Sawatdee ka, Phuket!

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Welcome to my adventures in Thailand!


GETTING THERE..

Despite checking in 5 minutes prior to check-in closure, my boyfriend Pete and I settled into our cute pink and purple Thai Airways seats. Economy is always a bit of a bummer, but the food was great and we had our own in-seat TV/video games, which made the 9 hour flight more bearable. The service was good, and the Thai stewardesses (dressed in traditional Thai silk ensembles) were a refreshing change from the usual stiff Qantas yuppie flight attendants.

We touched down at Bangkok (Suvarnabhumi - the new airport) at about 4.30pm and somehow spent about 1.5 hours just going through immigration and stocking up at Boots Chemist before boarding our flight to the (large) island of Phuket. Of course, immigration staff did manage to send us on a bit of a bum-steer by directing us to the wrong gate lounge. The security-check staff at the gate lounge didnt inform us what the problem was, but took our passports and boarding passes from us for a good 15 minutes whilst they made a series of phone calls. Completely bewildered, I was beginning to think we'd been Schapelle Corby'd. Finally re-directed to a different wing of the airport, we just made it to our plane in time. A far cry from our delish inflight meals on our SYD-BKK flight; this time we had cold, soggy prawns followed by a jelly-like dessert. Pete (the fussier eater - forever scared of most things fruity) nominated me as a the guinea pig for the dessert, which I promptly spat out after half a mouthful. Welcome to spooky Asian desserts.

Our plane descended and the flight map showed that we were only 1 minute from landing, before the plane suddenly ascended again, giving me a rather fantastical headspin that many of Thailand's glue-sniffers would pay good money for. The flight map showed that we were were flying back out to sea again (circling the airport). This repeated 3 times over the next 40 minutes, without any announcement or explanation. Finally we landed, and all the passengers broke out in cheers and applause. We disembarked the plane. No apology or explanation at all, despite our supposedly 60 minute flight being over 40 minutes late touching-down. Hmm, so much for Thai Airways service.

Greeted with humidity and torrential rain (Hello, monsoon season!), our loyal and long-awaiting hotel transfer driver sped us away to Twin Palms Resort, at Surin Beach. It is one of the most upmarket hotels in Phuket, at the most exclusive beach on the island (formerly known as "Millionnaires Row"). It is also apparently the only beach which wasn't too badly hit by the 2004 tsunami (prior to learning this, we did manage to be ripped off by a clothing merchant on the beach, claiming to have lost her home and family at Surin Beach in the tsunami. Uhuh).


ARRIVAL AT TWIN PALMS RESORT & SPA, SURIN BEACH...

Arriving at the resort, we were given extremely yummy green cocktails upon arrival. We ooh'ed at ahh'ed over the beautiful architecture of the modern, open-air pagoda-style lobby and the landscaping of the palm-surrounded pool, before being shown to our "Deluxe Lagoon Room". I was still being shown around the room when I could hear Pete gasping "Wow! Wow! How cool are you?!" from the bathroom. Thinking we must have one hell of a bathroom, I was dismayed to find that Pete was actually just freaking out over the giant green snail (about 6 inches long, with a conical shell) that was climbing the floor-to-ceiling length bathroom window. (BTW, our bathroom actually was beautiful.. gotta love having His n Hers vanitys and basins!). Over the period of our 9 day stay at Twin Palms/Phuket; our snail friend and his smaller cousins would re-appear after each rainfall, which generally occurred every day, for an hour or two.
















Pete was also happy to discover that Thailand seems to be inhabited by as many little geckos (lizards) as Sydney is by cockroaches. Unfortunately the mosquitos outweigh the numbers of pretty much every other species (and there is risk of Dengue Fever, Malaria and Japanese Encephalitis in Thailand- particularly during monsoon season). By the end of our holiday, Pete was mocking my chant of "DEET, DEET, DEET!" every time we ventured out of our room.

I met up with my sister, her hubby and their kids (and the hubby's family), whom were all staying at the hotel for the same period. It was a good opportunity for Pete to get to know them a little better, since they all live in Perth. My 5yo niece Bennaya and 1yo nephew Addison took a real liking to him.. Addison is a real little thinker who just stared at and pointed at Pete for our entire holiday, and Bennaya enjoyed joining me in teasing "Peter" about his likeness to a wet gorilla when he was swimming around in the pool.

We spent the first day or two just lazing around the resort.. and enjoying room service (though some things were a little costly at Twin Palms - 1 cheese & ham toasted sandwich = about $10 AUD!).





