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Published: September 26th 2010
David on Harley
David na HarleyThe entry into Laos was easy. An inexpensive boat trip across the Mekong and then through the border crossing at Huay Xai. This was one of the few occasions that Zuzana's visa was cheaper than mine. Usually I just wander in, wave my British passport and I'm greeted with flowers and gifts and women but for a change I was given an extra $5 to pay over Zuzana's $30.
Quickly through, we managed to sort a shuttle service and headed, via a very windy and sickly road, to Luang Namtha in the North. The original idea was to go directly to Luang Prabang along the Pak Beng and the Mekong but the water levels were severely low this far north and at this time of year. A motorcross bike would have been more appropriate.
The roads in Laos are really, really bad although recently, the Chinese have been investing a lot of money and time into their infrastructure. This will be for when Laos becomes yet another Chinese province. Despite the bumps and never ending corners, you do drive through most spectacular countryside. Valleys and mountains keep the camera clicking but with that comes the desire to vomit as
the driver, who thinks he's driving a rally stage, throws you all over the place hairpin after hairpin. We only just made it to Lung Namtha without chundering.
Luang Namtha is a small town. There's not much to see but it is a good base if you wanted to walk some of the treks available or if you're heading to China which was just up the road. It was surrounded by mountains and was rich in rice fields. The locals had only just recently begun to take advantage of the nutrient soil as they were forced to flee from their town when the Americans bombed the place in search for the Vietcong. Many of the bombs are still hidden in the dirt so not everywhere is safe. Lots of locals had lost their lives while farming including children.
We hired a motorcycle one day which cost £2.50 and headed out for a tour of the town and surroundings. Our steed took us to the That Phoum Phouk temple on the hill overlooking the town temple and the Ban Nam Dee waterfalls just outside of town, which turned out to be more of a trickle but were still pleasant.
Waterfall close to Luang Namtha. Well more like a trickle
Vodopady blizko Luang Namtha, bol to viac menej len taky cincurek Our first impressions were good. The surroundings were beautiful and although the locals didn't seem overly friendly we were enjoying the air whizzing through our locks of hair. On returning from our trip we spoke to some of the locals and they said that most of the towns people were Chinese hence them not being so overly friendly. Not a great sign as we were heading to China after Laos.
In the evenings we would frequent a local market where we would dine on half a duck for just a few pounds along with some tasty noodles. We did have the choice of chickens neck and chicken feet but decided to go for something a little more familiar.
We stayed 2nights and felt that that was enough as there wasn't an awful lot to see. We took a minibus to a place called Nong Khiaw which was, again, a windy, wobbly, stomach churning journey. We did meet a lovely couple from New Zealand, Felim and Robyn. We were quite impressed as Felim, despite the boat like feel to the journey, read a book the entire time. I still can't do that.. even when I drive!
Nong Khiaw is
set among the most amazing limestone casks that seem to launch out of the earth all around you with the Nam Ou river cutting a languid swathe between the mountains. These mini mountains towered over the tiny town and were covered in all sorts of greenery. I don't think we'd ever felt so far away from civilisation. We were in the middle of nowhere. When we all reached our destination Felim, Robyn and us two managed to get a couple of huts in the same hostel which was great as we were getting on very well.
We'd read in our bible that we could go on a kayaking day along the Nam Ou river. (Luke; chapter 3; v 1-45: “The Lord doth say that indeed there are great places to go kayaking in Laos”).
We managed to haggle the price a bit as both Felim and Robyn also wanted to go on the excursion.
After booking the trip we went to dinner to suss out our new friends and they were indeed lovely people. We had a few beers and the conversation was very forthcoming. Zuzana and Felim both had a passion for the old photography so were
Flowers
Kvetinky discussing ISO's and F'stop settings while Robyn and I caught 40 winks. It was a very peaceful place where the stars shone like LED lights in the night sky. The peace was quickly shattered as a man chased a lady down the road as she was screaming at the top of her voice. When inquiring about the din the waitress casually said that it was a bit of domestic violence involving a drunk, knife wielding drunk husband and nothing to worry about.
