Williams hands Sharapova can of WhoopAss

---

It started out innocently enough, but before I knew it I was sitting in the first row next to Venus Williams’s coach and in front of her mother and agent. And I thought I sat close at the Sampras vs. Federer match in November...

But what can I say, let’s pretend I am a universal good luck charm and brought Venus her A-game today because Sharapova didn’t stand a chance. I was surprised at how smooth Venus Williams is when she plays - not really much noise, relaxed and/or amusing facial expressions. She swings that racquet like I swing a very small Oscar Meyer hot dog - without ketchup.

Venus was awarded something like four different trophies slash awards - who knows what was going on. There was a JB cup, a Stanley Ho cup, a kind of ugly dull blue thing, and... hold your breath... the golden tennis racquet. I’m not even sure what it was for, but it was by far the coolest one and this is when the world stopped for a split second, Mrs. Williams leaned over to me, and muttered, “I’m taking that one.” Yes it was directed to me intentionally, and no I had no sign reading “please talk to me Mrs. Williams” although I am sure I was reeking of desperation like a chubby bald dude in Ipanema during Carnivale.

At the end of the match, Venus actually walked up to her mom (who was close enough to be breathing in my ear the entire match) to get her camera. A huge bonus of sitting next to the momma was that Venus would constantly look over and smile, which really makes it look like she is smiling for my shots. Let’s just also pretend that’s what happened, and that The Venus Williams, multiple Grand Slam winner + tennis legend, was smiling at me through the whole thing.

I wonder when this match will replay on broadcast and we are 100% sure we’re on TV, all grinning like giant idiots.

---