The frustrations of Christmas away from home, Busan, Korea

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This version of this post had been modified. A lot. Be prepared for a sceptical non festive post from possibly the Grinch himself. Boys and girls, this is Christmas....Korean style.
I’ve dreaded this day all my life. Not my first Christmas on my own away from my parents but my first Christmas in another country, it just doesn’t make sense. I could probably deal with...Norway or somewhere as its western, snowy and just nice at Christmas and they have similar traditions, and they are easy enough to force our own British traditions upon them so they just shut up, listen, enjoy and get on with it.
But what makes our British Christmas so special? As this day has got nearer Ive honestly felt myself being quite upset to be truthfully honest. And I feel that im not the only one. Usually I don’t care about stuff like this. I love Christmas of course but im not one of these mongs who waits all year around for it and has decorations up in October, if you are one of those, do seek help. But back to my initial question of what makes our Christmas so special? Well according to my father this year im not missing much, his emails seem to notify me of paedophiles in the UK and the tragic fact that Woolworths has ceased trading, a drastic occurrence, especially for all these smaller towns. Where are kids going to steal their Christmas gifts from now? All these super markets use security tags, so kids, just turn Muslim it seems to work this day and age, you get a lot more too. Good old British government innit.
I like the build up, I like the fact that theres nothing but adverts on the TV for some X-factor winners second greatest hits album, parents trying to be conned by advertising. I like Christmas trees too, and the tinsel and chocolates. I also like playing with the tree, 20 years later. It just seems to feel like Christmas at home as that is how we know it. Now American Christmases....ive only been there just after Christmas and that felt really Christmasy, but in a way that people had made a big deal but failed to maintain it but it still gave me that Christmas chill which one uniquely gets once a year.
But here in Korea....nada. I was in work yesterday on Christmas Eve and Im in work tomorrow on Boxing bloody Day. I even tried telling my supervisor that we need Boxing Day off because its a big day in Britain and she pondered it for a week and asked why again yesterday until I told her we need it off to get hammered. As I get older im able to enjoy a drink with my siblings and its that one time of year my parents manage to get us all together so it feels more special. Its not about the gifts anymore. And as for Santa Claus...the bastard only brought me a diary and nail clippers, which I actually needed but wheres my plasma screen tv, Nintendo Wii and some Dior jeans? So some of you may wonder why we have to work tomorrow and why we had to yesterday, and so did I until I found out the answer yesterday. Do we get Ramadan and Hanukkah holidays? Well soon enough i bet we will, no more crimbo, probably due to elf and safety and being dubbed too offensive. But we are in a predominantly Buddhist country, so the answer lies right there.
But still here I lie in my bed on the 25th of December listening to the 10 Christmas songs I have on my ipod and like every other British teacher I know here (not many but enough), wishing i was back at home missing my family like hell, missing twiglets, missing Carling on tap. Missing a roaring big log fire. But heres the saddest thing, I wont plea for anymore sympathy after this, do your John Lennon bit and spare more of a thought about Africa, I wont get to spend another Christmas like the ones ive had in Wales again with my family unless they decide against moving to Slovenia which will not happen. So maybe thats why I have the heartache. Why I got the blues haha. But anyway im going to miss bloody Christmas at home and I cant wait for it to be all over to be honest so I can get on with my life and enjoy stuff, ive just learnt a valuable lesson, something I personally shall not be doing again and that is spending Christmas so far away in such an alien land on my own. With all due respect to the ‘coughing without covering their mouths’ Koreans id take Noel Edmunds’s bullshit and a football fiesta on Boxing Day any time.
Back to me. Ive been sick this year, really sick. I rarely do get sick but this has been inconvenient and ive wanted to be at home nursed by a certain someone watching Home Alone 2 drinking sjokomelk. After stumbling home with a McDonalds breakfast after a rough night here, and boys, you who are coming here, nights out here are rough, long and messy, and after a couple, I do not enjoy them and need recovery time to enjoy them. Anyway I fell asleep and woke up feeling like a different person. I was sweating, I was shivering and I had been hallucinating about some shit that just makes me feel sick, feel colours and stuff. No I hadn’t had acid (before my father screws his face up and get mad) as im no narcomaniac, but I just felt terrible, my head was absolutely killing me, my mouth was so dry I needed a drink and shimmied over to my fridge to find that there was a bit of water, not enough. Went back to sleep, failed as I slipped back into my hallucination, something to do with being part of the bed and everything was red. This story is actually getting somewhere and Korean related trust me keep reading. So I managed to eat a couple of tangerines to suck the juice out and some of the tangerines here taste worse than ear wax. Not good enough. My head was throbbing and I knew it wasn’t just the alcohol so I tried some green tea cordial I have and it is so rancid I just threw up, so I braved the tap water and braced my gag reflexes (sounds all porn star) but my mouth was as dry as biltong. I decided to just sleep until work, until about 9 when I couldn’t sleep as I knew Manchester United were being crowned champions of the world, and I shambolically missed it and I feel absolutely gutted but I got dressed and bought some stuff to drink feeling worse for wear and went back to bed. Monday morning, I struggled, I was too weak to shower and I stank of sweat so I just went to work, told the supervisor how shit I felt and a fellow colleague was off too. Now all week and even before I arrived I know she had been ill and last week she was being brave by turning up and the Korean had the cheek to tell me that us ‘foreigners’ normally abuse our sick days and just stay off with minor things, and Koreans go to work no matter how sick there are.
So I just listened and got on with it. I went home and slept without dinner, id eaten a small handful of rice in 2 days, I cant even remember Monday right now so thats how sick I was. Tuesday was the final straw I did my 2 early morning classes and with screaming kids its bloody hard but I drank so much fluid trying to flood the virus out but to no avail. So I told her, I had no classes for 4 hours, can I go home and sleep. She answered in the worst tone ever “NO”. I almost cried I needed Pinocchio style strings to hold me up for a start so I just got really furious and pessimistic. I didn’t want to be in this place I wanted to just quit and go back home as id had enough. Do I still want to quit and go back home? Sometimes yea, but ill get to that later.
