My Bed

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Change...we don't like it, we fear it, but we can't stop it from coming. We either adapt to change or we get left behind. And it hurts to grow, anybody who tells you it doesn't is lying. But here’s the truth: the more things change, the more they stay the same. And sometimes, oh, sometimes change is good. Oh, sometimes, change is... everything.

As I sit to write this entry, I am reminded once again; all good things must come to an end.

I apologize that it took so long to post. I started it shortly after I got back, but summer caught hold of me and wouldn’t let me go.

Leaving the team was very hard. It was inevitable and we all knew it was coming, but that didn’t make it easy. You trust, and live with these 12 other people and so quickly you forget what its like to be on your own. We lived in our own little world and became so dependent on each other and everything that we had to offer. When it’s over you stand alone in a world that you are no longer familiar with. But if you take a little part of each person with you, and keep them and everything they have taught you in your heart and mind life becomes much easier.

Laying in bed, my bed, my first night home was rough. Americorps was over! It didn’t really hit me until I was in my bed that first night. 10 months flew by like that, and I was once again staring up at the glow in the dark stars on my ceiling laying in the same bed that I was in last year. It’s the bed that I laid in before the program started, before everything happened, just thinking about how quickly the time flew by and in shock that it was over. (Ironically, my bed was one of the things I missed the most this year). I felt horrible. I felt like I just got dumped. I was sad that I wasn’t with my team. I didn’t know what to do...

I had to switch my thoughts from sad because the program was over to happy because it happened. As the days went on it became easier and easier for me to be myself; me as an individual, not me as part of a team. It took a week or two until I finally adjusted and got comfortable with my life back in Buffalo: seeing friends, hanging out with the family, catching up on sleep and relaxing. (Of course it is fun to be home when you don’t have to work and everybody is happy to see you.)

And right when I get fully adjusted and comfortable with life, it’s time to leave again.

So now it’s back to Sacramento for AmeriCorps part 2. I had a couple weeks off at home to refuel and recharge and now I am off again in the morning. Back to California and back to work. As I lay in my bed tonight, I will think about all the fun I had this summer and wonder what my life will be like next time I'm looking up at my glow in the dark stars.

Goodbye Buffalo and Goodbye summer. I’ll see you next year.

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Comments

[Lynn]

thanks for the memories
Hi Nikky, Change has been one of the hardest things for me. Every year as Kate and Jon grew up, new changes. Different schools, jobs, family, births, deaths, marriages. Katie visits and leaves, Jon's gone again. The only constant is change and the pings to the heart that come with it. And the knowledge that God is in control of all of it, if we invite Him to be. So, each ping and pain brings reassurance that God loves me and will forever and ever. Thanks for the updates in your life. I wish you all the success and happiness that your heart can hold. Love, Lynn Gerlach

[Kayte]

Nicki, you are very insightful. You certainly have been on many journeys in a short time. I think you are very brave to give so much of yourself to those who need it and those who help support you. I think you know yourself and what you are capable of in a way that not many of us know ourselves, and that understanding makes you wiser far beyond your years. I wish you much luck and happiness in Sacramento. And a good tan! Miss you! Kayte

[Mom]

and Your off again!
It was wonderful to have you back even if it was a few short weeks. It gets harder and harder each time you leave because I know that someday in the near future you will have a place of your own to call home. I just hope it is not too far away. Have another incredible 10 months as you add another notch to your belt of experiences. Love you and miss you already!. Thank you God for cell phones!... Love, Mommy

[Jean Hajt]

Thoughts and prayers are with you
Our thoughts and prayers are with you as you start your new/old adventure. Some if familiar, some will be foreign. They say a change is as good as a rest, but I don't think you will be resting much. It was great to see you even briefly. Who has the cookie? Love, Other Mom

[Pops]

Miss ya
You just left and I miss you already. Where'd the month go? Now it's time to begin your new journey and new experiences. Cherish each day and pass on your wisdom to those who are new to the program. You're no longer a rookie, but a seasoned veteran of Americorps. Let your light shine. Love ya sweetie, Pops