In the morning, the day of the kayaking, we took one of the long power boats up the river, loaded with our equipment, to an even smaller, more remote village, called Muang Ngoi Neua, about an hour upriver. On reaching the village we found an available plot of sand to wedge our boat on and then went on a tour around this little community. Little sandwich shops and hostels lined the only street that stretched the, 200m or so, length of the village. Houses received electricity between the hours of 7-10pm and unless you had a kettle no hot water was available. Muang Noi could only be accessed by boat or a day’s hike over mountains and
through rice fields. It was small but beautiful as the huts and houses were covered in flowers, many types of local flowers.
We returned to the riverside and we were given two kayaks that seated two people. With Zuzana and I sharing one, Felim and Robyn sharing another and our guide in a single, we were quickly on our merry way. Zuzana was at the front for navigating and me in the rear for steering and pure awesome power and acceleration should we need it. It was an amazing setting. The river was so peaceful. There were no sounds except those of nature. Birds were navigating their way in and around the trees, pigs were on the banks chewing on anything and we'd often flow past a herd of buffalo that were taking a cool dip in the water. Their enormous heads and horns taking in the sunshine. Naked children would wave and splash water as we passed the villages and those that worked in the river collecting the nutritious river weed would stop and stare for a while as we trickled by. The limestone mini-mountains kept the breeze to a minimum and we enjoyed the fantastic sunshine.
We did stop on a couple of occasions to visit uncharted villages, took a walk to meet the local people. We watched a local game of kick ball using a wicker ball and a badminton net and we visited a school where the children were only too happy to squeeze their heads through the gaps to say 'hello'. The local people were very friendly... not like 'them there' Chinese in the North!
It was a really, really good day. The food, too, was fantastic. We had sticky rice, roasted vegetables and the most fantastic sweet chilli buffalo steaks. They were served in little wicker baskets and everything was done with the hands. Knives and forks are just sooooo last year in Laos!
After lunch, before heading on with our journey, we took a very refreshing dip in the water which was greatly appreciated as it was getting very hot.
The last leg of the journey took us through 3 sets of rapids. We're not talking Niagara Falls here but for us four, being new to this kayaking business, the idea of rapids was a little intimidating and our guide said that should we come off, we should try
Rice fields
Ryzove polia to get back on ourselves. He wouldn't be able to help as the rapids were quite... well.... rapid. The first two sets were very small and with Zuzanas powerful shoulders and my pin point accuracy we glided through as did Felim and Robyn after a slight incident where a whirlpool almost caused them to crash. The third set was going to be a little more choppy so Felim, who had previously been at the front of his raft, swapped to the back.
Peaks and troughs were as far as the eye could see. Swells of 95mtrs and current speeds of 67kph slopped and slurped in front of us. With Zuzana 'The Shoulders' Sokolova and David 'Jet Engine Power' Lewis we were quickly and suddenly thrown from our kayak and into the shark infested water beneath us. With our paddles we beat off the razor sharp teeth of the Great Whites, turned the ship back onto its bottom and skilfully boarded our vessel.
In short: We capsized! We were moving at great speed and were worried that there would be a chance that we'd hit a rock or two which made it a little more difficult to get back on.
But we both managed to turn the kayak over and while I held it level, Zuzana climbed back on and then steadied it for me. We were just grateful that our guide had taken our cameras and belongings. To add salt to our wounds, as we surfaced Felim and Robyn gracefully weaved by, 'high five'ing' each other to the sound of the squeaks and splashes as we got back on.
In all fairness we were complimented on our re-entry onto 'The Nautilus' by our guide. In fact he said and we quote (in perfect English):
“My goodness, I've never seen such precision and execution by anyone, the way you have both displayed, by getting back onto your kayak. I'd like to offer you cows and a camel as you were so very awesome.”
