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Published: August 8th 2007
our experiences with the direction we're taking, the teachings, and our companions on the path...
we're out of retreat, and we still can't leave dharamsala.
the dalai lama is here for a week of teachings...
but let me back up to the day we headed to tushita.
taxi drivers were on strike. and we had to make our way up the mountain. we were running late, as the fine couple we are, and couldn't walk. we wished the lounging taxi drivers luck in their goal and searched hopefully for a rickshaw. (the government is trying to meters in their cars)
we happened to get a good test of patience as we headed to tushita, our driver was disgruntled, having painted on the inside of his rickshaw "hell was full, so i came back" a very unusual thing to see in india, from my experience.
... slowly we made it up the mountain without taking a dive off the side, our good karma, of course.
as we're teetering along, i'm desperately reaching into my bag for the gift i received moments before from natalie, a delicious chocolate cookie before our retreat. you can imagine.
we got there,
a short trip later, not too late, perfect.
signs reading "silence" as we approach.
but there wasn't silence right away, we had to sign in, have dinner, a round of brief introduction in the gompa (meditation hall)
our evening meditation and silence falls.
taking vows of celibacy, not to kill-including insects, not to speak unless in group, and to try to make it to all teachings and meditations.
no problem.
ten days was a lifetime. the experience of keeping that vibrational energy inside, was beautiful. i fully recommend it to all. we did have an hour to speak in small discussion groups for six of the days. the group i was a part of had three of us from the states, one girl from israel, one girl from poland, and two guys from england. amazing how quickly and easily people from all over the world can come together, connect, and feel so familiar.
At first I didn't speak in the group, giving a sentence for every thirty. No surprise for those who know me well. Observing and finding my place among the movement. I warmed up, and even got passionate on one occasion.
Our days were structured but
with enough free in-between time to relax and reflect. with a book, a walk, gazing into the misty mountains or observing the mischievous monkeys abound, even as they stole bread off plates, working to break the silence in a possible uproar of laughter.
I was in a dorm with 12 other girls. Natalie was on the top bunk of our bed and during the retreat it was as if we didn't know each other, not even looking to the other, a true effort to make it our own, to deepen the personal experience.
What truly happened in those ten days is not something I could explain through this blog. I was opened, I had to look inside, no where to hide... with not sharing it as it went along, it came to life inside me, not even wishing to bring it out.
changes occurred in subtle ways, with the most lasting impact on the heart. A quiet core, to the place where the knower always is, hoping you'll stumble into your true nature.
but buddhism isn't about stumbling. it is a cultivating of wisdom through conscious effort. tibetan buddhism has blessed the growing observer within me. revealing simple
secrets and complex esoteric realizations.
to those who come into bare awareness, it seems always be simple, seeing things as they are.
i could write endlessly on this, and i just don't have the time to do so, and what i'm coming to accept is the difference between explanatory versus experiential sharing of personal discoveries. I am eternally grateful for sharing the luminous and ineffable with natalie.
(the electricity just went out and i lost a couple hours of writing.
with my patience, i'll be back tomorrow...)
for those of you interested in our schedule the first days it was as follows:
6.45-7.30 :Mindfulness Meditation
7.30-9.00 :Breakfast
9.00-11.00 :Teaching
11.15-12.00 :Yoga
12.00-2.00 :Lunch & Karma Yoga Jobs
2.00-3.00 :Discussion Groups
3.00-3.30 : chai/tea break
3.30-5.00 :Teaching
5.30-6.15 :Guided Meditation
6.15-7.30 :Dinner
7.30-8.30 :Evening Meditation
the last two days we went to full meditation in order to reflect on the teachings and experience of the week:
6.45-7.30 :Mindfulness Meditation
7.30-9.00 :Breakfast
9.00-9.45 :Guided Meditation
10.15-11.00 :Guided Meditation
11.15-12.00 :Yoga
12.00-2.15 :Lunch & Karma Yoga Jobs
2.15-3.00 :Guided Meditation
3.00-4.00 : chai/tea break
4.00-4.45 :Guided Meditation
5.30-6.15 :Guided Meditation
6.15-7.30 :Dinner
7.30-8.30 :Evening Meditation
We
did mantra chanting with visualizations during our evening meditation. I agree with one guy from the group, when on the last day during feedback he said "chanting is the way forward for me"
the above mentioned, is an indian guy from england, with his distinct london accent he was the most extroverted of the bunch, and happened to be in my discussion group. I remember during our introductions he said he was going to tell us his sob story and that he was "wholly fed up with the west"
called himself the bodhichitta of the group, sent here to test our patience, but of course, only for our benefit. we all laughed.
(bodhichitta is the path to enlightenment for the benefit of all sentient beings)
During our last night we made a -light offering- to loved ones. We took three white candles around the stupa and placed them around, sending thoughts/prayers/blessings to those in mind. Imagining the night sky ablaze with light. I sat there in awe of the sight.
Indescribable.
