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11th MAY 2009 - A PANTS ENDING TO OUR FIRST DAY IN TULUM......SO FUNNY!!!
We arrived in Tulum at around 12pm (lunch time). As we hadn’t booked a hostel and didn’t have directions to any, we were hoping for an information desk or a tout! We got neither and it looked like we would have to trek about to find a hostel. We turned left out of the bus station and followed 4 girls who looked like they knew where they were going. Phillip followed us…looked like he was going to be tough to shake off! There was a hostel just down the road…bingo!! Turned out that they didn’t have any room and so we were back to square one. The girls got in a taxi and headed off somewhere leaving us with Phillip at the side of the road. He said he knew of a hostel called ‘Happy Gecko’ and he waddled over to ask a taxi driver which direction it was in. The taxi driver had never heard of it but pointed up the road and advised us that there was a hostel further up. Phillip tried to persuade us to get a taxi to it but every penny counts for Nat and I and we said we were going to walk. It was pretty hot and carrying heavy backpacks was not pleasant. Phillip had a wheelie suitcase yet he waddled along at snail pace and puffed and panted like he had run a marathon. I wasn’t too happy as I liked to walk as quickly as possible to get there and remove my backpack. Quick wasn’t an option with Phillip as he had 2 speeds…slow and stop!! As we continued our walk we seemed to be heading further and further out of town. Nat and I made the decision to turn around and walk back hoping that there would be a hostel in the other direction. Phillip decided to follow however we walked ahead leaving him eating our dust!
Back at the bus station we asked another taxi driver for the nearest hostel and he said he would take us for 30 pesos. It looked like we would have to spend some money. By the time we came to getting in the taxi Phillip had caught up and assumed that we were all going together. He put his bag in the boot with ours and shoe horned himself into the front seat with great difficulty. There really was no losing this guy!!
The taxi man drove us to a hostel up the road. It looked a bit of a dive but Phillip went in to check it out and see if they had room. Whilst he was gone the taxi driver told us of a hostel on the beach front for the same price. It sounded good to us and we asked if it had internet etc to which he replied that it did!! When Phillip came back saying that there was room we told him that we planned to go to a hostel on the beach. He responded with “yes…that sounds good” and jumped back in. Three was definitely a crowd!! When we arrived at the beach hostel we were told the price…not cheap and only had a room for 3. We really did not want to be in a room on our own with Phil and so we declined and jumped back into the taxi. The driver then took us to another beach property. This one was really nice and had private double rooms for 100 pesos each. Phillip commented that we needed a room for three!! What?! Did he not realise that we weren’t travelling with him?!! It would have been perfect had it not been so far away from town. It was too remote for Nat and I! It didn’t have internet and there weren’t any shops meaning that we would have had to eat out for every meal. We would have loved to have stayed there but had to decline and go back to the first hostel which was near town. Phillip, who seemed to conclude that we were now a three, said he was on board with whatever we decided. So pleased…can’t imagine what we would have done had he decided to go his own way! No wait…we would have probably bought a bottle of champagne!!
Back at hostel number one the taxi price had increased from 30 pesos to 100 pesos. We weren’t happy bunnies as we only checked out the beach hostel because the man said it was the same price and had shops/internet close by…lied on both counts! We reluctantly paid it and headed into the hostel. Fredrico (the hostel manager who claimed to be Mexican but was blatantly French) came to meet us. He advised that we could have a dorm room for 100 pesos each or a private room for 3 people at 117 pesos each. Phillip shouted out ‘private’ straight away however I insisted on the dorm. No way did I want to be in a private room with Phillip and Nat was of the same opinion. What was this guy on?!! There was only us three staying in the dorm room anyway and it was pretty shabby! Fredrico tried to push the private room and Phillip backed him up saying how much nicer it was. We took a look and it was much cleaner with a double bed each and a private bathroom. I looked at Nat and we both agreed that we would stay in the private room…with Phillip! How on earth we had got there I do not know but it looked like we would be sharing a private room with a big sweaty annoying American guy! What fun we were going to have!!
