The Professional Foreigner

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Photos:

…..a crazy, “only in China” birthday, maybe a microcosm of my life, teaching & learning with Tianyi, the student I tutor on Sunday mornings before having lunch with the family, spirited away to the northern industrial suburbs to start my career as a professional foreigner, (I'll explain in due course), then quickly wipe off the make-up, (I can see you're interested now), & return to the school for a gig, with our school band, before going to Shao Kao for something to eat & narrowly escaping a group of Chinese guys who threaten to force us to drink large quantities of strong draught beer after they hear the other teachers singing, “Happy Birthday to you”.....


…..Ms. Fu is the lady who started one of those apparently random, casual conversations that abound in China as I was waiting for my bike tyre to be repaired, (see “The World Tour starts here”, three weeks back). Having offered me a job as a professional foreigner, after a flurry of text messages she arrives at the school with a driver to take George & I to an industrial area about half an hour's drive away, in the northern suburbs of Yangzhou. After we are all made up for the cameras I try to look as though I'm having a coherent conversation in Chinese with the CEO, who speaks no English beyond, “Hello”, while we are filmed & photographed. George sits patiently by just looking foreign & hoping no one expects him to say anything. I got the idea from somewhere, probably Ms. Fu, that it was to be a lighting factory but in fact they make chemicals, zinc based products like zinc oxide for paints. I and the CEO finally get to sign the “contract” for the cameras, in front of a small desk ornament with two clasped hands between Chinese & German flags. “Donner und blitzen, mein Deutsch ist nicht besser als mein Chinesische ”. Still, for almost half a week's wages for an afternoon's work we can't complain.....

…..during the wait for the show to start I browse through the company's brochures. They are obviously keen to cultivate foreign custom. The brochures have been professionally printed & look quite good. Unless you read them. It's been a long while since my last chemistry class & I'm no expert but I'm pretty sure zinc & its oxides are not “ambisexual”, as stated. I checked on the words, “dissoluble” & “indissoluble”. They appear to be valid but I'm sure it would be easier on the eye & ear to use “soluble” & “insoluble”. I wonder if “unindissoluble” is a word. I'm also fairly sure that “Directness Zinc oxide” is an unintended translation, as is “store in a vacillated, dry & fire the coffers”.....

…..the school band gig goes better than (I) expect. It's not an earth shattering performance but, considering Monday lunchtime one hour rehearsals sometimes without everyone present it's amazing that anything works. The whole of Grade 6 is ushered in, as a reward for good behaviour or a punishment for misdemeanours, we are not sure. Several teachers turn up & afterwards it's time to get something to eat. Something easy & cheap. Shao Kao, the barbecue place across the bridge where we sit at rickety vinyl topped tables on plastic stools on one side of the car park while all sorts of food is cooked on thin steel skewers on the opposite side.....

…..a group of Chinese men at an adjoining table hear the fatal strains of, “Happy birthday to you”. One speaks a little English & wants to know whose birthday it is. There is no immediate escape. They converge on us & order more of the pretty strong draught Tsingtao beer on tap at Shao Kao. “Gan Bei”, literally “Do the glass” is an invitation, if not an order, to drink whatever you have in one go. They are very friendly & keen to carry on but we all have classes on Monday morning & anyway I have no intention of getting a headache on my birthday, (or the following day). After downing a couple of large mugs, probably half a litre each, we make our exit. If you enlarge the photo you'll see that the Chinese guys had had a few by then.....

…..I don't know what the apparently stalled upgrade to Qinyou road, the old main entrance to the east of the school, is having on businesses along that section of the road. Still, a final dinner for foreign teachers is sponsored by the school at the amazingly over the top “Nine Weeks” restaurant on the other side of that road. Dennis & Mona, our chefs from the Western Cafeteria at school are there as is Rainy who is left red-faced by “doing the glass” numerous times with the red wine. It's a great evening.....

…..I check on Rainy in her office in the morning. She's fine. Amazing!.....

