Trans - Siberian Railway. China, Mongolia and Russia

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A Ballbag Abroad

Wed 19th January 2011

Arrived at Heathrow airport where Steve’s mum had given us a lift. The night before Emily insulted Steve’s mum by saying she would try any type of food on the travels like chickens feet or monkey brains however declined Steve’s mums trifle much to our amusement. Emily set off early as she was travelling with a different airline.
When we arrived we saw Emily by gate 3 waiting for her flight to Stockholm where she would transfer to Beijing. She only had 40 minutes to get off and catch her connection which unless your superman is very optimistic.
As we heckled Emily from the balcony of gate 3 an announcement came out saying there’s an hour delay for the flight to Stockholm which meant she had missed her connecting flight. Great start to the holiday but couldn’t help laughing – wasn’t brave enough to let Emily see this however.
As Emily and her Hubby Steve tried to sort out the issue at the customer services, me and Kel stood there like a couple of spare pricks at a wedding. I took this opportunity to take a photo of Emily by the counter for my own amusement haha.
After 45 minutes of scratching our balls the issue got resolved and Emily would get a direct flight to Beijing on Air China. She didn’t fancy a 24hr stopover in Sweden as she would have found it difficult to leave all those famous Swedish hunks like Sven and … can’t think of anymore. Before the issue got resolved Kel (who has a striking resemblance to Keith from the Office) offered to lend Emily a grand to get on our flight with BA. It was like he was offering a scotched egg, so casual – I’ll lend you a grand!!!!
Off Em went so we hit the pub at Heathrow. Steve bought the round and stood at the bar holding a tenner, as I went to get some seats I thought he’s being a little bit optimistic. After a refreshing but expensive pint we headed towards our gate. Always taste nicer when you haven’t paid for them. On route to our gate we saw a little wetherspoons and couldn’t relist another cheeky one. Steve was a bit gutted as this round was a lot cheaper, MR TOAD! I’ll get the round when were in China knowing it would be dirt cheap.
It was the last call for our flight so we had to neck our pints and head towards the plane. We got on the plane which wasn’t full by any means, not really that surprising considering there were charging £1000 for a seat. Sat down in the middle of Kel and Steve, not much room, not only did we look like a set of cock and balls but it was about as comfortable as my cock and balls were on the camel ride we went on in Morocco a month earlier.
Luckily as the plane was half full a very camp air hostess or host came over and said we could move. Dunno what you call a male one? I found myself agreeing with Kel, it’s a bit weird a bloke doing a females job. Now all comfortable, me and Steve had the back row to ourselves to spread out and mainly put our empties on the spare seats. Couldn’t believe the beer was complimentary, after our 4th or 5th I got the sense that the women was getting a little pissed off. So watched a few movies and the ever intriguing flight details screen – epic viewing seeing the plane move across the map very slowly. The words plucking bell spring to mind.

