Do you lose contact with your friends from back home when you are travelling?
When you get home do you keep contact with the people you met while travelling?
Do you have any tips about keeping friendships alive while you are not around?
I'd be interested if anyone else currently on a long trip away has experienced a lack of communication from people back home? Is this just me or does something happen back home when you go away for a year & people just don't contact you? Has anyone else on a long trip had this sort of problem, i'd love any feedback...
Reply to this Hello Wendy 😊
Yes that happens. It also happens in reverse. People you meet while travelling dont keep in touch.
I noticed that many people are sociable in person but not by email. Only a very small number of my friends and aquaintances contact me regularly when I am physically far away from them. It is a pity really because I am as sociable electronically as I am in person.
Mel
Reply to this Hi Mel, thanks for this feedback. Its struck me how people who i thought were friends hardly contact me at all now i'm away, that surprised me & i've found that it does actually get quite lonely being away & not hearing from folks back home much. Yes, i'm totally agreed, you meet people on your travels, their all for keeping in touch & even suggest it & then you hear nothing from them. Oh well,
Have fun on your trip & thanks again for feedback
Reply to this You might also find that you have trouble relating to some of your friends when you get home because you have done something they cant relate to and others may be more lasting friends.
One would think that the convenience of email and echat rooms would make people contact each other more but not necessarily.
Of all the people I exchanged email address with over the last 20 years of travelling, I am only in contact still with less than 10 of them.
Mel
Reply to this Thanks again for this. I'm finding independent travelling is a great way of starting afresh, meeting new people & making new friends apart from those you had at home. I've also come to the conclusion that friendships sometimes end naturally, its just the way it happens. I've met some great people on my trip & i have a feeling we'll stay in touch so its all great.
Reply to this I used my blogs to stay in touch. I would email friends and ask them if they saw the blogs. I also added a lot of my friends to my blog list. BTW friends and relatives. I particularly asked them to comment so I could get some feedback. My sister just came back from a spectacular trip to Africa. She noted that people would ask her about the trip, she would talk a little; then they would talk about themselves and never ask more about her trip. I found that often. Some people who have traveled will ask a lot of questions; others can't relate to what you're saying.
Reply to this Thanks for this information goodsue. I've found to my surprise that the social life i once had at home has nigh on disapeared since i've been away. Still, i'm learning that long term travel is an excellent way of assessing your life, starting afresh in new areas & meeting new people. I still can't quite get my head around why people seem to cut you out of their life but i suppose its their loss!
Reply to this I don't think they're "cutting you out" - it's just way more difficult to have a friendship where you meet for a coffee or a drink and gossip about other friends, and who got a pay rise and who's dating who etc - when you're 20,000 miles away experiencing something incredible...
I find with these type of friendships - when I am around - if I try to bring the new me (travelled, worldly wise 😉) to the friendship - it doesn't work... but if I try just picking up where we left off - it usually does. So I don't talk about my travels unless they ask.
The emphasis is on me to maintain these friendships as well - after all I'm the one who left the comfortable life that we shared pre-travel.
It also isn't only travel that will change friendships; marriage, children, careers, religion, drugs, abuse, health - any really strong experience or influence can upset the balance - I have former friends that I've "lost" to one or several of these...
Friends from the road are often a different type - promises to keep in touch are easily made - but often very difficult to fulfil; on the road you can be anyone you want - a past can be made up, character traits can be suppressed or enhanced to fit in better; when back at where ever is considered home - stresses and strains mean that sometimes the person you thought you knew doesn't seem to exist - briefly surfacing when reminiscing - buried under worries about family, jobs or money at other times.
Then there are also the true amazing friendships where time and distance seem to make no difference - few and far between - does lack of an email correspondence change that? I hope not! - not everyone has the same time or aptitude with technology...
Reply to this Thanks very much for your view on this. I have been quite put out & surprised that the people i had been quite close to at home, all of a sudden, no longer contact me. Its tough to get your head around! Still, i'm finding travelling extremely good for the soul, i'm meeting new people from all over the world, having lots of fun & i would'nt change a thing.
Reply to this All, I'm a little over two months into the 4 month trip. Yes, it is a little harder to keep in touch, though I mark it up to the fact I have a lot more free time than those who have jobs and families to attend. It also makes sense that my friends and family who haven't lived what I'm living will have a naturally harder time relating and thus conversations will be different. That said, thus far I have actually at least somewhat kept in some contact though it has been through my somewhat dedicated use of email and Skype. Having read your thoughts on friends and conversations upon returning, I think it will be fascinating to talk with my friends and family in person when I do return home - to see if I have similar experiences. While everything you've all said makes sense when you say it, it's probably not things I would have considered prior to reading it all. I'll have to write some in my travel journal (not blog, but journal on my MacBook) and then observe in about 7 weeks!