PATONG BEACH

We caught a tuk tuk (like an open-aired van taxi, if that makes sense!) and checked out Patong Beach - the main and most touristy beach on Phuket. The roads there are lined with clothing stalls, tailor's shops, tour organisers, restaurants and bars. At night, the main road (Bangla Road) is closed to traffic and becomes packed with tourists - many of them being groups of blokes and pervy old men there to pick up one of the many Thai prostitutes or "ladyboys" (transvestite prostitutes) there. We saw one very old man negotiating with prositutes - he wore a hearing aid and a knitted cardigan, and looked like your stereotypical 75yo Grandpa Joe (the type who would have looked far more suited to sitting in a rocking chair on a front porch).

Kings Cross in Sydney has nothing on the number of prostitutes here. Almost every second bar along Bangla Road is full of prostitutes hoping to pick up a customer - some bars have about 15 prostitutes just sitting at the tables in front. Some of them are pretty nasty looking, but many are quite pretty... Pete and I were gobsmacked to see an incredible looking "woman" waiting for a customer outside a ladyboy bar. She was tall, lanky and ever-so-feminine, with a face that would make Lucy Liu seem ugly. Pete refused to believe "she" was a ladyboy, but to his dismay, he spotted a fair sized Adam's apple in "her" neck. I can't believe that blokes can look that good! It's amazing what hormones can do.

We did a bit of shopping - fisherman pants, skirt, shorts etc. We found a stall advertising cheap (pirated) DVDs and music CDs (60 baht - about $1.80 AUD each). The stall holder led us down a laneway to his hidden shop which was only about 2m x 4m, with the walls lined with blockbuster and new release movies and albums. Pete and I went nuts and bought about 80-90 discs. As we left we noticed a texta marking on the building's wall - over one metre high - "Tsunami here, 2004". I then noticed some brown (looked like sewage) marks on the wall, and I shuddered to think that the walls probably hadnt been cleaned down properly since the tsunami. Generally, Phuket is clean and beautiful again, but every now and then there are obvious reminders of the tsunami. There are "evacuation route" signs around all of the beachfronts, telling you which direction to run to, and how far above sea level it is.

Many, many tailors tried to rope Pete into having some suits made. I went into a shoe shop one night and returned to the shopfront to see Pete having a friendly chat with a young Burmese man who worked for a nearby tailor. Pete tried to say goodbye but the man begged Pete to at least come to the shop to take one of his business cards.. Pete felt obliged after having chatted to the guy for about ten minutes whilst I was in the other shop. Upon entering the tailor shop, the Burmese guy and his associates closed the shop door behind Pete, and began pulling every sample suit in creation off their racks to try and push Pete into purchasing. Pete got the shits and apparently had a bit of an 'altercation' with the tailors before demanding that they open the door and let him out. After that, every time a tailor approached us asking "how has your day been?", "where are you from?" etc, Pete got grumpy and would directly say to them "No, I dont want a suit.. I know what you're trying to sell me". I've never seen Pete be that blunt and assertive before.. go Petey ;-P

As you walk down Bangla Road, every 5 metres or so you will have a seedy man jump out in front of you, asking "Ping Pong?!". (There are other men who just flash you polaroids of women's and ladyboy's genitals - dont ask me what that's all about). The ping pong men flash you a list of the 20 or so different types of "shows" that can be seen at their club. Pete wasn't interested but I told him it was a mandatory Thai experience that we couldn't miss :P I was particularly interested in seeing the "swamp eel show", but close runners-up were the fireworks show, mouse show, snake show, knitting show, blade show.. you get the idea.

We agreed to seeing a show and our seedy salesman told us to follow him. He led us through the street and down a laneway filled with dodgy bars, to a tiny little club with a glass front door. Inside you could see the stage (with strip poles), a small platform with a bench seat for the small audience, and a single small bar service table. We entered (free of charge) and were led to the bar where we were forced to buy one drink each. Each drink (even a beer) was equivalent to $11-13 each. We took our seats for the show. A lady who guards the front door blew a whistle and drew a red curtain across the front door, to stop non-patrons from viewing the show.

We endured about 5 minutes of 4-5 ladies (mostly very unattractive) doing the most boring, vacant-minded and effortless dancing you've ever seen. One girl (the only attractive one) was reasonably into it, but the others honestly basically just shifted from foot to foot whilst clinging to the pole; like a 13 year old at a Year 7 high school dance. Another EXTREMELY unattractive woman entered the bar, wearing underwear, and harrassed the audience to buy more drinks. Pete and I, alarmed at how unattractive the woman was (and wondering why on earth anyone would have her working at such a bar), had the realisation that she must have been a ping pong "performer".

