My Life as A Korean Superstar

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the flight from san francisco to seoul was rather uneventful, although i did end up seated next to a guy who had been teaching in seoul for 10 years so i got some great advice to ponder for the last couple hours of the flight. this was considerably better than sitting through the miley cyrus movie "the last song"(i'll admit it, i teared up and then instantly hated myself). i came out of the gate to find alistair, my contact from korean horizons. he instead found me and he was holding a picture of me with black hair seeming confused on why my hair was now blonde. we got some coffee and chatted about how the motto of south korea is "expect the unexpected." the other newbies, six boys from the us of a, showed up and after a quick bite at paris baugette, we headed out to meet our bus to asan, where the orientation would be. i choked on the muggy air as soon as we stepped outside. the weather was HUMID and the sky was bleak and gray. it didn't matter though because i was so damn excited to be in korea that i was pretty much screaming in my head with happiness. i watched the green dense mountains, neon signs, and foreign architecture pass by my window on the bus as most of the boys slept. a truck went by that said "dong fang". awesome.

after a bus ride into the middle of nowhere we pulled into the training center. raquel, our leader for orientation, greeted us and started calling me the princess because i was going to have a room to myself because i was the only girl. we all dragged our massive luggage inside and met some of the other teachers who have been in korea for around 3-6 months. everyone ended up outside shooting the shit and drinking some beer. the boys had bought some soju, the main alcohol of korea, which tastes like cheap vodka but is less strong. this drink is a huge part of korean culture and the koreans drink it like water. personally, i like it mixed, but by itself it goes down pretty smooth. i found out that there were other teachers there who lived in geumsan, total relief, and after talking to a girl named margot i realized that my mom had been reading margot's blog and had been telling me all about it. rather random. i had a good night talking to people about eating dog (apparently it doesn't taste good and helps men with thier stamina) and other korean craziness.

thus the insane orientation began. a whole week of lectures from 9-9ish. oh yes and we ate and got bathroom breaks. i actually thought some of the lectures were extremely intresting and helpful. it just starts to wear on you when the subject matter starts to repeat itself and the lectures never end. i adored all the teachers at orientation so i didn't really find myself very bothered with the long hours. they were entertaining and intelligent people and if i must say so, it seems to the be an english teacher in korea you have to be just a bit odd. drinking soju, playing drinking games, and dancing to kpop after lectures made it all worth while.

one day raquel decided to let the children play outside and we got on a bus to independence hall which is in memory of when korea was under japan's rule and how they won thier independence. before going there we stopped at a hospital so the newbies could get a medical. all the korean patients were wearing smart looking scrubs and a stare. two old ladies or ajummas came up to us and just pointed. i had an eye test, which i failed miserably and the doctors seemed confused on why i was so blind but could walk in a straight line. there was also a chest xray and when i got to the counter the doctor said "all clothes off!" and pointed at a door. damnit, i knew something like this would occur. i had no idea if all my clothes needed to come off and what i was supposed to put on AND what exactly was i doing naked for a chest xray? luckily us girls figured out it meant painties on and everything else off and put on a pink robe. first off, i want to say this robe was fantastic. i wanted to barter for it. i was thinking i looked swell in it, prancing through the halls, when someone told me i had it on backwards. cool. next was us peeing in a dixie cup with hello kitty on it. i literally peed on hello kitty, that's a ticket to hell right there. we then had to carry out these cups in front of everyone and stand in line with cups of our own urine. which i spilled on my hand. yes. yes i did. if this all wasn't traumatic enough, it was BLOOD time. I. CAN'T. STAND. BLOOD. not even the word. i'm rather proud i could even just type it. i started feeling faint as i watched the line of people get stuck with a needle by a doctor without gloves. my face was feeling white and i told adam, anothe teacher from la/texas/iowa or something?, that i felt worried so when i was up there trying to keep my vision from going black he asked me what food the resturant i used to work at served. i could barely answer hiim as i mumbled "haaammburrgers", but it helped and i was really grateful.

on the bus i sat next to jamal from d.c, who is the sweetest thing ever. actually he's lucky to even have my friendship after i'd been sitting next to him for awhile he decides to tell me he's sick. it was very hard to have a conversation and try not to breathe. we talked about "the facebook movie" otherwise known as the social network. jamal thinks it will be revolutionary, i think otherwise. i can't even remember what else we talked about but i know i found it hilarious.

