Advice on Keeping your Relationship while away!

I know what you're going through. Last year I made the dicision to au pair for a year and explore Europe while I'm here. My boyfriend was not so crazy about the idea at first but eventually he realised that it's something I needed to do for me so he actually became very supportive. We're both 23. I've been in Belgium for a month now and honestly it's been really really hard. We've been together for over 3 and a half years and we're more than just boyfriend and girlfriend, we're eaxh others best friend. Before I left we decided that we would be taking a break from each other, we'd still be together but can see other people if we should meet some1 else (like a married couple who'sz seperated but not divorced). We still talk every day, chat online and he calls me every night on skype. For now even though I miss him terribly it's reasonably ok, hard but ok. The tough part comes in March when he leaves for Brazil whare he'll be for 3 months for his job. Then we wn't be able to talk every day. He is planning to come visit me in June though...

I guess just like me you'll have to just hope for the best. I believe that we'll get through this year and be a stronger couple for it... Reply to this

Hi Ann, I think I would have made the same decision re separation if we were going for a year - its a long time. But theres absolutely no reason you can't get through it, so good luck.

Mell, what a great idea re a "travelling with kids" discussion on here! And yep even a facebook group could be good for the adults to join and share tips, they have forums on the groups as well. Happy to set one up or if you want to do it, let me know and I'll join in. I had a look to see if they already had one on here but I cant seem to find how to search these forums and there was nothing obvious.

Good on your re India, that way you get to extend your holiday but still have part of the experience with your guy.



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Heya KRC,

I think you're great for what you are doing, I think we can both empathise with each other, but I was the same with Dave when I decided that I was going travelling and couldn't shut up about where I wanted to go and what I was going to do and new discoveries I was making reading about the places. To be honest, as much as I knew I was kind of hurting him by talking about going in fact it was actually making it easier for him to come to terms with the reality that this is something that is going to actually happen at some point. The truth is, that the ,longer you are talking about it the easier he will come to terms with it and eventually you will discover something that e knows a little bit about and he will get excited for you because he can contribute to your travel. With Dave I knew he liked sharks and we both love nature and wildlife programmes and so I made a point of speaking about certain things that he would have knowlegde about and so he was able to add his own imput. I also feel that when you are away travelling then whenn you do the stuff that you had spoken about with him, the chances are he will be more interested to hear how you actually got on when you saw or did it!

Do you hear me rabbiting on like I'm already a well travelled perso, far from!
What I have noticed in speaking with Dave is that the closer it is now becoming to me heading away, the more I know it is again becoming reality and I know he is a little tender again. We are such a strong couple but at present I am feeling like he should be making a little more of an effort in the few months that we have left together whether that be our last few months forever or our last few months till I come home. He is quite lazy when it comes to romantic and affectionate gestures, but i love all the other things about him and I just hope that these will be the things that keep us together when I come home.

As all the others have said, such is life and if we are taking this step for ourselves (which is not a selfish thing to do but the right thing to do) we have to take the rough with the smooth. It shakes me also to think that this could end the whole thing, but life is full of surprises and you don't know if you don't do it. He will grow to understand that this is something that you need to do and if you love a butterfly you'll let it go and if it returns to you you have agood thing! Who kows if you did cut your time short then in a couple of months it may not have worked out and you would be left with a broken heart and a year shy of travelling and following your dream!

I have to laugh, I am great at dishing out teh advice but clearly not good at taking it... think I have answered all my own questions there!!!

Where you heading to first KMC Reply to this

I've come across many people who were travelling who had girlfriends/boyfriends etc....seems the gf/bf is easily forgotten when your having the time of your life and meeting new and exciting people. Personally I think if one person goes travelling for 3+months without their partner then they should break up. The world has alot to offer, don't tie yourself down.

However good for you if your relationship is strong enough Reply to this

Hello Josh 😊

I wouldnt end it. It is not like you will end it and then feel relief from the pain. What about you and your boyfriend plan for him to visit you in Australia for a holiday? Or what about he gets a working visa too and comes with you?

Mel Reply to this

Great News People.... well I am back from my travels - 7 months away, and I felt that since it was myself that started this particular blog it would be only fair to let you know how it went!!!

Well I spent 5 months in Asia ( laos, Cambodia, Vietnam and Thailand) was absolutely amazing and am totally going back again the next chance that I get! Then spent 2 months in Oz.... doesnt sound that long a time away, at the time you are away it seems to fly in and it is an infinite at the same time, and then you come home and its almost like a dream, as though it never happened!!!

