SF or Bangalore??

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For first few weeks I was India, I kept thinking my company had sent me to San Francisco, CA instead of Bangalore, India in error. It s no wonder I fell in love with Bangalore. As I first got acclimated to the city, I was stuck by the similarities between San Francisco and Bangalore.

Let me explain some of the things in common:

First and foremost, both cities are overcrowded and facing a housing shortage. There are numerous buildings being built in both cities to match the demand of its citizens. Like SF, everywhere you look there is construction going on and if they aren’t building a new apartment complex they are remodeling an old one.

Both SF and Bangalore are IT hubs. Tons of people in both cities, mostly young highly educated, work in the IT or dot com industry.

Another similarity is the lack of grass. In most sections of both cities the only place you find any grass is in the parks. Now granted Bangalore has Palm Meadows and some other communities on the outskirts of town that have lawns, as SF has the “Avenues” but in the city proper you only find lawns at the parks which are numerous in both cities. In many ways my visit to the Lalbagh Botanical Gardens reminded me a lot of Golden Gate Park with the rolling lawns, forest areas, lakes, etc. The only thing missing from Lalbaugh was the large homeless population and crack whores.

Bangalore like SF is also building a very big bridge that has been under construction for many years, and is currently way over budget, with no end in sight, and no real progress. The bridge here is called a “fly-over”, but it is hard to say exactly what it will look like when it is completed (much like the bay bridge which I think is on it 50th design revision since it was first proposed). One striking difference between both cities are people’s attitude towards the bridge construction. I asked a few people at work and that I hung out with about the “fly-over” and what they thought about it and what it would look like and I received responses such as:

“I can’t wait to see what it looks like when it is done.”

“They have been building it forever! Not really sure what it will look like when it is done, or how exactly they will be connecting the roads..”

“Yea, I am not too sure what exactly its purpose is, I think it is going to connect airport road and inner ring road, but not really sure…”

It is not that people here don’t care about the bridge being built, many are frustrated with the length of time it is taking, but their attitude about its appearance was refreshing. Most are excited to have it done, just so they can finally see the completed project.

I personally was struck by how odd one of the off ramps appears (see accompanying photo). So this ramp in theory should be sloping from the bridge down to the road that runs underneath it, but the ramp is actually sloping in the opposite direction. The lower end is near the bridge, and it slopes up and away from it, so I really can’t tell what exactly it will be connecting to, unless they are building another fly-over nobody is aware of. It is possible they are just building a ramp for the motorcycles to use jump ala Evel Knievel over the passing cars.

Now another similarity lies in the traffic and public transportation. In both cities motorists view pedestrians as moving targets. They both have a large number of motorcycles and taxis. They both have an incredibly overcrowded public transportation system. It is amazing here to see the determination of bus passengers who race after a completely full bus, jump on the back and hang on to the outside because there is no room in the bus. I will say that nothing compares to SF’s public transportation. Anybody who has tried to get on an outbound M-train on MUNI during rush hour at the Powell Street Station knows what I am talking about. You are lucky to find enough room on the train for your briefcase, let alone for an entire person.

Of course the most striking similarity is the large gay population in both cities. I must say though, that even I was a bit surprised by the openness of the men here. So anyway, here I am on my first day and I decide to walk down the street to the corner store and the minute I walk out of my building I almost run over two men walking arm-in-arm. So I get down to the store, and outside of it are maybe 4 or 5 male couples all either holding hands or with their arms around each other. So I was a bit taken aback, as most of my friends from the states had warned me that India is not yet as accepting of the gay population as in the US. So I thought to myself, wow how thoughtful of my company to put me in a gay neighborhood, what a nice gesture.

So a couple of days late I am at the Forum (the mall) and all around me there are gay men, and so open about it, with their arms around each other or holding hands. I even spotted a couple of lesbians. I was quite impressed. I thought maybe they were having a big gay outing or something. And so it continued everywhere I went, gay couples. I was really taken aback. Yes, I who lived in SF for over 5 years, the 38 year old bachelor, the one that just hasn’t met the right girl (actually haven’t been looking for the right girl for about 20+ years)…Yes connect the dots, that’s right, sorry mum, just came out on the internet. I was convinced that I had come to India’s San Francisco, the gay Mecca.

One day at work, after a meeting, one of the guys (who I knew to have a girlfriend) grabbed another guys hand, and off the two strolled. Now that was curious. Well apparently, a co-worker saw me staring, and asked what I thought. I replied that although I thought it was great that they were so open, it really isn’t appropriate at work. He just chuckled, and said that most people are pretty shocked when they come from the States to India.

You see, everybody here is not really gay, they just are open about showing affection for one another without fear of how it would appear. I asked some of my co-workers why this is accepted and got varying answers but the common theme was why not?! If two men are close friends and walking, they will touch one another it is because it is the natural thing to do. To not touch somebody is actually kind of rude.

A lot of dinner conversations at work revolved around the differences between the States and India, and many came back to this topic. A lot of the men (especially those that will be coming to work in the US) were interested in why we in the States are so afraid (their word not mine) of showing affection. Many even cited the acceptance of the gay population. These conversations always led to the inevitable discussion about how the US is very different depending on what part of the US you are in. One of the most difficult communication problems I had in India was trying to explain how we in the US preach acceptance in other countries, but fail to do so in our own. This was a concept many here grasp. Perhaps it was also due in part to my inability to grasp why this is the case as well.