Well we respectfully declined and took a round of applause instead. It turned out to be great fun and just added to the experience of the day and it got the adrenaline pumping, plus the dip was wonderfully refreshing. Had we not have capsized we'd have never known what it was like so you could, in hindsight, see it as a benefit.
The rest of
Local girls
Miestne dievcata the trip was smooth and the water did most of the work allowing us to lay back and enjoy our, very unique, surroundings and at 5pm we reached home. It was one of the best days of our trip so far. The combination of the scenery, the sounds of nature, the people waving and working along the river and the great company in Felim and Robyn made it very special.
Having visited the tiny village of Muang Noi Neua on our kayak day we decided to head back north while Felim and Robyn set off down the river to connect with the Mekong; destination Luang Prabang for a 6hr long boat trip.
Our boat took us the hour up stream and we managed to get a room at Saylom Guest House. A riverside location with hammocks on the balcony that overlooked the river and the sunset. There was nothing to do there, nothing. We relaxed, read and dined and had a Beer Lao or two while watching the sun go down for 3 days. We did take a walk to the next village, Huay Bo, which took over 6hrs there and back. On our journey we were accompanied
by a little dog that we named Lucy. She clearly had a bit of spare time and decided to accompany us for the entire distance. She was lovely. Again, there was nothing to do at the village except meet the locals, buy an overpriced Coke and swing in a hammock before starting the trek home.
On returning to the village Zuzana decided to do some 'admin' and copy across some photographs that Felim had copied onto a flash drive of ours, while I took a little snooze in our room. Unfortunately, when she inserted the memory card into our little Acer netbook all of our photographs, from the entire trip, decided to just up and leave, never to be found again. You can imagine the sight as Zuzana walked into the room, face white as a sheet, and explained our new predicament. This was a sign of things to follow and here started
“The Quest for the Lost Photographs”. She was devastated and no matter how I tried to explain to her that the photographs were there but had lost their path but she was not in any way convinced.
The next morning we took the only boat
of the day back to Non Khiaw only for me to forget a USB stick in the bloody room. I told you it was a sign of things to follow. I was so annoyed at myself and Zuzana let me know that, she too, was also unhappy at my rare carelessness.
The boat to Luang Prabang was long but comfortable and, at times, as the water levels were still very low, the driver and his mate had to abandon ship and drag the boat along the river bed while the eight fatties inside watched and waited patiently. It was, however, beautiful and is written as one of the most beautiful trips in Laos.
When we arrived in Luang Prabang we found a lovely place to stay before we headed out to take a look. Luang Prabang is a beautiful little city. It has been made beautiful for tourism but it has been done very sympathetically. Original buildings had been renovated and painted gentle colours and it didn't feel like you were in Laos at all, until the sun went down. After sunset the streets came alive with night markets and food stalls. The main street became a colourful
river of textiles and artwork and the smell of BBQ'ing meat was intoxicating. We managed to eat for next to nothing on noodles, vegetables, various meats and rice. We really got into the flow of things and spent some money in the markets on sheets and bits for home. We'd managed to get together quite a collection that had been sent home and these new additions went perfectly with our 'World' theme.
One day we climbed the hill in the centre of town to visit the temple take in the views. I'm sure like others we didn't realise how big Luang Prabang was. It even had a large airport!
We then decided to rent some bicycles as there was an amazing set of waterfalls to visit about 26km out of town called the Kuang Si Waterfalls. Well our bad luck had stayed with us and Zuzana's first bike had to be returned as the chain kept pinging off its cogs. With her new bicycle and about 3km out of town my right peddle decided to start playing silly buggers so we were forced to return our bikes yet again but this time decided not to go at all
as it was already midday and scorching hot. That just added to our string of unlucky events.
The next day we hired a morobike and the 26km motorbike ride were great. The countryside was as beautiful as we'd come to know Laos and being in our leather chaps again was glorious.
