Auckland & Waiheke Island


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April 21st 2006
Published: April 22nd 2006
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Ken's Haunted Back DeckKen's Haunted Back DeckKen's Haunted Back Deck

The ghost of Musky

The US Consulate


After a stint of personal contemplation on Ken's deck I prepared myself for my trip to the US Consulate. In the UK this process would probably rob you of a day of your life. Fortunately over here, despite the defensive armoury at my side (Dan Brown - Deception Point) the process was pretty painless. I rocked up for my 930 appointment at 915 and passed through security and right up to the 1st agent at 930 on the dot, only to discover I'd lost my DS-2019. "Oh no, how can you go to the US Embassy in search of a visa without your DS-2019?" you scornfully cry. Yeah, that's what I thought. After rapidly bringing the heel of my hand to my forehead 3 times in quick succession I looked at the agent, hoping I'd stopped before he sussed that I'm a complete mentalist, and apologised for my indiscretion.

In 'belt & braces' style the previous day I'd been to the IEP NZ office (International Exchance Programme - the guys who help you get all your paperwork together, kinda the equivalent of BUNAC or camp america in the UK) to double check I had everything for tomorrow's
Downtown AucklandDowntown AucklandDowntown Auckland

Sky tower, and lots of nice shiny buildings...
interview. Good thing I did as I had hastily included a 20mm by 50mm passport style photo with my application, when everyone knows the US require a 50mm x 50mm photo. "Daah," I thought to myself in much the same way that my 2 year old niece would. I'll explain. Here's a brief story I heard from my bro that made me chuckle, and might give you an idea of what my 'daaah' sounded like.


Which just goes to prove that kids are
Air NZ Building downtownAir NZ Building downtownAir NZ Building downtown

Prous sponsors of the New Zealand All Blacks
smarter than adults.

Anyway, after venturing to the photographers for an $18 kingsize passport photo (yeah, "Supersize me," I said, "it's for them yanks" - you know I could buy 12 big macs for that price, ok, not true, but still ridiculous) I felt happy that I'd got everything for my application. But now, I was left high and dry (a long way from low and wet where i wanted to be) without my DS-2019 at the visa office. I must've left it at the IEP office, I thought. I explained to the still smiling agent (nice man, I had to question whether this guy actually worked for the US embassy at all, he was like the Mother Theresa of US security) and he said, no problem, come back when you've got what you need. What no magnum 44 to the throat? "Ok, thanks," I replied before he changed his mind.

As I walked out of the office and hit the lift/elevator button (hey, this is an international blog, gotta keep everyone sweet right), Kirsty from IEP NZ arrived to bring me a bottle of single malt Laphroig (20 years matured) a ticket to the 2006 Soccer World
Waiheke IslandWaiheke IslandWaiheke Island

Beautiful beaches, rolling hills and primary coloured mail boxes
Cup Final and an invite to join Hugh Hefner at his countryside retreat. Ok, she didn't actually have these things, but she did have my DS-2019, which bought about a similar reaction. "Bloody marvellous, you're an angel," I cried (not wept, just cried... aloud..I'm not Gazza you know).. and headed back in to see Mother Theresa, who quickly signed off the forms and asked me to take a seat.

I'd barely got to the point where Dan Brown tells us that the government's proof of extraterrestrial life is all fake (ooops, have I just ruined the book for you all?) before I was passed on to another agent, responsible for making the final approval. As usual he looked at my forms and said "ooo sport psychologist eh, what does that entail motivating people for performance?"
"Yeah, I enter the players' dressing room in my wheelchair before a game, give them this great talk about self-belief and then miraculously climb out of my wheelchair and walk away. How can you not be motivated by that?" was my retort. Of course I didn't actually say this outloud to the agent, instead I tried to convince him that sport psych' is not always (in fact hardly ever) about motivating athletes, and then mistakenly got involved in a whole conversation about rugby refereeing that immediately put him out of his depth. Anyway, he seemed happy enough treading water, and the conversation soon drew to a close as he remarked "your visa will be with you Monday morning, have a good day." Job done, all within an hour.

