Published: July 21st 2012July 7th 2012
Flowers outside our beach lodge
We checked in to the Lipa Lovely and headed straight to the pool. We had grand ideas of relaxing in the sun and getting a bit of colour. This proved to be impossible as after catching so much on the ferry, we were white and red all over and couldn't stand the heat. So we retired to the bar at Big Johns and indulged in a couple of pretty hefty cocktails. We then went up to the little shop at the top of the road and met a very friendly crazy thai lady who had a good laugh at our red bits and sold us some aftersun and some beer and fags and we retired to our balcony to relax. All of a sudden the heavens opened and we saw rain like we hadn't seen since Vat Phou. Enter Gerhard. Gerhard was our german stalker. He had been swimming in the sea with his thai 'wife', who was 34 and he was mid 60's. They had come running up the beach and sheltered in our neighbours balcony. Being nice people, we started talking away to him and I offered him a glass of beer. (mostly because I
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Biffs swollen ankles after the long flights to Koh Samui
didn't have a bottle opener and had opened the bottle on a wall and chipped the glass and needed a guinea pig to see if it was going to shred my colon on the way out) We spoke to him about the wedding and he said he knew our wedding organiser Guenther and offered to walk us up the beach to the Lipa Lodge where the wedding was to be held. We politely declined but this, it would seem was not an option. So off we went up the beach and we were met with; the black pipe of doom. It would seem that the thai goverment had decided two weeks previously that they were going to start pumping water in from the sea into the water supply in order to filter and purify it for the Samui water supply. This meant that a 3 foot diameter black plastic pipe was being dragged out into the sea. Unfortunately, this pipe was also about 70 feet long and had not been secured out at sea and had washed back up onto the beach exactly where we were getting married in one weeks time. After an uncomfortable cocktail at the Lipa Lodge
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Dunc having his baywatch moment
with Herr Lipp, we came back to Big Johns to email Guenther to find out the script with the big black pipe. He informed us that unfortunately the pipe would be there for our wedding and there was nothing we could do about it. We were not duly impressed and tried to find out if there were any options for moving the wedding somewhere else on the beach. A little dissapointed but with hope high in our hearts we retired for the evening to our boudoir.
The next day brought much higher spirits as we went out for a swim in the sea and a delicious brekky at Big Johns. We were delighted to see a squad of thai Builders working diligently on the pipe and hope was restored that they might have it pinned out to sea in time for the big day. We took it easy today and just kicked back in Big Johns and planned for Joan and Biff's arrival the next day, organising a little tour and then a trip to Chaweng Beach for a piss up. we got a dvd player from reception and had a lazy early night watching movies.
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Huge Lizard outside our room
The next morning we were away to head down to find Joan and Biff. When alas, we heard the bellow of 'CHERYL!!!!' coming from along the, usually peaceful, Lipa Noi Beach.
'The Biff' had arrived.
It would seem that Lipa Noi was not the happening night spot which Biff had perhaps hoped for but nonetheless, with promises of a big day out followed by a piss up, we placated him for the time being.
The next day we headed out on the back of a pick up truck with Joan and Biff to go and see the Big Buddha, the Grand Mother and Grand Father Rocks, The Mummified Monk, a Rubber Plantation, Two Waterfalls, a Secret Garden, and a bunch of Animal Shows. The whole day was pretty cool, the highlight being me and Cheryl sitting on the roof of the drivers cab in the pick up truck as we went on a 20 minute off road adventure! The only dissapointing thing about the whole day was the conditions of a few of the animals. The shows were pretty good and seemed to be humane and the animals seemed happy but unfortunately they had a
'get your photo taken with a tiger' set up and 2 elephants tied up for photos and these animals just looked very distressed. It seems to be a staple of Asian animal parks and is something which poeple should work hard to change. I went home with fantastical visions of the poor elephants breaking loose their chains and stampeding the tiger booth, setting free the big cats who proceed to bite of the arms of their captors and run off into the wilderness to live happily ever after. Sadly there has, so far, been no news to indicate such an occurance. It was a long day and so we all had an early night in preparation for Chaweng the next day.
We got a taxi over to Chaweng Beach, Koh Samui's party central. We were not dissapointed. As soon as we got their we hit the beers with a vengeance. So much so that after only a few hours in the bars I had to hit the thai Red Bull pretty hard just to straighten myself up again. Thai Red Bull is a marvelous thing. It is served in a little brown medicine bottle and has properties far
greater than the stuff back home. This might have something to do with the rumoured high doses of amphetamines which they pump it with, further compounded by the 'recommended dosage' on the side of the bottle. Pumped up and ready to go we headed round to the 'Moulin Rouge' ladyboy show. This was absolutely fantastic. The performers were so talented and very convincing/confusing. We all really got into the spirit and I ended up on stage. (embarrasing photos included)
Not to give up on an evening too soon we headed over the road to grab a beer and plan our next move. For some reason Joan took this opportunity to order the bigggest plate of Salmon and Chips I have ever seen in my life. She polished it off and we headed off the The Green Mango; a huge outdoor nightclub up a wee side street. We danced our asses off and proceeded to have to carry wee Biff back to the hotel. (More embarrasing photos included!)
The next morning Biff and Joan headed back to Lipa Noi and Cheryl and I psyched ourselves up to do it all again when Ali arrived later that day. Luckily
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Stairs leading to the Big Buddha
for us we took a slightly lighter run at it and yet still managed to end up blotto and at the ladyboy show where our host Fern was most upset that I hadn't come back for the 9 o'clock show like i had promised but after much fawning, decided to forgive me. We were also treated to a fire dancing show on the beach in front of the Ark Bar which was pretty damn impressive.
The next day we headed back in order to meet up with everyone. My parents had also arrived from Bangkok and we all went out for a nice dinner to catch up on all the recent events and to hear my folks stories from their times in Bangkok as they had stayed in Chinatown and seen things which we hadn't.
The next day Cheryl and I headed up the beach to check in to the Lipa Lodge where we were to join in holy matrimony not 24 hours later. The room at the Lipa Lodge was lovely and we took the day to chill out before the big event.
We'll leave it there for this one and publish another
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Biff Posing at grandfather rock...'Cheeky!'
one shortly about the whole wedding.
Thanks for reading!
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