The Kuang Si waterfalls were spectacular. The colours were amazing. The most amazing greens and blues we've ever seen. So good that we both had a dip and a 'splosh' as the ride had covered us in dust. The water was cool and refreshing and one of the trees even had a swing that you could use for acrobatics and stunts that the locals used to show off to the tourists with their fancy swing moves. The pools were surrounded by lush forest and dense thickets but attracted lots and lots of people. After the falls we went to see a little bear sanctuary that was by the exit. It was a little sad. The bears weren't very happy to be there and there wasn't much for them to do. A few swings and climbing frames but a lot else.
When we arrived back in town
we had an hour to kill and some petrol to use before giving the bike back so we took a spin to see the parts of the city where the tourists don't get a chance to visit. Well for a moment our luck changed as we whizzed past an Acer Store (our netbook is made by Acer). We stopped and parked up before heading into the store to briefly explain our predicament.
“Sure, bring it down and we'll take a look”, was the reply to our pleas.
What a coincidence... an Acer Store in the middle of little old Laos.
For those that find IT immensely boring and tedious I shall just explain that our little netbook runs a very tiny and basic version of Linux called Linpus Lite. This is not Windows hence it still being slightly broken despite my best efforts, what with me being an IT kinda guy...! I went and dropped off the bike which took a few minutes as I needed to retrieve my passport. Zuzana took the netbook down to the store as quickly as she could as they would be closing soon and were only staying open to help us, so I
Boat ride upriver to start our kayaking day
Jazda lodou proti prudu, kde sme zacali na den na kayakoch joined her about 5mins later. As I came through the door Zuzana told me that she'd tried to explain but I should try and clarify the problem. The netbook, at this stage, had been taken behind the scenes to a technician so I asked, very politely, to go backstage and converse with our saviour.
I left Zuzana in reception and went, with hope in my heart, to see him. He was in amongst a few beer cans, some plastic chairs, cables and lots of computers and he had our netbook open. My purpose was to just run a few commands to show him the problem I'd discovered but sadly had not resolved thus far.
“I know the system, I don't need your help! I don't work with customers”, came the abrupt response to my eager visit.
“What do you mean you don't work with customers? I just want to help you by showing you what I've discovered as I have an IT background (don't laugh) and this might save you some time”, I declared.
“I told you I don't work with customers, you'll have to leave!”
“But I just want to try and help you.” I reiterated.
“No I can't
help you now. I know the system but I don't want to help you anymore, you'll have to get it sorted somewhere else.”
(You know something's coming don't you?) I returned to the front desk where Zuzana heard everything and was as baffled as I was. I questioned the chap at the desk but he gave us our laptop back and said that it can't be fixed here and as we were heading to Vientiane next, we should have it fixed there.
Well by now I was so confused and a little irritated by this bizarre and rubbish customer service.
I know, we're in a 3rd world country and I'm worrying about customer service. I just hoped to god they were going to give me a feedback form! I decided to run the commands in order to help the technician with his investigation while I was at the front desk and then I returned to the back of the store.
“I TOLD YOU TO LEAVE. GET IT FIXED SOMEWHERE ELSE!” he blurted.
I placed the netbook in front of him and explained that all I wanted to show him was now on the screen and could
Fishing
Rybarenie help him assist me.
“Please, we really,
REALLY need these photographs back. Perhaps you can show me what to do next”, was my controlled and fair response to his now raised tone. I stood there with netbook in hand hoping that he had seen the light and would now offer his assistance.
“No I can't help you, please leave, I don't work with customers”, he said as he returned to his little corner for, probably, another beer.
My next response was a phrase that could be described as the trigger....
“Well, you're not a very good technician are you?” I was mildly angry by this stage.
The next 5 seconds went by in a flash. Before I knew it, the technician had gone from 0-100 in a instant and was full of uncontrollable rage. He grabbed me by the throat and threw a punch directly at my face.
