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Published: November 6th 2007
(continued...)
You don't have to think about it to define it: it's the "grass is always greener" phenomenon. What you have to think about is how to change this phenomenon into one that's going to make you a happier, better person.
Isn't that what everyone wants: to be happy? Ask anybody what the secret of life is and they'll either say "to be happy," to something that basically means "to be happy." So why are so many people just not happy with their lives? Sure some are, but many people are wishing or dreaming for something else, and usually blaming something about their current life for the reason why they're not as happy as they could be. You don't have to be sad, depressed, or miserable to 'not be happy'. I mean, my life is great, but that doesn't mean I wasn't wanting more and thinking I didn't have enough, and wasn't happy enough. What's preventing people from being truly happy is not their 9-5 job. It's not the crap-pay, the small apartment or house, the ungrateful kids/wife/husband/friends/parents etc. None of these things are what's preventing any of us from being happy; it's the damn "grass is greener" phenomenon!
Think about it. The only reason I wanted to be in Bali 3 years ago was because I wasn't. Now that I'm in Bali, I'd rather have the luxuries of America. But when I had the luxuries of America, I chose to go to Korea for a year. Once I was in Korea, I couldn't wait to go to Australia, and once I get there, I'm sure I'll rather be in the much cheaper Philippines. But when I was in the Philippines all I could think about was my trip to New Zealand. And when I'm there, I bet I'll love it, but after a month I know I'll just be biting at the nip to be back in Japan, even though while I was there I was comparing it to Costa Rica, which is where I thought, once I was there, there would be no other place I'd rather be. Yet, on my first trip to Costa Rica, I decided I couldn't live in Costa Rica for a year. So, I chose not to come back to Costa to get a job, but to make it, instead, a place where I would vacation regularly.
What does all
this mean? Well, nothing and at the same time everything. Nothing because it doesn't matter where I've been, where I'm going, or where I am. What does matter is where I want to be, and
that is everything. My conversation with Jon and the time I spent afterwards thinking about it helped me realize why most people aren't happy with where they are (or what they have) - not even the guys renting surfboards on the beaches of Bali.
What then, will cure us of this "grass is greener" phenomenon that you say is preventing us from being happy? I'm afraid many people use alcohol to cure this problem, but I'm sorry to say, that cure is only temporary, and if you try to make it permanent, then you've got another problem. The only cure I can think of is the same as the cure for an alcohol problem: recognize it and do something to change it.
This is what Jon, his brother Paul, and I talked about as the Sun tucked itself behind the horizon of Kuta beach in Bali. I told him that millions of Americans wish they were him. He smiled a little as I
explained how lucky I and other Americans would say his life is. I told him that he was living my dream and that it took me 3 years of hard work just to get to sit next to him for a week. I told him the first trick to being happy and one that I’ve been working hard on recently is to think of all the things that you are happy for, grateful for, and lucky to have. For him, I pointed out the beautiful sunsets, the amazing waves and the gorgeous beach. He immediately caught on and said "yeah, and I get to see all kinds of pretty girls, and different ones every week, too!" He smiled as he pictured the European and Australian women in bikinis and already I could see his mindset begin to change.
I said to him "sometimes you have to think about that. I try to sit down at least once a week and think about all the reasons I'm lucky, all the things I'm grateful for. You should do that too. Think about all the things you have that you're happy for, or that you're lucky to have. Then," I continued, "Then
ask yourself what you really want. What is it that you really want? What is that one thing that will make you really happy? If it is just to get out of Indonesia and see another country, then just think about it. Be positive. Say to yourself 'I will go to another country one day.' Then, if you remain positive and do the things you have to do to make that happen: work hard, save some money, remain positive and open, then guess what? Sooner or later, you'll be there. You'll be in Malaysia or the Philippines or somewhere and you'll think back to this moment and you'll be happy."
Jon's wondering eyes were focused off somewhere past the horizon scanning for the truth of the future. Seeing the gaze in his eyes, I could feel the hope in him rising as he saw this future I described as if it was true. I tried to keep the conversation as simple as I could for him because he had told me that his English was self-taught and lacking. But he got it. Somewhere in him, he understood what I am trying to understand myself.
We parted as the
Sun was making room for the stars. I thanked Jon for the conversation and the board. He thanked me for renting the board, and for "the ideas" he said, as he pointed to his head and grinned an optimistic grin. We both laughed and I bid him farewell.
I walked down the beach that night with a smile in my soul. I felt good about life and was excited about the future. No matter what happens to Jon, I felt like he went home a little more grateful for his life and a little more hopeful about the future. And sometimes, in life, all you need is to be happy with where you are, and hopeful about where you're going.
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gardenstate
non-member comment
" grass is greener on the other side " it is true. it makes me think about my America dream ? ( trip ) next year. it makes me think a lot. thanks for the ideas. I am gonna give it a shot. life moves on... we live once. and you ARE an awesome writer. I miss Mr lotion. we miss you!