Reply to this Thanks for this feedback. I'm finding my trip is giving me a new lease of life with many new beginnings. I'm finding it very sociable & an easy way to meet people, even more so if your a single traveller. I've kind of let it all go my disapointments re lack of communication but did'nt realise this would be one challenge i'd have to face amongst travelling around India, coping with monsoons etc. Its all character building.
Reply to this Wendiwoo! They were not true friends. I am not sure which country you are from but in many culture people are rather activity partners than friends. You hang out as long as you have THAT thing in common. That thing can be anything, tennis, .. sport, work, clubbing, being neighbours ....etc. When you move to a different direction you lose the connection. I keep in touch with my best friends from my country and have been living away from my country for 6 years now. That's a lot. But that's a different kind of country.
Reply to this Thanks for this feedback Bakerbodri. Amongst the daily challenges i face on my trip, i did'nt realise loosing alot of contact from back home (uk) would be one of them. I am however adjusting to this though & realise every difficulty i face on my trip is 100% character building & i would'nt change a thing.
Reply to this The only people who are interested in your travels (apart of you, of course!!) are other travelers...
When I talk about my trips with my friends or family, the only one who listens is my Dad because he's traveled a lot himself and still wants to do it, but everybody else just open their eyes for a few minutes, ask me how on earth I can afford to go to all these places (I must be rich and I didn't tell them!!...) and then change the conversation to their own lives, which is what most people are interested on...
I think that for many people, to hear any traveler's tales reminds them of how boring their lives are (bare in mind that I'm talking as a general rule, not everybody is the same, of course!!) and they just don't want to hear it... when I told my friends and family about our next trip, most of them ask me how I can afford it, then said that I'm crazy and then change the subject...
When I started traveling I used to TRY to talk about it with everybody because I was really exited and I like to hear about other people's travels, so I thought they would also be interested...WRONG!!...now (and I agree with Ali) just don't talk about it unless they ask, and when they do, all they want is a "list" of the places I've been to and an explanation of how I paid for it...not many people want to hear my stories about the day I went mud-sliding under heavy rain in Illinois or rafting in Thailand or slept in a barn with 2 goats in Germany...nobody but me...so I don't expect anyone to make an effort to keep in contact while I'm away..they are just too busy with their never-changing lives...
Reply to this Thanks for this, i think you've totally hit the nail on the head! Allthough my travelling is the greatest thing ever (to me) i think your right when you say other people don't give a s**t! Well, at least now i've got it clarfied in my mind & can move on rest assured. Cheers
Reply to this I think jealousy also effects friendships when one of the friends travels.
I have a German friend who I met in Ecuador who married a girl from Ecuador.
When I had a 3 year old kid and was up to my eyes in debt I got an email from him saying he was travelling in Chile with his wife. I immediately started having thoughts like ''you wont have so much freedom when you have kids, other things to pay for besides going wherever you want....''. I was so unreasonably irritated until I realised that he was doing exactly what I would like to be doing some of. I love my family but I certainly needed to add some balance(which I have done in the meantime). I think those jealous feelings can get the better of people if they let them and ruin friendships.
Reply to this Thanks Mell, i think your right with the jealousy thing. A few of who i thought were friends have totally stopped all contact with me back in the uk which i have found exceptionally hurtful. I have tried to address this issue & have even resorted to pleading a little bit, much to my regret. It does get lonely occationally as a solo traveller out on the road, & a friendly chatty email from someone back home does alot to take away those lonely feelings. The responses i've got from this thread have given me new ways of looking at this, i expect if someone said to me they were having the trip of a lifetime i'd have pangs of jealousy, i'm not sure i'd just ignore someone though. What denidax said about other people not caring about what your doing, both of those things ring true. Human nature sucks sometimes does'nt it.
Reply to this I would not presume that they are jealous unless they have made a not very nice comment. That is one unpleasant experience I tell ya. I mean when a friend suddenly has an issue about something you have and they dont.
Some people are just lousy emailers and that is why you dont hear much from them.
I have one travel buddy who did not email me much after we got back home. Then one day he was doing something that interests me and emailed me about it. That opened up lots of email chatting for us. Some dont see a reason to email unless they have something specific to say. Your friends may be just as friendly as ever when you meet up with them again or when you have a common interest.
Reply to this Well, one of the people i'm referring to did actually bring up some old issues that she had, more or less telling me that she did'nt want to be friends anymore for something i had apparantly done which had hurt her. (something exceptionally minor of which was a general thing about me & which she did'nt need to take personally). I tried to make amends apologising profusly & giving an insightful explanation only to be completely blanked by her! So, i'm wondering if jealousy is the underlying thing here, after all i did try to recfity the wrong which she had raised. Oh well, one of my other friends said to me if someone can hold an unforgiving grudge such as this, are they really a friend?
Reply to this It could well be jealousy that is the underlying issue in my opinion. Many people think jealously is a shameful emotion so if they feel that way they wont admit it to themselves or others. They will justify their negative feelings by getting judgemental about somebody or something else.
I think your other friend may be right. If you try to hold on to the jealous friend it would be a strained friendship.
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