a quiet reflection

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I always get my best thoughts while I am riding my bike along the busy streets of phnom penh. it is so beautiful in a completely different way to any normal city. London is beautiful for its own modern reasons, but fighting your way through bustling traffic going the wrong way, speeding over lights before they change and the dust almost suffocating is elegant in a way i really can't describe! it feels so normal and I am starting to get worried about returning to England. Even the smell of the litter and rotten food round by the markets is starting to feel like home. I even cycled alongside a cambodian and started talking about our lvies! it was surreal riding down russian boulevard and talking about where he was going for khmer new year!!!

I know this is a once in a lifetime opportunity, that is why i am making the most of it! tomorrow three of my students are taking me to the Royal Palace and the weekend after I will be going to Soriya's home in the province, where we will visit lots of temples, see lots of dust and she's going to teach me to ride a moto!! after busy days of wondering around and drinking lots of iced coffee, we will go back to her simple house and play cards. It's going to be really fun!!

The only thing now is how frustrating planning a life is! I am in the middle of trying to decide where to take my life after I return! I didn't get on the course I had set my ehart on, so now i am frantically trying to apply. however, the course I wanted to do is no longer running and i am not sure whether i like the two other courses i am looking at...but i know i shouldn't take another gap year. decidions decisions decsions. maybe that is why the idea of leaving cambodia is so depressing. life is simple here. the people make it simple. you get up, exercise, go to school/work, eat, go home, play cards/watch tv/listen to music. the western world has so many expectations and so many desires it wants to fulfil.

as i was riding along, contemplating my life and avoiding banana vans (i had a collision with one a few days ago...banana's everywhere!! both of us remained unhurt...but a few banana's didn't survive!! his fault tho....) i decided what lesson i was going to teach on monday and that i would just apply for as many things and see where the world takes me! somenoe offered that i could work on their farm in australia, another ahs offered me a room in her house in adeliade which i really am considering!!! pity the university in adeliade isn't offering my course anymore!! grr!!!

what have i been up since the last entry???...teaching 😊 i really am loving it but it is definately not a long term career choice, or not now anyway. the students are great and the staff are wonderful, but i dont think i could do it long term without a bit more of a qualification for it. i feel that im bumbling along a little bit!!

yesterday the power went off again...i've been eating my dinner wearing my head torch!! but this time it went off when my washing was halfway through. so i hosed off the soap suds with the hose that you are supposed to use on your bum after the toilet and then ringed them out and put them on the line. now i need to go back and see if they smell or if they need another wash!! i have no clean pants left so i really hope that it is all ok!!!

one of the volunteers is a budding writer and the other day we went to a cafe to discuss his book. he's so lovely and the book is great, a few things to tweak as with any first novel but fingers crossed for getting it published. but it is like any creative business, it comes down to who you know and being in the right place at the right time. sometimes impossible even for the most talented!!! my brother's band is a good example, they are the most talented musicians i know, but without knowing the right people they face the prospect of never making money from their talents. in life we cannot always follow where we really want to go, but we make the most out of each opportunity. thursday and friday, my lessons went bad and i started to get anxious about this postgraduate stuff, but i've woken up fresh today; we have to keep trying and plodding along. i have the most amazing network of friends and so many things to be thankful for. soriya and steph yesterday cheered me up. soriya took me for a coffee and steph for a beer!!! life is what you make it, and thursday and friday were reflections of how it can try to get you down but you need to find ways to get back up! the poverty stricken and often violent streets of phnom penh does not mean that the people that live in them give up! all of my students show a huge want for change and with that attitude, the coutnry will develop and it will improve. they deserve a chance and they are finally getting one!

the next entry will be my escape from the city! i'm so excited about how different it will be, i'm looking forward to the change of environment (and a week's break from teaching!!)

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