안녕히 가세요!

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Dear Blog Readers,

I feel that is obligatory to end our adventure in Korea with a summary of some of the things we’ve loved and hated whilst voyaging on this journey of discovery into the land of the morning calm. So let’s kick things off on a positive note in no particular order:

Top of the K-Pops

1. Boeun – some say it’s the armpit of Korea but others say it’s the Las Vegas of Korea. I agree wholeheartedly with the latter. If there was a town at the end of a rainbow, Boeun would be it. I was genuinely shocked that it wasn’t listed as a potential candidate for the new Seven Wonders of the World. I mean, haven’t they seen the emaculate condition of the bus terminal? The on-going construction all year round? The Baskin Robbins for crying out loud!? Ok, maybe it’s just me but I have loved every minute living in Boeun. It may have its haters, but for experiencing Korea for what it is, the real deal and roughing it with the locals, then Boeun has provided just that in kimchi-sized bucket loads.

2. Delivery Food – when Clare came to visit, she was shocked at the delivery service. Basically, every restaurant in Boeun also provides a delivery service…except Pizza School. You phone and they bring their food promptly. No surprises there. However, they deliver their food on real plates with metal cutlery and once you have finished, you leave the plates outside (unwashed) and they come and collect them for you! Fantastic.

3. Buttons In Restaurants - on the table in a restaurant is a button. You press it and a waitress hurriedly rushes to your table to assist you. It’s so simple. Why aren’t these in all restaurants? Admittedly, it creates a ‘ding-dong’ doorbell sound which may not fly well in a quaint romantic French restaurant back home but surely a quieter alternative can be achieved. It’s simply brilliant.

4. Tea – as an Englishman, I was worried about the lack of tea consumption that could have occurred whilst being in Korea. Thankfully, I needn’t have worried. It helped that my Mum has sent at least 200 tea bags over the year (eternally grateful) and my older brother posted 23 tea-bags on my 23rd birthday in a parcel but packaged them in such a way that it looked like two rolls of highly illegal drugs. We could get English breakfast at HomePlus(er) but we also became accustomed to jasmine, green and brown rice tea. The latter is drunk after every lunch meal at school. I loved Chris’s story about in his first week, he saw Betty pouring herself a class and whispered, “Don’t drink it. It looks dirty.”

5. Pizza and Fried Chicken – I don’t think pizza and fried chicken are as popular at home as it is here. The pizza and Pizza School and Mr Pizza is truly wonderful. The garlic mayonnaise is exceptional and I’ve become partial to a ‘Potato Pizza’ – I know Dilley and Butler will be proud of the two carbs in one meal. The fried chicken is also great. The only place worth getting it from is Keun Tong Chicken in Boeun. It’s bloody brilliant although the spices that they use don’t agree with my internal organs so every bite has a twinge of regret.

6. Tennis Club – I’ve been playing tennis for a team near the agricultural high school this year. I have no idea what the name of the tennis club is called but the members have been unbelievably kind, welcoming and hospitable. I’ve played two tournaments with them and walked away with trophies from each. We’ve had some great dinners together and I’ve really felt like one of the team. I also won a brand new bike from them at the end of the last tournament! I will really miss the club and hope that an international match, Dunnington T.C vs Unknown T.C will take place in the future.

7. Haircuts – in Birmingham, I use to pay just over a tenner for a hair-cut. It took about 10 minutes and the ‘do’ that I was left with drew glances with expressions that read, “who cut your hair? Stevie Wonder?” However, Korea has opened my eyes to a new level of hair-cutting prowess. For a fiver, I get a hair cut to perfection. The lines nearly trimmed to a staggeringly OCD-like accuracy. This is washed down with a glass of orange juice and some popcorn whilst the hair-dresser gives me a massage. Then I move onto the shampoo and conditioning (all part of the service) before going back to the chair for an application of wax (without the begrudging look of, “how bloody dare you ask for some wax,”, followed by a hand and arm massage before leaving. Wonderful.