Sure enough, she got up onto the stage and proceeded to (mildly) entertain. The shows are nothing like what the salesman lists suggest - nothing too weird or wacky. The lady blew darts out of a straw in her punani, and popped balloons tied to the upper part of her dancing pole. She also blew a horn, unravelled a whole roll of knitting wool from you-know-where (I enjoyed this the most), and wait for it.. SMOKED a cigarette out of there.. yes, complete with "puffing" the smoke into the air. The show ended after about ten minutes and we decided to put an end to our night when the audience was being hassled to tip for "Pussy Power".

Another night, we went to Patong with my sister and her family (after having dinner at "Dino Park" theme restaurant and mini golf at Kata Beach, where you get to feed the most beautiful baby elephant every evening.. we hope it's treated well!). We stopped to have our photos taken with guys at Patong Beach who charge for photos with their pet (?) gibbon and iguana. The best bit is when the gibbon is prompted "sexy, sexy!" and the gibbon crosses its lanky little legs for the photo.














Later in the week, Pete and I also had dinner and watched a Thai cover band at Rock City, opposite Patong Beach. It is very similar to Hard Rock Cafe. The food is awesome (though you are paying more "normal" prices.. not the usual super-cheap Thai prices) and the Thai cover band's performance was tighter than most 'good' bands in Sydney. They have two bar ladies circling around, selling alcohol shots in syringes. We had 2 or 3 each (one bar lady had never seen a flaming sambucca - she was most impressed by Pete!), plus normal drinks, and ended up pretty sloshed. By that stage, we had hired a rental car.. luckily we got home okay :-) The traffic in Patong is pretty insane. Loads of scooters, motorbikes and tuk tuks, and absolute no road rules. Thailand also has loads of (gorgeous) feral dogs, who often think it's quite relaxing and safe to snooze in the middle of a highway.









PHUKET ZOO

http://www.phuketzoo.com/

On what was probably our hottest day in Thailand, we checked out Phuket Zoo. It is only a very small zoo, and isnt very interesting in terms of the animals they have in enclosures there (we somehow missed seeing the leopard there, but apparently its enclosure was way too small and it seemed quite inhumane). However, as we walked around the zoo, there were 4 "photo opportunities" with animals along the way. It cost about 150-250 baht per person for photos with each type of animal (that's about $5.50-$9.00 AUD).

At the first stop was a 2 metre long "albino" (yellow and white) Burmese python. Pete was actually commenting "no f#&k!n way am I having my photo taken with a snake" when the handlers spotted us and somehow lured us in. I think we were both just too embarrassed that we were such chickens :-) So, group photos first (Pete, python and I). The handler kept prompting "Kiss, kiss". At first I thought he meant to kiss the python (hell no!) but then realised we were meant to kiss our other half.. haha. So there are a few odd photos of me kissing Pete's cheek with a python wrapped around us (just in case any of you thought we were weirdos for doing that). Single photos next. Pete did fine and proudly showed off snakey. I had the python placed around the back of my neck, with each end of the python dangling down to my calves. The photographer told me to put my hands on my hips.. when I did this, I felt the python beginning to slide (because it's head end is obviously heavier than it's ass end) and simultaneously felt the python's tongue flicking the leg of my pants. Not cool. So, there is photo of me totally freaking out with the python on me 😊 Another shot later, and I had perfected my "Just take the f^@k!n photo and get this thing off me" smile.

(The "exploding snake" which you may have read about in the 2005 news was a Burmese Python, btw). Pythons usually kill by constriction.. yes, we did have them wrapped around our necks :-)













Next stop was an orangutan! His name was Billy. His handlers brought him over and Billy instantly putting an arm around Pete and I for a photo, as if we were best buddies from way back. For the next shot, Billy was told to "look tough", then "look cool" and last but not least, to stand on Pete's shoulders (which he did, without any hesitation) :-) In between shots, Billy sat on Pete's lap (facing Pete) and held and squeezed Pete's hands affectionately. After I had my solo photo with Billy (at the very end of our session), as soon as the handlers said "okay, you can go now", Billy gave me a shove (as if to tell me to get lost). I can't explain the difference between his attitude towards Pete and I, except that maybe he likes men more because his handlers are male. Well, that's what I'm going to tell myself anyway :-) He seemed very sweet and gentle-natured at all other times though.















And our final animal stop was with 2 macaws. They gave us gentle pecks on the lips when their handlers directed them to "kiss", and also fed on seeds which they gently grabbed from between our lips.

We then watched a group of elephants playing soccer (as you do!).

