Best weekend in Swaziland Yet

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So I am coming off my best weekend in Swaziland yet. It started with an important Friday at the old Family Life Association of Swaziland in Manzini. We were anxiously awaiting a visit from someone from PEPFAR/USAID to visit our clinic. Low and behold the American Ambassador rocks up, as does the Minister of Health, along with some extra important people from additional NGOs.

I was the official photographer for the event, roaming around like an annoying person snapping photos left right and centre. Highlight was a tour through the new Male Circumcision Theatre (operating room for us Canadians) and we got to wear booties and put sexy wraps on our heads. Everyone looked ridiculous; I loved it. Funny moment when I was gossiping at the back and the Ambassador says “Sharman, come take a picture of this.” I feel so important, the American Ambassador knew my name!

Turns out Stephen had a golf weekend planned with some of the Americans that were on the FLAS tour that day. In his absence from the ghetto shack, I invited some of my new Mbabane girl friends to come check out the Manzini bar scene.

Tammy and Laura (Americans) and Louisa (Portugal) were eager to come along. I yelled for Dr. Moyo across the balcony to join us for another night at Tinkers. He won’t invite me over to watch TV, but I knew he wouldn’t resist a night out with the Mlungu girls. We did some pre-drinking at Aussie Michelle’s place and finally rocked up at Tinkers at about 12:30?

Oh did we have fun. In traditional Swazi style there were only 2 people working the bar, so getting drinks was hard – unless you have a Dr. Moyo with you who does that for you. We spent most of the night dancing and laughing. One of the Youth Action Movement kids from FLAS was there – I love Stinga. He has the body of a muppet and looks so young. He was far from innocent and tried his luck with a few of the girls – I had to come save them when suddenly he would have cornered them against the wall. Who knew a skinny guy could be so persuasive on the dance floor?

While most of the people from Michelle’s party were slowing tapping out, we were all going strong. Moyo pulled us off the dance floor at about 4:30 in the morning. Smart thing to do because the sun started coming up shortly after that. Oh – I got to see his apartment. I call bullshit. He has nicely painted walls, a nice fridge, and there is no plumbing showing or holes in anything. We got the crap apartment at Liqhaga and I am miffed!

We didn’t get to bed till 5 and woke up a few hours later to get our day started. We went to Swazi candles for an amazing breakfast and while Tammy went to work I lazed about at Laura’s VIP accommodation. She lives down the street from the party I went to last week; she has the guest house on an amazing piece of property with a beautiful garden and strange pets. 2 wiener dogs tried to show me who was boss while I watched a chicken fight with a duck on her driveway. Seriously – so random.

We finally headed off for Malalotja – a nature reserve in the north. Two girls who have been here for a couple of years were leaving and planned a big overnight stay in the lodges. Someone was sick and there was room for me so I tagged along. We had a yummy Braai (BBQ) and then hung out by the campfire. The moon was full and offered lots of light on a beautiful little piece of Swaz.

I met a guy who is working at the British Embassy in Maputo, Mozambique. He offered up accommodation next time I come. I was like – buddy, I am sure you throw that offer out all the time, but I am will seriously take you up on it. No worries – I guess members of the Mbabane crew stay quite often. A way better off than the Brazilian I met there – which I am sure, would require action in exchange for free accommodation. I’m a poor volunteer.... but not quite there yet.

In the morning over 30 of us got up early to go on a hike to some pot holes. We had to off-road in the park for about 10 minutes before we stopped in a random spot. No signs or anything – I would have no idea how to get there. We started hiking down, down, and then down some more for well over an hour and a half. It finally levelled out and we arrived at a river with a great spot to do some cliff jumping. Me – a pansy – sat by and watched. Half the group headed back and the rest of us trudged on to the second set of pot holes.
40 minutes of random walking through the bush, a couple river crossings, and bang we arrived at a beautiful waterfall/type area. It was so nice and the weather was perfect. After going for a swim I failed to re-apply sunscreen and seriously toasted my back. Brilliant.

By the time we started back I think I was feeling some slight heat stroke and was out of water. Some people started drinking river water but I figured that gluten does enough damage to my body, I don’t need to add random Swazi parasites to the mix. We had a nice 2.5 hour hike back (first bit that was flat was nice, and then walking up the damn hill we had walked down in the morning sucked). By the end I was glad I did it, and I’m sure that my ass will thank me for it later.

The Blue Bullet

or the Purple Monster?

I want to love my VW, but the Polo likes to piss me off at least once a week. When I went to drive home on Sunday night, I had no speed, no gas, and no rpm readings. There were no lights on my dashboard, but I could still signal and have lights. Um – driving back on the highway with no concept of my speed was a little random. I tried to get Stephen to see if he could fix it (blue job), but had to take the damn thing back out to Papa Smurf. 2 days later they finally had if fixed – another $100 plus dollars down the Polo drain.

Tuesday is supposed to be run club/dinner night, but the weather has been crappy the last 2 weeks. Nice all day and then a monsoon hits right when it is time to run. I’ve cooked the last two weeks, but this week I ordered curry from our neighbour. For less than $25 she made an enormous pot of dal and an enormous pot of jasmine rice. Christy’s place is amazing– but I thought we were all going to be electrocuted during the storm. Her little place on the game reserve is adorable, but the tin roof – not so great. At one point her electrical box shot out sparks so we ate the rest of the dinner under candle light. Very romantic for us 4 girls.

