A Beautiful Union, Hindu-Style

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After an extremely fitfull afternoon and evening of sleep, I awoke early at 6am and started a routine with the hopes of improving my stay here in India. While there have been enjoyable outings and warm company, I have been decidedly ill-at-ease since falling sick and must make a conscious decision from here on in to do everything in my power to be happy and have a good time. I think that if I am able to give my body what it needs, hopefully my mind, and heart, will follow suit. This decided, I began a yoga and stretching regiment and felt much better and more present as a result.

Today, being the last day before the wedding festivities begin, we went to Style Queen Uma's Ladies Beauty Clinic for Abi to have a test-run for her makeup, to get waxing and threading and, best of all, to have our mehndi (henna) done. I had been looking foward to this part for quite some time and was really enthralled with the whole experience. As Uma and I sat cross-legged on the floor, using a towel-covered stool as a table, we chatted (her English was limited, but very clear) and Abi translated for an old Muslim woman who was waiting for her granddaughter. All of the typical questions were asked first; where from? do you like India? are you married?

The topic of marriage was particularly interesting as each of us had a different story to share. Uma had married at 18 and had two sons, now in their early 20's.She commented how it was preferable to marry early and have children because then a woman could focus on her career fully afterwards. The old woman had maried even earlier and in the fashion typical for her people; she did not see or even speak to her husband before the first night (even at the wedding, the bride and groom are separated by an opaque sheet.) Abi told her tale of happily marrying for love (as opposed to an arranged marriage) and smiles were shared around the room. When asked about my marital status,I replied that I am without husband. Uma asked how old I am and why a woman of 24 would not be more fully engaged in the search for a partner. I smiled, and holding myself back from launching into my full treatise on the subject, replied that it wasn't my time yet but that I want to have children and imagine I will marry sooner than later. She acknowledged this reponse with a nod and asked what my parents thought of this. I told her that provided I found a man that was good and would treat me well, they would be happy. The group of women appeared to be satisfied with this response and moved on to asking about what my and Abi's parents do, what the roads are like in Canada and about snow. When all was said and done, I left with beautiful, swirling designs on my hands, some nice costume jewelery for the wedding, and memories of the stories of diverse women to last a lifetime.

The next day there was plenty of activity as everyone prepared themselves for the engagement ceremony and reception later that evening. Hindu weddings are grand productions ineed, and this evening's events involved Abi changing sarees (and therefore makeup and jewelery) halfway through the ceremony. There were also multiple photo shoots of bride, groom, bride and groom, brife and groom and family, bride and groom and friend's of family all of which was also captured on video, to be complied into a DVD. While I accept that this is the way things are done among these people, it all seems like a lot of fuss to me and strengthened my conviction to have a simple, laid-back gathering of loved ones when my time comes to tie the knot. This being said, the ritual involved in the process was quite beautiful to behold and I was happy to be there (dressed in a red saree, no less!)

The next day of wedding festivities began early as we woke at 5am to prepare for the 9am ceremony. As everyone dressed in their finery and Abi had her makeup applied by Uma, I marveled at being able to witness such an event. It was my great honor to be able to accompany Abi, along with her Mona Chity, her cousin-to-be Dyvia and the flower girls to the stage. I then took my seat with Abi's Ama and looked on as the beautiful ritual was played out to the beat of steady drums. While I do not pretend to understand the vast majority of what took place, it felt spectacular and sacred, and I was happy to be there. At the lunch reception after the stream of people lined up for a picture with the new couple, I was treated like royalty, being asked to sit with the female elders of Sangeev's family, who all made sure I had enough of everything and showered me constantly with warm smiles.

At the conclusion of these events, Abi, Sangeev and her family went for Abi's first visit at the family house, while I greatfully took the afternoon by myself. I have always enjoyed the company of others and coming from a large family, I am used to being around people a lot, but by this point I was beginning to feel smothered for not being able to go out on my own. I felt elated at the opportunity to explore by myself for awhile. I went first to the photo shop, where a helpful woman named Chitra assisted me in transfering my photos to a disk. Being in Trichy, a small town, I attract quite a bit of attention and had all of the girl's in the shop eagerly trying to pronounce my name and beaming beautiful smiles and giggles at me. It felt really good to make my way, successfully, around to the places I needed to go, and I felt much more spacious upon my return.

The evening was spent once again at the family house, where Vimla Chity gave me a beautiful silver cuff bracelet, exactly my style and told me how much she had enjoyed meeting me and offered me warm welcome anytime I was in India again. Extremely touched by her kind thoughtfullness, I thanked her and invited her to my home if ever she found herself in Canada. Goodbyes were exchanged all around as we were leaving for Chennai once again the following morning. I feel very warm and positive after our stay in Trichy and think I will miss this place and it's friendly people...

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