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Aboard a Katamaran we skim across the shimmering blue gulf towards the diving hotspot of Koh Tao. This is the start of our travel time and our first stops include the Islands of Koh Tao, Koh Pha Nang and Koh Samui for sun, sea and partying. Arriving we hustle our way through the cat-calling taxi drivers for the Song Taew that would take us to Bans diving Resort. Its diving school is the one of the biggest diving schools in Thailand and awards more PADI certificates than any other, (but naturally the cheap price and free rooms were the attraction). Our diving instructor was a small, tubby and larger than life man named Anthony who had gone from professional ballerina to diver. This walking Cliché ranted on huge tangents about ‘saving the world’ and the UK’s ‘fascist regime’ which he had escaped whilst simultaneously eyeing up anything that walked past the window. At least it provided some, if not cringey, entertainment.
The next few days were nothing short of incredible. Our first dive was just off the beach to practice our underwater skills of buoyancy and air loss, (I had to apply the latter thanks to giddily using up my
tank). The next morning we arose early and headed out to Mango Bay for our first proper dive. One-by-one we plunged into the luke-warm water and stared down into the liquid vacuum below. Equalising my ears down to 12 metres I was surrounded by beautiful green, red and blue coral with hundreds of tropical fish milling around. My ears were filled with the sound of brightly coloured parrot fish scratching at the boulders. It was all so overwhelmingly spectacular. I think I shouted ‘Oh my god’ about 10 times into my mouthpiece. The next dive site at White Rock took us 18 metres down into this other world. Literally like swimming in an aquarium, the reef teemed with bright fish whilst huge shoals swam overhead in the clear blue sea. Below I watched as two fish seemingly chatted whilst smaller ones cleaned them of parasites. We rounded submerged cliff faces, saw alien looking moray eels, elegant angler fish, timid clown fish and a hundred more. It is a strange feeling to be surrounded by so much life, such striking beauty that is unseen to so many.
The next day took us diving twice more, this time filmed by a
Hawaiian named Kenzi who captured everyone’s ‘OK’ signs and my flippers as I continuously missioned away (much to the annoyance of my partner Erin). But imagine if that was your day job! Our last swim took us through a narrow canyon and up towards the light of day where we resurfaced one last time. I have promised myself that I’d be back again for another taste of this natural spectacle.
Out the water we received our diver’s licences and headed out to celebrate. The main club on Suree beach is Fish Bowl which has nightly fire shows to behold and flaming bars to limbo under for a free shot. Five limbos later I was completely hammered and next to some manic dancing, remember little of how or why I ended up in bed the next morning.
The next few days were spent floating through the warmth of a 30 degree sea and partying round the Island. One night took us to a Cabaret show and we foolishly sat at the front. Near the end Ben and I were taken by the Lady-boys back stage, made to strip to our boxers and parade around stage in fluffy bras and
wigs. Some things in life you wished you could repeat again and again. However, gyrating next to a burnt and terrified-looking fat farang is defiantly not one of them.
Seven days of chilling in water up to our knees and we were ready for a change. We took a packed slow boat over to koh Tao’s neighbour Koh Pha Nang; home of the infamous Full Moon Party. Now don’t get me wrong, I do like Koh Pha Nang. The Great Bay resort is one of the best places we’ve stayed at with spacious bungalows complete with aircon, hot showers and English TVs. The bog-standard English cuisine of bacon and chip butty’s is also refreshing after 7 months of rice and noodles. However, after Koh Tao everything felt tainted. For instance the sea looks like the warm bath at Ban’s but stepping in, you realise it is a green slime with the odd turd and used tampon bobbing around. The town is also grim. Grey building and broken streets are filled with hungover farangs scavenging food, drink and hookers. The full moon party itself, with the now standard 100baht entry fee, also felt spoiled. I got some kicks out of throwing myself around in the Drum&Bass club, and watching the girls steal various hats from unsuspecting revellers provided some amusement. Yet the intensity of it all was too much. Everyone constantly drinking, dancing, pulling and vomiting. By the sea, rows on rows of people stood squatting and pissing away their alcohol filled bladders. But I cannot be hypocritical. After one too many drinks which Claire had acquired I was projectile vomiting all over the beach. I reeled around till 5am then crawled into a mini bus and headed home, just as the rising sun was revealing to the hardcore ravers what kind of ‘paradise’ they were rolling in.
The last few days were spent in recovery and, with a lot of relief, we left for Koh Samui. Being the largest and most established Island of the three, it is like an Island city of built up streets filled with fast-food chains.. Our rooms were cheap but comfortable and the curries served were delicious. However, our first night’s sleep was interrupted by a drunkard banging on the doors like Daffy out of the Beach. He left no map, just an imprint in the door where his fist had been.
We spent two days at the beach in the more swimmer friendly beach of Chaweng. Unlike the bath of Koh Tao or the STI ridden cesspool of Koh Pha Nang, the water is much deeper (if not choppy) and tourists blip around on jet skis. We lounged around doing the bare minimum, soaking up the rays and contemplating the next part of our travels. Claire and I would split up whilst I was with my family and she in a Thai monastery at Chaing Mai. It would be a hard few weeks apart but I am looking forward to seeing my family for the first time in nearly 8months.
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