Thursday 20th January 2011

We arrive in Beijing airport and I got the giggles as I couldn’t help humming the song from Extra’s, when Gobbler in When the Whistle Blows sings the song for the Japanese bloke. Didn’t help Ohh Ash text me this the morning before I left which meant it was stuck in my head. Went into arrivals which was like a library or a morgue. Nobody was talking, just complete silence queuing up to get our passports stamped.
Got through and wondered if the toilets had a seat or if you had to squat like in an idiot abroad, to my disappointment there was a seat. Got to arrivals and there was lots of Chinese blokes holding up signs in scribbles which apparently is Chinese writing. This gave me a cunning idea, more cunning then Professor Cunning who studied Cunning at Cunningham University. We went and got a coffee while we waited for Emily to arrive. Couldn’t stop giggling as I started to write a sign for Emily. It simple said Mrs. Teebag with an exclamation mark which if you look closely at the dot is a pair of balls. I muscled my way through China men by the silver barrier at arrivals and waiting for Em holding up this sign.
Em arrived and found our sign funny. Steve called her over to sign his book. The Chinese must have thought she was a celebrity like Keira Knightly or Dawn French. Steve opened up the book that Em had signed, simply read TWAT!!! All set and ready to go, I left all the navigating to the others as we tried to negotiate the Beijing Subway to our hostel.
Finally arrived at our hostel and booked in. Really friendly and clean place. A way to win the hearts of Brits in an instant is to offer them a complimentary beer on arrival, result. We decided to not venture out to far for dinner as we were in the middle of Beijing somewhere. Went to a restaurant where there was a lot of confusion. We couldn’t speak any Chinese and the lady couldn’t speak any English. Em, Steve and myself ordered a few dishes (decided to turn down the bbq dog meat) after a lot of pointing and hand gestures. Kel tried to order but got shoed back to the table haha. Apparently they don’t serve bearded men. The food arrived; Em had some cold noodles that looked disgusting in some dark brown sauce. As she scooped up noodles using her chopsticks her face was saying ‘what’s this shit!’ It slopped back into her bowl covering Kel in brown juice haha. Not only did he not get to order any food but Em’s just covered him in some shitty Chinese sauce. MR TOAD! We could now see why the Chinese lady sent Kel away as we ordered way to much food. I ordered crispy fried chicken thinking it would be strips with maybe a sweet and sour sauce but NO. It came out about 20 minutes after the other dishes as there were still trying to catch it in the garden. It came out as a whole chicken, head still attached – one side of its head was squashed and you could see its beak. It looked disgusting so I had to put a piece of lettuce over its head to hide the guilt I felt whilst eating it. Took me a while to work out a strategy on how to cut up a whole chicken using only chopsticks. After we finished we headed back to the hostel spending a whopping £7 for the entire meal, Happy Days.
Early night as we didn’t sleep on the plane and struggled adjusting to the time difference of 8 hours. We arrived in Beijing at 10am which was 2 am UK time. 10.30pm me and Streve heard a lot of cafuffling from the other room. Steve shouts over ‘ What the fuck you doing?’ as we’ve only been in bed two hours. Seems Kel was talking in his sleep and answered yes to Em’s question whether it was time to get up. Eventually we all get back to sleep but have another team meeting at 3 am as the one up all up policy was in full swing.

Friday 21st January 2011

All wrapped up warm in thermals we get onto a bus to go to the Great Wall of China. 1 ½ hours later on a cosy bus we arrive, it was bloody cold around -5 but much colder in the wind. You have to get a ski lift up to the wall, word of advice don’t tell Emily that your scared of heights whilst mid-air as she started rocking the seats. Arrived at the wall and the view was amazing, a lot of steps which we were happy about as you didn’t notice the cold once you’re on the move.
After a while earned beer on the wall we head back to a restaurant to have a Chinese, surprising that! The food was fantastic, very similar to the takeaway food you get back in England and unlike the shit they dished up at that restaurant last night.
We head back through rush hour traffic in Beijing. Our tour guide advised getting the subway as it would be quicker. We get out and try to negotiate the Beijing subway. Thousands and thousands of people everywhere just like ants. Not sure if all these Chinese people are adhering to the one child law as there’s obviously some people taking the piss and having 14/15 kids haha. We get on the subway after forcing our way on. In China they don’t do manners, everyone for themselves – there’s not really a queue system. How many China men can you fit in a single carriage? Answer lots!!!! The good thing about Chinese is that they are a lot smaller so the armpits and B.O you normally get on the underground wasn’t an issue here. Like sardines we travel stopping at different stations. Two would get off and twenty would get on. Suggested it was time for a photo op to which Em gave me a look as if to say why, suggesting it wasn’t busy haha. ‘Well it’s a bit busy really’ replied Steve. Got a serious fit of the giggles as the next bloke gets off and Kel chirps up ‘ Na it’s not that busy, if anything its quieting down’ haha!!! Em had a face like a slapped ass at this point. When you’re not supposed to laugh it’s even funnier, the Subway Sulker was born.
We arrive back at our hostel to collect our bags. Tried to order a taxi but couldn’t get one, Beijing rush hour! Which is more like a whole day than an hour. We walked for ages trying to flag a taxi, every one looked empty and then a little Chinese bloke would appear in the back hiding behind the driver. With no chance of getting a taxi we went back on the subway, this time with our massive bags. Highlight was when Emily who looked like a turtle with a bad back knocking a Chinese blokes glasses off when she moved to the side haha. After a lot of walking we eventually got to our hotel an hour after the big welcome meeting. We met our honcho Davey and found out there was only one other girl called Sophie doing the Trans – Siberian trip. Makes sense as everyone back in Plymouth kept saying why are you going there. So the 5 of us!!! A lot of 50p beers later we head off to bed at 1am with the intention of getting up bright and early maybe out the door at 7 – 7.30am so we had plenty of time to see the sights.

