The Journal of American Culture and Consumerism

---

An Indian man sitting next to me on the flight from PDX to Amsterdam began telling me about his American cultural exploration consisting of Las Vegas and Portland. After listening to him for a while I told him it sounded like he had an illustrative trip, but it wasn't necessary to begin with. All he really needed to know about America was contained between the covers of the greatest commercial publication our nation has to offer, which just happened to be in the pouch on the back of the seat in front of him. (I then asked him to put his arms down. Not to sound racist, but Indian B.O. is some of the most pungent and distinct I've encountered, and I think it was making the baby behind me scream.)

That's right folks, Sky Mall, the single best thing about flying on Delta and other fine domestic airlines. Do you feel like you have everything you need but there is still a gaping hole inside you can't seem to fill? Ever feel the need to need something? Like you are overburdened with tools that do two or more things when you could have twice as many that just do one?

Well, friends, read on.

p.s. apologize in advance for the snark

---

Photos

There are other ways to fight motion sickness
I find it useful to put my hands in my armpits and squeeze down tight, sometimes for the whole flight.

Yikes
Mmm, scented fire hydrants.
Alternative: Get off your fat ass and walk your dog (walks aren't just for pooping, that goes for you too)

It's just that easy.
Alternative: Get a dog, or train your cat to pooh outdoors, but not in my garden.

One size fits all (Americans)
Alternative: Ride a bike.

160 dollars well spent
Alternative: Doesn't seem to be one.

Family heirloom!
Alternative: Get a new family.

And my favorite
For when you are outside in the sunshine and all you can think about is the inside of 24 hour fitness (damn TV-less outdoors)