"Speaking English...How To Make Foreigners Understand."

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I bought a truly excellent book today for $1.50. It is titled Speaking English…How to Make Foreigners Understand and it is providing me with some interesting insight into foreign language learning.

I can’t resist giving you some examples directly from the book. I’m pretty sure that I’m not violating any copyright laws, because I’m pretty sure there aren’t any copyright laws, given the plethora of pirated DVDs for sale.

In a chapter entitled “May I Help You?” the sample conversation goes like this (italicized comments are mine, in case that isn’t obvious):

Salseclerk (yes, in Cambodia they have “salseclerks” rather than salesclerks): Hello. May I help you?
Customer: Yes please. I’m looking for a warm woolen skirt. (That’s certainly what I most often shop for in a country where the average daily temperature is 98.9 degrees.)
Salseclerk: Right this way please.
Customer: How much is it this skirt? (And how much English is it you know?)
Salseclerk: Yes, the price was stuck on it.

The chapter about Christmas is relatively short. (Here people understand Christmas to be a barang holiday about “Jesus” who is a fat man who wears red suit.)
Santa Clause: (Apparently he can only speak in clauses, not full sentences) What do you want for Christmas, Jeny?
Jeny: I’d like a doll and a new bicycle…and peace on earth!
Santa Clause: That's very sweet of you.
Jeny: Do you think I'll get the bike?

Relationship discussions are always important:
Rin: What would you like to know about Sim?
Beth: I just wander. (Apparently, she’s lost.) Why do you make your mind correct him. (Now I am lost.)
Rin: Because he always stand by me no matter what happen.
Beth: About all. You like him. (Really? That about all?)
Rin: Yes, that is right.

I also like this chapter, “Let’s Get Together Again Before.”
Jan: Hello, Jan speaking.
Big: Hello, Jan. I’m Big. (That’s what they all say.)
Jan: Hi Big. How are you doing?
Big: Soso. What do you do?
Jan: I wand up packing my thing before I leave. (I want to pack my things? I wound up packing my things? Help me out here, Jan!)
Big: Let’s get together again before you leave.
Jan: OK. We’ll get together today evening. (As opposed to today afternoon.)

How about “Will You Call The Office For Me?”
Husband: I’m kind of sick today.
Wife: Why don’t you take the day off?
Hunband: Will you call the office for me? Thank you for concerning me. (I guess now he’s a whole lot more concerned about himself since she suggested he take the day off.)
Wife: Certaninly. Ti’s a duty of wife. (Yes, ti's certaninly.)

And finally, I leave you with “I’d Like That Word A Lot.” (At least they know “a lot” is two words, which is more than I say about many native English speakers.)
Jame: (Perhaps his family was too poor to afford an “s”.) I had a great time tonight. Thank you for the dinner.
Lida: Welcome, James. (She bestows upon him the missing “s”)
Jame: I hope. I can come here again. (I hope. I can buy another book like this.)
Lida: Please come again.
Jame: Thank you. I’d like that word a lot. (What word???)

There is a handy reference section in the back of the book called “Phrases Should Remember” with useful suggestions like:
* "Altitude of flying”
* “Expired passport”
* “Need you also rent a car and guide?”
* “Don’t foget to claim up the top of BakhengTemple to see the sunset.”
* “There are thousands of pemple in Cambodia.”
* “Can you use up of its functioning?”
* “How far is kilometer from here?”
* “Is this the first time for you?”
* “How do you feel when you reach here?”
* “You are really interested in phone.”
* “It has many functions in the using.”
* “Dose it has USB port for connecting to computure?”
* “Do you play golf?”
* “I don’t want anyone to know.”
* “I’m allergic fish.”
* “Fingerprints”
* “Prosecuting attorney”
And my personal favorite: “If you don’t agree, I’ll allow you to protest.”

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Now I may be remiss in not teaching my English 2 students some of the useful words and phrases above, but we have some fun anyway. Jaz and I have each been teaching two classes every day all week, and because the classes are small, we’ve really been able to get to know the kids a little. Unfortunately, I can’t get any of their names straight, but they just call me “teacher” anyway, so it all works out.

