sit very still, this won't hurt a bit

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August 1-12

I check in to my first ever meditation retreat, which teaches the Vipassana technique of meditation (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vipassana; www.dhamma.org). Don't worry if you've never heard of it; I had no idea it existed until I went to Dharamsala, and there it seemed like everybody had either tried it or knew about it. It sounded interesting for several reasons. First, everybody had favorable things to say about it. Second, it seemed to appeal to very different types of people; Tiff, probably the most free-spirited person I know; Moreno, a very fastiduous painter; and Brian, a cocaine addict for more than 20 years, all enjoyed it immensely. Brian, who has made enough money to retire, is even travelling to every Vipassana center around the world (there are approximately 100 in more than 30 countries). Third, the entire program worldwide is run on donations and spreads primarily by word of mouth. Lastly, it's the sole technique devised and used by Buddha to attain enlightenment. All of this intrigued me and I made a point of trying it the first available opportunity.

The technique is basically a calm, rational, empirical observation of one's own mind and matter, and for this reason Buddha is often cited as the first scientist. He developed a methodology for the meditation (which he described in detail), obtained results, repeatedly tested the results and only then did he release his findings in the way of 45 years of continuous lecturing.

By objectively and detachedly focusing on the sensations on and in his body, his mind became more and more aware of the impermanent nature of the moment to moment reality of his body. As his mind became more and more aware the observations penetrated deeper and deeper until eventually the very true nature of mind and matter is realized, which is basically that at the most elemental nature our entire body, just like all other matter in the universe, is comprised entirely of energy alone. By realizing this Buddha was able to desciribe in rather precise detail the subatomic structure of his body, about 2300 years before the first miscroscope was invented. And at this most elemental level, all matter is compposed of particles that seem to be solid, but actually are continuously in motion and thus never permanent in any reality. Thus the very important idea about the nature of the impermanence of all things. If at this subatomic level cells are continously being created and destroyed, we can never be the same person from moment to moment, much less day to day or year to year. And by clinging to the idea of a permanent, never-changing self we get ourselves into all sorts of trouble.

So, that's what we practiced and here's when we practiced:


4:00 Wake up
4:30-6:30 Meditation
6:30-8:00 Breakfast, rest
8:00-9:00 Meditation
9:00-11:00 Meditation
11:00-1:00 Lunch, rest
1:00-2:30 Meditation
2:30-3:30 Meditation
3:30-5:00 Meditation
5:00-6:00 Fruit, tea, rest
6:00-7:00 Meditation
7:00-8:30 Evening discussion
8:30-9:00 Meditation
9:30 Lights out, rest

The first surprise was in the participants: of almost 200, perhaps only 20 were Westerners; all others were Nepali. The men and women were largely kept segregated so I don't know about the women's side as much, but for the nearly 100 men, perhaps 15 were in their 60's or 70's; 15 were 50-60; 25 were 40-50, 30 were 30-40; and 15 were 25-30. Because of the people who I had talked to about it in Dharamsala, I was expecting mostly younger Westerners. Of the Westerners that did participate, a quick glance at the register at signing in showed that most of Europe was represented and that I was the lone American (my roommate was a young Swedish man on his fourth retreat).

Aside from abstaining from stealing, lying, killing, sexual misconduct and intoxicants, we aren't supposed to practice any other types of meditation, rites or rituals, or have readnig or writing materials. Also for 11 days there is no talking - Noble Silence. For most of the time every sits together in the main meditation hall, which is a simple but nice one-story building with cream-colored walls with brown trim on the 10 or so windows, a few ceiling fans, and rafters. There are seats for the four teachers and rows and rows of light blue cushions on the floor. And there we sit. Almost every day there were rainstorms so we could hear the rain coming down, occasionally a monkey would scamper across the roof, and one afternoon a bird somehow got inside and found its way out after fluttering around the room while his friend caled to him from outside for about five minutes. But that was it, otherwise is was generally very quiet. Except for the sessions after meals - unfortunately Noble Silence doesn't apply to burping and farting. Anytime you put nearly 100 men together in a room after a meal it's bound to get noisy, and at times there was a symphony of burps, a chorus of farts, a stanza of sneezes and a smattering of hiccups. But what wise and compassionate farting!

Mostly the retreat was very hard, mainly physically but also mentally and emotionally. Which is to be expected for anything that is worthwhile is bound to be hard. There were a few bright moments as well. I had one period where there was a complete numbness that would travel across my body. We were supposed to follow from body part to body part observing and instead of passing from the skull over to the face I was able to follow the sensation through my brain and then out on to my face. Following Tiff's strange but excellent advice ("when it gets difficult, get curious") I abandoned objectivity for a little bit and by experimenting found that I could observe the sensation through the softer parts of the body but not harder ones; for example my eyeballs were a mass of numb sensations but I couldn't feel anything in my teeth, and I could feel the soft tissues and muscles in my arms but not the bones. The other major episode was just observing literally writhing electrical sensations throughout with the detached fascinating horror of one watching a train wreck and then walking out for lunch and being completely blissed out for about 20 minutes. The grounds of the center were absolutely beautiful botanical gardens, and after day five or six I started to see these grizzled old Nepali men - men who have had lives of hard physical labor with calloused hands and cracked feet - just staring at flowers, watching spiders, or looking up at the clouds passing by overhead.

Overall, it was very interesting and will give me plenty to think about while hiking the Annapurna circuit for the next 25 days. It is nice to travel for an extended period because it allows me to try new things or see new places that other people recommend. I know that if I just had two weeks of vacation there is no way I would sit and meditate for 11 days, but it was nice to experience and was challenging and in its own way relaxing.

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