Saturday 22nd January 2011

11am we head out the door, slightly hungover and knackered from trekking up the wall. Spend the morning walking around the Forbidden City. It was really impressive for the first ten minutes then it got a bit samey. Got to the end and saw an exit, Em looked really into it carrying an audio tour hooked into her ear. Later we find out that she was really bored and thought we wanted to see more. We walked around Tiananmen Square – it was immaculate, everywhere was completely spotless, no litter. We then split up. Kel, Em and Steve went to the zoo to look at pandas and I went to the Beijing Olympic Stadium. Really proud of myself as I managed to get around the subway all on my lonesome, country lad in the big city. Really impressive stadium, in the middle was like an ice palace with lots of snow activities. The infrastructure was fantastic; if London is anything like Beijing then the Olympics will be a huge success. Took forever to get back to the hotel bloody Beijing rush hour again.
Arrived back and had dinner with the others before we headed out to see the acrobats show. The show as really good, jumping through rings, balancing on chairs and most impressive of all a bloke bouncing balls haha well ten at a time. The Finale was brilliant. They had a giant mental hamster ball in the middle of the stage and a bloke on a motorbike riding in it. Then another bike came out and they both went in the cage. It was unbelievable when the third came out and they all went around this ball. I never thought it would be possible but they ended up having six motorbikes in this giant hamster ball driving around, if one goes to fast or to slow they all cop it. I presume they were blokes because if they were women they would have stalled and crashed. After the show finished we all felt like celebrities, there was a row of school children in front of us – got told I was hansom which I was chuffed about. Our honcho told us the children were from the countryside and it was a novelty to see a white person. After lots of photos being taken we waited for a bus which took fucking ages and I needed a piss desperately. There was now where to go, eventually Davey got us to a hotel where he asked if I could use the toilet. Good job they said yes because I would’ve done it in the lobby. We then find a bar after walking around for ages and grab a well-earned beer.

Sunday 23rd January 2011

Up really early 5am, left the hotel after Emily got accused of stealing a towel. In China towell thieves thrown upon. We get to the train station, unbelievably busy due to the Chinese New Year. We get on our train to start our 30 hour train journey to Mongolia. The Carriage was really comfy but the heat was unbearable at times. With time on our hands we come up with some train rules, no farting being one of the main ones. I broke this rule as the opportunity to fart on Steve’s face couldn’t be missed. Ten minutes in the ski gear was the punishment, well worth it or thou it was sooo warm!! We got to the Chinese – Mongolian boarder not sure whether we should stay on or get off. Thought we would finish our game of scrabble then take a wonder around. To late 30 minutes later we moved into a warehouse, no chance of getting off and going for a bloody piss. Really good seeing them lift up the carriages and replace the wheels, it was a bit bumpy. After more scrabble and a late night poker session we all had a surprisingly good nights kip. We eventually arrive in Ulaanbaatar.

Monday 24th January 2011

Arrive in Ulaanbaatar at 1 pm and meet our honcho Billy – the only Mongolian with a cockney accent. You notice the temperature instantly as -30 hits you, your nose hairs start freezing. Had 6 layers on, 3 pairs of trousers, could only feel the cold on my face. Was really impressed with Mongolian transport and the way they can deal with the extreme weather and it doesn’t affect them in the slightest. England would come to a complete standstill. Arrive at our hotel, had time to shower, shit and wash our dirty grund digs in the sink.
Mongolian money is very confusing, drew out a cool 250,000 out the cash machine. We went to a Mongolian BBQ which is a chained restaurant from America. Amazing all you can eat grub. You pick all sorts of meat, pasta, salad and sauce and they cook it in front of you on a massive cooker, even throwing up a pepper and catching it behind their back on the plate.
Billy our honcho has a fantastic sense of humour, quotes from Ricky Gervais and inbetweeners were a plenty. Even talked about footy. He answered all our questions about Mongolia, A FEW QUESTIONS!! With real enthusiasm and it never was too much hassle. We went to a department store were kel wanted to buy a hat. The women in the shop shoved this light brown woolly hat on his head, he looked a complete bell-end. To my disappointment he didn’t buy it. He then picked up another said I’ll get this one, how much? Sixty quid!!! Fuck that. We then became bus wankers again to go to a monument that symbolised Mongolian and USSR relationship. USSR had come to Mongolia’s rescue and got rid of the Chinese rule. 800 steps later we arrived at the top, thought I had a runny nose but had a bad nose bleed. The view overlooked the whole of Ulaanbaatar. We then went to an Irish pub for a couple drinks. Never thought I’d get a round costing 30,000!!!! Started to learn the essential Mongolian so we could speak some of the lingo to get by. Tucktoy Tumsuk means cheers ballbags haha. Back to the hotel for a quick beer then we hit another Irish pub which had a sign saying first ever Mongolian Irish pub. We went in and had a couple then got invited to sit with a table full of westerners, a couple English guys, Aussies and an Irish bloke. Couldn’t help mentioning the Ashes and rubbing it in to the Aussie. We didn’t pay for another drink, Ghennis Khan vodka washed down with champagne was good stuff. Steve went out for fresh air and got locked out haha! We all managed to find our way back to the hotel after a heavy night.

