Swazi Social Scene

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Work life has been crazy busy since I last wrote, but my social life has been... well just crazy.


When I last left you I was in jeopardy of spending my weekend without electricity and worried about eviction as my roommates organization failed to pay rent on time. With Stephen out of the country I was totally freaking, but got things sorted on Friday and thankfully I came home to our beautiful apartment which still had electricity. His colleague who I called said “oh, I meant to pay that on Monday.” Please note that still would have been 11 days late.


Saturday I got to put in some OT when my intern Ace called me to tell me we needed life stories for a report on the male circumcision project. I interviewed him on his circumcision experience, and then got to go visit a 28 year old in teacher’s college to ask him about his story. He is a unique case to FLAS, as he is paralyzed and was the first person with a disability to request the surgery. Since he uses a catheter, the health benefits were obvious. So, there I was on a Saturday afternoon in a dorm room asking a kid I had never met before to tell me about his MC experience. If you asked me 6 months ago what I would be doing - I never would have dreamed up this one.


Alexandra, a volunteer from Germany (but now lives in Australia) decided to come visit me for a night out in Manzini. Between jet lag and being a loser, I had yet to check out the Swazi bar scene. One of the Zimbabwe MC doctors lives across from me so we yelled his name until he came out on this balcony. He decided to ditch his mom who was visiting from Zim and come out with us. We all took a turn trying out my new skipping rope (bought in an effort to stay in shape since I don’t leave the house after dark and slightly scared to go running on the roads here). I’m sorry, but I recall skipping as a fun activity. I know boxers skip as part of their training, but I had no idea how damn hard it is.


We wanted to walk to Marios, a cool pub about 100 meters from my apartment. Moyo said it can be dangerous walking there. Alex said aren’t we fine with you protecting us? Moyo’s response - I will be the first one running away. So two white girls and Dr Moyo walk up the street to Marios. A group of male swazis in the early 20’s are walking towards us. When they get close they warn - Hey! You could get mugged! I couldn’t stop laughing. This place is hilarious.


So my new beverage of choice in Swaziland is called Vwater. Or something like it? I think some moron tried to make a word for vodka flavoured water, and here they say it with an africaans accent. Very weird, but tasty. At about 12:30 we caught a “safe cab” to Tinkers nightclub. The place is massive and I may have been a little tipsy by the time I got there. I was shocked to see a handful of white people when we walked in the door. My gut reaction - to yell WHITE PEOPLE! As I walk by on my way to the bar. I assure you - I certainly know how to make friends in a new environment.

brutal brutal pick up lines


Dancing, drinking, more dancing (with one of the youth action movement kids from work who knows me as girl who likes to play with their sexual health resources) continued on til about 6 am. Seriously... I had no idea that Swazis could go as hard as the people in Buenos Aires - but they like to go til the sunrise. There was a “coloured” 24 year old that took a liking to me. I thought he was gay, he had skinny jeans that would make Justin Benko jealous. For all of you - Coloured is a term they use here to describe someone who is not either 100%!w(MISSING)hite, or 100%!b(MISSING)lack. It describes anyone who is a mix of something. It is totally politically correct, yet I have a hard time using it, except when I use finger quotes.


Anywho - I think the 24 year old was cougar hunting. He informed me he has a large penis, apparently this is a Swazi line to entice? I responded by asking him if he was circumcised? No - well here are some of the benefits (60%!r(MISSING)educed rate of HIV transmission) , and would you like to meet Dr. Moyo right there, as we can perform the surgery. He was interested in my facts on MC, but not eager to meet Dr. Moyo. He wanted me to come back to his place in Mbabane (35 km away). Alex tried to humour him and asked if he wanted to come back with us. Nope - he had to be in Mbabane in the morning. I knew something was funny so I asked why. He said I wouldn’t believe him. Instead I did believe him and laughed my ass off. The kid was expected at church in a few hours. Only in Swaziland.


I had about an hour of sleep before someone started calling my cell. I only got a few more hours in before Ace called to say there was no power at the office and he was coming over to check out my stories and get everything we had due for the Monday. As Alexandra recovered in my room from one crazy night out - I spent my hangover watching Ace make himself comfortable with Stephen’s stellar coffee selection and my stash of wine gums. Fun times. I think Alexandra may have had her drink spiked or something, because she was sick in bed all day. She had to sleep over again and left for work at 6 am. But for us both - our first Manzini night out at Tinkers was a good one!

Work Challengers


So - i’m doing my best to get used to Africa Time, but there are some things we have no control over. I am currently working on a new contraception brochure. You think that when we have it to our likely we could just go print. Well no. There is a committee in Swaziland that we are supposed to send all our messages through. Aproval is slow and a pain, and hwen someone internal asks for something by a certain date I can do nothing about it.


This weeks Swazi Times article was on our clinics - to spice things up by not always talking about HIV - I did a piece on curable sexally transmitted infections. They don’t classify by disease here - they classify by symptom - so I did an article on vaginal and urethral discharges (again.. can’t believe my new turn in life). I was freaking pissed when it came out on Friday! My title was like - Don’t Wait. FLAS urges to treat STIs early.


Instead - Treat STIs early - FLAS. Then below in smaller text it went ... antibiotics can clear all symptoms within a week. Then below it - a picture of a half-naked white couple. Seriously. Seriously? I gave a picture of one of our cute friendly nurses. I spent 1500 words trying to tell people they shouldn’t be embarrassed, seek treatment early, it will be confidential and you can cure your discharge problem. Instead, they turned my article into smut that implies antibiotics can cure all STIs, and only white naked people get them. I am just so proud of myself.


