En route to Andalsnes (That's easy for you to say!!)


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Europe » Norway » Northern Norway
February 26th 2018
Published: March 2nd 2018
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Several years ago, Roisin and I visited Iceland hoping to see a phenomenon that is the Northern Lights. On that occasion, whilst experiencing amazing scenery, the nearest we got was a slightly green hue of the overcast skies. There was obviously some activity happening but nothing to write home (or a blog) about!! Despite driving to the edge of a housing estate where it was relatively free of light pollution and sitting, waiting for several hours, it was to no avail. I’m sure I saw a few curtains twitch. I’m surprised we never had a visit by the local constabulary as the only unusual activity in the area were these two strangers dressed in dark clothing sitting in a car, waiting…watching….The Police are obviously used to this kind of behaviour from over-keen foreigners!!

We are now once again on the hunt for the Aurora Borealis to give it its scientific name, this time though, we have decided to approach our quest from a different direction. Up the North Sea and turn right at Iceland. We are heading to Norway on P & O’s Oriana. Leaving from Southampton, after spending two days at sea we arrive in a small town called Åndalsnes. Another day at sea before we dock at Tromsø. Here we will remain overnight before the short trip, further North to Alta. A two-night stop before heading back down south stopping at Stavanger. Another day at sea heading back across the North Sea before arriving back at Southampton.

Having stayed overnight in a Premier Inn just outside Southampton we drove the four miles to the Mayflower terminal where we were greeted by CPS who took my car to their secure car park where it would remain for the duration of the cruise.

After filing in the obligatory Heath declaration, we were handed a card, Green L, and advised to take a seat. Shortly afterwards, an announcement was made that check-in had been delayed due to a technical hitch with the I.T equipment. This put back check in by 1 ½ hours. I wonder if they finally realised just to switch off at the mains then reboot the system. It normally solves 85% of I.T problems!! Once check in finally started, the process ran very smoothly. However, this delay now had a knock-on effect. Muster, where everyone has to take their life jacket to a pre-arranged meeting place where certain safety procedures are explained including how to wear your life jacket; a legal requirement according to maritime law, was 4:30pm rather than the advertised 4pm and our sail away was 19:45 rather than 17:00. This was due to missing our cast-off time. Like an airport, a busy sea port also has ‘push back’ times and if that slot is missed, the captain has to wait for a new time from the Port Authority depending on traffic in and out of the port. The Captain did reassure everyone that this delay would have no effect on our itinerary and we would still arrive in our first port on time.

Oriana is one of the smallest cruise ships in the P&O Cruises fleet at just over 69,000 tonnes with a normal capacity of 1880 passengers (there were 1832 on this trip) and a crew of 794. Capacity wise, the Oceana has a small passenger capacity (six less to be exact at 1874!!) but is slightly larger at 77,000 tonnes.

First impressions. In my opinion, Oriana seems to elegantly combine classic design features such as teak decks and a tiered stern with Art Deco touches (or it could be At Neuveau, but what do I know?!). The ship is designed exclusively for adults, although on first glance at our fellow passengers, some seem to have regressed back to their childhood!! The Oriana’s signature feature is the Tiffany glass ceiling of the atrium. The ship is bigger than it looks but after walking around the ship a few times it’s EXACTLY as big as it looks and that’s bigging it up!! Most ships I have been on have a plethora of ‘slot’ machines with numerous blackjack, roulette and poker tables. On the Oriana there is a casino but it only has to offer three banks of six slot machines. There are two blackjack tables and a small roulette wheel. The lounges are plentiful and spacious. The main lounge called the ‘Pacific’ situated at the aft. Other notable lounges, namely Harlequins and the Lord’s Tavern (this one has a cricket theme) both seat a decent amount.

There are two main dining rooms. The ‘Oriental’ caters for the fixed dining guests, either early sitting at 18:30 or the later sitting at 20:30. Our dining room, the Peninsular caters for what they refer to as Freedom dining. You decide when you want to eat as long as it is between 18:00-21:00. Both of these are spacious with an ample number of tables for two for the more anti-social amongst us!! Those who have cruised before will understand when I say that in comparison, many dining rooms are poorly designed and movement between tables can be a squash. These tables are well spaced out so you don’t have to listen in on someone’s conversation three tables away whilst trying to have one of your own!!

Unlike other cruises, on this one I have decided to take a leaf out of most of the crew’s book and always wear a smile. Nothing’s going to perturb me on this trip. Those who have no spacial awareness and decide to stop to chat in the middle of a narrow alleyway thus causing a bottleneck? Smile and politely say excuse me (rather than push past, tut and mutter ‘knob’ under my breath!!) When I get overruled in the trivia to an answer that is wrong when mine would have been right?? (e.g. What are the colours of Norwegian flag? I mouthed red white blue, Jan, one of our team nodded. I realised when it was too late that red white and black had been written!!) Just remember it’s only a game (to be fair, I have also talked our team out of putting the right answer!!) When passengers annoy me by wearing flip flops around the ship or turn up for ship presentations in ripped jeans. Just nod politely and admire their fashion sense!! No, nothing will rile me. For one trip only, I am reborn as a more tolerant sole!! (‘Yeah, right! See how long that’ll last, Victor!’ – Roisin)

Internet is not free on cruise ships (unless you’re Platinum or Elite status on Princess cruises!!) However, other cruise lines make a charge. The internet package on the Oriana is split in to three choices; Connect (Social media only), £7.50 per day/£81.00 for the entirety of the cruise; Browse includes surfing the net (£12.50/£120.00) and the Works if streaming is your thing (£24.95/£120.00) These prices are astronomical compared to other P & O cruises we have been on. For this reason, I will not be purchasing a package so the postings of these blogs won’t quite be in ‘Near real time’. Just because we are heading to one of the most expensive countries in the world doesn’t mean P & O have to charge Norwegian prices!! But as I said earlier, I’m not going to get grumpy or have a moan. Calm. Calm Calm. The price is what it is. You have two choices either accept it and buy it or learn to live with it but complaining won’t change anything. (on this trip anyway!!)

