Do monkeys perform better in Asia or North America? : A comparison of music festivals

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I ended up stalking the Arctic Monkeys purely by accident. Don't get the wrong idea, I wasn't stealthily tracking primates though a frozen tundra. It's more along the lines of accidentally following the tour of a British band for a short leg. I'd heard of them and thier judging of skills on the dance floor, but hadn't delved much further. When I found out they would be playing at the Jisan Rock Festival in South Korea, I began my investigation into their albums. I had been hearing about "Jisan", as the cool kids called it, since I arrived in Korea. Apparently I hadn't yet experienced happiness in my time abroad. Sure, Korea is a blast, but you haven't gone to Jisan? Just you wait. Your goddamn eyeballs will explode into a furious storm of lasers!!! People lounge about in pools, dance barefoot in green grass like spring chickens, and get wasted on bags of magical booze. AND MUSE WILL TOTALLY ok most likely BE COMING BACK THIS YEAR. This was the propaganda. The reality was a bit different.

In a frenzy of music loving, I had booked another festival ticket to Outside Lands in San Francisco to see Muse and I realized that the Arctic Monkeys would also be playing the same day ( thus the accidental stalking). In a modern day version of the Twilight Zone, I would be attending very similar music festivals in quite unsimilar places. Which one melted my face off? Or did neither? YOUR MINDS MUST BE ON FIRE WITH ANTICIPATION. So let's begin where most of my stories begin these days. In transit.

Jisan:
It took me about 4 hours to get to Jisan Valley, which is usually a ski resort. I honestly felt grossed out by all the snowboard stores we passed. Reminders of winter in summer are just rude. I rode the bus by myself since most of my friends didn't have co-teachers as lovely as mine that would let them leave early. While I waited for Margo and her sister Lize to meet me at the bus station, I met some South Africans and Brits . I went with them to pick up their 3 day festival goods. They shoved bananas, cookies, crackers, water and soju into an already brimming bag. I knew there would be food at the festival and was pretty sure alcohol wasn't allowed to be brought in so I held back. What a fool I was. The woman who checked my bag at the entrance to the festival barely skimmed it. I could have loaded the thing with bombs, machetes, and a paintball gun. And you know, some alcohol. The food at Jisan was atrocious. I couldn't find any way to get any nutrients in my body so instead I ate a hot dog for breakfast, a kebab for lunch, and alcohol for dinner. I felt like I needed my stomach pumped most of the weekend. But to be fair, I had a love affair with those kebabs. They even got the honor of being the subject of a drunk dial. That's how you know it's good...

Outside Lands:
My friend Lisa and I left home bright and early for the drive into San Francisco. We drove all over the back streets of the Golden Gate Park looking for a spot for our car, which in San Francisco is like trying to find a needle in a haystack. I was wearing a summer dress basically made of tissue. I had forgotten that San Francisco is always crisp with that coastal air. We got into the concert after being checked over by lackadaisical festival workers. DAMN. We looked around and saw indie boys taking nips out of flasks and girls in Northface jackets taking a hit from their pipes. We sipped on our 10 dollar margaritas and felt sad. But as we dined on salad, mashed potatoes, and vegetable and chicken skewers, the pangs of jealousy dissipated. Perhaps due to the wine we had finally got our hands on.

