bmw to bmx

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Today was spent helping run 2 focus groups with men from the Eastridge section of Mitchell’s Plain—a Coloured (mixed race) community. The men came in with tattered clothes, several of them smelling of awful body odor. Many of them also had their front 4 teeth missing. I later learned that this is a fad in their community—to get your teeth removed so that is looks like they were punched out.

The men had a lot of valuable information to share with us. They talked about how everyone drinks at shebeens, but especially during the weekend. They get paid on Friday, and that is when the party starts. They also talked about how bad tik (meth) use is in their communities. They spoke about how it is children as young as 12 years old up to the grandmothers. They told us how tik and alcohol make people do stupid things, like get aggressive and then start fighting. Fights usually occur over women, but yet they said most people have “roll on” partners. And when guns or knives are involved, the body count adds up. But they emphasized how much tik is messing up the lives of so many people. As one guy put it, “When you do tik, it makes you go from driving a BMW to a BMX.”

They also talked about the treatment of women by men. According to several men in the groups, women have the power because they can simply “move their eyes” (meaning flirt) and a man will do whatever they want—buy them drinks, buy them tik. They said women who use tik will often trade sex for it, and they call these women “tik monsters.”

According to a few of the men, women have many more partners than men because they are sitting home all day with nothing to do. So their impression is that women have extra partners during the day. When asked what a woman’s responsibilities are, several men agreed that a woman should take care of the house and children, have dinner ready for her husband when he comes home, and should know what she wants in life (in other words, should want a husband and children). They also said that many women are raped in their community, but that men only rape women who are casual sex partners because they do not care for them like they do their wives/girlfriends. It was unclear whether they thought men could rape their wives.

Yikes! We certainly have our work cut out for us!

Towards the end of the sessions, W. did a condom demonstration (on a big, black didlo) so that the men knew how to use both a male and female condom properly. When she plopped the dildo on the table, one man said, “I am speechless!” They really enjoyed that part, and they all seemed to be listening attentively.

Once people in the community heard about the groups—that we were feeding people, giving away bags of condoms and toiletries, and were talking about sex, people started lining up. Apparently one guy who did not qualify for the study went out into the street and shouted, “They want people who speak English! They have food!” And when the groups were over, there was not a drop of food left.

Tonight we had a little America-themed party and watched the inauguration. The crew made hamburgers and hot dogs, beans, mac and cheese, and toasted with champaign. B. and I were both tearful through most of the thing. It’s unbelievable what a significant moment the inauguration was (and I thought it was great that Obama stumbled a bit on the oath—show’s he’s a real person). I look forward to new policies and new directions. And it is especially exciting to see people outside of the U.S. so excited. I don’t think a majority of Americans realize how much our policies affect the rest of the world, or how much what we do as a country ripples through to other countries, particularly countries in the developing world. Let’s hope that we can rebuild our reputation into one of a country that does everything it can to help others, that community service will become a natural part of every Americans’ life, and that we can create an environment built on peace rather than fear.

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