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A tank in the Gulf of AqabaUntil I got to South Africa, India and Jordan were the two countries I’ve been to on this trip with the highest level of spoken English proficiency. Now, in some ways, this made travelling really great and easy because it meant I was able to really connect with people, make friends, and ask questions about the culture and society. But it also had the major drawback that touts – those guys on the street trying to sell you everything including their own mother – could really be bothersome (especially in India). You know, in China the touts would just look at me and walk away because they knew they couldn’t talk to me, but in India they would sometimes follow me for blocks offering a new and better deal after each block.
Now, for most travellers, these touts are a major nuisance and one of their few complaints about India. For me, though, they were more often a source of entertainment (at least when I was in the right mood) because they would say ridiculous things to try and sell even more ridiculous things. For example, one the most memorable touts was a guy in Delhi who tried to sell
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The Gulf of Aqaba me some crutches at a “good Indian price” as I walked passed him on the street. Let me reiterate – “as I walked past him.” I tried to explain to him that as I was walking quite limp free I wasn’t really in need of any crutches, but he just thought I was playing hard to get, so he decided to follow me for a few blocks to make sure I was really sure I didn’t want the crutches. After a few minutes of walking together my straight-man bargaining technique had brought the cost down to 50 rupees (~$1) for 1 crutch or 75 (~$1.50) for two. Now, at this point, I have to admit that I was actually thinking about it just because it was so ridiculous, but I managed to stay resolved that I REALLY didn’t need the crutches.
Continuing on my “tout” theme, I just need to mention that these guys usually have the best English (and German, French, Dutch, Japanese, etc.) in any country, but there’s just one problem with their language abilities – they are usually so concerned with speaking quickly and using all of the funny catch phrases they know to try to
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The Gulf of Aqaba make the sale (“at a never before in the world offered price”) that they have no ability to understand anything said to them. Now, for any of you who don’t know, one of my travel philosophies is that I don’t buy souvenirs until my last city – it just makes my form of light, back-packing travel so much easier. Now these touts who are so eager to make a sale don’t know that they’re barking up the wrong tree with me, so every now and again I stop and try to explain to them that I’m not interested. One of the best of these conversations also happened in Delhi when a guy tried to sell me a bongo drum bigger than my backpack at a “good Indian price” (~$2) which was three times the “good Indian price” I’d been offered on the same drum from a seller the block before. Rather than telling him that if I really wanted a drum I’d go with the guy on the previous block, I actually explained to him that I wouldn’t even take it if he gave it to me for free. I even told him that I wouldn’t take it off him
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The Gulf of Aqaba if he paid me 50 rupees. But he didn’t seem to get the point because his face lit up and he tried to give it to me for 50 rupees!!! So, like I was saying, there’s a bit of confusion on the whole comprehension side of things.
Oh, and speaking of wonderfully ridiculous touts, I just have to say that the ones at Petra in Jordan are pretty hilarious too. They all have their own catchphrases like “it’s happy hour” or “no wife no life” to try to convince you of your absolute need to purchase their goods. My favorite one though was an older man who kept shouting that it was “happy hour every half hour” on his jewelry. I actually thought about stopping to ask him what that actually meant – like, were there back to back 2 for 1 offers which meant I could get 4 for the price of one – but I was pretty sure he wouldn’t see the humor in what he was saying.