Jisan:
After we stretched and kicked our contraption that really didn't deserve the title "tent", I looked out over the valley. We had gotten a shady spot under some trees and next to a running stream. A perfect view of the main stage and somewhat tranquil. The hill next to us was covered in colored tarps that protected identical tents. It looked like a hippie commune or some sort of trendy refuge camp. The pool that had been gloriously described to me was gone and in its place was a lump of concrete and a smaller pool. The only swimming I ended up doing was in the stream by our tent during my "shower". The Koreans probably found it odd that I was shampooing my hair in a bathing suit right outside their "front door" but they kept quiet about it. We wandered around the festival grounds before the music started to see what the booths had to offer. It was mostly companies hawking their goods. Doc Martens selling shoes, ELLE trying to get people interested in their magazine, Bean Pole giving away free clothes and presenting large photos of G dragon, the boyish blonde Korean heartthrob. If you weren't hungry for saturated fat, thirsty for colorful chemicals, or looking to cover yourself in brands, the booths grew wearisome. Wandering was the name of the game throughout the festival as I got into trouble with my ladies, met Quentin Tarantino, meteorologists, gave feminist lectures, danced around in scarves, hid from the rain under a traveling silver mat, squelched through filthy smelling mud barefoot, and stalked the crazy webbed hand man. At night, the Jager and Vodka tents turned into clubs where music pumped and we danced under a smear of lights until once again, the sky was full of faint sun.

Outside Lands:
Golden Gate Park is huge so we had a lot of ground to cover. By the main stage, there was the Intel tent where you could get henna tattoos or face paint. The line was massive so we went to the Garnier Frucits tent to get our hair done for free. It seems the style this season is braids, braids, braids. Heiniken also had a large white tunnel that went into a huge bubble where a bar and dance floor were hidden away. At 2pm in the afternoon it was dead, but by the evening it was packed. We went into the forest, where it looked like a cult had left behind remnants of their last ritual. Colored scraps of fabric hung from the trees as clowns in kilts came dancing at me. Farther up the road there was oreo chocolate cups, toffee hazelnut cupcakes, snickerdoodles, and epic brownies being sold from trucks and carts in Choco Land. Down the hill from the forest, a parade of misfits in red, banged drums and headed into the trees. By the stage where the Vaccines played, a large drawing of a man with one eye and long white hair hung down. Concert goers sat around filling their pipes with green bud, hula hooping, and dancing to the music. I hadn't heard the Vaccines before, but it was definitely music I could move my body to. As we left to go see OK GO, we saw some definite looking homeless people. I wondered how they could afford to get into the festival. Then again, it could have been some rich hipster people wearing their ironic fashions.

Jisan:
The first big show was Chemical Brothers. I didn't listen to them until I saw the trailer for the movie Hanna and thought the music for it was extremely insane. Google led me to the Chemical Brothers. I liked them enough, but I've never really gotten into electro or whatever you want to call it. The audience was waiting in the dark with bated and alcohol soaked breath and once the DJ's took the stage with lasers, strobe lights, and psychedelic screens galore, everyone had turned into one massive amoeba of dancing. I moved around with the blob, but after awhile the music bored me. I need words and instruments to really feel a live show, not just colorful lights. Moral of the story: I probably should have been drunker for that show.

Outside Lands:
OK GO looked out at the audience and proclaimed, "I never knew San Francisco was so white." Cue laughter. But hey, I'd say no one brings in middle class white people like a band like OK GO, where each band member was portraying a color of the rainbow as they played bells to "wash away our sins". It was nice to get some banter from a band though, as everyone I had seen in Korea and so far at this concert had barely acknowledged that they were playing for humans.

Jisan:
Night fell yet again and it was time for the Arctic Monkeys to storm the stage. People kept doing that obnoxious thing when they scream randomly and every head swivels towards the stage going "oh my god oh my god are they...there....no, it's just some idiot yelling". This happened about five times until finally I saw a figure with devil may care hair and a black jacket amble across the stage. Alex. Turner. In the flesh. His thick British accent made me swoon as the band raged into "Library Pictures", one of my favorites off the new album. There's something about listening to a good and interesting voice speaking or singing. I suppose it's just that I'm a lover of words and the voices that carry them. I hardly spoke to anyone during the show (except Margo to say dirty things about Mister Turner) because I was so busy dancing and sweating my face off. The Monkey's old stuff is fast, manic, and Turner is almost spitting out the lyrics, as if he has to tell you everything before it's too late. Those songs were perfect for the raucous crowd and when they moved into into their new Doors-esque material, the crowd still went wild for the slow, but steady songs like "Brick by Brick" which the drummer rocked. I was really impressed by him; it's great to see a drummer who can have as much stage presence as the person singing. When the show ended, I had so much energy pumping through me that Rina, Margo and I danced around in the glaring lights as the rest of the crowd fled the scene. It was definitely a concert I was glad to be sober for because I wouldn't have wanted to miss one bit.