Now I realize that I work with an extremely educated group of people, most under the age of 25, and most fairly liberal thinking, but it did strike me at how closed minded in the US we sometimes can be. Why shouldn’t two men be able to walk down the street with an arm resting on another’s shoulder, gay or straight. I also think back to my incident with the packages. I am struck by how that experience would have played out in the US. Here, however frustrating it was for me, everywhere I went countless people attempted to help me. Most of the problem was due to my communication skills, not because the people here didn’t want to help. Now had an Indian been running around town in the US trying to mail a package, and ended up at a doctor’s office, I seriously doubt that any of the people there would have been nearly as helpful. I doubt that any of the patients would have even looked up from their magazines.

Over and over I have been struck by how helpful the population here is as a whole. Yes, I have had some crazy experiences, but for every weird one, I have had 20 where people bent over backwards to assist me. I can say with complete honesty that had I been in their shoes, I doubt I would have been as accommodating as the people here have been. The other thing is the people are genuine about it. I never once felt like I was being patronized. I have visited other places where you kind of feel like people are being nice to you only because you are tourist and giving them money. Here it is not that way at all. When somebody asks how you are doing, the actually pause for a response, and then listen to what you say.

I want to relate probably the best experience I have had in Bangalore, which demonstrates the kindness of the people that live here. Now any of you that have read my early ramblings know about the problems I had initially with my drivers. My company eventually changed services and I have had Babu ever since and he has been a godsend. So on the Thursday before New Years, I had asked Babu to come at 2 to pick me up as I was meeting some friends for a late lunch before heading to the office. So I go downstairs at 2 and Babu is there to greet me in the parking lot to walk me to his car (which he does most every day and night) and he says to me, I am sorry sir, you will have a different driver today. Well I was a little surprised, as I had really liked him. So he walks me outside to introduce me to the new driver, and on the way he tells me that “Wilson is a good driver, you don’t need to worry”. So of course being the cynical person that I am, I assumed that Babu had only come by to get a tip for his services, but being that he was an excellent driver and always took care of me, I reached in my wallet to get some money to tip him, and he waved it away and says “no sir, I can’t take your money”.

Well I was a bit taken aback, and I got into Wilson’s car and off we go. Wilson and I make some small talk and the conversation turns to Babu, who Wilson reports to me is very ill. I had noticed that Babu hadn’t been feeling that great as he was coughing some, but I was a little surprised that this was the reason my driver had changed. Then Wilson tells me that Babu was going to the hospital. So now I am very surprised, and I ask Wilson how he knows this and he tells me that he got a call at 5 AM in the morning (shortly after Babu dropped me off after work) from the service, telling him to report to the flat at 2PM as Babu had to go to the hospital. He further tells me that when he arrived and saw Babu he thought the company had made a mistake, so he asked Babu if he was feeling better, and Babu told him, no, he was going to the hospital after he introduced Wilson to me.

So here my driver knew at 5 AM that he need to go to the hospital, but instead of going right away he waits until 2 PM so he can introduce the driver to me. Now the following day, I go downstairs at 3 PM to head out for the day, and who is there to greet me but Babu. I am surprised by this, and as we drive off, I ask Babu how he is feeling, and although he is visibly uncomfortable discussing it, he tells me he is feeling better now and was discharged from the hospital this afternoon. So I ask him why he didn’t go to the hospital in the morning when he first new he needed to go, and he tells me that he was worried they were not going to send a reliable driver, so he came to make sure that the person who would be driving me would take good care of me, and once he saw that they would, only then could he go to the hospital.

So that folks is Bangalore to me. Here is a man that is sick enough that he has to go to the hospital, but his first concern is taking care of a foreign traveler.

How many of us in the US can say we would do the same?

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Photos

Naughty boys
Young Love?

Bridge 1
Here is the "fly-over"

Ramp to nowhere
This is the ramp that seems to be heading up away from the actual bridge. The bridge is behind it, and as you can see, I am traveling along side of the ramp, which seems like it should be going down not up a this point to meet the road.

bridge 2
more shots of the bridge, here you can kind of see where the ramp to nowhere is going to connect with the fly-over, except the ramp is like 100 feet lower than the actual bridge.

Bridge 3
Another shot of the bridge construction

more gay men?
more young love

Naughty boys 1
Same guys in the main pic, they just saw me taking their snap

Naughty boys2
Guys in the mall

Naughty boys 3
more at the mall

naughty girls
Some women

men at the park
at the gardens

on the street
They are everywhere

Comments

[J]

Travel safely
Enjoy your last few moments in the wonderful country of India! As much as I'm sure you'll miss it, I'm sure you're looking forward to seeing the pups. I can't wait to talk to you when you return! Be safe! xoxoxoxo

[Anand]

U re probably figuruing it wrong!! lol

[Anand]

Hey
Hey scot, in india,it duznt mean gay to hold hands lol.. its normal here

[An Indian]

The Gay Myth
Dear Scot, As much as I would like India to be more accepting and tolerant about Gays it unfortunately isn't. I would think atleast 80% (unstatistical) of the population is homophobic. (including the ones holding hands). The pictures above are more a representation of "Friendliness" rather than anything else.

[Aditya]

I doubt if any of them would be gay. That is a scene you can see everywhere in India. Infact very few people even know concept of gay.

[Naresh]

Snaps to an m.o.t!
So an m.o.t (member of tribe), I see! :) As much as I liked your romanticization of Bangalore's seemingly liberal outlook, the society does not acknowledge LGBT issues - much less support LGBT rights. The apathy (and sometimes antipathy) extends at all levels, ranging from the general public to the political class to the Supreme court.

[Carol]

Facetiousness Not Lost On All
Hi, Scot. I think your facetiousness may have been lost on a few. Friends - I believe Scot is being sarcastic about the influx of gay men in India. Nonetheless, after living here for 6 months now I still wonder... Glad to see you made it home safely...next time you are at Starbucks please have a grande soy no foam latte for me. Looking forward to seeing you again.