This week I met some long-time Swazi volunteers for a drink at Marios, both Michelle and Pete are good friends of my roommate Stephen. Um.. I think there are many stories of Peter to come. When I first met him he informed me that he had to get air lifted out of Swaziland. Why? He had a stroke. Turns out he was sitting o his couch one Sunday afternoon and had a feeling something wasn’t quite right. Feeling down the left side was gone and he was convinced he was having a heart attack. 3 hours later when the funny feeling was still there he got himself to a Swazi clinic. The nurse who saw him said “oh you’re just having a stroke. Have you been to church today?” It took 24 hours for his medical insurance back in Australia to decide what to do and by the time he was strapped to oxygen and flying to Jo’berg, he felt fine. But he did get to spend a week in South Africa, and has one good story out of it.


So long Swaziland... Hello South Africa



Friday afternoon it was time to hit the road. There was an organized tour heading to Durban South Africa that I jumped aboard with Andrea, Alexandra, Ai and Christy (my new American friend). Of course we left almost two hours late, but when we finally made the 7 hour ride to Durban we were pretty excited. We had Thai food for dinner - glorious, delicious, can’t find in Swaziland, Thai food.


Saturday morning was a gong show - 90 minutes late, we finally headed off to the new Moses Medaba soccer stadium which was built for the world cup. We were there to do a staduium tour, but since it was a game day, there was no tours. Instead, we decided to just take the sky tram up over top of the building -great view of the city, but unfortunately you can’t see down onto the field.


We spent the rest of the day at Ushaka marine world. I boycotted this place 4 years ago when I was in Durban because I have been to a few Sea worlds already and I don’t really like them. Well, I can admit when I am wrong - because Ushaka is freaking amazing! We checked out the under water aquariums. Then went to the dolphin show which included drumming, dancing, costumes, and the worst acting and stage show I have ever seen. I was so embaressed for the trainers, I felt so sorry for them. We kicked it to the penguin show, and while the girls were in the bathroom I talked up penguin host and asked if we could see these so called baby penguins he talked about.


We managed to sneak in the back (no photos allowed) and got to see and pet a baby penguin. ITS SO FLUFFY (lena, that is for you, and for anyone who has seen Dispicable Me).


Our combo pass included the water park attached to the marine life side, but since two rides were closed we were given a free snorkel experience instead. When we went to go snorkel we were told it was full. Insert aggressive Sharman who is not afraid to complain. I asked why would they give out something complimentary if they couldn’t serve us all. No money could be given back so I asked if we could come back Sunday. The guy pulled some strings and squished us in anyways, much to the anger of other people who were late for their time and couldn’t go. Tried out my waterproof camera for the first time - no idea what went wrong but pics were bubbly - must read manuel or i have a defect camera.


We got to actually snorkel in one of giant tanks that people look into from below. Seriously weird to be looking at sharks and then waving at kids in the windows below. The experience was so cool and so worth complaining for. Afterwards the weather turned a little drizzly, which meant we could tear up the water slides with no lineups because everyone else started going home. The next 90 minutes we laughed our heads off as we ripped down slides, and picked out wedgie after wedgie from the super fast steap ones. I felt like a kid again.


Saturday night should have been a good one, but the penguin trainer guys met us and convinced us to go to places that were totally crappy. We just wanted to dance, and instead they brought us to either red-neck white hick bars or places that were closed. Weird - just plain weird. I got patted down at one of the bars - for entertainment i asked for a picture, he is actually touching my boobs there. I would have hit him but I am sure he would have hurt me.


It was rainy on Sunday so no beach time, instead I enjoyed Sushi yesterday before driving all the way back last night. Getting through the border at night is quick and easy, and we all said hello to the South African border guard who fell in love with Alex on our way into the country - he said if she stayed with him at the border, he would give her many many cows. Can you imagine a border guard doing that in Canada - seriously this place is hilarious. We blew a tire about an hour into Swaziland, but other than that an uneventful ride home.


No w I am back in Swaziland, where the weather is turning hot hot hot, and I am supposed to dress conservative. It’s not working. Today a guy took a picture of me and andrea with his camera phone in Swaziland. At least someone is happy to have me here, or at least evidence that the White Western Whores really do walk the streets of Manzini.

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Photos

Male circumcision story
hanging with chawulani outside his dorm.

Manzini night out
Dr. Moyo and Alex post skipping time- pre bar time.

a night at tinkers
casualty of the manzini bar scene

my most recent article
I am now contributing to the smut in Swazi papers - not my title or photo choice

Just a little late
my coworker Mpumie hanging with the world cup 2010 mascot

Moses Medeba statdium
we took the sky tram up instead of taking the tour

Happy Hippo Hostel
Alexandra killing time in our hostel

USHAKA!
we got to snorkle in the tank later - people could see us from below

Ai's new best friend
security at Cubita bar in durban, this guy loved ai.

pat down
I thought this was funny til he actually grabbed the girls.

taxi?
the girls piled in the back of one of the penguin trainers car.

Comments

[Christopher]

WHERE'S THE POO?
Nice blog, love the stories. Only one thing was missing. Ummmmmmm, there was no story about poo or pooing or having pooped. Fix it. C/