These kids have some basic language skills so we can expand vocabulary and work on some sentence structure, opposites, conjugating verbs, and other things more interesting than just writing the alphabet. I have seven or eight students in each class and it’s amusing to realize that the archetypes are present the world over. There’s the kid who’s light years ahead of everybody and can finish a worksheet before I’ve finished passing them out to the rest of the class. There’s the kid who’s way too busy looking out the window or trying to see if he can fit under his desk to really bother with actual schoolwork. There’s the kid who, when called on to answer a question, looks immediately to her deskmate for the answer. And there’s always a suck-up, the one who goes to the board to write sample sentences and writes, “My English teacher is very pretty. She is tall and not fat. I love my teacher.”

We do some worksheets, which they seem to enjoy. I have them draw pictures of things I am describing to them. ”The boy is tall and has short hair. He wears sunglasses. He has 12 fingers.” Their response to that was great alarm: “Teacher, no! Teacher, no! Ten fingers!” You should have seen their reaction when I asked them to draw a family in which the girls play football and the dog wears sunglasses. Irony and silliness seemed a bit disturbing to them until they understood I was trying to be funny.

We worked on naming body parts and they adored playing a simplified version of Simon Says. ”Please show me your elbow. Please show me seven fingers. Please show me three ears.” By then, they got the sense of humor bit and buddied up with a friend to show me three ears, laughing uproariously.

We worked on in/on/under/next to/etc. and they had me next to a book, on a chair, with a book in my hand, a box on my head and a pen in my ear. They know how to sing “Head and Shoulders, Knees and Toes” better than I do. They know “Row, Row, Row, Your Boat” and would have sung it endlessly, not having any idea what it was about.

At the end of each class, I take a few minutes for them to try to teach me to write their names in Khmer. Khmer script is elaborate and beautiful, and I suck at it, but they all assure me, “Very good, teacher. Excellent!” while they chatter amongst themselves and laugh at my efforts. One day I brought our little photo album of pictures from home - pictures of our family, pictures of deer and chipmunks and butterflies and Mount Mansfield. They were most fascinated by two photos of our house, one in summer and one in winter with plenty of snow. There was serious discussion among them, pointing and discussing, and even though the two photos were taken from the exact same spot, I think they were trying to figure out if it could be the same house, and eventually I think I convinced them that it was.

The Tchey School, where we’ve been teaching, is a few miles outside of town. Tomorrow will be our last day there, and I will miss the kids and miss the ride to and from school - there’s never a dull moment when pigs on motorcycles might go by at any minute. I feel like I’ve just hit my stride with this group, but I’ve learned a lot about how this whole teaching English thing works. As I had hoped, I think I could learn to do it well with enough practice and opportunity. I already know how I will do it better the next time.

Next week we’ll begin new classes at Wat Bo School, which is just a quick bike ride from the guesthouse. It will save is $10 a day in tuktuk fare to be able to get there on our own, which will be good. The Wat Bo School is one of the best primary schools in the country, with 4600 kids in first through sixth grades. The school is big and well-equipped, and the kids wear shoes and socks rather than flipflops that they kick off at the door. There will be no chickens strolling past the classroom door, no rooster crowing on the playground, but they do have electricity, so I imagine the classrooms may even have ceiling fans! There are 700 kids sponsored by the PLF - and we will help distribute their second set of uniforms next Tuesday morning - but the rest of the kids come from families who can afford their own supplies.

We went to Wat Bo school earlier this week to watch their second Annual Music Competition. Each class had practiced one song and took turns filing onto the “stage” in the schoolyard to perform. There was panel of judges, which lent a little air of “Cambodian Idol” to the proceedings. Ponheary and Lori and Jaz and I were given front row seats, and I took approximately 500 photos of kids singing, smiling, looking nervous, giggling, standing in line, stamping their feet, waving paper stars, playing drums and triangles and accordions. Yes, accordions. If you care to see those photos, click here. And if you don’t want to see 67 photos, click there anyway and just go to the last item which is a one-minute video. You might be surprised at what song they perform!

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Comments

[Miriam]

Thank a lot
There is actual hot tea spurting out of places on my face that it should not spurt. I find this incredibly amusing. Thank writing you for this time.