(a stupa is a holy object/embodiment of enlightened being- there's a photo in my last entry)
My entire experience at Tushita has been a gift. Altering and
opening... I miss it, but happy to move forward. Tushita is actually part of a network FPMT (foundation for the preservation of the mahayana tradition) so if you want to see if any centers are near you, feel freeeee.
About our teachers. For the lessons was Tenzin Nordron an american buddhist nun and Hedwig from the netherlands, a "lay practitioner" was our meditation guide. A joy. We even got an mp3 cd of ALL the teachings and meditations we had at Tushita, even the time with the Geshe, the Dalai Lama's translator. (more below about that)
There were about 50 of us in the course, and it was intimate and divine, we shared something special. Now we all see each other on the streets constantly, a network roaming around.
During the course we were asked to read only Buddhist texts, to enhance the immersion. Taking refuge in the library, I had plenty to absorb. The last book I read has been amazing. "Cave in the Snow" -the story of Tenzin Palmo and her quest for enlightenment, a western nun who got ordained at 21 yrs old and spent 12 yrs living/meditating in a 10X6 ft cave 13,200
ft. up in the Himalayas. Never laying down to sleep...making her own food, getting snowed in once...I love this book. We might actually get to meet her, if she's not traveling, her home is very close to where we are.
Magic!!! everywhere! We're in a dream, only I think we're aware. It's so inspiring, when we talk about where we're going next and the path we're planning to take, I know it includes experiences I had hardly imagined. We've been debating whether we should go further north, to Leh, which is considered little Tibet. It's closed off eight-nine months of the year, because of the snow. When it is open people are working to keep the pass safe for buses. I know I'm scaring the mothers but last night natalie and i got a good laugh... she read in her guide that the pass the Leh has a name that translates to "pile of dead bodies"
we were laughing so hard, don't worry! it's funny! and then there's altitude issues, but everyone we've met has been to or is going to Leh and says we must go. it's a two day bus trip with camping over night.
we're also
thinking of doing a trek in Nepal, the Annapurna range...just throwing out our thoughts, we've heard amazing responses to the experience of these treks.
My experiences here have been forever integrated into my developing mind. 21 hours of meditation, 24 hours of dharma later, I'm beginning to wonder if it's all just a remembering, another lifetime realizing my own Buddha nature, the same nature of all beings...
Buddhism is the study of the mind/consciousness (not the brain) and mind being defined at "moments of knowing"
A Buddha is one who has developed the mind to its utmost wholeness for the benefit of all beings. It's a study of enormous depth but of endless value in daily life. To begin with logical revelations of the physical plane and then put that into esoteric depths of understanding, is exactly what I've resonated with in this life.
If anyone wants to talk about emptiness, compassion, samsara, taming the mind, karma, equanimity, anything, please email me.
Once our retreat ended, voice was turned on. Natalie and I were silly, feeling awkward with finally acknowledging the other. It was a big smile and a giggle that met each other first. We left
Tushita with a buzz -there's no way to describe the transition. Kayti knows!
You know this space so well and I love that. Yes, I devoured the rolls at Tushita! and honey everyday just got toooo easy. The food was yummy.
No more gong to wake me, or tell me where to be... I'm not a person of structure or routine but there was something comforting about the way our days flowed together.
I slept so very soundly there.
the meditation has opened doorways to a certain -seeing-
i've had dream messages and what seemed to be an irrational thought came to me during one session, concerning a passing which was confirmed when I got out...
My heart reaches to Mischa and those close to him at home, I'm blessed to have you as a part of my family. Floods of light and love have been offered to you and always will from my direction.
We've been out for a few days now. Our first night out we (me, natalie, and tiffany) attempted dinner with the group from Tushita but ended up getting lost on the most unreal "path" we've traveled thus far. A long descent in a
true hobbit paradise, I wanted to take off my shoes, dig a hole, attach a round door and call it home.
Instead I stumbled over large and tiny rocks reaching out for me. As we made it to the less fairy tale part of the path, I was falling into sewage.
weeee. I love India.
Finally we arrived to the eatery of destination... no one was there... turns out they had stopped at a place much much closer. the journey was too complicated to have a typical ending...we decided to get dinner by ourselves.
We were in Bhagsu, the neighboring village, by street it's a fifteen minute walk, our journey was over an hour.
But as for the village, I really enjoy it. There are young taylors at all the shops, making the clothes they sell. I have some interesting clothes now and they'll make them to fit you perfectly for no extra charge. I'm thinking of asking if I can stick around and get some sewing lessons as he makes a vest/jacket I'd like to get. There are many young people in this village, seems to be a place to go, a place where everyone knows you once
you stick around for a while. same here in mcleod. There are lots of lounge type restaurants there, floor tables, paper lamps, tapestries, muy bohemian...
Our journey home we took the road more traveled. Tiffany is from Ohio, just spent some time in Thailand studying tantric yoga and she's heading for Italy and then possibly Africa in a few days. The traveling network is inspiring. There's help, advice, stories, family to be found all around.
Wonderful how quickly someone/some several can enter your life story and feel so familiar. And soon after you're saying farewell...learning the essence of attachment and everything becomes a lesson.