8. Public Transport – I simply cannot find any fault with the public transport system here in Korea. The only thing I can think of is the similarity in some of the names of places which could cause confusion. However, the trains run on time, they are comfortable, they have karaoke cubicles, internet and Tekken 5 on the bloody train! You can use your mobile on the subway. Get your head around that one Tube! The buses are out of this world. Being in the heart of Korea has meant that transport by bus has been commonplace and there have been no issues whatsoever. Local buses run exactly on time. Inter-city buses have seats large enough to fit two people in them and the price is surprisingly low. All I can do is dread at the expensiveness of Virgin Trains and the miserable-excuse for an intercity bus service like National Express back at home. Eurgh!

9. Internet – we’re in the middle of Korea miles from anything yet we have a download speed of 30Mb/s. In Seoul, it was 100Mb/s. The Korean Government plan to have 1Gb/s broadband throughout the country in the next few years. Korea is miles ahead of us back at home for the internet. The speed is fantastic and at an affordable price – the same as what we would pay for 4Mb/s back at home!

10. Xbox 360 – this might be a bit of a weird one. Before coming to Korea, Laura and I ummed and ahhed about bringing the Xbox but it’s one of the best decisions that we have made. Not only have I been able to destroy Pete on Call of Duty Black Ops from 5000 miles away, the most impressive feature is that any movies that we have on our laptops can be wirelessly transferred through the Xbox onto our massive TV. No more squinting at the laptop screen or sitting/lying uncomfortably to watch something. If you can fit it in your suitcase then do it!

11. Spas – I’m not one of those lads that gets their willy out at any given occasion (Dom), but Korean spas are absolutely superb. The only issue is that you have to be stark naked. My first time was at the largest spa in the world in Busan. If you’re going to start somewhere then where else is better? It was great. Any body-conscience thoughts that could have crept into my mind soon disappeared as I was in a hot Jacuzzi followed by a freezing cold bucket of water over my head before running into a 98 degree Finnish sauna and finishing off with a shave next to an old man who shared his shaving foam.

12. Love Motels – because Korean women often live with their parents until they’re 30, this has caused a deluge of ‘Love Motels’ being built. These cater for these women who have secret boyfriends and want to gain freedom from the love-restraining shackles of their parents. The love motels are superb. For the price of a TravelLodge back at home, Laura and I have stayed in rooms with a king-sized bed, 50 inch TV, computer, heated toilet and a whirlpool bathtub the size of an ark.

13. Students Cleaning School – as Carrie and I drove into our school for the first time last September, I asked what the students were doing. She looked at me as though it was a weird question. She told me that every day the students clean the school. I think this is brilliant. They set aside 20 minutes a day. Every student is assigned a task and off they go. There are simply no excuses for why this doesn’t happen at home. The students take more pride in their school and they have to clean up any mess that they make so they don’t bother making so much of it. Genius.

14. No Dog Shit – there isn’t any. Where have all the dogs gone?

15. Kimchi – this is a controversial one. I am absolutely loving the kimchi at the moment. I don’t know if it’s because I’m feeling nostalgic but I can’t get enough of the stuff at the moment. I hate the radish version with a passion but the cabbage leaf version is simply superb, particularly when BBQ’d with samgyeopsal. I wouldn’t eat it for breakfast though.

16. Teaching – last but by no means least. The teaching has been absolutely brilliant. The days which I’ve hated have been few and far between. The days which I’ve loved have been many and close together. The students have been hilarious, welcoming and kind. It has been rewarding seeing their progression as their level of English improves slowly but surely. The staffs at my schools have been exceptional in their hospitality. I simply couldn’t have asked for better co-teachers and the whole experience has been great. I leave with nothing but fantastic and unforgettable memories.
Now let’s have a humorous look at some of the things which have been added to the ‘Oh Korea!’ pile during the year:

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Bottom of the Kimchi Barrel

1. CNN – our TV has about 75 channels. Only about three of them are in English. Unfortunately, one of them is CNN. In the morning, the other two English channels decide to play Korean shows, such as Discovery Korea, or they have films with axe wielding murderers chopping off people’s heads (they don’t have a watershed here). Consequently, our viewing is restricted to CNN with our morning cup of tea. The list of just how terrible it is will last about as long as one of my blogs so I will try and keep it short. Piers Morgan, cringe-worthy presenter conversations, repetitive adverts, terrible weather forecast selection, ugly newsreaders, over-the-top reporting, crap news stories and golf. I refuse to believe the only sport that is being played and that is newsworthy is golf and Tiger Woods.

