Thailand & Cambodia

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First night in Bangkok and I made the mistake of going out to watch the derby, the error was compounded by the fact that due a public holiday, bars weren't serving beer. They were however serving spirits which made very little sense. It did help get through the following 90 minutes though. I'd rather drive an Uber around Tirana than watch that lot at the minute.

You were massively impressed with our apartment asking 'can we live here, it's got everything?' while pointing at the TV and the microwave. Are you joking? Alright, the pool I'll give you, but basic appliances? We did have them in Eccles you know? On top of this, you've also requested that our next home in Australia has a pool, slide and a water park. We might have to readjust our expectations Miss Brookes. One aspect of Thailand that has had a profound effect on you is the presence of 7-11. You are as much of a fan of the air-conditioning and ham and cheese toasties as your parents. You'll be delighted to know that they exist in Australia too, although about ten times more expensive than here.

Technology has definitely taken an edge off travel, and not always in a positive way. However, scamming tuk-tuk drivers should be thing of the past now it only takes seconds to compare prices on the Bolt app. Another thing that is obsolete is restaurants and bars that used to show the latest Hollywood films, streaming has put paid to that. Internet cafes were as far as technology had evolved for backpackers in 2001; in fact, when we first went travelling all we had was photocopies of Lonely Planet that I'd made at Eccles Library. I'm very aware that these details are going to make us sound ancient when you read this.

We ended up prolonging our stay in Bangkok, mainly because we didn't have a concrete plan in mind - we're about as decisive as Joel Glazer at the minute. The omission of Israel and Oman from our itinerary meant that we arrived in Thailand a couple of weeks early. We were on the verge of booking flights to Ko Samui when we decided to have a quick check of the weather and discovered that the rainy season in the Gulf of Thailand is throughout November and travel there would be pointless. Instead, we made a very last-minute decision to fly up north to Chiang Mai.

The Mae Hong Son loop is a famous mountainous drive in northern Thailand, starting and ending in Chiang Mai, it is on the bucket list of many travellers. The road winds its way through 1,864 bends and passes through cloud-covered valleys, forests, gorges, farmland and jungle along its 650km length . After picking up our hire car, we set off to the north, stopping off at a jungle canopy walk and Mok Fa waterfall before reaching our first destination - the backpacker haven of Pai. Here, we stayed at a quirky hotel called Oia Pai, the owners had decided upon a Greek nautical theme for the place, which in the mountains of Thailand is a bit surreal; the staff dressed as sailors, and breakfast was served from one of the boats that were moored on the artificial lake at the centre of the hotel.

From Pai, we made our way to the village of Ban Rak Thai, known as the most beautiful village in Thailand and located less than a kilometre from the Burmese border. The village which has a population of just 1000, was settled by soldiers from the Yunnan province and the place is heavily influenced by China. There are many signs in Chinese, buildings are Chinese-style and most of the population speak a version of Mandarin Chinese.
I was reading an article about how the population of wild tigers had doubled in Thailand since 2014. Which got me thinking, I was obviously hoping that we didn't get any car trouble but if we did, it would be interesting to see how quickly your mum can change a tyre.

At this time, your vocabulary is coming on leaps and bounds. You've been telling your mum to calm down, relax, don't panic and you've also told her to grow up. All good points, I think. On the flip side of that, your meltdowns are challenging to say the least. I'm constantly reminded of the line from the Terminator, maybe because it seems very pertinent on a daily basis: 'It can't be bargained with, it can't be reasoned with'. Without a doubt this applies to you, but probably describes toddlers in general.

I think the backpacker lifestyle is getting to you, as you have been insisting that we all get tattoos - apparently I'm getting a lightning bolt, a mermaid for you and your mum is having a monster. I can't see that happening somehow. We are definitely going to have to limit your exposure to Peppa Pig as you have picked up the habit of referring to us as 'Daddy and Mummy Pig'. Bit embarrassing when you are shouting this at full volume across the hotel pool, I know we've been neglecting the gym, but this seems very harsh.