We headed back out to the eating area and sat down with Fredrico to sort monies out and get some tips on what to do in the area. We all booked to stay for 2 nights and paid up front. When asked our names Phillip introduced himself as Philippe and said it was a Mexican name!! I almost laughed out loud but managed to control myself! Fredrico was a pain too…everything seemed a hassle. We may not be able to have 2 keys as his boss needed one…we couldn’t use the kitchen downstairs as his boss wouldn’t be happy…we couldn’t have a better deal on the room as his boss wouldn’t allow it!! What is the point of being a manager if you can’t make decisions!! He did tell us some thing to do though and threw in a push bike with the room. I wasn’t sure how one bike would split between three of us but never mind…the gesture was there! We headed back to the room to dump our stuff and plan our time!
We chilled out for a little while in the room and chatted about what to do with the rest of our day. Phillip kept butting into our conversation and telling us that ‘we’ as in all of us, should do this and then go there! He almost sat on my bed at one point much to Nat’s delight...she said it would have been the highlight of her day if he had done! Little did she know that her comment may would come back to bite her on the ass!! Nat and I were both at the end of out tether with him and we told him politely that we (as in Nat and I) were going to go into town to sort out our bus for Guatemala and use the internet. We then proceeded to ask what he was going to do and said we would see him later! He seemed to take the hint and went off to check some dive shops out whilst Nat and I wandered into town. We were free at last…at least for a few hours!
In town we checked out bus times to Guatemala. It looked like the best option would be an overnighter setting off at 10.30pm. Not good as that meant we only needed 1 night in Tulum and we had already booked 2. We decided that we would have to try and get our money back. To cheer ourselves up we had a tasty ice cream and did a spot of postcard shopping as well as ring shopping for Nat. The main street was nice and we walked along leisurely browsing as we went. Philippe found us as we were shopping. He had taken the bike out but had found it too hard to ride so he was pushing it about with a bottle of Fanta in the basket. That guy was a joke! We managed to rid ourselves of him again and continued our leisurely walk/browse up and down the street. Once back at the hostel, we got our journals and headed back out to the internet to blog for a couple of hours. Phillip came and found us again and asked what time ‘we’ fancied going for tea! We sighed but as we had got rid of him for the afternoon, we thought it couldn’t hurt to go out for tea with him and arranged to meet back at the hostel later. I was soooo looking forward to it!!
Back at the hostel we tried to get our money back for the second night. Fredrico was a pain again and kept going on about his boss. I was sure this ‘boss’ guy didn’t even exist!! Philippe decided to change his plans too to match ours..surprise surprise! After much faffing about Fredrico agreed to give us our money back for the second night and with that sorted we headed out for tea. Table for 3!!
Sat in a restaurant we ordered food. I had tacos and can safely say it was the worst meal I had eaten in Mexico. Nat and Philippe enjoyed theirs though and the complimentary nachos were good! The conversation with Phil matched my meal…bad! We listened to him drone on and on about Hawaii (where he lived) and his big plans to sail the world on his imaginary boat before heading back to the hostel. I really couldn’t take much more!! If only I had known that more was yet to come!!
In the room each of us flaked out on our own beds. I was laid on my back staring at the ceiling, Nat was playing on her phone and Philippe was over by his bed rustling about. There was a bit of conversation going on but we were all mainly doing our own thing. Phil came across and gave us both his card for if we ever visited Hawaii again so that we could meet up!! That was once piece of paper I hada feeling I would lose!! Once I had stared at the ceiling long enough I turned over with the intention of getting my postcards out to write. I glanced over at Philippe as I did and I got a lot more than I bargained for. I wondered if I was having a nightmare and so I forced myself to take a second look!! I could not believe my eyes!! Surely not!! Why would he do such a thing?!! Granted...it was a really hot night but surely he had a pair of pajamas or some shorts or something!! There he was sat on the edge of his bed in nothing but a pair of tight off-white pants. I didn’t even realise that pants like that existed for men. I mean they were a big pair of huge white grandma pants!! Either grandma pants or a giant nappy!! He was not the smallest guy as I have said before and I can’t say that his choice of attire was would have been flattering for any man let alone Phil!! He also had so much body hair that he resembled a giant bear!! Worse still, it was all matted together with sweat!! I mean it was gross…but highly amusing!! I could not believe that he would have stripped down to his tighty whities in front of 2 girls he had only just met. He wasn’t even embarrassed about it and acted like it was perfectly normal to swan around in grandma pants in front of strangers. I had to put my face down into the mattress to stifle my laughter. My whole body was shaking with silent laughter and tears were forming in my eyes. I had to try and think bad thoughts to control myself but the night just got funnier!!
