Advertisement
Fake Smiles
The guy taking the picture (not shown) was our pseudo-retarded guide. That's the tallest waterfall in Thailand in the background. It's called Thee Lor Su, which means waterfall in Thai. So that's Waterfall waterfall in the back there. The name is a little redundant redundant. Um Phang is, in a word, splendiferous. Splendi, from the Greek
splendididos, meaning splendid or good. Ferous, from the Latin
ferous, meaning iron, ferocious, or wicked-sweet. For those of you still reading Um Phang also has liquor. Awesome local moonshine. It is some pretty good stuff. Fi and I were welcomed into the bosom of Karin hospitality once our driver and float trip captain had pity on us and rescued us from the ministrations of our mildly autistic 14-year-old guide. He claimed to be 23. Maybe this is too fast for some of you. Let's recap shall we?
So you hop on the big bus from Sukhothai to Tak. Unload and get on the mini-bus to Mae-Sot (heading west all the time). Get off that cushy mini-bus you decadent westerner onto the pickup truck with the benches in the back (sukowakawingihokibarikusufu in Thai, meaning two sides of ass-crushing benches (I like hyphenating and (nested parentheticals))). Four and a half hours over the mountains and through the Burmese refugee camps (I'm making it sound more awesome than it really is) to Um Phang. You may sleep for a couple hours now troops. Now negotiate a little rafting, hiking, and camping with
your local autistic tour guide. We're coming full circle here. The hard part is over. Now you get to raft down a river surrounded by flipping fantastic cliffs and waterfalls. Holy cow, was this section of river beautiful. I can't describe. The pictures can't capture it, in one day anyway. If you want to see it you have to get your buts out there. Very cool. Really I was blown away. After the fantastic rafting, with stops for non-stinky hot springs and lunch by scenic little waterfalls, get on your kickass Toyota Hilux (2.8) 4x4 truck and go out to see Thailand's most fantastic waterfall. 200-300m tall depending where you count from it's very cool. Oh I forgot. The MUD! The river is a cross between rust and blood red. Even where it should be "white" water, it's still red. It's the beginning of the rainy season and apparently it's the time of year for topsoil to head to lower altitude. I mention the mud because it's a major feature of the lanscape. I emphasize it so much because....well.... I fell down. I had flip-flops on! I never fall down! It was really slippery! Fi had shoes on! Whatever, you
try it in flip-flops and see if you don't fall on your ass. Then you go see the waterfall. Enough detail already.
Spend the night.......go to the Karin village and hook up with your little elephant walk. Nice guys the Karin (village hilltribe people). We chilled with the oldest guy in the village. Very laid back individual with some wicked tattoos. If I understand correctly they weren't poked into him with a needle of any kind, but rather sliced into him with a knife. I don't know exactly how this works but he was adamant that it was inordinantly painful. I'll take his word for it. He was smiling though. From the knees to the belly button. The most pain resistant portion of the body as you all know. He declined to be photographed, so if you want to see them you better hurry out there. He's very old. That's where we drank the local rice wine which was of course better than soju. How could it not be. The local poofters thought it was strong stuff or something. They made all kinds of faces and coughed and cried etc. Fi and I being hard as nails laughed at
them. The stuff was really smooth to us. I loved it. I can tell you how it's made if you're interested. This entry's getting long. Elephant walk to our "FREE" stay at the local resort. They loved us! Believe me. FREE fantastic dinner. Chilled in the kitchen with the local freaks. Met Johnny, who is the man! He was a Burmese guy. If you want to know how Burmese refugees are fucked over by the Thai government, let me know. I'll drop knowledge on your fat heads. He wasn't bummed about it but I sure was. I wanted to go on some treks with Johnny, but he had to chaperone some Thai Police douche-bags on the same trip I just did, so Fi and I headed off to Chiang Mai, where I am right now. That's the short version of events.
Oh yeah, interesting local piece of info. The Karin are apparently genetically predisposed towards motion sickness. Both and in and out of Um Phang they were puking off the side of the truck like nobody's business. Weird.
Send me some love,
Gabe
Advertisement
Tot: 0.173s; Tpl: 0.01s; cc: 11; qc: 60; dbt: 0.1064s; 1; m:domysql w:travelblog (10.17.0.13); sld: 1;
; mem: 1.2mb
Mum
non-member comment
Nice tans the pair of you. Pleased to see you are advertising the bungy jump Gabe. You should be used to jumping of things by now. Fancy falling over. Iwould have loved to have seen it. Love Mum