Useless & Colin Buckle Up

So, holiday season begins, and ‘The Duke’ had his first lengthy road trip - culminating in a ferry crossing to a whole other country (or 2). Hitchhiking along for the ride was Colin the Clanger. Col has some travelling experience but ostensibly this was gonna be his ‘trip of a lifetime.’ So, to ensure Colin didn’t ‘peak too soon’ we eased our way into the trip with a nice visit to the local vets. Colin said goodbye to Useless and then was warned about what happens to naughty Clangers with a visit to one of Leonard Brother’s cells. After several minutes of clanger crying it became apparent that the message had got through and we were ready for the road.

In keeping with the ‘ease him in gently approach’ we headed off to Ludlow Castle. We’d made the right decision. The old fable of the cowboy who discovered Grand Canyon and exclaimed “something sure happened here!” could not have been less apt for our arrival at Ludlow Castle. It was about as memorable as my last stool. In fact, I’d rather eat my leg with a rusty fork than revisit Ludlow Castle again. Fortunately

Taking Useless to her second home

for Colin, his experience was a little more positive. He loved the way we casually placed him in a canon and blasted gunpowder up his arse.

However, in Ludlow Castle’s defence (a castle shouldn’t really need me to plug its defence but anyway…) it had the finest cream tea scones known to man. The journey had not been futile. After all, road trips are all about food, drink and waves, and you know what Meat Loaf said about 2 out of 3 - It was time to hit the highway like a battering ram on a sliver black phantom bike.

Tintern - Yep thats its Real Name

So, not phased by a singed bum, Colin and his new ‘bezza mates,’ Ste & Dunc headed south across the border to Wales. I left Steve in charge of directions - probably a good thing as the last time I arranged to meet up with someone in wales I suggested we meet at Gwasanaethau Service Station. I remember proudly (and practically clicking my fingers and making a gun shape out of my thumbs and first fingers - for my recollection of the name of the service station) pronouncing the name, only

Colin the Clanger meets Jules

to be told “Gwasanaethau” is actually the Welsh word for ‘Service Station’ - so we could be meeting anywhere. Cock.

Steve’s memory of the journey to Tintern was about as vivid as the Turin Shroud, and given Steve is an Atheist we were in right muddy waters. Anyhow, we made it to the Humble’s house in time for dinner (remember the three priorities of road trips).

The Humble abode was very clearly not at all humble. To top it off, she was great fun too. In fact, given the choice between a night with Tiffany and a night with Kate I would probably choose Kate (ssh, don’t tell anyone). In fact, one of the highlights of the evening was seeing a picture of her circa 1985 with hair down to her bum looking like a Duran Duran extra. Mmmmm. I tried to contain myself.

We spent the next morning showing Colin around Kate's pets and enjoying the Tintern scenery. See photos on next page.

Until next time...

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