurants I've ever eaten at. Barbeque pirahna oes tast rather fantastic I must admit and the water there, despite looking murky and cold is actually clear enough to easily see your feet when your in it and warm enough to lie back and chill. The jungle looked like a scene from tarzan, vones were sprawled from tree to tree and rock formations formed trickling waterfalls that fell neatly into plunge pools of glittery fun times. The trek was humid but not that difficult, as the path we were on was well trodden, even though it did go through rivers and up the side of huge rocks. I can't really express how incredible the cace was, the roof was so high we couldn't see it and the pitch blackness was very reminiscent of "the descent". At times we were climbing up small waterfalls inside the cave and at others pulling oursekves along on a rope with water coming up to our knecks. it was the best experience I've had so far and one that won't be forgotten. Patricularly the bats and the massive spiders that lined the walls on the last part of the journey.
After Kao Sok the BB2 5 split into 2 BB2 1's and a BB2 3. He went to Koa Tao to meet up with a BB2 2. They went to Chiang Mai to do whatever and I didn't know where I was going. I decided to go to Prachuap Khiri Khan and was pleasantly surprised to find one coastal town with more gorgeous beaches that had not been taken over by tourism. The monkey temple was especially very fun. But never steal their food. They don't like that. At all. 500 steps to the top of a gorgeous Wat with views overlooking a suprisingly flat landscape that seemed to be bordered by hills. Almost like a huge natural ampi-theatre. I then went to the complete opposite side of the city and found caves with sleeping Buddha statues inside it and some fantastic views across the bay. It was the perfect place to sit on the beach. Get burnt and write songs on my newly accquired guitar. Fun fun fun 😊. Apart from that the city didn't offer a lot as there were no english people and nobody spoke my language. The shops were very basic, selling classic thai clothing and small wooden buddhas.
I then departed this place to go to Kanachaburi. It was far to complicated and involved a bus. So I didn't go but instead came to Pattya. Sin city. The vice capital. I don't think I've ever seen so many prostitutes and neon in one place. Its mental. just mental. Old western men swarm the neon pink bars at night, walking thai girls, boys and anything inbetweenm back to seedy hotels where they will spend a night of love and most probable disease. It is one of the most interesting and westernised places I've ever seen. people love to grab you here to drag you into bars or taxi's to take you to bars or simply so you can browse their impressively large range of knock off goods. I almost brought a suit. tailor made. White. Ow chica chica. But I din't because that would have been a stupid idea. Instead The very good at sales salesman seemed to not understand the concept of budget or economy packing and used every trick and fabric up or on his sleeve to convice me otherwise. It's madness. They even have Subway. And Starbucks. And Pizza hut. I feel I will grow bored of this place soon though. The beach is fun and jet-skis are actually some of the most fun I've fun but if it's not sex your looking for Pattya has little to offer except cheap shopping, soft fabrics and bright colours.
I depart for Cambodia on Friday 😊. I hope you've enjoyed this little trip into the times and I hope I have given you all a relatively good account of what the hell's been going on 😊
Love you all
xxxxxxxxxxx
p.s. here are some funny lists
"The little differences"
Mcdonalds uses plastic, not paper cups and has a bowing ronald Mcdonals outside each one
KFC is a sit down restaurant with glasses of stuff and plates of food. I mean WTF man?
Tesco express is Tesco Lotus
The pictures on ciggarette packets are actually horrible
Theres no chavs! Only Skinheads :ยท
Presentation really is everything
Nobody cares about safety.
"Funny responses to salesman"
"You Like gun sir" "No I use Knives"
"I make you nice suit" "Can you make it from turtle shells and sharks teeth with crocodile skin loafers?"
"taxi!?" "I'll take my magic carpet"
"You want lady?" "You need Jesus!"
"I sell you coke" "I would but I'm already blazing and they sell it at family mart"
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Laurence
non-member comment
Let the good times roll!
Sounds like your having a damn awesome time! Keep on blogging bruv! Missing you Mr. Twist! Safe Safe Drum And Bass! xx