Now I'd like to break into a Jackie Chan/ Bruce Lee type story here but sadly I'd left my NunChakas back at the guest house, so the following chain of events occurred; He threw a punch straight at my face. I managed to duck and his forearm caught
the side of my head knocking my sunglasses across my face and scratching my nose and eye. I still had the netbook in my hand so with one hand on his throat I placed the netbook, very carefully, on the side counter and went straight back at him, tearing his shirt in the process. Just as I was about to get my Chuck Norris on, both him and I were grabbed round the waist and pulled apart.
A brief moment passes as the red drifts from my head and I realised what just happened but can't work out why it had. We just wanted to get our netbook fixed, nothing more and I've ended up being forearm'ed in the head and I've torn a strangers shirt!
Zuzana came shooting round to the back when she heard the sound of plastic chairs flying across the room. She was shouting at me to stop whatever it is I was doing, locking horns with this complete stranger.
“I only wanted your help and at the same time generate a little bit of business for you”, I shouted at him.
“I don't want your f***ing money, why don't you f**k off back to
Australia”, came his silly billy response.
Now it probably wasn't necessary but I thought I'd inform him that I wasn't from Australia plus I thought I'd chuck in a few other words so that he got the message clearly. Those words I've had to miss out.
We left taking our precious, still slightly broken, netbook with us and headed out of the door. I then explained to Zuzana what the hell just happened and she could not believe it. It was mental, he was doing the windmill for god’s sake, arms flailing everywhere. Zuzana said that I should go to the police and report what had just happened. I refused at first and then thought that it was completely unacceptable what had happened to me so I found the nearest policeman who was only too happy to tell me.
“Well he'll say you hit him first so let's just leave it as there's no proof who hit who. Just be happy you have your laptop.” Great!
So with a dodgy laptop and some scratches we headed back to our guesthouse and then went out to get dinner. I was still bemused as to what had happened. Even when writing
Chicks
Piiiii piiiii piiiii piiiiiii (jak sa u nas vypravja) the story I can't believe it. He must have had some serious issues. Either that or he was just an asshole!
We were having some real bad luck in Laos.
We tried to brush it off as 'one of those things' but something like that would take the shine off anything. So we headed out of beautiful Luang Prabang and headed to Vang Vieng for a few nights. As always the bus journey there was pretty rough. Vomit almost made a surprise visit but we both managed to hold on for dear life.
When we arrived in Vang Vieng we were greeted by a stranger with the prospect of some decent accommodation. This would always happen wherever we went. Zuzana decided to take a quick trip on his motorbike and when she returned it sounded like a great place so we headed there to stay.
The reason for coming to Vang Vieng is for one reason and one reason only:
“Tubing”. I'll get onto that shortly.
Vang Vieng was a very touristy town. There were Irish bars and everyone spoke English with most of the crowd being Cockney. Bars were filled with horizontal punters all
watching the TV screens either, Friends, Family Guy or the Simpsons. It was odd. People were almost comatose from their hangovers as all there was to do was drink. We did, however, have the luck of bumping into Felim and Robyn again from Non Khiaw. We had a beer with them and they told us about some caves that we should visit and about the “Tubing”.
On our first morning we hired a scooter and took off to visit the caves we had been recommended. They were dark and damp but fascinating. You could go as deep as you wanted to. We were given a small torch and then pointed towards the entrance of the cave and after hobbling up a dangerous ascent, we were inside. It was bloody dark and had the torch lost power we'd have been pretty lost indeed. Very interesting though as you could see layers in the rock and various cave beasts that dangled they're feelers in search of a snack or two. When we were returning on the bike we could feel it wobbling all over the place and then Zuzana noticed that we had a puncture. Our bad luck was still with
us. We stopped and got the tyre pumped up just in case it was flat but sadly, slowly and inevitably it went down again. Luckily for us, right outside a puncture repair garage. BOSH! $1.50 later and we were limping back to drop off the bike.
We woke the next day and decided to try out this tubing. Tubing is collecting/ hiring and inner tube of a tractor tyre and floating down the Mekong river. Sounds quite simple and maybe quite relaxing. Now, if you like heavy and loud music, getting absolutely off your face and also getting absolutely off your face then “Tubing” is for you.
