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Published: June 24th 2012
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***WARNING-THE CONTENT OF THIS BLOG IS RIDICULOUSLY SILLY**
When someone asks you to be their best man it is an amazing honour and with that honour comes certain responsibilities, like organising the stag night. This year I have been asked to be best man by two of my closest friends and this is stag night number two.
I have censored the content of this blog as Travel Blog is a family show lol but to be honest nothing too bad happened anyway.......honest!
When we were younger Peter and I went on many lads’ holidays to some of Europe’s top clubbing destinations. Eastern Europe seems to be a common destination for stag nights nowadays but Peter wanted one last ‘clubbing holiday’ before his wife to be officially locks him up lol.
I managed to find a 3 bedroom villa literally on the same street as all of the nightlife, so our stumble home late at night wouldn’t be too far. We had to be up at 3am for a 6:35am flight which means we had two choices when we arrived, either try to have a sleep so we’re well rested
for the evening ahead or drink all day, what do you think we did? That’s right, from 5am, whilst at the airport, we started to drink alcohol and we didn’t stop until we went to sleep, at 2 am that night!
Everyone has a different idea about what to do on a stag night, my stag night was pretty tame in terms of games and pranks but I was organising this one so it was going to be the cheesiest, prank filled stag night ever.
The day started pretty relaxed, if of course you think of playing card games with drinking penalties relaxed lol. After working our way through 2 litres of spirits in shots between 5 of us we headed out for some food before we got ready for our night out.
I set Peter some tasks that he had to complete throughout the weekend; dinner was the perfect opportunity to get the tasks started. For Peter’s first task he had to convince at least one girl that his real name was ‘Peter File’ and had 5 minutes to do so. Whilst talking to the girl(s) trying to convince them
that was really his name, if at any point we asked how old the girls were Peter had to jump up and down clapping his hands saying “please be young, please be young” and if at any point we asked what school they went to he had to rub his hands together and say “mmmmm children”, failure to do any of the tasks resulted in a shot.
The potential for Peter to do several shots in the space of a few minutes was huge. Whilst waiting for our food we spotted a table of girls having dinner, we pointed at them and off Peter went to attempt his tasks. He engaged them in conversation and within 30 seconds I shouted “how old are they Pete?” at which point Peter decided to adapt the camp clapping hands version of “please be young” and somehow managed to make it sound incredibly pervy saying, in a slow low voice, “I hope they’re young” at which point the entire table told him to “f**k off”, Peter hung his head and walked back over to us and said “Give me a bloody shot then” lol.
Obviously we were all
in hysterics of laughter but it didn’t stop there, we all ordered ‘hot stone’ steak, a number of pieces of steak are bought out on a plate and a hot stone is put in front of you and you basically cook the steak to your liking. Given that Peter was already wasted he asked the waiter twice for his steak to be cooked well done only for us to remind him he had to cook it himself. Whilst moaning about having to cook his own dinner he forgot that the stone in front of him was scorching hot and put his arm on it leaving him with a huge burn on his arm, again this was hilarious.
To top dinner off we had one last funny moment. As we had all been drinking in the sun all day we forgot to put sun tan lotion on and all of us were red raw, Peter’s face was particularly red, half way through dinner Peter decided his face was hot and he needed to cool it down, he had bought a bottle of wine and decided to take the bottle out of the ice bucket and dunk his head
in the ice bucket, he then went bobbing for ice.
After dinner we all got ready for our night out which is when I presented Peter with his costume a ‘Lady Gaga pop princess’ costume in a size 22 (Peter is a big guy) with a blonde wig. But the fun doesn’t stop there; I set Peter the challenge to learn ALL of Lady Gaga’s dance routines in her music videos. When I asked him to learn them he had no idea what I had in store nor did he know he had to dress up like her. Every time a Lady Gaga song came on in a bar or club he had to do the routine for 30 seconds or face a forfeit of downing a shot.
When we got to the first bar it was a karaoke bar and Peter sang ‘Poker face’ by Lady Gaga whilst dressed as Lady Gaga and immediately after that came another Lady Gaga song ‘Bad romance’ and to all of our amazement Peter had actually learned the routine, despite his drunken state he had managed to dance for a full 30 seconds, but we still got
him to do a shot and about 2 minutes later he was in the toilets being sick lol.
All of the bars are trying to get people inside, every bar offers free shots for guys when you go in and the girls get offered a free drink and a free shot each and it is relatively cheap to buy drinks anyway.
By the time we finished our bar crawl at the other end of the strip of bars we were all pretty drunk and the final bar actually had a mechanical bull people could try to ride, Peter volunteered to go on it without us forcing him to do it. Well, he tried to get on to it......for about 15 minutes. Watching Peter, a 22 stone (over 300 pounds) man, dressed as a woman, trying to mount a mechanical bull for 15 minutes attracted quite a crowd, unfortunately once he got on he only lasted about 20 seconds lol.
Amazingly when we woke up on day two we were not that hung over, the card games started again about 4 and so too did the drinking forfeits which means
that Peter was absolutely wasted again before we went out. Due to Peter being so drunk we all decided to make it an early night for two reasons, firstly due to his drunken state he was like a social grenade, every time he spoke to anyone literally seconds later they would disperse as if a grenade had just gone off, this wasn’t most of the time, this was every time he spoke to anyone, hence his new nickname ‘The A Bomb’. His ability to destroy a social situation deserved to be compared to something bigger than a grenade lol. Secondly, none of us wanted to attempt to carry a 22 stone man back to the hotel lol.
Our 48 hours spent in Portugal were exhausting but I can safely say I have not laughed that much in a long time, roll on the next stag night next year.
P.S. Sorry for the poor pictures, as I knew I was going to be drunk for 48 hours I didn't want to run the risk of breaking or losing my SLR so took a different camera.
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D MJ Binkley
Dave and Merry Jo Binkley
Looks like a lot of fun was had by all
I suspect some people should not be allowed to do karaoke.