So here's the update on having a RELATIONSHIP AND MAINTAINING IT WHILE YOU ARE AWAY - My Question, IS IT POSSIBLE?, how do I ignore all the negative comments and advice etc etc , am I being naieve to think that it will work.........NO!!!!

The day that I moved out of my rented accomodation in Dublin to get ready to head away traveling, I met my next door neighbour, with whom I spoke about me going away and she said that she had been in the same scenario years ago, and was going out with her boyfriend for only a year, and she went travelling for a year, came home and they are now on theoir third child... this gave me hope.... however she then said that the friend she went travelling with met a guy 6 months before she went travelling, and was with him and they are now on kid no.2... now that latter would be quite extraordinary I feel but I guess it just shows that you can do it, if you are both committed!

Now my story.........

Well as I said, I headed off, met lots of realy great people. The first month was kinda hard because I felt that he wasn't making an effort to stay in touch with me, wasn't really texting me, emailing me etc etc and to be honest it upset me, as I felt that he was maybe pulling away because I was gone, or maybe was in a sulk, or maybe even wasn't wanting to interrupt my 'holiday' away by him texting!

It was rare that I would ever have any harsh words for my boyfriend, and so when I wrote an email to him to tell him how I felt I was fairly blunt. I was afriad that I was hurting him by what I said, but I needed him to know that in order for this relationship to work he would have to pull his finger out as much as I was, and make more of an effort! He emailed me back saying that he was a bit shocked by the email, but ultimately he would try harder, and understood how I felt... and he did try harder.
From then on we were both better at contacting each other - not necessarily every day but most days, so that it didn't at least feel as though there was a lot of time between chatting, texting etc.

There were guys when we were away we got chatting to, they were really sound, but to be honest I had no interest, it was nice to get to know people with no hidden agenda from either side, and I made a point of mentioning this sometimes. To be honest it was nice to see that their reaction was the same also.

There was occassions where I would have had guys flirting with me, and I guess when you are away it is nice to get attention , but as long as you know that you have what you want at home, and would you really ruin what you have over the fact that somebody is paying attention to you - you would be shallow, and to be honest do you really value the relationship that you are worried about if that is all it takes for you to keel! It's like smoking (I was a heavy smoker!) .. one puff and its all gone, so as long as you are aware of what the attention you are getting is and do not encourage it, then its healthy and normal to be flattered by it.

To be honest I have to say that there were still, even when I was away, alot of both male and female, saying how are ye coping and how do ye feel, and have you been with any one and do you think that he has been with anyone... and the answer was always the same.... if you know what you have, and you've had that for 5 years why would you let it go?
Why would you jeopardise what you have for something that was nothing! If you met a really hot boy/girl on the beach and thought that he was amazing and sound and you were both so alike.... would you not realise that he could turn out to be a total dick 6 months down the line!!! So why bother when you have that relationship already.... that doesnt make sense ( don't forget if you are together a while you know each others anoying habits and little 'isms, and so if they accept that and so do you and you live in harmony... don;t rock the boat, don't fix it if it ain't broken!

You will meet lovely people and you will have a great time getting to know them, and become good friends. But any guys that I spent time with knew i was going out with my boyfriend, and in fact most were impressed by our relationship and how strong we were.
Do not stop yourself from meeting and chatting to other people, but if you need to, make a point that you are going out with somebody so that you eliminate any potentially embarrassing experiences!

I met my Bo' in the airport, he had a bunch of flowers waitingfor me and I jumped into his arms, so happy to be with him again. To be honest I feel that he understood how much we had taken each other for granted before. I am stronger now than I used to be, and have gained my independance again in our relationship - which is important for a good relationship, and hope that I can keep that and that we progress and grow stronger.

I can't wait for the rest of our future... to be honest if we made it through this... then we can make it through anything!

I wish you all the best of luck and hope that it al works out for you. Anybody that wants to chat to me just send me an email and would be happy to help

XXX Thank you all for the helpful advice before I went away, was grea to be able to chat it out XXX

We have spoken a bit about me being away and he said that he missed me awfully, I told him how happy I was that we were back where we belonged andthat I needed to tell the world that YES IT IS POSSIBLE TO STAY TOGETHER IF YOU GO TRAVELLING!!!!

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