We hired our tubes and a driver took us to the drop off point. We couldn't hear each other as the music was so loud. We were greeted by girls offering us free cocktails dressed in next to nothing. They were western girls and most of them had something written on their backs. The girl that greeted us was known, in permanent ink, as “Slut no.12”.
We made our way to the river and there were these make shift bars all along the banks of the Mekong for about 500mtrs.
All of these bars had some sort of fun water feature. Either a slide or a trapeze or a diving board/ wooden pallet that precariously plopped you somewhere into the river. Clearly nothing was safe.
We got in our rings and before we knew it, bottles, being used as fish hooks, were being thrown at us trying to fish us in to spend money at their bar. Every bar had offers to entice us over. Mostly free shots and we were being offered these left right and centre within the first 50mtrs. It was almost a fishing war with all these ropes flying past our heads. Music was blaring out of speakers everywhere and it just sounded like a dizzy mess.
We eventually made our way down the river to the last bar with the highest swing and a massive concrete slide. We bought an ice tea and a beer and that gave us a blue fingernail which indicated that we were allowed to use the facilities. Dangerous but what a rush. The trapeze was set about 8m off the water and the slide threw you into the murky depths at about 4m. We had a great time.
Us kayaking
My na kayakoch We had enough money for a bite to eat but that was all. We spent about 90mins plunging into the Mekong and thought that the fun part of it was indeed fun. Seeing people drifting by that shouldn't have even been awake let alone in water was just ridiculous. But if you love that sort of thing....!
We managed to make the 6km trip with me paddling using flip flops and Zuzana pointing in the direction she wished to go. Making it the 6km was quite an achievement as not many people made it 60mtrs and ended up taking a tuk tuk back into town! You left a deposit when you hired the tube and your deposit was returned when you came back... before 6pm. These bars stayed open until 2am so as you can imagine, most people lost their deposits instantly and the deposit was more than the cost to hire one. Tubing was fun but not for us.
The following morning we took the bus with Felim and Robyn to Vientiane, the capital. There really wasn't much to do in Vientiane. We were there to apply for our Chinese visas and send some packages home via
the post office. We managed to check in with Felim and Robyn to semi decent place called the Asian Pavilion. We spent a couple of nights in and watched TV together, swapped photo's, drank wine and used the wi-fi internet to call our families etc.
We did find the Nong Chanh Water Park for a refreshing dip. It probably would have passed a health and safety inspection in 1850 when hepatitis and other such contractable diseases were unknown. Some of the slides were fantastic yet quite dangerous but it was cheap and we had a day of enjoying the cool waters, sunshine and chatting.
We collected our visas for China and said goodbye to Felim and Robyn who flew onto Vietnam. We still had a day or so and tried once again to get our netbook fixed but were sadly told it was not possible... Oh dear oh dear.
We did, on the last night, managed to meet some friends, Sam and Ben who we'd met and spent Christmas with in Goa. It was a nice evening. We dined, had a beer or two and exchanged stories. They were a very nice couple and were always a
good laugh.
The idea was to go on to China and Vientiane is a very long way away and we really didn't fancy all those bloody roads again all the way back up so Zuzana found us cheap domestic flights with Laos Airlines to Luang Namtha which made it an easy, 45min flight instead of a gruelling 18 or so hours.
Once we'd landed we took a taxi back to the bus station and caught the next bus to the Chinese border at Boten.
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Natasha Stockley
non-member comment
Hello :)
Another very entertaining insight into what you are up to - I do hope your luck picks up!!!! I read bits out loud to Mum and she she agreed with me that you both need to write a book with Zuzannas pics to illustrate- we were laughing out loud (not at your plight-at the funny bits lol) and Dave stop picking fights ha ha ha. Your sisters house renovations are coming on a treat- we are building too so when your back, this little area of Grendon will have changed loads :) Looking forward to your next installment, Lots of love, travel safe xxxx