Elephants stole my underpants ...


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Africa » Zambia
February 23rd 2005
Published: February 23rd 2005
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Or at least tried to. More on that story later.

Like the sun, gin sinks rapidly at these latitudes. Impersonating a hyena requires poise and concentration, often not appreciated by one's peers. No more on that story later.

Many thanks to all who have sent comments, which are most appreciated. Apologies for not replying but these connections are really slow, and at times expensive.

Our passage through Africa so far has continually evoked the feeling that we must somehow have obtained celebrity status within the countries in which we have travelled. What kind of celebrity is more difficult to ascertain - one that is clearly popular, hence the continual waves and smiles, or children dropping piles of logs in astonishment as we drive past. Also however there is the occasional resentment, hard stares and perhaps even rude gestures. Once stopped we immediately become targets for all varieties of hawkers, beggars (admittedly surprisingly rare) and young chaps with a yarn to spin. It may be a bit like being a famous politician who was once a film star, as if John Prescott had had a spell as James Bond, turning around the franchise after Timothy Dalton ran it down, married a Spice girl and then decided the next challenge should be to go to the people to heal the countries woes.

In Zambia it is not like that. People ignore us. We drive past and ... nothing happens. Nothing is dropped. Nobody stares. People just go about their business as if there was nothing unusual at all. How peculiar. Of course there are a few hawkers and the usual but, after you politely decline, even they tend to leave you alone.

One word of warning though. The 'black market' moneychangers at the border need approaching with caution. We have successfully changed money at several borders with no problems. But since Tanzania we are increasingly being ripped off - first one guy just legged it with our money and then on entering Zambia we had the same switch pulled on us twice (we needed the second time to be sure). It goes like this - a rate is agreed, the money changes hands, then the money changer demands more - either "ten more dollars please" with no reason, or most likely "these are small notes, I can't do that rate." Your general course of action is to demand
BaobabBaobabBaobab

What is it with African trees and sunsets?
your money back, which will be given, minus one or two notes that will have magically disappeared. Even if you catch them at it, which one of our passengers did, getting the money back is likely to require you to emulate the Israeli government - go a little bit crazy and start shouting, point at your nuclear weapons and give the impression that you might do anything next, then hope that the other money lenders persuade the guy to sort the deal out more fairly. Of course what you can do if they start going back on the deal is simply keep the money you have changed and drive off.

The problem is that there is often little practicable alternative to using them, logistically speaking. However in the course of the trip any small gains we have made through better rates have been more than wiped out by the money we have had stolen. It is a shame as this soured our entry to Zambia somewhat, and yet since then the people have been wonderful.

Our first destination was South Luangwe National Park, about 100km North West from the Malawi/Zambia/Mozambique border along a rough dirt road. The South African magazine Getaway ranks this as the third best game park in Africa, ahead of Kruger, although we didn't know this at the time. The usual Flatdogs (a.k.a. Crocodiles) Camp was closed for the wet so we stayed at the aptly named "Wildlife Camp", who seemed very happy to see us.

After the long bumpy drive I looked at the view from the campsite and said to our driver "This looks like Africa." Well at least the Africa in the brochures anyway, as we were in the swimming pool in the bar drinking beer and looking out over the Luangwe River, complete with hippos and crocs. As a tourist destination I understand Zambia has always ranked below many other African countries, and due to the wet season, the camp was almost empty. This sense of quiet and isolation definitely helped in creating the atmosphere.

We stayed two days, doing a morning and evening/night game drive in the process. Much of the park we visited was very bushy (it is a huge area and we were staying outside the park, and so only saw the area near the entrance gate). We saw a moderate amount of game, but there were two particular highlights.