Tuesday 25th January 2011

Felt a little worse for wear the morning after the night before. Met Billy at 8.30 in the hotel lobby. We went for an English breakfast, love it! We then went to visit a group of Buda’s . Was really interesting – they have these giant turning wheels in the entrance to the building were they have to spin it and walk around 3 times whilst making a wish. Not really sold on the idea to be honest a bit like throwing a coin down a well, a load of bloody old bollocks!!! Went into a room were lots of fat Buda’s were praying out loud reading different pages, walked around and it was very surreal to be honest. One of the Buda’s was on his mobile phone too haha that made me chuckle. Step outside and Billy was explaining something and a bird shit on Steve’s coat haha one of my highlights of the tour. We then went into a Buda school, all the children about 20 of them were in 2 rows facing each other. Couldn’t help notice where ever you are in the world there is always a fat kid in class. You had to take your shoes off to go in. Me and Sophie couldn’t be arsed so we stood looking through the glass window a bit like being at the zoo. The others came back 2 minutes later and started to put theior shoes on. Em, Steve and Kel were then asking questions to Billy whilst putting their shoes on. I could see Billy looking around for his shoes as he kept answering their questions. He looked behind the chair and around, he was getting more and more annoyed wondering where his shoes were. Then he churped up ‘ Where the fucks my shoes’ haha. I lost it completely and couldn’t stop laughing. He’s got a wicked sense of humour. Never thought I’d here a Mongolian say that!!! Absolute classic. Back to our hotel to get our Jason Durello together and head towards the Ger camp.
Didn’t know what to expect, I thought it would be a bit similar to the place we stayed in Morocco but this was awesome. The camp looks amazing with the snow glistening off the mountain tops. The accommodation is really nice too – inside the Ger is very hot as we have a big log fire in the middle and we had electricity too. For lunch we had Mongolian dumplins which were really nice. In the afternoon we visited a Mongolian family to give us a real insight into their way of life. We could ask Billy asny questions and he would translate and ask the lady. It looked all authentic but couldn’t help noticing the TV and DVD player in the background haha. The little boy picked up the cat and Kel started nudging me, couldn’t help laughing as it was like Austin Powers when Dr Evil says ‘ mini me stop humping the giant lazer!’ ‘Amber stop humping the cat when we have guests!’ haha. Got the driver to take a photo of me with a yak. The photo looked like I was touching it’s bum. We then headed back to camp after giving the family some some gifts we bought for them at the supermarket.
Did a spot of archery, felt sorry for the little kid who went running to collect the arrows. We were going to give him some sweets but he wouldn’t let Sophie take a photo of him so didn’t bother in the end. Dinner was really nice too or thou I was pretty full from the dumplings we had at lunchtime.
The toilet situation was a problem, needed a number 2 earlier in the day but not entirely comfortable squatting over a ditch to have a dump. What happens if it’s a messy one, you end up covered in shit. Its really difficult to do a dump outside in a makeshift shed with a small ditch you have to aim for in – 30 conditions. Held it for as long as I could, was a bit optimistic to think I could hold it for 2 days. Wasn’t as bad as I imagined but the smell was foul, gagging as I was going – it was totally fucking gross. Spent the evening chilling out and playing some games. One was called Ankle Bones – I was crap, I had sad ken who was rubbish. Tried on some traditional Mongolian dress where I looked like a complete knob head. We had a little old lady who came into our Ger to sort the fire out during the night which was dead handy as at times it could get bloody cold. Slept in my thermals.

