Laos: Lao-lao, AK47s, Women's rugby. Need we say more.

Asia » Laos
June 13th 2008

Published: June 13th 2008

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Old School

Old school building on Don Khon. Slap bang in the middle of the Mekong

Laos & Don Khon

Our land crossing from Cambodia to Laos is a three mini-bus affair and one boat with waiting times. We share the bus with a French couple and some locals who have huge sacks of green beans. It's all fairly unremarkable except for the fact that the Laos Border Police are far too busy playing boules to really bother with us. There is ABSOLUTELY NO CHECKING OF OUR LUGGAGE! We'd read that the people here are very laid back and other Asian countries consider them to be lazy and without ambition but faced with this at a border control was quite surprising. We travel on to the small town of Ban Nakasang, which is the docking point for all boats going to and from the Si Phan Don, "Four Thousand Islands". This is actually a group of small islands in the Mekong. Every little hump of land that sticks out of the mekong is an island. Our destination is Don Khon. All the other travellers at the dock are heading for backpacker/gapper island of Don Det. Naturally, we opt for the peace and quiet of Don Khon because we're old codgers! We stay in a wooden bungalow

Gone Fishin'

Braving Li Phi falls all for a net full of fish. You have to admire his guts. You do not want to fall in here!

on stilts. It has a large verandah with a hammock and is right next to the river. It's only got a cold water shower but who cares in this heat. We end up meeting some really friendly travellers, two young Belgian women called Stephanie and Joke, who get us involved in the "Big Brother Mouse" literacy campaign. We end up delivering books to the island's local primary and secondary school and meeting some local teachers. The books are in Lao and English and are part of Lao-led national literacy initiative. We also meet an American called Tyler, who's just finished medical school and a German-Swiss woman (Claudia) who I get on really well with. The six of us spend our evenings together playing cards, drinking beer and 'lao-lao' (the local rice whiskey.) We have also been 'adopted' by two golden dogs, largely due the fact that Stephanie and myself have been lavishing affection on them. This actually results in one of the dogs trying to get into the hammock with me! It's the eve of the Eurovision Song Contest and it's up to Claudia and I to initiate Tyler into the traditions and kitsch of the whole affair. He's never

Monk 'n' Rice

Early morning stroll. He was on his way to the local monestary.

even heard of it and he doesn't understand the notion of 'kitsch', so we give up. Five of us feel incredibly European at that point.

Don Khon has some short walks which lead to a series of waterfalls called Li Phi (it means spirit trap), which are very powerful indeed. Local fishermen stand on huge rocks & fish with two handed nets. If they fell in, I wouldn't hold out much hope for them. There is a very clean beach and the path of an old railway line (the only railway track ever laid in Laos!) Why did the French colonials start a railway on a small island I ask myself? Graham informs me that it was part of grand plan to use the Mekong as a transport conduit; obviously it failed. On the day when we walk the few miles of the old railway we have to go through some wet forested areas & cross some old bridges constructed from the old railway. At the third bridge the iron work is corroded & there are only two planks of wood for crossing. The drop is around twenty feet, so sensibly we turn back not wanting to risk going

Main Square

This was the main square in Don Khon village on Don Khon. I think it was a Sunday morning. Mind you everyday felt like Sunday.

into a hospital here. I feel pain in my feet and look down to see that I have leeches on my feet and legs! Some are small but others are larger. As fast as I get them off some more attach themselves. Graham ends up with socks soaked in blood as they get down inside them. It's all really unpleasant and at this point I'm pleased that Graham is still a smoker. Picture the scene with me shouting "Quick!Quick! Light up NOW!" He manages to burn off the bigger buggers whilst I pull off the devilishly quick small ones. They are disgusting creatures. They sit on bits of wood waiting for unsuspecting flesh. Leech score: Gaynor 5 - Graham 2. When we return, Tyler and Claudia recount similar experiences from walking in other parts of Laos. There isn't that much to do here but one evening we are treated to a David Attenborough-style spectacle. For about thirty minutes we watch five geckos go on a feeding frenzy. They catch & munch their way through a number of large mayfly-type flies. One pair even have a bit of rumpy-pumpy, twisting and cavorting by the glow of a forty-watt bulb. After the

Sunset over rice fields

It soon pelted down after this. The wind whips up out of nowhere & then the rain comes down in torrents for around thirty minutes to an hour.

female has had enough, the male licks himself clean & his willie, of which he has two, looks rather sore. We move onto eat at Chanthouma's restaurant and this feeding frenzy continues. We have geckos, toads hopping all over the spot, a cat stamping & a cockerel all managing to scoff tonnes of these irritating flies. In total we spend four days there just knocking about. Is it right to be so lazy we ask ourselves? After giving this some careful thought, we agree that yes it is!

