Erotic Art, Bad Grammar and Underage Brides

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To whom it may concern, mainly Nige and Shawna: I am sorry about the appaling spelling, punctuation and grammar in all of my blogs. I can write in 'correct' english when I want to. However while away travelling I have to balance the tasks of keeping a blog, and actually doing the things I write about. This means I rarely if ever proof read, or even think about what I write. So shove your grammar up your nostrils (or something slightly ruder...).

So to my final full day in Bali. After breakfast Suni took me to see his friend Alit Satria who is a painter and sculptor. We went to his home/studio and Alit showed me his extensive range of work which covered a number of styles from the traditional to modern. He has undertaken a number of residencies across the globe, and in each he adjusts his style. In New York he did abstract; in Japan he created art from Kangi characters and in Australia he merged traditional balinese and aborginal styles. I was also shown his erotic collection - an signed and hidden between other paintings due to them being somewhat illegal in Bali!

For lunch I went down to Pasar Budung and had Bakso Ayam - soup containing chicken meatballs adn egg. Back at Nakular Familar Sunu kindly lent me his guitar so I could go and find out how embarrasingly soft my finger tips have become. I did little else all afternoon - my legs are aching like two really achy things after yesterdays climb!

After a few glasses of wine and a few attempts at Pink Floyd acoustically with three non native english speakers I went back to the night market for dinner. I decided to be impressive and order in Indonesian - "Selemat Malam - Apa Kabar? Saya Mua... errr... whats Kolobak?". Of course the last part of the phrase made the first a pointless exercise, and soon a fellow stall holder was called over to translate. She asked me a few questions, and as soon as she found out I was unmarried and single she vanished, and was soon replaced by a younger prettier girl. "You are single parent" she asked me. "No... but I am single" was the reply. "ah.... Sorry, my english not very clever. You are very handsome and single?"."Thankyou, how old are you?","I am Islam. I am 15. You are single?". Typical.

Its the last night in Indonesia, and still some questions remain unanswered:

• How do you actually use an asian squat toilet with Handi (i.e. no toilet paper) without coming out soaked in water (or alternatively, smelling)?
  
• How do you SAFELY cross a road in Depasar, and what is the point in crossings painted on the road if cars NEVER stop at them?
  
• Where do all the streetdogs come from?
  
• Whats a wonderwall anyway?
  

I also have some tips for travellers to this region... and on life in general;

* Learn to say "thankyou, but I am not interested in purchasing any of your wares regardless of price. Kindly refrain from harrasing me, or I will insert this Flute/Sarong/Bottle of aftershave up your " in Bahasa Indonesia.
* (Guys) Never go for a wee after liberal application of deep heat without first washing hands. THOROUGHLY.
* Never drink a cup of Bali Coffee all the way to the bottom.
*Never, ever, ever, ever ask the price of anything unless you plan on buying it.
*Be prepared for guilt (poor starving families) be used in trying to sell you something. Sad thing is here its probably true.
*Never take your eyes off of the back of a motorbike drivers helmet when you are the passenger. Seeing what is coming from infront or behind will only scare you. Ignorance is Bliss.

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Comments

[Shawna]

Bad Grammar and Spelling
Hey mister man!!! I'm not knocking your bad grammar and spelling (even though it is at times erratic) I was merely commenting that I liked Nige's comments about your bad grammar, found them amusing. Be nice or I'll hold your Roger Waters ticket hostage!