During the morning drive we spent a lot of time semi-tracking a pair of lions and some elephants on a dry river bed. As we were leaving we saw a large bull elephant walking the other way, with a fairly purposeful gait (as elephants go). Our driver bombed round the rough tracks to intercept the elephant as it hit the land, which he achieved, perhaps a little too well as he almost charged the elephant with our vehicle. Not to be outdone the elephant turned and charged us, causing the driver to stall as he desperately tried to reverse away. It turned out to be a fake charge, something the more experienced in the car suspected at the time, including no doubt the driver although he did look a little panicked when the open topped landcruiser stalled. I think we all had a real adrenaline surge - Matt and I kept our fingers on the camera buttons although I remember thinking "I hope it stops soon", whilst Kim, who was nearest, had her eyes shut (not all the time she says.)

The night drive was also good, giving us our first real sight of what hippos get up to while everyone else is sleeping. We were also lucky enough to witness a pride of lions stalking a herd of buffalo, from very close range. This was an astonishing sight and has changed my view on lions completely. Watching the two males stalking through the trees sent a shiver down my spine and you realise these cuddly cats really have a much much darker side. The sight of the dominant male buffalo chasing one of the male lions out of the trees sent our drivers into fits of laughter for some reason. The females, who didn't seem to partake in the hunt other than to fence the buffalo in, seemed oblivous to our vehicles and searchlights - even when we were within feet of one of them she stayed focused on the buffalo (apart from a slightly annoyed look at one of the spotters who was shining the light right into her face). The buffalo moved away into the bush away from the road and so we lost sight of the hunt. The guides felt certain that the lions would get a kill, even if it took a day or so - the presence of the two males both hunting seemed to assure that.

On the way back to our camp outside the park itself we spotted another hippo wandering through the bush and as we came to the gates of the campsite we saw a herd of elephants grazing. This was about 7.00pm. By around 9.00pm some were grazing right at the back of the toilet block. Nevertheless, we went to bed in the tent and had a good nights sleep, apart from being woken by a huge elephant trumpet and the sound of thudding feet. We took a look from our tent windows but there was nothing to be seen, so we went back to the land of nod.

In the morning it turned out we had slept through quite a lot. The elephants had proceeded into the campsite and were merrily munching amongst our tents, literally less than a foot away in some cases. This woke most people up. Good advice is not to pitch your tent next to a tree that says 'get your elephant food here' on it (to an elephant). Nicky, one of our drivers, was sleeping in the truck and was awoken as a trunk poked in under the canvas sides and proceeded to explore. Aparently after sniffing Kim's sarong for a bit it picked up my boxer shorts and started off with them. Thankfully it dropped them - I guess elephants don't like the smell of bat.

The next bit we learned from the camp guard. Apparently a lone lion had then come down the river bank which had caused the trumpeted alarm, followed by the swift exit of the elephants from the camp.

Frankly, I am glad I slept through it.

After South Luangwe we made our way south west down through Zambia, camping for a night near the capital Lusaka, to Lake Kariba, the worlds second largest man-made lake (not sure of the largest - Lake Powell ? The lake behind the Aswan dam?). We spent the next three nights on a houseboat cruising around the lake's waterways and islands, crossing the Zambia/Zimbabwe border many times (at least when Becks and Kerry were driving). This was two days of highly recommended relaxation, although a cheap bottle of Gordon's Gin mean't that on the first day I might have well has been thrown to the crocodiles in the croc farm. More energetic people went fishing in the runaround or exploring islands. Sadly, swimming was out due to the large numbers of crocs and hippos in the lake, although the driver did offer to stop the boat and let me swim in the middle of the lake. As it was about 7.30am and I was happily looking at the view, I declined. Whenever the captain and his crew had moment they hung their rods over the side and pulled out fish at a startling rate, easily outdoing the attempts of the Exodus crew, although I believe the excuse was they were going for bigger prey.

We shared one of our makeshift harbours with a lone male elephant who had swum out to the island. It was a great feeling to watch this magnificant animal as it drank, washed and wandered about knowing it was not in the confines of a game park and knowing that it isn't pestered by hundreds of 4WD's packed with tourists like ourselves every day (or maybe it is and it was just on its holidays).