We begin to move north & head for a town called Pakse. This is only a few hours away. The roads here are good & blissfully free of traffic. The landscape is quite boring in this part of Laos, similar to Cambodia. There is no notion of a motorway and all roads are just two-lane affairs. Pakse is another sleepyish town. We get the feeling that all Lao towns are like this. It lies on the edge of the Bolaven Plateau, where there are waterfalls and coffee plantations. We have a bit of comfort in our hotel. The open-air rooftop restaurant affords lovely views of the Mekong & the surrounding countryside

Shakin' it boss. Shakin' it

Spent ages watching geckoes indulging themselves in a feeding & rumpy pumpy fest'.

- when it's open. We are now experiencing some very heavy rain nearly every day as the wet season begins to assert itself. We visit Tad Fan waterfall one day. This is supposed to be quite impressive with a drop of 120 metres. The only way to see the entire drop is to make your way down the perilously steep & slippery path. Gaynor doesn't get as far as the steep bit as she's on her arse pretty damned quick and goes back to the top. I, on the other hand, head on down. After two slips, one on my front & the other on my bum, absolutely no way near the bottom and with a good covering of mud I struggle back up the treacherous slope giving up on the hope of seeing the falls in their entirity. We head to another waterfall called Tad Yuang. This is much better. I am impressed but Gaynor less so, which is excusable as she's been to Niagara. It's strange because when you are at the top, it's a peaceful river with nothing to suggest a waterfall is near except a wooden sign with a skull & crossbones on it. However, as

Reading

Gaynor & the restaurant owner's daughter.

soon as it drops over, it's 120 feet of raging power ending in a boiling, frothing mass.

We leave Pakse & head for the capital, Vientiane. We go by VIP bus & it's non-stop for around 700km. You get a face wipe, some sweeties, water & a curry! A bit different from National Express, eh? They switch on the karaoke DVD. This is not for singing along to but I believe it's to gently lull you to sleep. We have no idea what to expect but as Vientiane is the capital city, we imagine it will be busy. We choose the Asia Pavillion Hotel for it's modern historic appeal as it was the choice of accommodation for spies & the other miscreants during the war here in the 1960s-1970s. I don't think they have cleaned it since. Peeling wallpaper, thick layers of dust, mattresses that looked like hill ranges. They want $25.00 for a double. We scarper & find a delightful hotel: The Vayakorn Guesthouse. At $22.00 a night, which is around 12.00 pounds, you get a huge,comfortable bed, lovely hardwood furniture, lots of coathangers, A/C, a telly and a great bathroom with a very flattering mirror. We quickly

Tad Yuang Falls

Near Pakse. These had a drop of around 120 feet. I found them quite impressive.

manage to lock ourselves OUT of the bathroom, which is something neither of have ever managed before. Vientiane is the quietest city we think we have ever been in! It's Saturday & it feels like a Sunday in Saltburn. Uncanny is a good way to describe it. We stoat around the town & book flights to Phonasavan in the north, for here lies the mysterious Plain of Jars. (We don't fancy eleven hours on the bus just two days after a ten-hour bus journey.)

So what does Vientiane have to offer? Initially there doesn't seem to be too much. We head to the Patuxai. This is a quadri-arch built in 1962 and is Vientiane's biggest monument but it isn't a monument to anything. It's similar to the Arc de Triomphe in gay Paris. It was built using American-donated cement that was meant to be used to build an airport. On the top we meet a monk and have a simple chat about Manchester United. Gaynor later finds herself in conversation with another monk (this becomes a bit of a theme here). A random woman asks if she can have her picture taken with me. The street photographers here all

Do as you are told.

Very strange seeing a sign like this. I don't think we ever see them at home now.

carry portable printers with them. They snap a photo' and hey presto, it's printed in front of you. Why she wanted a picture with me, I don't understand. Can anyone enlighten me here? We find a lovely restaurant called Sticky Fingers. The food is good & we have half a carafe of red wine (how's that for sophistication?).

