Love ... it can only change through love ...

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When I wrote this blog, it was two days after I had to go to the hospital with a horrible case of food poisoning.. The IV and medicine they gave me made me feel like a new person, but still wasn't 100%... It's interesting now going back and reading this blog entry.. It's kind of the tipping point of when Nepal truly changed me in so many ways..

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woke up, took taxi to mitra park. Didn’t feel like walking since I was so sick the other day from my second bout with food poisoning. Waited for sisters to arrive on the steps of the temple. Some random dog came by and was funny - this one actually didn’t look mangy. Has it only taken 3 weeks to be shocked at the sight of a NON-mangy dog? It really looked out of place.

Took some photos of elderly living at Pashupati, praying in morning to Hindu temples. Their faith is still so strong even in the face of their adversity - because they have nothing or because their faith and what they believe is real? I guess they create it into reality.. Hmmm… They all continue to greet me with smiles and words of “Namaste”.. the light in their eyes is undeniable - the connection in the short amount of time when we say hello is so strong and real.

Listened to David Grey CD while cleaning sick bay / living areas of the sick for two hours - the lyrics are so appropriate about how we should treat each other as people...lyrics on how only love will bridge gaps is even more understandable here… It really is the only thing that will work, yet it seems like we’re more and more conditioned to only let it out in small doses, and even then, fearfully… It’s so sad - we all have so much more we can give of ourselves but then when we finally do, it’s so beautiful…

Today felt very different there compared to other days. Student workers gone - only nuns working now… It’s actually a lot better. More respectful. Had a conversation with nun I met for the first time today while hanging wet laundry and sheets to dry. She asked where I was from. (I’m still grateful most everyone speaks at least a little English - hers is pretty good.)

She says she started her work 15 years ago in India. Just came from Nigeria (I think… At least, somewhere in Africa.) Now in Nepal. She says that the work is difficult… That it must be done as the work of God… and that the conditions are very difficult for the people who are so weary, but she loves them and they make her happy and laugh. I wonder if she’s reading my mind or if she’s just trying to make sense of it all to herself even after 15 years of this work. She comments that I’m tall - I wonder if that’s a bad thing or that she’s happy I’m with her because I can hang the wet laundry instead 😊

I meet a French priest who invites me to mass on Saturday morning at a local church. I think I’ll go - it’s the same church where all the sisters go and they say some portions will be in English… It’ll be interesting to see… Funny - I thought he was volunteer. I guess in a way, he is.

Gather my belongings and head to the orphanage. (On my way, I think again how my perception of things has changed since working with the poorest and most destitute. When I arrived, I thought that the people with small stands selling junky trinkets, near rotten vegetables or four-day old non-refrigerated meat or fish in the dusty street was sad - it’s not perfect, but it’s a lot more beautiful to me now - they have hope and at least a small possibility of a better day.)

Make it to the top of the hill and cross the street - taking refuge next to the median that’s made out of individual concrete cinder block dividers 😊 - hopefully the cars will avoid the concrete and I’ll just get part of the benefit of being missed… I’ve realized the street dogs navigate the cars a little better than I do… hopefully I’ll improve 😊

Arrive at the orphanage. Knock on the large metal rust colored gates. The Nepali guy opens them and smiles “Namaste”. I walk in and up to the kids’ level. Ansu and Deetcha come over to me, but then point into the group of kids. I look up and Joti’s arms are reaching for me and her little mouth is frowning, getting ready to cry… I look at her and realize her pants are soaked because the young nurse taking care of all 24 children doesn’t realize she wet her pants.

(Actually, I’ve come to see that even if they do realize, they won’t get changed quickly… I still hope maybe she just didn’t realize.) I take Joti’s hand and bring her over to the completely inadequate one chest of drawers (containing all the clothing for all the children) that don’t really open very well (and don’t have handles) to find her a new pair.

I rummage through all 5 drawers and finally find a pair of little red fleece overalls with a small, white flower on the front that will fit her - it’s not the fact that everything’s completely mismatched that’s bothering - that doesn’t really matter… it’s just trying to find a pair that’s long enough, warm enough and slightly her size around the waist. How can ALL the clothes for these kids be held in one set of dresser drawers?

Taking the original pair of pants off, I feel that they’re ice cold.. Poor baby had been sitting in the group of strange new kids on the cold floor with urine-soaked pants. (I arrived to volunteer just about the same day Joti arrived to live there.) It breaks my heart. I realize that once I leave, it will continue and it breaks again. In another moment, I wonder what I can do to make something more sustainable - none of the kids wear diapers - not even the 5 month old babies…

Anyway, I finally get the overalls on Joti and kneel down with the other kids to say hello and give kisses and hugs to all. Joti still clings to my body - her legs around my waist, her arms around my body around my back, her little head resting on my chest in silence. I wonder if she’ll ever adjust - then think I’m sure she will - she’ll have to... The other kids have.

We stay in the play area until lunchtime. I carry Joti and Krishna (the 5-month old) down to the outdoor lunch area that’s covered by a ceiling, but open otherwise. It’s been freezing today and rainy. The kids sit down to eat. I give Joti my watch so she’ll stay in her little red plastic chair. She’s crying a lot today for some reason.

I’m handed Puja (a little 6-month old baby to feed who doesn’t really seem to want to eat today) and sit down at the 10-inch high picnic style table with all the other kids and fed another baby at the same time who eats like a champ and takes the biggest bites of spoon-fed food I’ve ever seen! Wish I had put a bib on her though...(mental note..next time 😊

Brought the kids back upstairs after eating.. they laid down to take their naps. Blowing kisses goodbye and tucking them into bed. Their blankets must have been recently donated or purchased - they’re lush fleece, soft, big and warm.

Leaving, I stop at the top of the stairs to put my boots back on… As I finish tying the laces, I catch Goman watching me through a crack in the doorway, and I think about how much I’m looking forward to going back tomorrow.

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Comments

[Janet]

Missionaries of Charity orphanage
i just found your travel blog while searching on missionaries of charity. i did volunteer work (1998-2002)with the nuns at their home in washington dc caring for newborn babies awaiting adoption. i loved every minute of it. i was so happy to see your pictures of the orphanage in nepal. every child is precious. thanks for the work you do.