Grown Men Crying – A Jordanian Haircut I went into a barber shop on my last day in Jordan to get a quick haircut, and I had the
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In the desert around Wadi Rum (Jordan) great / horrific honor to watch the guy in line before me go through the whole beautifying barber experience. He started with a hot towel on his face and then went to a full shave with a straight razor. Now, I thought that was going to be all of it for the facial hair, but boy was I wrong. The barber then went on to do a second pass with a normal safety razor, and then he brought out the hot wax! And he put that wax in places no wax should go – namely inside the man’s nose and ears (and along his forehead and eyebrows)! And he really gooped it in there to make sure that now hair was left untouched. I’ll never know how that man didn’t scream when the wax was ripped off and tears just started pouring down his cheeks. And the nose was definitely the worst of it because the barber could only do one nostril at a time (to make sure the man could breathe), so you could see the sheer terror in the man’s eyes when he was getting the second nostril loaded up. Oh, and I think the barber was something
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In the desert around Wadi Rum (Jordan) of a sadist too because he brought over his prize wax molds to show me the party favors he’d managed to pull out man’s nose! And he was chuckling menacingly the whole time! When it was finally my turn, he asked if I’d like haircut and a wax or just the haircut, and I quickly responded that just a haircut would do. He then told me that I could get a good deal on the package, so I had to point out that I have precious little hair as it is so I’d like to keep as much of it as I can no matter where it is!!!
And then things went from terrifying to funny. As I walked out of the Barber of Seville’s, I ran across five guys who were sitting outside in the street in old beat up Lazy Boys watching American Wrestling (WWE I think). I stopped to watch over their shoulders for a bit because I thought it was hilarious that these guys (25-35 years old) were so wrapped up in the wrestling. When they finally saw me, they made me sit down and join them. So I did just that for about 20
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In the desert around Wadi Rum (Jordan) minutes, and we debated their favorite wrestlers – “The Rock” vs “John Cena” by pretty much just shouting their names louder and louder and then doing fist bumps and various weird handshakes. It was some serious male bonding with no real verbal communication (my three words of Arabic were way better than their one word of English).
Okay, now one last note on funny sales items / services – this time in Cape Town, South Africa. After getting settled in to my hostel, I decided to take a minibus downtown to get a feel for the area. Now, the minibuses here are just as crazy as they were in Asia in terms of packing people in and stopping every few feet to try to rustle up some more passengers, so I didn’t find that all too surprising or funny. No, what I really thought was funny about the minibuses here is that they all have the same sign inside which says “Passengers Conveyed at Own Risk.” Now, maybe that won’t be as funny to most of you, but I find it absolutely hilarious. Basically they’re saying that if the driver gets in an accident, then it’s your fault for
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In the desert around Wadi Rum (Jordan) being unlucky and choosing the wrong driver that day!!! I’m just trying to imagine how that would go down in the US or Europe!
A Couple of Funny Points 1 – South Africa really is a musical place. Everywhere you go there is some sort of catchy rhythmic or popular music playing, and I hear people signing around the township where I’m volunteering every day. The best thing, though, is that they play music at the grocery store that I would expect to hear in techno clubs back home, and all of the women are literally dancing up and down the aisles with their shopping carts and children for dance partners.
2 –Instead of the car horn that was used to get my attention in China and Southeast Asia, most people in India would just say “Psssst” or whistle to get me to look their way so they could wave and smile at me. So I was basically getting cat called hundreds of times a day, and I felt like a total piece of meat. It was great!!!
3 – Guys really are kind of the same all over the world. Even in parts of India and Jordan where
Muslim women wore the full body covering, you could still see men who would turn and check them out as they passed on the street, even though not an inch of them was uncovered - not even an ankle, toe, or wrist! I really was wondering how they decided who to check out and how they knew the woman wasn't an old grandmother or a guy dressed in drag!
4 - With the recent news about the death of Osama Bin Laden, I really wish I were still in Jordan. Every time I took a cab there the driver would ask me where I was from, and when I said "the US" he would launch into an impromptu speech about how much he (and Jordanians in general) really hated Bin Laden. They were really upset over the bad name that he was giving Islam and Muslims around the world.
For those who are interested, you can see some of the pictures of the children I've been working / volunteering with at the following link -
South Africa Childrens Home
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Mom
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You've see some amazing places---I love seeing the photos and hearing about your crazy adventures! The kids that you're helping are really cute---can you imagine Andies family with 12 kids? Keep up the good work!!!! Mom