2. Taxi Drivers – it’s the odd one or two that ruin it for me. There must be a universal advert that says, “Taxi drivers required. We need at least 5 absolute tossers that will rip off our customers. Apply within.”

3. Music in Shops – it comes as no surprise that I mildly dislike shopping. However, there are things about the shops in Korea which make infuriate more than most places. It is the banging music played at excessively loud volumes, the annoying women with microphones thrusting baskets in my hands as I wait for Laura to finish shopping outside because I can’t stand the music inside and the clapping. Why are the store attendants clapping? Why?

4. Queuing - I did a lesson on cultural differences and this came up. On one occasion, my co-teacher said it was incorrect but the students protested that it was correct. The ticket office at the bus stop is like a herd of sheep flocking to their pen. You can tell who the Englishmen are because we stand at the back like the sheep-dogs waiting for the queue to form. There is no concept of personal space. Ajumma’s will happily bump into you and push you out of the way in a rush to get to the next piece of cardboard. Even at the ATM, I have somebody literally with their head on my shoulder (actually, that’s a lie, their heads normally just reach above my arse).

5. Ridiculous Parenting – in the strive for academic excellence, we’ve experienced the worst of pushy parents. The worst cases are ones which try and make us teach their child privately and even after telling them it is illegal, they try and negotiate the law with the promise of free samgyeopsal. Nice try.

6. Brownies – I never learn. The brownies on sale in cafes here look superb. Don’t judge a brownie by it’s cover. They taste like cardboard and you have to order about three cups of coppee to rehydrate your mouth as it wonders where all your saliva has gone. Terrible.

7. Numbers – I’m proud that I can count in Korean and stun shop workers with my knowledge of Korean money. However, there is one major flaw in the Korean numbering system. 1 and 2 sound the same. 1 is ‘il’, 2 is ‘ee’. Our apartment is 101-601. This has a lot of ‘il’s in it and no ‘ee’s in it. When I order something on the phone, even after expressing ‘il’ until I’m blue in the face, they still don’t get it. It’s lucky that we have Leonard and Michelle next door because they have never brought the food directly to our apartment except when Yuni ordered it for us in exactly the same way I have been saying it. Once, I just gave up and said it in English and it worked!

8. Hygiene – the Koreans give off a false pretence that it is hygienic. It isn’t. Rubbish lines the streets. People are spitting and coughing more or less constantly. Not just around you – it’s physically in your face or on the back of your head on a bus. Some of the toilets look like something out of the movie, Hunger. The insistence to ‘show face’ means that teachers who are literally on the verge of death still show up to work to struggle through the day. Brushing your teeth at lunch removes healthy enamel. The only positive is that my immune system has strengthened enormously.

9. ”Fresh Air” – if you’re thinking about a nice breeze flowing through the windows during a warm summers day then you’re wrong. In the middle of winter when the temperature was an icy -20 degrees outside, every single day the windows to the teachers’ office would be opened up for “fresh air”. It’s one of those situations where you wish that the Zeroth Law of Thermodynamics didn’t apply, but unfortunately, it does. It gets bloody freezing. Fast!

10. Construction Site – everywhere in Korea seems to be under construction. The construction businesses must be booming. Roads are constantly being upturned, buildings torn down and apartment blocks erected. The lack of health and safety is worryingly laughable. There is no such thing as a safety exclusion zone. The kids aren’t running around aimlessly outside – they’re trying to dodge the pieces of rubble being hurled at them by builders three stories above them out of a toilet window! I once saw an electrician climbing a pylon with a wooden ladder which only went half-way up so he clambered up to the top and held onto the live wire with a rubber glove whilst he tried to bolt a new wire to the top with his other hand with his legs wrapped around the circular post.