Phonsavan

Monday morning & we have a flight to catch. This turns into one of those "The Simpsons" flights (Phonsavan is only 374km away). We take off, get to the required altitude, go straight for ten minutes, descend & land. Total flying time; thirty-five minutes and this is in a 56 seater propeller plane! They give us marmalade sandwiches as the in-flight snack and we feel like Paddington Bear. We are now confused as surely this should happen in darkest Peru not Laos. Ah, Phonsavan, where the temperature is a blissful 26 degrees. We get a free lift into town & look for "The Nice Guesthouse". It is very nice and we go for the expensive room (100,000 kip around 6.50 (quid). We have come to Phonsavan to see the Plain of Jars & to try to understand aspects of this

Goldsmith at work

In Vientiane at Talat Sao market. A row of goldsmiths do their thing.

country's more recent history. Phonsavan is in Xien Khuang province, which was one of the most heavily bombed provinces in Laos during the secret war carried out by the US. Laos itself is the most heavily bombed country on earth ever. The US dropped over 2,000,000 tonnes of bombs between 1964-1973. We get the hard sell from one guide and decide to shop around . We meet an English woman called Tara , who tells us about the tours from her guesthouse. There are a range of options and we go go for a full-day starting at 7am the following day. One of the most important places to visit in Phonsavan is the MAG (Mines Advisory Group) office. This is the publicity base of the British charity and you can watch films all about their work in Laos. Check out their website: MAG. One film called "Bombies" (these are the bomblets released by cluster bombs) focuses on the dangers faced everyday by people who are trying to clear land for farming. It also focuses on how children find the yellow "bombies" and mistake them for fruit or toys and end up being killed or maimed when they explode. The British

Patuxai in Vientiane

This is Vientiane's largest monument. It's not a monument to anything other than the American-donated cement used to build it was diverted from it's original destination. So, it's a monument to thieving, I suppose.

bomb disposal experts interviewed are highly critical of the the way the US has failed to take responsibility for what it did to Laos and how it has offered very little in terms of financial help to right its wrongs. Graham, Tara and myself (like everybody else in the audience) buy a T-shirt and are thanked for our donation. Some of the old footage about the so-called "Secret War" in Laos is really informative. Watching Nixon and various US government underlings lying to camera about the dropping of bombs on Laos makes you so angry.

The next day turns out to be a great day. At 7am sharp our mini-bus with driver and young guide called Xor Yang collect us and take us to Site One of the Plain of Jars. (There are four sites but number 1 is the most important.) We are the ONLY visitors and Xor Yang explains the different archaeological theories about the jars. He asks us what we think. We have read up on them and feel the most logical explanation is that they were large cremation urns. Before you enter the site there is a board from MAG (The Mines Advisory Group) advising

Hard at Work

They know how to put the hours in.

you to keep withn the white blocks adjacent to the paths as areas outside may still have unexploded ordnance. We realise just how dangerous a walk in the country can be in Laos. The landscape here in northern Laos is more like that of England. The lower temperature, the rolling hills and grass reminds us of a warm July day at home. It makes a pleasant change from the endless oil and banana palms that we've seen in the past couple of months. We go onto a walking part of the tour which involves a long, steep climb to a river and a not very powerful waterfall. Graham does the whole climb with Xor Yang but I'm feeling a bit ashmatic and halfway down the steep limb I turn back fearing an attack on the way back up. I go back to the mini-bus and meet two little girls who can be no more than six or seven. They are playing far from their village and they have a large, sharp sickle! I come from a family so keen on health & safety that I wasn't allowed to boil a kettle until I was twelve so the sight of young

Disembarking at Xien Khuang Airport.

After a Simpsonsesque flight of thirty-five minutes we find ourselves in Phonsavan. Wee G pretends she's disembarking from her own Learjet!

children with such implements is a constant shock. Throughout Asia I've seen very young children with sharp knives, sickles and machetes. Sometimes it's a bit of a culture shock.
We go on to a village called Tah Gok, where its inhabitants have utilised old cluster bomb casings for feed troughs for animals , planters for spring onions and even as stilts for their houses! The people are H'Mong are there are about two hundred families in the village. Bits of old ordnance can be seen as a parts of a smithy, as fencing and some is even melted down and fashioned into knives, spoons etc which can then be sold. It's incredible. After lunch & meeting a highly irritating young American we go to a set of hot springs known as "Little Hot Springs". The river that they bubble into is the colour of chocolate. The actual spring is crystal clear but is egg-boiling temperature, which you find out when you pop your foot in it & release a shed-load of expletives. It drains into other pools, which are slightly cooled by water from the Willy Wonka chocolate river. The pools are still too hot. You end up sitting in

Bomb

It's what is says on the tin. What cracks me up is that it's "General Purpose". I think they forgot to add the word destruction to that description.

