Affluent Fluency

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So about a week ago, a guy walked up to me on campus stone-cold out of no where and asked if I was a native English speaker. If so, was I interested in doing some private tutoring for some people he knew? I was dubious as to why a middle-man was necessary, but his quoted price was right, so I figured, no harm in exchanging phone numbers. A few days ago, he text messages me, alternately asking if I would be interested in teaching at a primary school on weekday afternoons and if I wanted to learn calligraphy from him for free. Confused but intrigued, I set a place and time to meet that night.

Justin says he is a 30-year-old graduate student living on campus, and I have no reason to disbelieve him. He's short and wiry (even more so than I) and speaks barely-accented, colloquial English. Over glasses of coconut milk, he laid out the teaching situation: A government-run primary school for the young children of government employees needed (at the demands of the parents) an authentically native English speaker as the kids' introduction to the language. It would be six days a week, for one hour a day, 110RMB ($16.50) per lesson. I would just be teaching simple English words and playing games, basically just making a favorable first impression of the language on the minds of impressionable young Chinese. Because the day care is run, well, during the day, I would have to make the choice to drop some elective classes or intermittently skip more important ones to hold the job down. I would be paid up front and in cash.

I was still dubious. I told Justin I was unwilling to skip three classes a week for a job, even a lucrative one, but he insisted I go at least once for a no-conditions, trial lesson that Friday (yesterday). My suspicions that he would get a "finder's fee" were secured at this point, especially because 110RMB is slightly below the going professional teaching rate. However, having nothing to do Friday afternoon but a badminton elective course, I agreed to the one lesson, making very, very clear that I could not accept the job under current conditions.

After a bus ride and a pleasant conversation, Justin and I arrived at the bus stop where a teacher and TA from the primary school (actually, a kindergarten) met us and took us to class. First we met some adviser or headmaster or something, and he was the most severe, flinty man I've ever seen.

The classroom contained at least 40 children, none over 5 years old, most 4 or less. It went like this (in Chinese, but okay, whatever):

"Hello class .... attention! This is your new teacher, can you say hello?"
"Hello!"
"Do you think he's from here? Does he look like us?"
"No!"
"Where do you think he's from?"

" ... maybe we should let him tell you where he's from?"
"Okay!"


<>

"Hello, my name is Tye. I'm from America."

"HELLO, TYE! 'I'M FROM AMERICA'!"



(teacher) "That's right! Tye is going to help you all with English. Do you like Tye?!"

"We Like!" (making hearts above their heads)
"Is he a handsome teacher?"
"Yes!"

"Okay, he's going to help us play a game now. He's going to tell you the rules in English, but if you don't understand, just raise your hands and I'll explain afterward..."

So then, I explained this silly kindergarten game in English, pausing to make sure they associated the words for "candy," "carry" and "prize." I gave the winners stickers afterward. The teachers had told me beforehand that I would be assisting in two games, and explained this one, but not the second.

So I will now tell y'all what the second game was. I walked through the room, patting children on the top of the head. Whose-ever hair I touched, it was their turn to hug me. That was the game. This horde of four-year-old sons and daughters of government officials took turns hugging me, and in the inevitable breakdown of rules, all rushed to hug me at once. I played along, carrying some on my legs and at one point, pretending to drown in their hugs. Then the game was over, and I left. But before:

"Teacher Tye, did you all like him?"
"We like!"
"Is he a handsome, foreign teacher?"
"Yes!"
"Would you like to see him again another time?"
"We'd Like!" (making hearts with their arms above their heads)

This is actually what happened.

Afterward, outside the school, the flinty man and Justin got in a verbal argument where at least one threatened to send the other to prison. Apparently, this teaching position requires ToEFL Certification, which I obviously don't have. This was made clear to some people, but not others, namely this flinty man who was having none of our malicious lies. Also, this wasn't even the school Justin had been talking to. He had originally spoken to a woman at a larger, more comprehensive children's activity center in the center of town, which outsources some of their teachers to this smaller school for a fee. It seems they were trying to pull a fast one and do the same with me.

This meant that Justin, the teacher, the TA and I all had to take another bus to this other school and talk to Justin's initial contact. In the end, the school and Justin both received no payment, and I only received 50RMB because I only "taught" for half an hour, not a full one-hour lesson.

After all this, whether I could have made it work with my school schedule or not, I still would not have been able to take this job.
Justin and I had a pleasant meal together after and then walked around a bookstore and talked. It wasn't his fault, or anyone's. It was just a crazy thing that was somehow able to occur, and to me.

I think this is the end of my active pursuit of English teaching gigs, though. If one is offered to me, yes, of course, I'll take it. Especially private, one-on-one tutoring, or maybe even a group of kids again. Kids like me, I like them. But I'm not going to look for jobs, really. I'm here to study Chinese. That's what my scholarship is for, and that's what I want to do. My fluency in English could easily make me affluent here, but I would rather be fluent in two languages than affluent in one.

But, oh my God. Can y'all believe that actually happened?

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Comments

[Whitney]

Only to you
Outstanding story.

[dad]

group hug :)
if only you had a picture of the big hug, that would be awesome. That is just the funniest story Tye. I bet those kids will ask about you for a while. You are a great ambassador !!!!!!