Anyway I don’t think she felt my mood enough, something which will be reintroduced into the school as some of the native teachers really have a chip on their shoulder. Monday morning I was approached by this one who honestly thinks she is a goddess. She is rancid. I wouldn’t touch her with Brendan’s dong. Small dong. Shes early 30’s, all her friends are married and she is just bitter. And she needs to get laid according to other teachers, but she is on a constant period. She needs a Jonah Takalua in her class. Miss do you got your period or what? Apparently she was in a club with other ‘foreigners’ and said that she was too good for the place and the best looking there hahaha what a mong. But she just laid into my over some cards. And it infuriates me that they adopt such a bastard tone. Yesterday she asked me something kindly and civilized, and I think that boiled down to the fact that on Monday and Tuesday night I was meant to do phone schooling where I phone kids for 5mins and ask them questions, pointless as none of them are in, and she got pissed off that I didn’t stay longer and try the other kids again, so I put up a fight. I told her that I wasn’t going to get paid for it and she couldn’t reply to that and she probably realised that she was yelling at a guy dressed as Santa Claus who wasn’t taking her shit. Then another one did the same over some cards the other day. They really need to relax here big time. Theyre over worked. And as my friend George said, theyre treated like slaves and they don’t fight the system. Is it a good thing? Well its a successful system and when people get too big for their boots and disrespect the system and stop doing the shitty jobs you would probably get a place like Britain, where no one will work, theres too much attitude and violence, so I cant answer that. But I agree that they are like slaves. And we aren’t going to fall into that trap either. Ive noticed how much they push themselves and over work and being a bit laid back (some will disagree) I cant forge a mould of something im not.
Back to my sickness, and this is the best part. Apparently, when you are sick in Korea, you go to the hospital. Have a good laugh over that. I did, right in her face. I have some scabby little kids in my classes who laugh and splutter everywhere and don’t cover their mouths, especially this one little brat and I tell it constantly to cover its mouth and yesterday it laughed and coughing in my face. I went f’in ballistic. Anyway the woman didn’t get why I wouldn’t go to the hospital and I said “im not doctor but I can tell you logically what will make me better, drink fluids and sleep, easy”. But she didn’t get it. I said in Wales we don’t do it its just pointless and you go to the hospital to say goodbye to a dying relative, to take your mate grapes and porn after having his stomach pumped or his leg fixed or quite simply if you believe you have aids, and that is seriously pushing it. I didn’t have bird flu or sars, just the simple old influenza virus. So I gave in and she took me to the hospital where I sat amongst more coughing diseased cretins and I got given a jab. She gestured towards my mid section on my back, so I just showed her my ass, it made me laugh at least. Anyway I got let home for 2 hours where I went and bought noodles and crisps to make up for the lack of food and compensate for the school food I get given which I swear is just like mud and worms kids make. But their whole views on sickness get me big time. I have 3 sick days with full pay and before the end of my contact I will use and abuse them to my own will. But they visit your house to check on you believe it or not!!!
Yesterday they had a Christmas party and pictures will soon follow to back up my story, I had to dress up as Santa Claus. I couldn’t stop sweating, coughing and choking on my beard. One kid noticed it was me and he is a spoilt little shit who I don’t like teaching, but I found a card on my desk with my name on it saying “dear Filip teacher, merry Christmas. I like you.” I don’t know if hes a homo but it was a nice gesture so ill try and like him. But I had to sit there all day talking in a deep American voice, I did initially suggest using the Geordie accent but they would be scared. And I gave them presents and it was a pretty shit day to be honest. The big event was last night, its Christmas eve and you have to go out right? I had 45mins, I called Caroline to say ‘God Jul’ over there, I even taught my kids how to say ‘god jul’, and I didn’t have time to sleep as I felt shit. So I went out anyway. This one part of town the some of the cool bars is so far away and its not like its a nice drive either. Everything is so built up, and when you see like a Chinatown in a movie you feel like its dirty, at least thats how I saw it when I was a kid, but sometimes it just feels like that, grotty tacky places with stupid English names, but the city is massive, build up and from what ive seen so far, its not attractive, I have got to see the mountains and the sea proper to have an opinion on Pusan. I didn’t feel too good, I drank 4 beers all night slowly and then I devoured a big mac and it was spectacular. The best way to lose weight? Come to Korea, get a disease from people who don’t know how to cover their mouths and be sick, sweat it out, starve and just maintain it.
My plans today... I was content enough being at home, getting a pizza watched 10 episodes of entourage, but I have been kindly asked by 2 fellow teachers to join them at a fancy restaurant where they have agreed to loan me the food money, and I appreciate the invite a lot, so im looking forwards to that. My friend Rich said yesterday, its Christmas eve, theres no point being moody over it and sad, just do what we can, group together and make the most of it. I hope all us western foreign bloody whatever you want to call us teachers turn up hungover in work tomorrow, bring a slice of our culture.
Am I enjoying my life in Korea? Im still in the same apartment and its horrible. I have no tv channels. I haven’t had a hot shower in weeks. Work takes over my life. Pressure is on my buddy Michael who is coming on the 29th and I cant wait. Its been good so far, nothing too exciting I just hope that it gets to a point where I can separate work from playtime, turn off and get on with it and enjoy it more than anything. All I want to do is walk out of here with 3 zeros at the end of generous number in my bank account and establish myself. Now is the time to try and do that. All I can say is that the strict laws on marijuana need to be reversed here and let the Koreans relax for once.

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