I glanced at Nat and realised that she had not yet spotted the half naked bear sporting tight white grandma pants sprawled out on his bed in the corner of the room. I knew the moment would be magic and so I watched and waited for her reaction when she saw him, all the while avoiding looking at Phil! Out of nowhere she addressed him with a question and half way through she raised her head and looked in his direction. As she saw the sight before her, her voice changed pitch and her eyes widened in sheer horror. She had to turn away. That single moment of Nat seeing him was the funniest thing I have witnessed for a long time. I had to ram my face back down into the mattress to stop myself from laughing again and in no way could I catch Nat’s eye or that would have been it; I don’t think I would have been able to control myself anymore!!
Things only got worse. Philippe was acting like nothing was a foot and even suggested putting a film on his laptop for us all to watch. I was faced with an image of all three of us on one bed and being in close proximity to those white pants and unsurprisingly I declined saying I was tired and was going to just chill out with my book. Nat just nodded…I think she was still in shock!! Phil took that as a sign that she wanted to watch the film and so he waddled over to the table inbetween mine and Nat’s bed and began to set the laptop up. As he bent over to type his bum was practically in my face and completely blocked my view of Nat. Talk about a full moon...it was more like a total eclipse!! Once again I almost choked with laughter and my face went back into the mattress. I needed some oxygen and my sides were beginning to hurt with laughing so much!! With the film set up, he went and sat next to Nat on her bed. He face was a picture and I laughed even more as she tried to build a fort around her with pillows and her bag so that she didn’t have to get too close to him. You could call in Karma for her laughing at me earlier when he almost sat on my bed…and at that point he had been fully clothed!! Brilliant!!
I couldn’t speak as everytime I went to open my mouth only laughter came out. Bad thoughts couldn’t even calm me down and I had to look firmly away. Nat kept her head face forward towards the laptop and avoided any kind of eye contact with me as well as avoiding looking at Phil. He did not seem fazed at all!! Eventually Nat managed to muster some words together and say that she was too tired to watch the film. Phil took the hint and got up again to turn the film off…putting his huge butt in my face in the process. I kept my head firmly down until he had finished and moved!! It was one sight that I did not want to see as his hieny was not the slightest bit breathtaking and the tighty whities and matted hair did nothing to help!!
I thought he may have had some decency when he went over to his bed but nope!! He sprawled on top of the covers and lay like a spread eagle on his bed! I caught Nat’s eye now and we shook our heads as we laughed silently! Neither of us could quite believe what we had seen but whichever way you look at it…it had been one hell of a funny night!! Nat and I left Phil to sleep in the corner of the room whilst we did some research on the countries inbetween Mexico and Cost Rica. One thing was confirmed…we would definitely not be stopping in Belize for the simple reason that Phil was heading there. In no way did we want a repeat performance of those pants!! I did manage to take a sneaky photo of him though whilst he was laid on his bed. It doesn’t do justice to the sheer scale of him, his bear like qualities or the tightness of the pants but it does give you some idea of why we laughed so much!! Once we were researched out I got safely into my pajamas and fell to sleep. I had to sleep on my back though as my sides were in a lot of pain and felt like they had split from laughing so much!! Pure comedy!!
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Anon
non-member comment
Made me laugh!
I've been following your blog and this really made me laugh. Cheered me up, thanks!