Outside Lands:
The sun was high and bright as my cheeks turned pink. I could feel my skin crackling and most likely gearing up for skin cancer. I was burning but I was so smashed into people that I couldn't have escaped if I wanted to. The Arctic Monkeys were about to go on, as two girls got high in front of me and the boys behind me grew more and more irritating. I had no room to dance and could slightly see the stage. But I could see the big screen when Alex Turner's face and 50's hair filled the screen. A little piece of me dies every time a boy cuts his hair short. It's a tragedy. They started the set with "Library Picture"...again. I was like, really mates? Haven't we done this before? Think of the people who already saw you in Korea!! The BOYS (they don't deserve to be called men) near me started pushing each other and moshing. It seriously ruins a performance when you are getting elbowed in the face. Plus I was trying to sing along and get into it but it seemed like NO ONE KNEW ANY OF THE WORDS. Did these people know who the Arctic Monkeys were or were they just in the crowd to get crushed by strangers? I ended up having to leave early in frustration. As we walked up the dirt hill I heard "When the Sun Goes Down" start to play and I sang along sadly knowing that I probably wasn't missing all that much down in the herds.

Jisan:
I awoke to a gray whale of a sky on the last day of the festival. The rain was seeping when I went to see Jimmy Eat World with a plastic wrapped backpack. Jimmy Eat World brings back memories of high school and telling my brother about this cool new band I found. The band looked older but they played with so much emotion and energy that no one could tell. Rina stared dreamy eyed at Jim Adkins and turned to me to say "He's so much more intense than Alex Turner." What bitch?? Adkins's face is full of angst, happiness, and unbridled excitement when he plays which is opposite of Turner's mask that he wears, but I think that expression makes him intense (and smoldering?? OMG I need to get a grip). Dancing with a backpack on to "Bleed American" made my heart soar thinking of old friends that I'll never again be 16 again with. The good times when I wore studded belts, boys t-shirts from Kmart, and dyed red streaks in my hair.

Outside Lands:
Matt Bellamy shimmered under the spotlight in his sequined jacket and red glittery guitar. Or at least that's what it looked like he was wearing to me..in photos I've seen recently the guitar is black and his jacket looks wool which makes me wonder if I had inhaled too much of the smoke around me. They kicked things off with "Uprising", the edgiest song of the new album and had everyone chanting along as if we would start a revolution right then and there. I've never seen a band start off as strong as that. Just as you were feeling high as a kite on how good the song was, they slammed into "Supermassive Black Hole" and had the thousands screaming. A light show that was tripping balls and riffs that made my ears explode continued through the night as they made me the happiest girl alive with "Hysteria", "Plug In Baby", "Stockholm Syndrome", "Time is Running Out" and "Starlight". They managed to go from balls to the wall rock songs to ballads like "Resistance" without making the show slow. Bellamy went from softly playing the piano to wailing on the guitar on his knees. It was a beautiful thing. Near the end of the show, eyeball balls the size of the full moon that hung over our heads and was projected on the dark stage as we waited for the encore went bouncing to outstretched hands. As I jumped and finally made contact, a harmonica sang as they left us estatic with "Knights of Cydonia" which was, my god, kick ass.

Final Verdict:
The atmosphere of Jisan with its camping and chill, fun loving, concert goers beat Outside Lands, even if Outside Lands did have better food and free things to do. Arctic Monkeys rocked Jisan (if not America), but I'd say Outside Lands wins music wise with acts like Muse, Sia, and The Black Keys.

America: better food. better music.
Korea: better people. better monkeys.

You've just crossed over into the Twilight Zone.

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