One day we spent most of our time with Tiffany and Pablo, both were in my discussion group. We sat at a quiet chai shop by Tushita where Pablo was still staying and spent hours telling life stories. Met a couple from the states who joined in for a bit. Americans have much to share while meeting in India and it's always comforting to be witness to the interconnected nature of our existence.
Pablo is from England, a cabinet maker or furniture maker by our terms, he was here eight years ago,
and is now back again until December. He spends time between England and Spain among the Basque culture. He talked to us about the secrets of wood as he showed us some photos of his work.
The monkeys! At the chai shop, two monks took notice of our interest in all the monkeys roaming around. One got out some food and started throwing it into the street so the monkeys would gather. We were so excited, got up from out table, the monk hinting at us to feed them as well. Before we knew it we were feeding them. There was so much joy in that moment. One by one we held out our hands as the sweetest tiniest fingers took the raisins from our nervous outstretched palms. The monks we very happy to have introduced us to the harmless nature of these particular monkeys, smiling and wanting to see our photos after the action calmed down and we were looking through them. And then waving goodbye with such kind heart as they left us with a memorable experience.
We woke up on the seventh way too early to make our way to the temple/monastery for the teachings
by his holiness the Dalai Lama. We found ourselves huddled together on the floor with some of our Tushita friends... anticipation... And just as I get on my toes, there he is, smiling big as ever. For those of you that don't know, the Dalai Lama is the reincarnation of Chenrezig, the bodhisattva of compassion.
We listened to the translation over radio, oh and did I mention that the Dalai Lama's translator actually came to Tushita during one day to give a teaching! It was a rare opportunity and so exciting to see his great mind at work. He's doing review in the afternoons of the teachings and I hope to go tomorrow to see how it is.
I broke my sandals that day and had to get a new pair.
By night we were eating a warm brownie with ice cream and ginger tea waiting to see a movie we heard about.
The movie was -Doing Time, Doing vipassana- about a Delhi prison that started a vipassana course to help the inmates. This is fascinating. vipassana is a ten day silent meditation retreat, and the results were touching. inmates we crying and hugging the jail guard on
their last day as the vipassana was over.
look it up, there are centers all over the world to do these retreats and they're free, both food and stay, donation can be offered if you complete the ten days.
Sophie is the one that told us about the movie. She's another girl that was in my group, and is staying in the same guest house as both me and natalie, as well as tiffany. She turned 21 on the 4th and has been traveling in India alone for four months. There are so many strong people around me.
Monsoon is starting to be more apparent. I've had vision experiences I haven't quite had before. One night I woke up and couldn't figure out if my eyes were opened or closed because the dark was so complete. I don't know if you can imagine that, I hadn't before. You wait for them to adjust but you realize it's just not happening. In contrast, or similarly, the whiteness of the fog is so mysterious. You can see an enormous mountain range and then moments later, all you see is whiteness, having no idea what lurks beyond the clouds. We're in
the clouds!
Natalie and I have realized we serve as a sort of walking advice column, our philosophical inquiries, and revealing banter, offering aid to those passing by our sphere. How truly helpful it is, we've yet to hear.
After observing the moldy bucket phenomenon of our previous room, we decided for once to treat ourselves to some luxury. A room with a toilet and shower! and sink! and chairs! and and and... we need to leave it because it's five dollars a night which feels like a lot now, but we seem to have made a home with it...
I hear a rooster daily, how will we ever leave?
Yesterday we met a girl from Buffalo, said she had recently met some kids in West Virgina who were from Louisville, and big voice inside me tells me we probably know them. The guy that drove us to NY is from Buffalo and I'm pretty sure he spent time in W. Virgina with some other people I know.
So, she told us that The Exile Brothers were going to be playing that night and I got excited because my friend Kayti had told me to see them
if I could. We did!
It was so much fun. It's four guys that sing about the situation in Tibet and other less serious topics. It was in their mom's restuarant. A tiny little space with so many smiles. We got served chocolate cake and warm "punch" as we watched them. The singer was hilarious, he would start laughing so hard at any given moment, which caused a stream of laughter in the room. His mom was laughing the whole time as she held her tiny cute little puppy. She is so proud of them. At one point he would make a particular crazy sound into the mic and then have us repeat it, and that led to passing the mic around the room for others to make silly sounds. and by the end of the night we had been asked to shout "free tibet" nine times.
Before the show they were playing a film -play for change international- we only caught the end of it but I could instantly tell it would be a favorite of mine. They're playing it again in a couple nights, and I'll let you know. It won't be out until early next
year, but the exile brothers are part of the documentary. The guy that made the movie was there last night playing with them. At the end of the movie they have people from all over the world singing One Love by Bob Marley.
Beautiful.
Bob Marley is everywhere here, and we love it. There's also really funny american music that we get confused about... walking down the street hearing "....and I will stand by yooou foreeever"
trying to break our hearts, as we laugh and start running.
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Oh Jessica!
OMG. I was checking at least 10 times every day to see if you had written. Finally.... It is so amazing everything you are experiencing and so inspiring for the rest of us. thank you!