at independence hall we were looking at an exhibit when a man next to me said "may i ask you a question?" he proceeded to ask if he could interview me for tv about independence hall. he took me away from my group and talked rapidly in korean to a cameraman. then he turned to me and asked if i would go through the torture exhibit and then they would talk to me. so i awkwardly walked down the hall of wax figures of koreans being tortured by the japanese in sick ways and tried to look extra apalled as they shined a massive light on my face. then we got ready for the interview and some of the other teachers noticed what was going on and gathered round smirking which made me want to crawl in a hole and die. as i sqinted my eyes at the camera, the man asked me
"do you know where we are right now?"
hmmm well i sure hope i do.
"uuh yeah independence hall" i stammered.
"do you know what it means?"
"weeelll, it commerates(why the F did i use that word) the koreans independence from japanese *mumble mumble idiot talk* imperialism ."
"what do you think of it here?"
"OH it is very beautiful, much bigger than i expected (what the hell are you saying hannah?) and i'm learning a lot already *blah blah words that don't make sense*"
"what did you think of that?(pointing to torture)?
"i didn't like that! that's not very nice (oh my god oh my god nice? you are an imbecile) it was pretty disgusting."

THE END.

the interviewer said to me "you're shaking!" before i ran away without even finding out what station he was with. raquel told me the next day that i had been on tv, so my interview is out there somewhere, just waiting to be found and ruin my reputation.

now, a lot happened at orientation so here are some key points on what i learned since i've blathered on enough.

HUMIDITY IS A BITCH
i had no idea i could look this good. i suppose this will save me money on lotion and cooking oil. no point for make-up since it runs down my face and gives me that all natural hooker look.

KOREAN FOOD IS AWESOME YET FRIGHTENING
well kimchi, korea's culinary mascot of fermented cabbage, is hit and miss with me. sometimes i'm down, other times i'm not but it's not hard to stomach and can be enjoyable.

bib im bop is my favorite so far. a big bowl of rice, veggies, bean sprouts, and a fried egg on top. it brings tears to my eyes.

korean breakfast aint yo mammas breakfast. it's almost exactly like korean dinner. wait, take out the word almost. it's far too intense for me in the morning. i just don't find kimchi, soup, and fish in the morning as a nice wake up meal.

live octupus, dog, and whole fish with thier teeth gleaming. these are a few of my least favorite things (that i'll probably try if forced)

KOREAN FOOD IS ADDICTIVE
i could become a professional eater here. put that random korean food in front of me and i will eat the whole thing, bowl of rice and all. i can put this stuff AWAY. it's worrisome. i think the chopsticks have something to do with it, they may be dusted with crack?

KPOP IS ONE SUGAR SWEET CREAM PUFF OF MAGIC
before i came to korea i had seen some kpop like super junior on youtube and loved it even though i had no idea what they were saying. since being here i've been introduced to girls generation, wondergirls, 2ne1, dj doc, and boa and i am such a teeny bopper now. i want to go to thier concerts and put thier stickers on my binder. i want to learn thier dance moves and impress my friends on the playground. basically i want to be them in thier bright clothes, crazy hair, and cheesy music video wonderfulness.

LOVE STICKS EXIST
so korean children are still beat in school which i find so archaic. teachers usually use a stick, but i'm not sure to what extent they use it. i heard stories of seeing kids bleeding in halls, but i don't know if that's the norm. thank god nmy school doesn't do it.
western teachers aren't supposed to do it anyways. we CAN use push-ups and other excersise as punishment, such as supermans or even holding your arms above your head. i don't think i will use this method, yet i might when if shit is getting really out of control in the classroom. the thing that gets to me is that beating a kid as punishments teaches them nothing and shows a complete lack of caring about them. gets under my skin really but this is a different culture and i have to respect it.

KOREAN STUDENTS ARE COMICAL, AT LEAST IMPRESSIONS OF THEM ARE
during our lectures, teachers would mimic thier students about a million times and i found it unbelievably hilarious. "teacher teacher!" is the call of the korean student and thier broken english makes everything they say exceptional. maybe we shouldn't teach them english? 😉 of course, i haven't taught yet so what do i know? not much. my favorite student expression is "you die!". word is you say that and they will go nuts with laughter. in america i think you would get sacked if you said that to your students.

NOREBONG IS THE ULTIMATE
our last night at the training center was spent in the norebong and it was legendary. a long table covered in fried chicken and pizza(i'd been craving western food but ugg i had no interest) and also korean beer and soju. pirro was lining up the shots all night and keeping us all nice and sloshed and mr cho. our supervisor started us off with a neil sedaka song which he ROCKED. i'm not going to lie, i was impressed. that korean could SING. i sang gangsters paradise by coolio, my usu, which has never gotten much attention and yet after people were like "ooh your rapping was so good, you're such a good rapper!". little by little, i will be the next eminem...minus the hatred...and drug dependency. the songs went on and on and we all sang along and danced like crazy people. i loved every minuite. a fantastic last night with top notch people. van and i even made up a rap about mr cho and rocked that shizz! really, this rap thing is going to be my big break ha.

and with that. orientation. was. OVER.

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[Lydia]

gettin' better
Didn't know it could get better than Evan the American Idol/Clay Aiken but peeing on Hello Kitty? Oh yeah!