Jamie Oliver Hits Waiheke


So after leaving the consulate, I wandered around aimlessly for a while then stumbled across the harbour and booked myself on the next ferry leaving to Waiheke island in 15 minutes. Without a clue of what this trip entailed (I figured it would simply be a boat trip around the island and back to give you views over Auckland) I hopped on. After texting Ken, he said, "Cool, stay their for the day and rent a moped." Ok, so we're able to get off the boat at the island, and people like live there and stuff, I thought. Cool. Sounds like a plan.

Brando, McQueen, Oliver (all the motorbiking greats) would have been proud of the way I looked on my bike (see last blog). I stopped for a bite to eat at a cafe overlooking Onetangi beach then cruised round the island taking photos when I felt the moment arised. I even helped one young chap on his push-bike climb a long hill by holding his seat post and riding alongside on my Harley. I don't think Harley Davidson actually made mopeds, but if they did...

After 4 hours scooting round the island, I dropped off the bike and headed to the ferry. On returning to the city where I'd left my car (actually my buddy Ken's car) in a multi-storey car park I took my ticket to the teller and was asked to pay $36. You are having a steffi Graff I thought. "Excuse me?"
"You've been in here since 830am this morning, that's $4 per half hour" he replied with a smile
"What about the early bird special, in before 10am and out before 7pm for $12?"
"I'm sorry sir, but you have to pay for that before 10am"
"Where does it say that?" I asked realising that there were probably signs all over the place.
"It says so by the entrance, and there are signs throughout the building"
"Doh!... Oh look sir, I've made a terrible mistake and misread the signs - I though if you were in before 10am you would only be charge $12"
"No sir, it clearly states that you must PAY before 10am," for some reason all of a sudden we were both sirs.

Actually, the nice indian man was really quite polite and sympathetic if unable to change to the charge (as he showed me by continually hitting the "early-bird' button on his till and hearing a series dull beeps. I pleaded for some leniancy and explained that I'd actually been back at around 10am (which was true) to leave but found this booth empty (also true) and then just wandered off (not wanting to climb the stairs to the 2nd floor where the autopay machine was) and ended up by chance catching a ferry for the day. Had I known I'd be charged this much I would have moved the car then.
"I'm really sorry sir, there's nothing I can do, I could give you my boss' number if you like though."
Fair enough I thought, and called the number.
I explained my situation to David, "I've made a terrible blunder, and misread your signs...blah...blah... I could've moved the car at 10am when I returned from the embassy... blah... blah... I'm sure this is not the first time you've had this sort of plea... blah...bla... but I am desperate here, I am a UK tourist and I don't have much money...blah, blah..."
David was quite understanding and explained that typically in these situations one could write to the head office and see if they will reimburse you.
"But I'm travelling I leave Auckland tomorrow (which was saturday, a tiny wee white lie, I leave on sunday, and only to Dunedin)" I pleaded as calmly as I could, sounding like a desperate little puppy with no friends.
"Ok, well I guess on this occassion we can waive the excess charge, can you pass me onto the teller"
"Yes of course" I replied, Yippp Bloody Didddly deee teeee heeee. My homer "Doh" had turned to a homer "Wooooo hooooo." Is anyone else thinking of donuts now? Mmmm... donuts....mmm.

As I wipe the dribble from my chin, I realise what happened here. You see, polite honesty is the best policy. I could have ranted at him and said the signs weren't clear enough, which they weren't to my mind but,
KenKenKen

More bizarre happenings on the deck of deliverance
I'd played the nice guy, and in the end he took pity on me and played the nice guy back. After all the heartache I have decided to donate the saving of $24 to charity....ok, so that is a lie, a big dirty fat hairy lie. If I were to do that then nobody would win, I'd have lost $24 and so would the garage. Oh, I guess the charity would have been happy, but that's not the point.

Now, ... look what's happened here.. you logged onto a musky blog and you got entertained (first an entertainer, then a friend, then a boss: Sir David Brent), you get amazing & creative photography, wonderful scenery and sometimes, just sometimes a little moral message that uplifts your spirits in the human race, and allows you to be a better person.

Until next time...

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24th April 2006

Fine Travels Mate
Musk, Glad to see you're the traveling the globe and having a grand time. Talked to TV the other night and he put me on to your site, I'll definitely be logging in to read about you from now on. Drop me a line the next time you get a chance and I'll give you some inside tips on US Embassies. Till then, keep on trucking, have a grand time, and look us up when you get over here! -LW

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