the chocolate river as the still hot water drains into it. A strange setting: Gaynor in boardshorts & T-shirt, me in an old pair of cycling shorts & the guide in his underpants all sitting in a warm flow of chocolate-coloured water. It's also raining and you watch people wading through to the other side & the remainder of small slash and burn fires on the hillside. The final place we see is Tham Piu cave. As in other parts of Laos, caves were used for protection from US bombing missions. People generally lived in them when bombing became intensive. Not only did they provide shelter, but also much needed hospitals & schools. However, on one fateful day, 24th November 1968 at 1.30pm a US rocket was fired directly into the cave killing 374 civilians. The previous two rockets had missed the cave itself, hitting the walls outside. It's so very, very quiet. Having been in other caves & seen the usual cave-dwellers such as bats, spiders & other sundry creepy-crawlies, there is absolutely nothing in this one. It lends the cave a supernatural air. A lone swift flies in & out in a jiffy. As you walk back down,

Us on the Plain of Jars

This jar was the biggest of them all.

you can see the graves of many of the victims scattered across the hillside. We go to our guide's village to meet his parents but they are not in. He thinks they are working in the fields. There is one last surprise in store for us. There is a huge bomb crater right next to his parents' house! He tells us they were very lucky as a bomb fell here in 1968 and, miraculously, they weren't killed. We go back to Phonsavan as he tells us, "Tour is finished."

Luang Prabang

Every guidebook says that every traveller coming to this UNESCO sponsored town stays longer than they originally planned as they meld into the slow languid pace of life here. Tish-tosh & poppycock we say. We endure a seven & a half hour bus journey along the windiest road ever. For around 230km the road just goes round & round and up & down. I know I have written about winding roads before but this one does take the biscuit. There is barely a straight section to it but the scenery is lovely. Peaks as far as you can see, snaking roads & roadside villages. It's also in these

Plain of Jars

This was site one and is safe for walking around as all the UXO has been cleared. No-one knows what these jars were for or from where they came.

parts where you see just how poor this country is. A surprising sght to see on the bus was an AK47. Just before we arrived in Luang Prabang a chap got off. He reached up into the luggage rack, pulled down his AK & wrapped it in his jacket. It was a bit of a jaw dropper! It happens again when we return to Vientiane. Another guy is on board with an AK47. We are not sure if these are guards as there were numerous problems a few years ago on the two roads we used (highways 7 & 13.) Apparently, there was a H'mong uprising & buses on these two routes were regularly ambushed. A few foreigners were killed during some of these attacks. It's all over now but that still begs the question: Why are people getting on the bus with AK47s? We get to Luang Prabang & instantly take a huge disliking to it. It is a very pretty town with lovely French-era colonial architechture but it is very sanitised. Many use it as a jumping off point for walks, elephant things, rafting trips etc. We have already done a bunch of these elsewhere & walking in

Growing Onions

They use the casings from cluster bombs as herb gardens.

thirty plus degrees is not fun. We decide two nights will be enough. I meet another monk & have a chat with him. He actually asks me to read him a story from his book. The story is about why cats don't like mice anymore & want to eat them. It's actually a highly moral tale. The book he has is interesting in itself. The stories are both in Lao & in English. An organiastion called Big Brother Mouse,we mentioned earlier, publishes books of varying levels from easy to difficult. The purpose is to get Lao people reading as the literacy rate is very low. There is not a reading culture here. With Big Brother Mouse, you can buy books & distribute them to schools that you pass. Gaynor sees another snake & is chuffed & and we vow to eat no more Indian food as that is what we have eaten for the last three days. We are both tired of the old vindaloo fury! We do try some rather tasty local sausages but they were a bit too dry. We are heading back to Vientiane on the morrow, entailing another lengthy and no doubt winding journey.

Vientiane

Pigeon House

In the same Hmong village as the onion garden. They use tonnes of this stuff for all sorts of things.

We arrive back in Vientiane. It's a Friday & very difficult to find a room. Gaynor looks at one place but it smells of pee. I look at another & again no. I saw into one "guest's" room & it was no more than a mattress on the floor. We do find a room, which is clean, has hot water & doesn't smell of pee. Later that evening we find a flyer advertsing a women's rugby sevens tournament between teams from Cambodia, Laos & Thailand. This is to be followed by a full match between the national teams of Laos & Cambodia as part of the Mekong Cup. We are both excited, especially Wee G as she has never been to a live rugby match before (I have been to three so this makes me the resident expert.) That night we dream of scrums, rucks & cauliflower ears. It's rugby day. We partake of a hearty breakfast & set off to catch the bus to the Dong Doc University Stadium. Everyone is very friendly on the local bus and people direct us to the campus stadium. Down the path we go. The stands are quite full and there are a

Not quite a diamond necklace

It stops the pigs from getting into gardens.

few ex-pats. The women's sevens tournament has just begun. We get ourselves a Cumberland hot-dog each and settle. Wee G gets out her binoculars to follow the action. Phnom Penh Ladies play in pink but they are merciless. Throughout the tournament players crash, tumble, sprain wrists, twist ankles & I think there is at least one concussion. The final of the women's sevens will be played during the half-time break of the Laos - Cambodia match. Incidentally, it's Phnom Penh Ladies vs Roi Et (Thailand).

