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Published: March 3rd 2010
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Woke up this morning, looked in the mirror (always have one in bed with me) and said to myself" Sam, my man, you are looking' good". Said in a Chris Rock, Eddie Murphy, Richard Prior kind of black sounding way. I don't know why, that's just the voice I use when I talk to myself sometimes. Then I realized that lot of people probably never experience that feeling, of really liking how they look, happy with who they are, feeling good(almost as important as looking good.) I think I have my mother to thank for that. Although I later had cause to doubt her-Jesus is God, playing with myself is a sin, and so on- when she told me how handsome I was, and how intelligent, I believed her, and never doubted it. Of course it also led to me being somewhat conceited, at least I was accused of that sometimes, and that led to some people disliking me, which in turn led me to one of the key beliefs in my philosophy, i.e., "Somewhere, at some time, somebody thinks that you're an asshole". When I had this mini satori of a realization, many years ago, something got freed up inside of me, the part of me that worried what people thought about me, and so acted in a way they would like me. When I realized that whoever I was, whatever I did, someone could still think I was an asshole, what I did and said didn't matter anymore. I could just amuse myself and flip the finger to whoever didn't like it. A corollary to the above theory is " I am capable of thinking of anyone I know or meet, as an asshole" Sometimes-usually- temporarily, but I can still think it, and so what? It doesn't make them one, it's just a thought. or feeling. So if you think I'm an asshole that's ok, I think that about you sometimes too.
Where was I going with this? Oh yeah, damn I'm looking good, and feeling really good too. Checked out the north a little as I thought I would, and it is a strange place. Lots of military everywhere, checkpoints, the people look shell shocked, and they sure don't smile as much as the Sinhalese. But when they do, it feels more genuine to me than when the Buddhists do. I think, as in Thailand, another Buddhist place, the smile is the default position, a cultural thing rather than a showing of emotion.
One town I was in is or was the advanced army's headquarters, and lots of prostitutes flocked to the town to provide their services.When I was checking out hotels, it was hard to find one that didn't come with an "attendant" and then I couldn't get people to realize I wanted the room for the whole night, hourly and half day rates posted on the wall, but not overnights. I finally found one for twice the half day rate, without woman attached.
I rarely do touristy things, not least because there is a 25$ charge for westerners on almost anything remotely interesting in a cultural or historic sense. But I did go to Sigiriya, where a palace or fort's ruins are situated high up on a plug of volcanic rock that juts out of the jungle. Didn't climb up or enter the grounds, but just walking around and seeing it there was something. Some good birds too. Here's a photo.
I'd heard about beaches formerly inaccessible due to the war, so went to a place on the northeast coast, that in the 70's was a real hangout scene. The tsunami had done its damage and everything had been rebuilt, but generally looks as if it had come through a tsunami. Met a guy and hung out with him half a day on the beach, and enjoyed griping about the place, how it wasn't as intense or interesting as India and so on, finally laughed when I realized I was on a nearly deserted beach, soaking in bathtub warm clear water, paying 4 pounds a night for a room, and having fun. I guess the place wasn't so bad after all.
One of my little perversities when I travel is never having a guidebook, having little idea about what there is to do or see, or where to stay. I end up missing lots of good things. So when I took a peek at someone's Rough Guide the other day(not Lonely Planet-I still have some scruples) I realized I should have checked out a different beach, and a couple of towns I'd never heard of. Oh, well. I did however note the address of a hotel in Kandy, where I am now, made a reservation ( blasphemy) and am really pleased I did. A dirt cheap family house with several guest rooms overlooking a forest reserve, out of town but only 10 minute walk, great food and some good fellow travelers. One had just done a long retreat, and suddenly that's what I wanted, and for a while it looked like the Indians weren't going to let me back in to India for 2 more months, and a retreat seemed a great idea. I was a little disappointed when India realized they wanted me back, and if I was staying here, I had to take full responsibility, change all my tickets etc., the upshot being that I am still returning to UK on Mar 21- and happy about it.
I think the kind of heat there is here, can make one look forward to the cool of a Devon spring day. And it will be the equinox, good time to start again.
Bye for now friends
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Narayani
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Only you!!
Uniquely you...from feeling good in Ashburton!!