Wednesday night we had Michelle over for the remaining curry and movie night (now that we are all fancy with the TV and the couch). Michelle is a fellow popcorn junkie, but had never had butter on it before. Well – Lena you will be proud that I have become pretty darn good at the stove top popcorn. As soon as I present it with butter on top, Michelle is in heaven. So nice to have another popcorn-addict around.

I survived my first hair cut in Swaziland. It is hard to find someone who can cut white hair without making you look like a middle-aged soccer mom. I went to where Stephen goes, and it started with one hell of a hair wash/massage. Cut turned out alright, a little shorter than I wanted (only slightly soccer momish) but looks healthy again. (Des, please feel free to come visit me in Swaz, but be warned that all the whities I know would want you to cut their hair).

American Thanksgiving

Thursday was American Thanksgiving, so we piled in the car and headed to Mbabane where all of Team America live. We were hosted in some massive condos by doctors with the Bailer program out of Texas. One condo had at least 60 people stuffing themselves on food; the other had a charity garage sale/silent auction of all the stuff they want to get rid of before they leave next month.

It was a complete hodge podge of stuff. Grabbed a few things off the free table, and then got a shit load of spices, jams and hot sauces from the 5 rand tables (less than a buck). I bought a couple of lamps and a rug and later in the night I fought hard to claim a pair of end tables in the silent auction. I was up against Nick who was literally fighting me for the bidding paper – I told him our apartment is a ghetto I need them. He didn’t care – he said they would go nice in his big house by the river. I eventually got him to stand down when I offered up sexual favours in exchange for him not to bid. I know how to beat an American.
Dinner was amazing and Stephen was very happy with my Santa –like homecoming. The place looks so nice now; our lazy maid won’t recognize the place! (please note my standard for nice in our apartment is not normal)

Oh Swaziland

So I learned this week that gender equality in the workplace has a whole different meaning than at home. I got suckered into a two-day strategic planning session at the start of the week. When it came time to decide who was presenting for my group they all nominated me. Um – ya. I’ve been here for 2 months, clearly I should present on what we want for the next 5 years, including info on what happened in the last 5 years. One of my coworkers tried to scam her way out by saying she can’t present. She has her period. My male coworkers accepted this but I was applauded and said that would never fly in Canada. She didn't understeand why not? "But I have cramps, maybe I can maybe present tomorrow if I am bleeding less." I couldn’t stop laughing. Apparently this is normal group work talk because I was the only one shocked or trying to call her on it. Brutal. They all threw me under the bus and made me present anyways.

One of the female ministers set a good standard in the paper last week. It was in response to girls having sex. She said that sometimes they say no, when they really do want to have sex. Because for her, sometimes no actually means yes. Great role model in government if you ask me? It’s like she’s advocating for sexual violence towards women.

In random Swazi news I learned last week that some people are feeding their ARV drugs to chickens. Here is your HIV 101 – if you are HIV positive you get a CD4 count, if it is low then you are considered to have AIDS and need to go on antiretroviral treatment. I asked Moyo why the hell people would feed their chickens their AIDS medication. He said that people usually gain weight on ARVs because it helps them stay healthier. Therefore – if it makes humans gain weight, why wouldn’t it do the same for chickens? Welcome to Swaziland and the land of miscommunications. Considering abstaining from chickens now as well....

Any my last story of the day. "Someone" who doesn't want to be named, was driving near my apartment block and noticed a man beating a woman. He gets out, mace spray in hand, and tries to talk the guy off her. People from my apartment block are yelling at them to shut up. He is beating her because she has another boyfriend, slightly hypocritical since she is upset that he has multiple girlfriends. My friend manages to calm them down and offers them a ride home. He drops the guy off and heads off towards Ngwane Park (my old neighbourhood) to drop the woman off. In her slightly drunken state she looks at my friend, leans over and grabs his balls and says "Let's go to Matsapa, get a hotel and do it clean," My friend says no and manages to get her back to her home.

Sorry - too good. One More. That same friend was driving on the highway when it started raining. He sees an older woman alone on the side of the road and picks her up. They start driving. This is how the conversation goes.

Woman: I'm hungry. Do you want some cake?
Friend: No thanks. You eat the cake?
Woman: I said I'm hungry would you like some cake?
Friend: No thanks. I'm not hungry.
Woman: Do you want a blow job.

Not sure if the same would happen back in Canada... but remember to do one good deed today and maybe you too can have a Swazi Good Samaritan story.

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Photos

Visiting the MC operating room
yes - I know I look like I should be admitted to a hospital, and not just visiting.

Post - Tinkers
The Mbabane ladies chilling in Stephen's bed on Saturday morning.

Off Road
The ride in Malalotja on the way to the potholes hike.

Second set of pot holes
It was smoking hot and the water was amazing!

Sweaty face much?
This is after we hiked up, hiking down so that we can hike back out.

Turky Time
Girls made the turkeys, boys cut them up

Gobble Gobble
Yau brought asian food and I made a ukrainian dish.

Gluten Free Girls
Allison and I happy about our recent silent auction purchases