I’m going to leave the whining and grumpiness to other people and sure enough it wasn’t long before we heard our first ‘moan’. Sitting in the restaurant, a man who was sitting on the table behind me was complaining to the waiter that the restaurant wouldn’t let him bring his 30-year-old bottle of Port in. “This wouldn’t happen on Cunard, Seabourn or Azamara”, he said. “If you pay a corkage charge they let you bring your own drink. I know it’s not your fault but I think it’s a ruddy disgrace” OK, firstly ‘I know it’s not your fault’ means ‘You are quite low in the pecking order, are unlikely to answer me back so it will make me sound like I won’t be pushed around.’ Secondly, anyone using the word ‘ruddy’ in the twenty-first century should stay with the six-star cruise lines he had just name dropped.

The daily programme is jam packed. Everything from dance lessons to art and crafts although these sessions are unmanned, materials are provided. We passed the lounge when the art and crafts was taking place. The materials in question were printed papers of shapes and objects and a set of crayons. So, the arts and crafts was ‘colouring-in’ by any other name. this must be for those passenger for whom I mentioned earlier appear to have rescinded back to their childhood!! Another well attended event was the Spanish lessons! Now don’t ask why Spanish was on offer when we are travelling in the opposite direction to Spain. These lessons were being taught by our Mexican host Alejandro and take place in Harlequins. We sat in the corner of this lounge, observing for ten minutes. He had advised his group how to ask for things in a shop but instead of learning individual nouns, he was teaching an attentive class to say: ‘Hello, I want that (then point<em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">😉 This makes sense to maximise the short time he has to teach and to be understood in any Spanish speaking country. However, he then went on to explain how to say ‘I want that, and that…but not that’. This is where I drew the line. In what circumstance do you enter a shop and say ‘I want that (key ring) and that (pen) but not that (fridge magnet)??!! As Roisin said, ‘Perhaps that’s how they do things in Mexico!!

Our second day out, our first full day at sea, was a gala evening or ‘black tie’ event. We attended the captains cocktail event (along with half the ship) and queued to get the obligatory photo with the Captain on our way in to the Crow’s Nest, the lounge where this event was being held. Introducing Captain Derek Gray. A burley Scotsman, Glaswegian to be exact, complete with his green tartan kilt!! We were offered glass of champagne and took a seat. Ten minutes later the captain was introduced by the Cruise Director. His opening line: ‘Just a show of hands. How many English do we have on board?’ many hands were raised accompanied by one or two cheers. I think most people thought this was going to be followed by Welsh? Scots? Irish? What came next was unexpected. His next question: ‘ …and how many of you follow rugby?’ a few groans mixed with a sort of sheepish laughter echoed around the lounge. Scotland had just beaten England in Rugby 25-13. The first time in ten years they had done this…and Captain Derek Gray was loving this. For the next five minutes he churned out joke after joke about the English. ‘What do you call an Englishman last Saturday holding a bottle of Champagne?’ ‘ A waiter!!’ He got a few jeers and heckles but he rose to the occasion. ‘It maybe 10 years, sir but you’re only as good as the last game!!’ This is when he started to lose a little bit of credibility and respect. ‘I’ve got plenty more. How do you tell what clan a Scotsman is from? Put your hand up his kilt and if you feel a quarter pounder he’s a McDonald!!’ I looked around and some people (and one or two of the officers) looked uncomfortable. No matter how ‘matey’ the Captain wants to be, I personally feel there should be a barrier, even if it’s a minuscule one, between Captain and passengers. After all he is a powerful rank. On board he is the judge, jury and executioner (he can still sentence you to death for treason on the high seas!!) Now everyone was nice and wound up, he then proceeded to explain what lies ahead. We can expect temperatures with a high of -8°C albeit sunny during the day with a high of -18°C and dark during the evening!! To respect people’s privacy, if the bridge do sight theNorthern lights, there will not be any announcement piped in to individual cabins but if we keep channel 1 on TV open any sightings will be conveyed through this medium in real time.

Tonight’s show in the theatre was a four-piece close harmony group, the 4tunes. They were a cross between il Divo and G4. They sang a medley from Jersey Boys as well as songs from Phantom and Adele’s bond theme from the film Skyfall. Their rendition of Queens Bohemian Rhapsody from the musical We Will Rock you made the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end! Closing my eyes and whilst Freddie may have not quite been in the same room, he could have easily been at least in the same street!!

As we head further North, still awaiting the arrival of the Northern Lights, the sky has remained clear during the night. So much so that the temperatures plummeted during the night and we awoke to experience icicles hanging from the safety netting of the aft pool on deck 8. The steps leading from the jacuzzi down to the pool also have large icicles dangling from both the step and the hand rail. If you wanted to dangle something from the aft deck today then you would be out of luck. There is no more space to dangle anything. The icicles have the monopoly for today. It’s as if Mr Freeze has lost the plot, closed his eyes, pointed his freeze gun and hoped for the best!!

We have now been two days at sea which for the best part, has been relatively smooth. The North Sea, at this time of year, can be very unforgiving. I just hope the Norse Gods look on us favourably and give us the show to remember (preferably in the sky, not on the sea!!)

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3rd March 2018

Oriana
Ah Oriana - traditional British cruising at its very best - all this and Costa Coffee too. However, beware speeding zimmer frames and electric scooters, particularly when mealtimes are imminent !

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