Wednesday 26th January 2011

Morning we got up and had breakfast and went for a walk up the mountain. It was a bit of a trek but well worth it, the view was fantastic, we posed for some boy band cover photos. Got a picture of Em slipping on her arse haha. We then found a slope where you could sledge down using your feet. My first attempt I plugged about half way down and nearly landed on top of Kel. Was really good fun. I then decided to run out in just my pants on to have a snow shower, you only live once – who else could say they have run out in their boxers in – 20 conditions.
Em and Steve went on a horse, decided to pass on that one – not really my thing. Steve’s horse was tiny, would have been fairer if the horse rode Steve. The Ger was like a sauna, inside you can seat comfortably in just your shorts and still be warm, open the door and its bloody cold. I can imagine the horse going back home and telling his wife he’s got a bad back. The afternoon we played some football in the snow, my over head kick got saved by Steve the cat Brearley. We then went sledging down the slops. Really good fun – really hurt falling off thou. In the evening we made our own Mongolian dumplings, watched a movie about Ghennis Khan and played a lot of card games to the early hours. Mongolian beer was really nice.

Thursday 27th January 2011

Next morning we all arrange to get up early and watch the sun rise. Me and Steve got ready, Emily who suggested this idea was still in her PJ’s and couldn’t be arsed. Kel who was happy to have an excuse not to climb the mountain kept Em company. Sunrise was amazing, rather chilly on the old willy (-40) on our thermometer. Had breakfast and headed back to Ulaabaatar. Hired a room for the day, so we could have a proper dump and a nice warm shower. The shower was cold, all the others made do with this however I wasn’t having any of it and went down and complained. After waiting an hour and mongs coming in and outthe room testing the water they moved us to another room. The shower was lovely and couldn’t help rubbing it in to the other guys. Went and got some lunch, really cheap. Me and Steve had burger and chips, mine was really nice and warm. Steve’s face as he bit into his was a picture, his burger was cold haha the face said it all!!!! Couldn’t help laughing and describing how lovely mine tasted. Billy took it back and the lady just blitz it in the microwave. We then headed to the museum – interesting stuff. We had a bit of a wait at the hotel before getting on the train to Irkutsk at 9 pm. We said our goodbyes to Billy tumsuck – legend.

Friday 28th January 2011

Train – we all drunk a bottle of vodka between us and had to keep Mazy the little Mongolian child next door happy. She loved the Steve and Nay Nay show especially when we taught her to play travel kerplunk. Next morning we started to tuck into some grub we bought at the supermarket in Ulaanbaatar. Lots of scrabble made up most of the afternoon. Cabin fever started to set in as it got hot and smelly in our cabin. More tea Mrs Nesbit and sneeebly talk we started to play some drinking games – ended the night Emily asleep and a lot of playing our anthem ‘ Brown Sugar.’ Haha

Saturday 29th January 2011

We arrive at Irkutz at 7.30am and met our honcho Costa, after an hour drive we get at our hostel. Fantastic place with a view of the frozen lake Baikal. The snow is more fluffy here and nearly wnet ass over tit several times. The morning we spent chilling out and recovering from the smelly cabin. We head out for some lunch and get a mixture of Russian pasties. They were really nice, had a cabbage, chicken and mushroom, egg and rice and a steak one. We headed to a supermarket on the way back and bought a crate of beers and afew bottles of vodka for the evening. We had a traditional Russian sauna in the afternoon. Got up to 120 degrees, we had 3 breaks were we went out to cool down and have some tea. After the second break we went outside and lied down in the snow haha. Felt really good and a quick way to cool down. Dinner was really nice, homemade rice and chicken with some salad for starters. Drank lots of beer and watched Ace Ventura pet detective – never thought that would happen in Russia.