SPEEDBOAT DAY TRIP - JAMES BOND ISLAND (PHANG NGA BAY) & PHI PHI ISLANDS

Pete and I booked onto a full day tour of Phang Nga & Phi Phi, for about $150 AUD each (including a basic lunch, crappy snorkel and lifejacket hire).

Of course, it poured rain as soon as we arrived at the boat marina. Already soaked before we boarded our speedboat (which we shared with about 5 other people, and 3 crew members), we had a quick happy snap taken.

After about 40 minutes, we reached the Phang Nga Bay area. We passed mangrove forestation. Due to high tide, the boat wasn't able to take us through many of the hongs (caves) on the islands. We did get to go through one, and I snapped a couple of the others. There are many beautiful islands and limestone karsts protruding from the water in the area. They are covered with extremely green vegetation which reflects onto the water (Beautiful! Never seen water such a pretty green colour).

We stopped for a while at "James Bond Island" (named this because it was featured in the 1974 "Man with the Golden Gun" film starring Roger Moore - Bond blew up the whole island in the movie because it housed a giant solar power plant operated by Christopher Lee's baddie character). It was obviously once a very secluded and breathtakingly beautiful little island - it's a shame that as soon as you walk around the corner of the cliff, you are faced with aisles of market stalls selling crappy 007 fridge magnets, postcards and costume jewellery. We had our photo taken with the famous karst in the background, and re-boarded the speedboat.

We drove past Maya Bay (where Leonardo Di Caprio's film "The Beach" was filmed), a couple of other little islands, and Monkey Bay (inhabited by loads of monkeys, obviously - we saw them climbing down long vines from the cliff top as soon as they heard the speedboat engine - apparently they're cheeky buggers who try to steal your food and valuables). Unfortunately we couldnt actually get onto the islands because it was low tide, and the water was too shallow for our speedboat. We felt jealous as we watched the "commoners" who had hired the cheapo Junk boats splashing about in the water and feeding the monkeys!

We also passed "Viking Cave". It was named this because of paintings on the cave walls which show viking longboats, along with European, Arabian and Chinese sailing ships. The cave is probably most famous for it being full of Swifts (birds) - it is their nests which are used to make the (expensive) Chinese delicacy Bird Nest Soup. The men who harvest the nests climb up very rickety and unsafe bamboo scaffolding and tall ladders to reach the nests. Rights to the cave are owned by a birds nest soup company, and (also because of the dangerous scaffolding) tourists are no longer allowed to set foot on the island.

Our next step was Panyee Village (also known as Sea Gypsy Village). As the name suggests, this village is inhabited by Indonesian muslim fishermen and their families. They were outcast from Indonesia hundreds of years ago. The whole village is built on stilts in the water, not far above sea level. The island is now a regular stop for tourists on boat trips like ours, so there are lots of clothing markets, souvenir shops and seafood food stalls (and one major restaurant) on the small island. Besides the restaurant, the community's lifestyle is very primitive. They have a very basic graveyard, with free roaming chickens and a few feral cats. The water surrounding the floating village is covered with fishing net cages held in the water by bamboo poles, with floating bamboo piers (I wasnt a big fan of walking on them).

We saw >1 metre shark which is kept in a small fishing net cage. One of the fishermen was feeding it tuna fish - we stood and watched the shark snapping at the fisherman's hands. I dont know how long the shark has been there for (or why they are keeping it - maybe to fatten it up for slaughtering?) but the fisherman's hands had scars from incidents where he was too slow in pulling away from the snapping jaws. We also saw a sea snake on the surface of the water, in a crack in the flooring of the village's schoolyard (creepy!).

Two ladies with a gibbon basically put the gibbon on Pete's shoulders without asking, then said "200 baht for photo".. we were in the process of saying no (especially given the fact that we had already had our photos taken with gibbons in Patong), when they presented a tiny baby gibbon and added it to Pete's other shoulder. Won over by it's cuteness (they were wearing nappies!), we paid 400 baht and had our pictures taken. I later learned that the gibbon-photo trade on Phuket is actually quite nasty (mother gibbons are shot dead so people can steal the cute, tourist-friendly baby gibbons from their mother.. the gibbons are disowned when they have matured and grown canine teeth). We felt guilty.. but I guess that what's done is done. The gibbons seemed quite happy, healthy, friendly and loving towards their owner/keeper; but I guess any animal would be like that towards the hand that feeds them. We later tried to visit the Gibbon Rehabilitation Project centre (at Bang Pae Waterfall, on Phuket) but unfortunately had just missed it's open hours. They encourage people to inform them of the location of any illegal gibbon activity so I have let them know about the photo peddlers..

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