11. Music Scene – I think this one is probably a Boeun problem. I love going to pubs and gigs back at home to check out the local music scene. Unfortunately there is nothing of the sort here. The number of manufactured K-Pop bands is ridiculous. What is loved one week is hated the next. It was refreshing actually seeing a band playing instruments the other week in Seoul.

12. Climbing up stairs backwards – they do it. Why? I’ve no idea.

13. Gym Etiquette – this appears to be completely non-existent. You place your towel down on a machine so you can grab some weights to use in conjunction with it. By the time you’ve walked the 5 metres to the weights, your towel has either been moved, or more likely, sat on by a sweaty Korean who does his workout, uses your towel to wipe his sweaty head and then looks at you blankly wondering why you’re staring at him with the intent to vomit on him. Also, walking on treadmills…backwards…for an excessively long time. It seems that at the gym, if you do an hour on a treadmill at walking pace, it’s much more beneficial than doing twenty minutes running. Once, Leonard waited over an hour because every single treadmill was being used by people walking. Oh and once one became free, due to point (4) being in effect, somebody who has just trotted into the gym casually walks onto it without a care in the world.

14. ”Mountain – if I said to you, “I climbed a mountain last weekend.” I think the image which conjours up in our heads is something huge with snow on the top sheer faced walls. In Korea, it means a small hill.

15. Loudspeakers – Boeun has an array of loudspeakers in the centre of town. You would think that the only time these should be in use is if North Korea is attacking us. Fair enough. However, I object to King Boeun using his bloody loudspeaker to advertise the sale of strawberries at 6:40am on a Saturday morning. I’d rather be bombed by Noth Korea.

16. Educational System – it’s fundamentally flawed. Excessive studying does not induce creative thinking, better intelligence or an inspiration for learning. It creates depressed, exhausted and frustrated students who don’t know the feeling of wanting to learn something because they’ve never been given the opportunity to experience it. Consequently, the inefficiency to learn something new is staggering. They are tested incessantly but the tests are all multiple choice. I could sit any of the exams in Korea and know that I’m going to get at least 20%!b(MISSING)ecause I will just choose one of the five options throughout the paper. The lack of creative thinking and attempts to think outside the box are seldom. What's worse is that I've rarely brought the subject up, it's normally been my co-teachers who have expressed their frustrations. The 'soldiers on the front line' know what the situation is but the 'commanders in chief' have no idea. Due to the hierarchical nature of the society, I doubt that the gap between the two will ever be closed.

17. Logic – Korean logic is illogical. I genuinely don’t know where to start with this one. Julie told me one last night which pretty much sums it up. A girl comes into the teacher’s office complaining of back ache. Three teachers crowd around and have a look at the top of her back/neck where the pain was originating from. They go to the first aid box and get a large plaster/band-aid. There is no cut or graze to be seen. It’s a back ache. They put the plaster on the spine and the girl leaves.

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Reflection provides closure to this set of blogs on our adventures and experiences in Korea. I loved making the blog and I sincerely hope you’ve enjoyed reading it. I’ll have nothing but great memories of my time here and I will look back at this blog in the future proudly. I’ll have enough stories to send my nephew, children and grandchildren off to sleep with I’m sure.

To any Korean readers, I leave you with this:

그동안 저에게 잘 해주셔서 너무나 감사합니다. 여기서 선생님들과 함께 가르칠 수

있었던 것은 저에게 너무나 큰 영광이었고 제 생애 최고의 나날들이었습니다. 저에게 너무나 큰 도움을 주셔서 감사합니다. 제가 신세를 갚을 수 있게 언제 꼭 한번 영국에 놀러 오세요. 이제 떠나야 하니 너무나 마음이 아픕니다. 그래도 저는 좋은 추억만 가지고 갑니다. 그동안 저에게 잘해 주셔서 너무나 감사드립니다.

When I think of my time in Korea, I will always remember this Korean proverb which, to a Korean, manages to encompass their philosophy, and to the waygooks, gives us a chuckle:

“A good looking rice cake is easier to eat.”

Tink and Laura

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