Sunday 30th January 2011

We had another amazing breakfast and then headed out to do our Ruski husky sledging. On route we see some mad people who live to dive underneath the frozen lake – nutters! The sledging was brilliant and such good fun. I managed to go on first and the dogs went like the clappers. It was awesome, we had to control the sledge by leaning left and right when the Russian guy who was sat down controlling the dogs pointed. The dogs were fast, my hat kept slipping off which meant my ears were exposed to the – 30 cold. Got wind burn on my ears which hurt for the next few days. We then got some lunch ordered a sandwich with sausage. It was shit. Only ½ a slice of 1 piece of brown bread with a few slices of pepperoni on it. We then got a crate of beers and a chill axe back at the range.

Monday 31st January 2011

Today we went snow mobiling. You can really give it some, we had 3 snow mobiles between the 5 of us which meant 1 person had one to their selves until we swapped it around. We had to follow the bloke in front. We stopped and he got off and pegged it behind me, couldn’t help laughing – saw Kel and Sophie stood with their snow mobile crashed in the snow haha. Proper funny. Em was a better driver than I expected. Swopped over with Sophie, she gave it some – it was like travelling in the bat mobile as the g force hit my face. Really good fun and well worth the money. We headed for some grub before going on a walk up the mountain. Got a ski lift to the top – amazing view but fucking freezing. Costa gave us some sledges which were awesome, all of us laughing like little school girls. After a few near misses and the worst brain freeze of all time as the snow hit my face as I tried to stop we headed back.
In the evening we had another sauna, really good. I was just lying there relaxing cooling down when Costa throwing some snow on me which was freezing. Thought fuck me that’s cooled, ill get my revenge later. Perfect opportunity as Costa lied there, there were a couple of buckets of water in front of me but they had too much water in them. There was a smaller pot by the tap so I grabbed it and throw it on Costa not realising that the water in fact was hot – opps. A lot of bum licking and apologising, Costa was ok and there was no lasting damage. Felt guilty as fuck so would get up early and buy him some cakes the next morning as a way of an apology. Watched Ace Ventura 2 Bumble Bee Tuna.

Tuesday 1st February 2011

Next day I set off bright and early to go to the pasty shop which is a 30 minute walk. In the zone I walked past it and had a 40 minute detour. After a lot of pointing and hand gestures I managed to get some Russian pastries. After my 6 mile walk had breakfast and packed ready to go Irkutsk. Had a traditional Russian pizza and head to the supermarket. Em in charge of essentials , me and Steve in charge of booze. Get on train, crack open the vodka and ended up passed out in my bed. Wake up to Kel sticking a vodka bottle up my arse haha.

Wednesday 2nd February 2011

Train – another rip roaring day full of laughter, crisps and books. Got to 5pm , went to the restaurant carriage for a beer. Ended up staying there till 11 tanked. A drunk Russian guy sat with us called Roman. It was just like playing a giant game of charades, just start signing super pavlechenko and he starts laughing. The drinks carriage didn’t have any change so Steve on his first round got a chocolate coin which had 20 written on it haha then later she tried to give him a boiled egg in the change haha but he refused. Back to our carriage, ended up passed out again in bed.

Thursday 3rd February 2011

Next day – still on the train. The cabin is rather hot and sweaty. Managed to buy some bread and cheese and meat off a babooshka. That was breakfast. Nothing much to do so ended up in the food carriage with a cold beer. Had to get out the room that smelt of feet. Cabin fever setting in!!!!!!!!!!!!! language is a barrier but why learn it when you can get by, by pointing and giving exaggerated hand gestures. The time changes are a little confusing – think we change 6 different time zones. Stayed in the drinks carriage all day, a little change of scenery was good, wasn’t until we got up to leave that I realised how drunk I was. Steve had me in stiches saying bumble tuna to every Russian he walked passed. Cracked open the vodka and got told to pipe down by our angry provinister. Earlier in the day the other provineser who looked like a Russian shot putter walked passed us in the drinks carriage and I said yellow blue vas which means I love you in Russian. She then went and got us a hot potato each haha! All was good until I went to the toilet needing a poo. Doing the business and then with no warning I was projectile vomiting all over myself. I had a choice to be sick over myself or to be sick in the pan and risk being covered in shit. I chose the sick and ran back into the cabin shouting ‘ code red’ to Steve. Had to get him off his bed so I could grab some more pants , had to throw away my New York shorts – Bad times! You lose all your dignity when you have to stand there covered in your own sick cleaning your balls with baby wipes. What a night.