[I've noticed that when a 4WD heading in the opposite direction pulls up to you, so the drivers can confer as to the whereabouts of the animals, the occupants always look really gourmless. There are two possibilities, not mutually exlusive; that there is some kind of self-selection that determines who goes to game parks; and/or, we look equally gourmless. I'll leave it to the reader ...]

Other highlights of Lake Kariba were the sunsets, and the little man on the island. The little man lives on a little island that we stopped at as it was deemed safe enough to walk on (no nasty beasts). Being a sociable fellow he showed us around his estate. The mansion was made of wooden branches lashed together with a plastic sheeting for a roof. It was a reasonable size - perhaps 15m in length, but had no walls, either outside or inside. This didn't stop him dividing it into rooms whose function could just about be determined from interpreting the lashed wooden furniture.

More impressive in a way were the varieties of chicken coups all made from local wood, except one where a bit of wire mesh was helping out. Hundreds of hens and chickens ran around, and he also had some baby guinea fowl. He said he had lived there for about five years and looked after the island for a company, which I think had birds in the title somewhere. He took us for a walk round the island and showed us where they planned to put lodges and bring over some zebra and antelopes etc.

On our way back I got distracted by the sunset, but a fishing boat had landed so he seemed to have lots of mates to talk to.

Leaving the houseboat on the third morning was a wrench - I think I was starting to get into the peace and beauty of the lake.

After a short days drive we arrived in the tourist town of Livingstone, 11 km up from Victoria Falls. We stayed at the Zambezi Waterfront, oddly enough overlooking the Zambezi, 5 km upstream from the falls. This area, whether you stay in the Zimbabwe side or the Zambian side, has been turned into an adrenaline junkies hangout, in the model of Queenstown, New Zealand. The required thing to do was white water rafting, which in low water I believe can be quite dangerous, although in high water it proved a satisfying day for all who went (most of our truck). Other options include the obligatory bungie, the gorge swing, abseiling, rap jumping (abseiling backwards i.e. forwards), zip wire across the gorge, helicopter flights, microlite flights, kayak training, elephant riding etc etc whilst on the more traditional front safaris by wheels, foot and paddle.

We were to stay three days and to be honest none of the options appealed greatly to Kim and I on account of the greatly inflated prices (some activities were good value but we didn't want to do them, some were justifiably expensive but short e.g. flights and some were just overpriced). We contemplated hiring a car and heading off somewhere but the most interesting places we could realistically go on our own seemed to be back where we came from, and we had a mental block over that.

In the end it all turned out well. Our truck-mates had what seemed to be a wail of a time hurling down rapids, leaping off bridges, tracking rhinos and flying over humping elephants in a bed sheet with a lawnmower engine strapped onto it. We ate well, including the best meal I have had in Africa (excepting South Africa of course), of Indian ethnicity at Ngolide Lodge. After discussions with Paul the driver who preferred the Indian in Kampala, Uganda, we decided that like "chick flics" there are "chick curries" - nice crockery, posh service, good portions but not excessive, sensitively cooked food, spicy but not too spicy, delicately flavoured nan-bread, etc etc. This was a chic curry and I loved it.

We also spent an afternoon viewing the falls, which are justifiably one of the seven wonders of the natural world. How to describe them - well, imagine an effin big waterfall. That's about it really. So much spray that it towers above the 108m drop of the falls themselves and is often visible from Livingstone town itself. The spray also means that photography involves sprinting into the rain shower, taking a few pictures, then sprinting out again. Without serious waterproofing you get soaked, but this is fine as it gets quite warm in these parts.

Sunset was spent using Kim as a model, perched on a rock just above the falls. She contemplated whilst I took photos, and both of us were happy. The sun itself was obscured by the spray, but constantly changing spray led to constantly changing light and a variety of wonderful effects. We finished off the evening with the chick-curry, which rounded off a really great day.

