Where are my leaks? Here and there and there

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Listening to the other one's jibber jabber, him having called me with nothing much to say (I expect just a thinly veiled excuse to check I'd fed and watered myself like some forlorn Tamogochi, stuck as I am to the internet these days) I felt a small splash on my shoulder. Then a few more. Seeing as last I knew our house had a roof this was a little troubling. In what seems to be perfectly reasonable 21st century behaviour, I secured the safety of my laptop ok first. Then I set out like truffle hunting pig to check out the problem. My quest took me to the loft upstairs where I identified what I think is technically called a drip drip sound. Time waiting for no man, I despatched myself next door to the landlord's house to report my discovery only to find on my return that perhaps I'd been a little understated. Water was pouring from the roof, through the light fitting, through the floorboards down to the living room. It's like I never left Manchester.

I'd say I hurried about trying to find lots of things to capture water with, except we don't have that many things. Our bin became a bucket (though really it's a bucket pretending to be a bin), I lobbed the top off an empty 5L bottle of water and grabbed our three saucepans. I then went round the house with a mop, a useless exercise seeing as I was just spreading the water everywhere, turning our house into a death trap that would cause RoSPA (the UK's Royal Society for the Prevention of Accidents) to weep.

The other one turned up soon after, the leaks adding to his miserable day of forgetting his PIN number, having his card taken by the ATM taking his card and finding two massive cockroaches in the car boot where he'd stashed our food. I mopped round him while he de-stressed with a fag (nothing like prioritisation) and the landlord arrived, doing a better truffle impression than me, discovering that the water boiler had rusted through and we needed a new one. So it was hello cold water - at least we're in the Seychelles and not London right now...

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