Friday 4th February 2011

Woke up. Cabin a shit tip covered in monkey nuts and stinking of feet. Think we had 97 stops from Mongolia to Moscow. Same shit, different day. Angry provinster shouting in Russian every now and then.

Saturday 5th February 2011

Got off as we arrived finally in Moscow at 4 am. Fresh air hitting your face after 4 long days on a train was ER – MAZ – ING!!! Met our new honcho – WOW! She was like an angel, her name was Marina and could possibly be the most beautiful women in the world. Would love to take a Russian Bride home haha. Went to our hostel, were we had a shower and an hour kip before we headed out at 9am. The hostel was really good and very central. Morning we spent walking around the red square and looking at st. Bazils cathedral. Fantastic building – found it fascinating, all the information Marina was telling us. Ivan the terrible asked the architecture if he could build a building like St. Bazils anywhere in the world, the bloke said yes so he cut out his eyes. What a cunt!! No wonder they called him Ivan the terrible. Went for a walk – saw a great big statue of Peter the Great, the founder of the Russian navy. Apparently the americans didn’t like the staue as it was supposed to be colombus, so Russia excepted it and stuck a moustache on. Went for some grub and in the afternoon we went to the museum of modern Russia. Absolutely brilliant, so interesting – glad we had Marina as it would have been crap as none of us could read Russian. In the evening we did my favourite pass time – drinking. Went to a bar, girls and mat went home early. Me and Steve stayed out, got chatting to some Russians. One bloke looked the spitting image of Danny Murphy but couldn’t speak any English. Another guy spoke some English; he supported CSK Moscow and hated Man Utd. He kept shouting Man Utd are Shit, so took pleasure in giving him a high five after every statement. After the 20th time it got a little boring however did make me laugh when Steve starting Hi Fiving him!!! Steve got his number and it got a little weird when they wanted to walk us home, respectfully we declined. Well we told them to jog on as we didn’t want to be mugged. Back at our ranch at 2 am, slightly tipsy and very tired.

Sunday 6th February 2011

End of our tour with Vodka train but Marina and her sister Diana had agreed to meet us again. The morning we spent mooching around the kremlin and we popped in to see our mate Lenin. Was a bit surreal. There was a big queue so we waited for a while. Then you walk up to the airport style security. All mobiles, cameras have to be handed in as you’re not allowed to take photos. All the guards on every corner of the mausoleum had faces like bulldogs chewing a wasp. Very Stern looking mean mother fuckers. You can imagine interviews for such a position. Lenin didn’t look real which might have something to do with him being 100 years old. Walked past the grave of Stalin on the way out, a huge bunch of roses on his grave stone. Mad to think he killed 20 million of his own people and still gets respected by the Russian people. Afternoon we got the metro to the flea market to buy some Russian tat. Lots of Russian dolls on offer. Meet Marina and her sister Diana, Diana had the nicest eyes I’ve ever seen. Russian twins OMG!!!!!! I would easily die and go to heaven happy if I had a night with them. Had a few farewell drinks with Sophie. Then went to a Russian club, lots of people spoke very good English – brilliant fun. Never thought I’d be prancing around dancing to Spice Girls, Oasis and Fatboy Slim in a Russian night club. Got back to the hostel at 6am. Brilliant night out and Steve kept his traditional of getting a blokes number haha. He’s definitely got the Vibe as R Kelly would say.

Monday 7th February 2011

Meet Marina at 1pm then went up the hill to an amazing view over the whole of Moscow. Went to a restaurant called YOLKI POLKI, had some horrible bangers and mash which made me feel like shit. Went out to pub which was showing the Chelsea – Liverpool game, game was poo.

Tuesday 8th February 2011

The morning we went on Emily’s Soviet Building tour which was boring but it kept her happy. I’m not really interested in buildings and architecture. Met the girls at a parky type of place which was brilliant. Before we met them outside the metro Steve got mugged by a sparrow whilst eating a pasty haha I flinched moments early and he chirped up it would have to be some fucking bird to take that out your hands than two minutes later the Sparrow went for his fingers haha!!! Went on the big wheel which was good but I was shit scared of the height, we then said our good bye to the girls – hopefully it won’t be the last time we see them as they are amazing people, really interesting and very good looking. Took our flight to Latvia …

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