Bombay Belly, Burn and Bloody annoying old men

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After nearly getting runover several times on the journey to the internet cafe we thought we'd write about what we've done so far just in case we don't make it back to the other side. We’ve been in India for 12 days and already want to kill various members of our tour party. Especially 72 year old Maurice. Yes 72. And Mike the chain-smoking, “well-travelled”, Communist, “Cambridge graduate”. We are the youngest in the group by at least a decade and if it wasn’t for our guide Manu being very normal and sane then we would probably have flown home already! People aside we’ve done some amazing things already and move every 2 days so it seems like we’ve been away ages. Our introduction to India was an insane taxi journey from the airport - Indians don’t use lanes, weave their way round rickshaws and elephants and don’t have a problem driving head on into oncoming buses. We then spent a few days by the beach at Kovalam, mostly having our white, bikini-clad bodies photographed/filmed by various sleazy men with cameras/camera phones! We then saw various palaces and temples, including a very impressive temple in Madurai where we were blessed by the temple elephant (it bashed us on the head with its trunk!) when we gave it 10 rupees. Madurai was also where Becky went to her first wedding – we were invited into a Hindu wedding, was truly bizarre but amazing, they loved us and made us get on stage with the bride and groom for photos! The wedding car was a Fiat Punto with pink crepe paper carnations selotaped all over it. Our next adventure involved stepping straight into the Jungle Book (in Rosie’s head at least!). After an anxious night dreaming of tigers (there were 50 in a 777km squared area!) we went on a jungle trek in Periyar wildlife reserve fully armed with 2 Swiss army knives, a rape alarm and matches (tigers are afraid of man’s red fire). Regardless, on arrival, we were informed by our funny little ‘jungle born’ guide, that it’s the elephants and the wild boar we should be worried about. Moments later, we happened upon some whopping great elephant poo, and proceeded to follow it for a good hour. Rosie was expcting to see the grim reaper in the form of 10 tusked elephants at every corner- but alas no. Suffice to say we didn’t see any tigers or elepahnts (until later from a safe distance, and on a boat) but did see a herd of angry wild boar; monkeys; giant “killer” squirrels and deer ( including an absolutely massive stag- the size of a house- think Bambi’s Dad). Later that day we relaxed and treated our tired muscles to an Ayurvedic massage, literal translation : full, naked, intimate, oily body rub. But not entirely unpleasant, except for one of our tour party Colette (a thirty something woman seeking husband/sperm so she can have a baby before the body clock stops ticking) who after her massage said “my mother hasn’t even touched me in those places” and “I feel so dirty, like I’ve slept with someone”. She has just about recovered. Colette also refuses to eat anything spicy and sends back most meals. We, however, were just about getting used to it until Dehli Belly struck with a vengeance, first taking Rosie, closely followed by Becky within 24 hours. We now crave cheese on toast and think our delicate insides deserve some TLC in the form of Pizza Hut so we’re going there now! After the illness traumas we did get to relax on Kerala’s beautiful backwaters for a few days and have spent today at a posh hotel pool, getting suitably sunburnt! Hope everyone is well. We can’t put pictures up yet as despite everyone having camera phones and other such technology when we are in bikinis, the internet café does not seem to have the facilities to deal with our already full memory cards! At least that gives you something to look forward to (or maybe not, we do have at least 600 photos already!).

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Comments

[hannah]

pizza hut
watch the fat spritz on the pizza hut, delicate stomachs may not hold it too well! sounds like your having a wicked time, u no u'll miss maurice when he's gone! miss u, lovelove xxxxx

[ro]

lizzie's email address
Hey Becca, u sound like u r having a great time! just to let u know lizzie's email address is actually [e-mail]. xx

[Katie]

Hey Gay!
Sounds like you are having a great time although you still can't beat the crap weather of here, and the snow. It was so good that we shut at 12 on Friday coz we had no customers! All the staff say hi, much love xxx