For our final day we had booked a canoe safari down the Upper Zambezi (the section above the falls) with Mokoro (?) Quest, one of the few companies that do this in wooden (as opposed to inflatable) boats. First, some canoe safari terminology:



As the guide said, if you want to learn to canoe, do it on the Zambezi - all those crocs and hippos sure concentrate the mind on keeping the boat upright (or if you can roll, rolling quickly). On the trip there was just ourselves, an Irish fella and our guide. We spent the morning leisurely drifting down the river, tackling easyish rapids which became difficult due to the high water producing whirlpools and strong currents, meandering between islands, and keeping well clear of hippos, of which there were plenty. About 1.00pm we dropped off the Irish chappie who had other arrangements, and I think we were supposed to have lunch there. However as we got out of the boat the guide said - "Hmmm, look at that hippo in the middle of the stream .... and those other three over there." Sure enough the channel, perhaps 60m wide, was blocked by two sets of hippos: the group of three about 15m out from the far bank and the single one about 10m out from the near bank. I couldn't see how we were safely going to get past.

Our guide strapped some plastic chairs to the back of his canoe and loaded the lunch on board. He explained that you never go between separated hippos like that - the lone hippo could be the male and those could be his females. He said we would go slowly down past the hippo keeping close into shore, and see how he reacted. It took a bit for him to convince me of this plan, but nevertheless off we paddled. He went first and we tailed behind, keeping a respectful distance. As he drew alongside the hippo it submerged for about twenty seconds, and then reappeared. This seemed to be the signal our guide was waiting for and he gestured for us to come and join him, pointing that we navigate the canoe into a small bay between the land and the hippo. He then spent a good couple of minutes outfacing the hippo, occasionally banging his paddle on the side of the canoe. Each time the hippo submerged we held our breaths, but each time it resurfaced further out from the bank and away from us. Once it had moved to about 25m out the guide signalled and we paddled past. After running the next section of rapids we relaxed and breathed a sigh of relief, only to realise we were staring at the snout of a croc ... but no-one seems to worried about crocs around here.

We headed on for our lunch spot and the after effects of the adrenalin relaxed us further, until suddenly the guide said "paddle, quickly" and pointed to the bank. Sure enough there was another hippo hiding under the shade of a tree, and apparently two more next to him (which we didn't see).

Lunch was fantastic - beautiful coleslaw and potato salad, home made quiche, a big slab of marinated beef and a juicy chicken breast coated in breadcrumbs. Along with the homeade shortbread for elevenses Mary at Mokoro Quest did us proud.

As we had made good progress in the morning we really didn't have much paddling to do in the afternoon. We set off from our island, rounded the tip and immediately spotted a large elephant bathing on the Zimbabwean side. As we paddled over we saw there was a group of about seven elephants, which we were able to paddle quite close to and watch from the river. Again the lack of "game park" feel added to the sense of awe and fascination. After they left we drifted down the riverbank watching swarms of small birds drinking at the waters edge.

We finished off the last kilometre or so drinking beer and just soaking up the sun and scenery from the centre of the river. Idyllic.

So all in all Zambia was pretty entertaining too, the only black clouds being some kind of food bug or stomach bug that has now afflicted almost everyone on the truck. Kim and I came down with it yesterday, the morning we set off for the short drive and ferry into Botswana.

One further footnote: one guide, on discussing the ethics of guiding, explained to us that the poor animals often feel at lot like us poor overlanders, constantly being pursued by hawkers ... at least we can say "go away dipstick" but some of the animals find this hard to communicate to us. Elephants seem to do it the best.




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2nd March 2005

Wow!
Hi Rick and Kim, well Sheffield is cold and snowy so nothing's changed here!! Glad to see you are having such a fabulous time.The pictures are stunning Rick - guess you've got a new career there when you get back; all at the tastings miss you both. Cant wait to hear all about it in April. Best wishes, Adrian - Adrian
31st May 2006

Great pictures!
Amazing pictures!
3rd June 2007

Whenever I click on a photo I like it turns out to be yours so I thought I would just drop you a line to say that your photos are stunning! good work. Sam

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