AfricaFun

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Another week, another blog entry. After the initial shock of finding out that my father is polygamous, I set out to find out more, in the most politically correct way possible ofcourse. Aida and I (often accompanied by one or both of my younger brothers) have made it a nightly tradition to lounge on the roof after Nogou (breaking the fast) and before our extremely late dinner, mostly so Aida can spy on her "love" (obsession) who lives across the street and often hangs out in the local park. I have been trying to discourage her pining over a 20 year old (she's only 13), but so far I haven't been too successful. She prescribes to the ideal that love transcends age difference and that they're meant for each other. In any event, the roof is the coolest place in the house and we have a great view of the stars, so I enjoy our nightly routine as well. Last week, we were lying side by side counting stars, when Aida kept bringing up the topic of polygamy. I'm not sure if she was baiting me, but I went for it. Apparently my mom is the first wife, and my dad has two sons with his other wife. Aida isn't sure when he married her, but his oldest son with her is only a month older than Aida. The two wives have never met each other and Aida has only met her brothers twice before. Apparently they live close to their grandparents, in the suburbs of Dakar. I asked how her mom felt about the whole thing, and Aida simply said that she is "comprehensive" -- understanding -- and that the other wife was nice as well. Supposedly when the second wife called the house to tell the dad that her mother had died, Aida's mom cried for her grief. At one point Aida whispered to me that her father loves our mom more, but that I can never tell anyone this secret. Who knows if that's her bias or something her mom told her, but I thought it was interesting that she considered it such an important secret.

I'm realizing I base almost all my knowledge of polygamy on the book "Une Si Longue Lettre," which talks about one women who is basically abandoned after many years of marriage for a much younger wife (a friend of her daughter's actually) and another woman who divorces her husband when he takes a second wife due mostly to family pressure. Its so hard for me to grasp how one man can have two completely separate families, and supposedly love them equally, and hop between homes every two days. In the book, polygamy is portrayed as a betrayal, an unofficial divorce--which doesn't seem to be the case in my family (on the surface, atleast). I really wonder why he would want to have two wives, two families, if he was already happy with one family, but I suppose I won't ever find out why it is the case in my family. Maybe it was also because of family pressure or related to status. I know my family is wealthy... we live in one of the most expensive neighborhood's in Dakar and now I find out he has another family as well! Its all a bit mind boggling.

Moving on... the roof top evenings have also been the stage to a few interesting discussions and debates; I love how eager my family is to discuss controversial topics! I'm definitely very lucky in that respect (and other resepcts too... I'm so grateful to be in my family!). Last week, Tanor (16 year old boy), Aida, and I had a heated discussion about gender roles and a woman's role in the work place. While Dakar is a modern city and more and more women are joining the work force, the house and the cooking is definitely still considered the woman's domain (whether it be the maid, the sister, the daughter-in-law, or the mother). The concept of a man in the kitchen is laughable here... I suggested Tanor spend a day doing Aida's chores to get an idea of a woman's responsibilites and he laughed in my face. I think I was convincing him a little bit though! The majority of our conversation was focused on whether women should work outside the home, whether they should make as much money as their husbands, and what they should be expected to pay for in the family's expenses. Tanor made a few comments about women getting greedy with too much power and expecting for everything to be paid for by their husbands even if they earned a salary. His argument (somewhat unclear) seemed to be that African women expect men to pay for everything, yet he also said he didn't think women should make as much money as the father because its the man's role to provide for his wife and family. I think he's confused. In any case, he seemed to think an American girl would be more level-headed and willing to share expenses if she worked as well. So he's set on finding an American woman to satisfy his needs. I have a hard time remembering what exactly was said because it was all over the place and he made many contradictory statements, but it was still a very interesting (and entertaining) conversation. And I really enjoy hearing Aida's "feminist" side come out when we discuss women's rights here (though she was still adamant that the kitchen is for the women, and why should women learn to cook if they're husbands were to help out with dinner/cleaning?!). When we finally finished our debate over equality of sexes, Aida was quick to announce, "Alright, now divorce!" but we went to dinner instead, so another night perhaps.

The past week and weekend have been very eventful. School was the same as always... hot, sometimes interesting, long on Tuesdays and Thursdays, but fine. Thursday night, a big group of us went out to dinner at this Vietnamese restaurant within walking distance of our homes. The food was pretty good, though I think I've had enough Asian food for awhile. The decor was great though... its funny to walk into these completely unremarkable buildings and discover excellent decor and service. After dinner we went to a bar in Mermoz (neighboring area where others in the program live) and experiences a similar discovery... La Fiesta was not a run down, cheesy Mexican-style bar, but a impeccably decorated and tasteful lounge with authentic artwork and wi-fi, too! The next day, I headed to Ile Ngor, a small island off of Dakar with a small but beautiful beach, clean water, and good food. The ride over in a pirogue was entertaining and I greatly enjoyed my spaghetti and shrimp for lunch over looking the water. Friday night, I invited Aida to come with me and a few friends to dinner and a movie at the French Cultural Institute because I knew how much she wanted to see a movie in a real theater! It was actually lots of fun taking her out to dinner... my friends were happy to speak French and she makes the effort to ask everyone lots of questions and speak slowly. Unfortunately she didn't like her taste of Western food (though Juliette didn't like her's either so I didn't feel extremely bad), but she seemed to have a lot of fun anyways. The movie was cancelled at the last minute (along with all the other movies in September... why, I do not know), so we wandered around a little bit, trying to think of ways to take advantage of her time out of the house. Finally we found an ice cream place and enjoyed some EXCELLENT ice cream. We tried to strike up conversation with some fellow Americans, but they were surprisingly unfriendly. One guy worked for the UN and the others worked for NGOs, so maybe they viewed us as lowly students... who knows, but it was definitely strange to encounter a cold shoulder from people we expected would be friendly and eager.

I'm going to leave my description of Toubab Diallo for the next blog entry (to be written at home tonight, Inchalla ). A few other things I've thought about including here... Senegalese men and their marriage proposals. It never ends. The first time I went to the French Cultural Center, this older man asked me to take a picture of him as an example of traditional Senegalese dress... then he wanted to give me his address so I could print it and send it to him. Then he wanted me to marry him! MY taxi driver yesterday was also very eager to marry me and asked me several times if I had a husband, so finally I said yes, that he was American, and studying in Dakar with me. Its a very effective strategy! I've also put my graduation present ring on my ring finger because it can sort of pass as an engagement ring, so I think people will believe me. Even the nice men do not follow the same social rules as men in the US. At Toubab Diallo I was lying in a hammock, peacefully reading a book when this guy comes over and pulls up a chair directly next to me and stares until I put my book down and engage in conversation with him. For an hour. I'm all for friendliness, but I wanted to read my book! Oh well...

Another random note is laundry. They never do laundry here! Well that isn't true... it depends on the family and I think our case isn't normal right now because we need to hire a new laundry lady, but they have done a third of my laundry once since I've been here. So you can imagine how many times I wear my clothes before I deem them officially dirty. We should have a new laundry lady by Thursday though and I CAN'T WAIT! I've been here a month and only a few things have been cleaned... you should see what outfits I've been resorting to.

Alright, I must run to Wolof class, but I'll continue this tonight and post tomorrow. Miss you all and talk to you soon!

Here are two links to albums from my time here! (The link to the first album is in a past entry)

Album 2
Album 3

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