The main event. Laos PDR vs Cambodia. Rugby is a relatively new sport in this part of Asia. The coaches of the nationals squads are foreigners; an Irish guy coaches the Laos team & someone called Brian Thomas coaches the Cambodian team. Both teams have a couple of foreigners playing, as the rules state a foreigner can play for the national team if he has been a permanet resident for 36 months or longer. Well what an exciting match readers! Laos break the Cambodian defence early on to score a penalty. It becomes tit-for tat in scoring terms. There are crunching tackles, one punch-up, numerous line-outs, good rucks, a stretcher-case and a few substitutions.

Legs

Well, that's what they are.

Ultimately Laos pip Cambodia beating them by 15 points to 14. Roi Et (the Thai team) beat Phnom Penh Ladies. Today was not to be Cambodia's day but the two national squads will meet again in Jakarta in July. We depart to catch a local bus back but these Irish chaps we met shout after us, "Hey, Scottish couple." We go back & we all pile onto the Cambodian national squad's coach, as they have offered us a lift back into town! How kind is that? When we get back we go for a wee drink & in the space of five minutes we witness three drug deals & one of the roughest streetwalkers I've ever seen. Time for beddy-byes methinks.

The next day is our last full day in Laos as tomorrow we are off to Malaysia via Thailand. We decide to go to Xieng Khuan (Buddha Park). The founder died in 1996 but left a legacy of interpretative sculptures fusing Buddhism & Hinduism. It was founded in 1958 from some sort of mystical encounter between the founder & an "Old Wise Man". One of the most bizarre sculptures is the Giant Pumpkin. You can climb up it

Cluster bomb casings

Just lying around. They had also made a fence of these. It's all free as well. They just take risks getting the stuff.

& go inside it. It is meant to represent three levels: Hell, Heaven & Earth. Only Hell is illuminated & to access earth & heaven you must first go through Hell. A huge reclining Buddha lies a third of the length of the park and it has become a legitimate place of worship. You deposit your money, shake out a fortune stick & then pick up the correct interpretation. We head back into Vientiane & go for a foot massage. We have had so many of these. If you have an hour to spare, I can't recommend this highly enough. Someone pampering your tired Tootsy McTurks. That evening as we are dining on the banks of the Mekong, eating prawns the size of your hand, we are treated to mother nature's light show, lightning but no thunder. For three hours we watch sections of Vientiane being lit up. Suddenly we do get thunder, the usual rising wind & then the heavens split. The rain is superb in its intensity but I am so glad that its only for short periods.

Well, we are leaving today for Thailand to catch a train to Malaysia. We don't know what time we

Grinding

Gaynor having a go at grinding chicken meal. It was quite hard work. Bless her.

are leaving yet as we got a bit distracted by a visit to the COPE (Co-operative for Orthotics & Prosthetics Enterprise) centre. This is another organisation that provides free orthotic & prosthetic devices to those who just cannot afford them. They may be victims of UXO, another accident or perhaps they were born with a need. This organisation can help them. They have a great exhibition regarding UXO and aspects of rural Laos life. They have interviews with the parents of children who have died as a result of UXO & it just brings tears to your eyes. On an up note, one of the interview/profiles is with a prosthetic technician at the COPE centre. The best part of the interview/profile is at the end when he takes his leg off! So it's not all doom & gloom. COPE We get the tea-time bus across to Nong Khai in Thailand & book into the Mut Mee guesthouse for a few days before taking the numerous trains througn the length of Thailand to Butterwoth in Malaysia.

Reflections. We have really enjoyed Laos. Gaynor coined it very well: "It's a country that slowly unfurls itself to you. Much like a flower

Tham Piu Cave

On Wednesday November 24th 1968 at 13.30 a US plane fired a rocket into the mouth of this cave killing 374 civilians. No matter what you think, you cannot escape this sort of reminder in Laos.

from bud to bloom." It certainly feels like a laid back country & this is reflected in the people. They are warm & friendly. They say hello to you in such a welcoming manner and not just because you are a foreigner. The north of the country is beautiful. Rolling hills giving way to mountains & steep folds. Roads wind their serpentine routes from town to town & village to village. Beautiful water buffalo, great big benign creatures that are so important to people here. We love them. Gaynor would like one but not in the flat obviously. We'll have to get another allotment. There is huge ethnic diversity, which we barely touched. Oh well, another time perhaps.

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