…..professional foreigner again, this time for a company that makes medical equipment. The same deal, same camera crew &, despite the disparity in the products, much the same environment as Sunday's chemical factory. Chinese factories usually start with the company's name, in Chinese characters or English or both, displayed prominently at the entrance, a retractable, electrically operated, concertina-style gate. Behind the gate & gatehouse will likely be a squat office block surrounded by a sea of concrete supporting small islands of immaculately tended greenery, drawing the eye away from the drab concrete manufacturing areas behind.....

…..entering the inner sanctum of the works requires visitors to wear elasticated plastic overshoes for reasons of hygeine. The requirements are waived in my case after I have destroyed three sets trying to fit them over my size 48cm shoes.....

…..the company brochures, which I check for English translations now almost by reflex, were surprisingly good. The mission statement & company introduction has a few oddities but then, even for native English speaking companies, they usually sound either trite or overblown. They make operating tables & lighting for operating theatres but also have a line of pumps such as the DFX-23A-II Electric Sputum Suction Device which can be used for, & I quote, “...suctioning sputum & other thick secretions in hospitals & may also be used for first aid in the household”. I only have a few bandaids, disinfectant cotton swabs & Red Flower Oil (& I can't remember what that's for). Maybe I should upgrade.....

…..testing is done, results entered on the spreadsheet, the final two or three classes are spent watching the end of “Ratatouille”, a great Pixar animated movie which the kids all love. Suddenly, after a year that's been ticking along at a brisk but usually manageable pace, the end is upon us too quickly to realise that some of the people we have been working with all this time are leaving, some to return next year, others for new ventures. Peter, will be studying Chinese at university in Suzhou, Steve & Evi in Nanjing. Bret finished early to go back to the USA before returning to study in Beijing. Landon & Brandon have finished in China, at least for now, & are returning to the USA, Erin & Patrick too but they'll be back. Charlene left this morning. It all seems disjointed & a little unsettling.....

…..my summer break, hitherto unplanned except for the school summer camp, is taking form. My cousin's son, Duncan, is currently hiking round Huangshan (Yellow Mountain) & is due to arrive in Shanghai next Thursday & take the overnight train to Beijing. After a few days there he's aiming to catch the trans-Mongolian railway to St. Petersburg then return to Norfolk. Peter & George are going to Shanghai on Tuesday afternoon to catch their respective planes home. I'll probably travel with them, meet Duncan in Shanghai later, then go with him to Beijing where I can then also meet my cousin, Mike for the first time. Like London buses, after a long wait the visitors all arrive at once. It's lucky it all appears to be dovetailing the way it is.....

…..our last gig, well, for a while anyway. Jinghua wants us to play a couple of songs on Saturday afternoon for some sort of celebration for a competition his business has entered, to do with best online advertising in Yangzhou, sponsored by the local media. Peter & I for some reason assume it's going to be at Gloria Jeans &, after a couple of songs we'll be free to wander off. No. We are taken in his new black Audi to a huge reception hall just past the footy stadium. There are media representatives, singers, dancers, cameras, dry ice & bubble making machines & more. We are number ten on the list. I manage to do the introductions in Chinese including a plug for the coffee shop, which pleases him no end. They seem to enjoy our music too, a real bonus, especially as after the popular (even in China!), Dylan song “Knocking on Heaven's Door” we do “Destination”, one of my originals which, as yet, is not so well known. A great afternoon......

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Photos

Shao Kao, Yangzhou
A devastating binge narrowly avoided

Professional Foreigner, Yangzhou
Dave being made up

Professional Foreigner, Yangzhou
George being made up

9 Weeks, Yangzhou
Chefs and teachers ready for dinner

9 Weeks, Yangzhou
Mona and Rainy

Class 4/10, Yangzhou
Great kids, (mostly...)

Class 4/9, Yangzhou
10/10 for Riotous Behaviour

Zhang Jinghua (R)
Owner / manager of Gloria Jean's coffee house

Concert, Yangzhou
Peter and I, finishing the (school) year on a high note

Concert, Yangzhou
Bring on the dancing girls

Concert, Yangzhou
Dancers

Concert, Yangzhou
Dancers

9 Weeks, Yangzhou
Lisa, Dennis and Mona

9 Weeks, Yangzhou
Mike and Brandon, working out