Our second stop on the loop was at the Fern Resort, a rainforest style retreat located in the jungle surrounded by a river and rice fields. This idyllic setting was evidently popular with celebrities as illustrated by the photo of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie on the reception desk. I assume they paid more than £37 for their room. Or maybe they were on a budget too. Our last stop on the loop was a town called Mae Sariang and from there it was a straightforward 4 hour drive through Op Luang national park and back to Chiang Mai.

After spending one night back in Chiang Mai, the following morning we caught a flight to Phuket, or Moscow-by-the-sea as it should be known given the amount of Russian tourists on the island. On our first night, I was looking for somewhere to watch the football and your mum insisted that she'd seen the perfect place - a sports bar called Goals. However, she couldn't remember where it was. Cue lots of aimless walking around searching, including googling, to no avail. Eventually we stumbled across the place she was talking about and it became clear why we were struggling to find it as it turned out to be a barbecue restaurant called Coals. I'm sure the pair of you have got a competition going to see who can push me over the edge first.

Whilst in Phuket, we took you to Carnival Magic, a night time theme park that makes Vegas look monochrome. It was like walking on to the set of Squid Game and you loved it - complete sensory overload. Although not for you initially as you fell asleep on arrival and had to be woken up. It's beyond a joke now this sleeping habit, I don't know where you get it from. From Phuket, we took the very un-backpacker like option of a private transfer to Ko Lanta, which was a 4 hour minibus drive followed by a 15 minute ferry crossing but it was well worth it. Our accommodation was great, located on the beach with a pool. For the next week, wearing shoes was a rarity, it was brilliant to walk out of our door and on to the beach every night for sunset.

We wanted to visit an ethical elephant sanctuary at some point during our time in Thailand and we found the ideal place at 'Walking with Giants' in Ko Lanta. We opted for a 2 hour trek to see the animals and although it was a bit arduous at certain points, you'd think we were navigating through the Amazon the way you go on. 'I'm tired'. 'I'm hungry'. 'My back hurts'. 'Hurry up'. It's like travelling with a whinging pensioner at times. It was both amazing and a bit daunting how close the elephants got to us. Particularly as the guide gave us some background of his experiences, including the time an elephant once put him in hospital for a week after a little tap (an elephant has 30,000 muscles in its trunk). Those thoughts were at the forefront of my mind as one of them stood inches away and I was wondering where exactly I'd land if it decided that it didn't like the look of me.

As we were approaching our 30 day visa limit, we were required to leave Thailand, with Cambodia being a convenient option. We landed at the newly opened Siem Reap Angkor airport an hour away from town, where the immigration arrival process involved paying $30 US cash each for a visa. This was paid to an official who promptly deposited it in a briefcase as if he was going straight to a ransom drop. Our passports were then passed down a line of 11 (I counted) people before we were told to collect it at the end booth where we were issued with our 30 day visa.

The primary attraction in Siem Reap is the Budhist temple complex of Angkor Wat - we avoided attractions like the Cambodian Landmine Museum as we didn't think it's the most suitable place to take a toddler. Probably best to leave the story of the Khmer Rouge and the Killing Fields for another time too. On our first day, it was bedlam in the town as we had unknowingly arrived in time for the Water Festival. The city was absolutely packed, with festivities such as the boat race in full swing during the afternoon, we spent the afternoon down by the river watching the madness before venturing down the self-explanatory 'Pub Street'. On our second day, we visited the floating villages of Kampong Phluk before being taken for a cruise for sunset on the Tonle Sap.

We saved the best for last and hired a tuk tuk driver and guide for the day to explore Cambodia's most famous attraction. The scale of Angkor Wat is staggering, the site stretches 400 square km, and a 3 day pass would be necessary to see it in any sort of detail. However, we opted for the sensible, 'keep the crazed child happy' option of a single day in which we visited the main temples of Angkor Wat (the largest religious structure on earth), Angkor Thom including the Bayon temple with its 54 gigantic smiling faces and Ta Prohm. Tomb Raider was filmed in the latter site and it was easy to see why it was picked as a location as it looked like it had been created by the mind of a Hollywood set designer. I'm aware that Angelina Jolie has featured prominently in this blog - now there's a sentence I never thought I'd write.

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