Enlightened, I am NOT (yet)

---

The silence has broken and I must have rewritten this blog in my mind a zillion different times while I was suppose to be busy meditating and concentrating on my respiration. It’s hard to describe the experience in mere words… In the tropical jungle of Kerala, I entered into the Vipasanna Meditation Center not exactly sure what I would encounter. The Center itself was newly created and still under construction. Our group of 15 men and 7 women (gotta love the male/female ratio!) was the second course that the Center coordinated. It’s unusual to have such a small, intimate group since courses in other locations can host hundreds, even thousands of participants. So upon arriving and waiting for the course to actually start, the females had a chance to get to know each other which was nice since it was clear I wasn’t the only one that was apprehensive about the experience. There was a collective relief when we realize that we were all ‘normal’ and cool and not some whacked out head case- especially since we would have to co-exist together for 10 days in silence… The bond was felt immediately, at least on my part, and it felt like we were all jumping into a dark abyss together- here we go with nervous anticipation.

The ground rules were such:

• No Lying (ok, easy enough)
  
• No Stealing (I can handle that)
  
• No drugs/alcohol/smoking (will miss the beer but ok)
  
• No sexual misconduct (not sure what that means but I think I can control myself especially since the sexes were segregated)
  
• No talking/communication either verbally or bodily with anyone (OK, this will be weird but maybe a nice way to relax, perhaps?)
  
• In addition, we were not allowed to have any books, writing materials, electronics or anything else that might distract us from the meditation itself- This included any form of exercise except for walking (but only in the roped off parts of the Center)
  

There were many times, at least once a day and at most every second, that I thought I just entered a voluntary prison except worse… At least in jail, you can talk and have an hour of outdoor activity… Your torture here was to sit on your behind for 10 hours a day, attempting to find a position that won’t numb my foot or make my back ache, try to quiet your noisy, flaky mind while concentrating on perhaps the most mundane action of my mere existence- respiration… In a word, HELL!! Can we at least concentrate of an image or chant silently a mantra? Nope- that is not Vipasanna mediation. Urgh, I’m not quite sure this is a good fit for me- they can’t seriously expect me to sit here for 10 days and focus on the air in- air out of my nose and not think of ANYTHING else!! This simple technique can’t possibly liberate me from my miseries- in fact it’s aggravating my miseries! And if so, is it really necessary to have a 10 day course? I get it, I get it- breathe in- breathe out- no big deal… Now can we get out of the cross legged position- I CAN’T FEEL ANYTHING BELOW MY KNEES! Owww!

I’m not sure why I stayed. Most likely, my ego would not let me quit. Also, the promise that this technique will surely liberate me of all my misery didn’t hurt. In fact, the respiration technique (which lasted the first 3 days) was only to prepare us to learn the actual Vipasanna technique. What is this elusive Vipasanna technique (which I so wanted to relieve me of this horrid leg cramping pain and back aching misery)? The brilliant technique was- the pain was all in your mind and you must not react to the pain- Just observe the pain- OBSERVE THE PAIN?!? What- That’s it? You’ve got to be kidding me?!? Apparently the idea was that, like all things in life, the pain will subside eventually (yeah, like when my leg falls off from numbness!).

Despite my sarcastic comments and after completing the 10 days (still have no idea how I managed to stay), I can confidently say I did, in fact, get some spiritual benefits out of it. It reinforced my belief that when one embodies positive energies, one will attract positive energies and likewise for negativity. Also, change is constant and there is no real way to avoid misery in life. Misery is a part of life (hence, the leg cramps)… the only thing you can control is your reaction to that misery and sometimes, your quick reaction is the cause of your misery… It’s a good lesson to learn albeit a hard one too- It’s much easier to blame others for our miseries rather than point the finger at ourselves… You reap what you sow and if you sow seeds of sweetness and positivity, you will surely bear the sweet fruits in your life. It’s easy to intellectualize but much, much harder to practice especially when all you crave if for this horrible leg cramp to just go away!!!

Living in this silent community bonded the group more than I ever anticipated. After the silence was broken and we all exchanged stories and shared our troubles, miseries, breakthroughs and tribulations throughout the 10 days, the majority of us decided to go to Varkala, a stretch of cliff-lined beaches about 2 hours away from the center, to decompress from the meditation. Oh, how quickly old habits come back alive! Before we know it, we were ordering another round of beers and sharing laughs about the 10 days and all the random coincidences on both the male and female camps. It was really a special experience and it was nice to feel part of a big group after traveling alone for so long. I felt a real sisterhood with the women in the group and really appreciated the time to live and learn from them. I feel luck to celebrate completing the course in such a beautiful location- it’s quite remarkable!

I will be leaving this unbelievable location on Sunday to fly up north to see a Roger Waters (of Pink Floyd) Concert in Mumbai. It’s suppose to be the biggest concert ever in India so even though I’m not a die hard fan of Pink Floyd, the experience of going to the biggest music concert on the Indian subcontinent has made me curious enough to journey there and attend. Then I’ll be trekking around Maharastra to check out some Buddhist caves and temples… Write More soon!

---